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Bob Mann (459 KP) rated Johnny English Strikes Again (2018) in Movies
Sep 28, 2021
Spy spoof caper that’s only passably amusing.
It’s a HILARIOUS concept. It’s Bond but not as we know it: a suave, sophisticated, well-dressed hero but someone who’s a complete klutz when it comes to the spy business. Rowan Atkinson is perfect in the role: because when he plays his face ”straight” he IS strangely good-looking and certainly pulls off the air of confidence, intelligence and sophistication well.
So it was that 2003’s Johnny English was a refreshing novelty. Roll forwards 15 years (via 2011’s “Johnny English Reborn”) and the concoction needs… you know… actual JOKES.
For “Johnny English Strikes Again” is unfortunately a pretty lame affair.
The Plot
Johnny English (Atkinson) is retired from MI7 and living life as a Geography teacher at a public school. Aside from teaching them about sheep farming in Australia and magma, English delights in teaching his young pupils the tricks of the spy trade: “You’re looking particularly beautiful tonight”, with a twinkle and a vodka martini in hand. “You’re looking particularly beautiful tonight” repeats the class.
But the quiet life of English is about to end, since a cyber-attack has exposed all of MI7’s current agents and the Prime Minister (Emma Thompson) needs to re-hire a retired agent who is currently ‘off the grid’. But noone – friend or foe – is safe when the bumbling English and his faithful helper Bough (Ben Miller) go back into the field.
The Turns
As UK comedy professionals, Atkinson and Miller deliver their English/Bough schtick serviceably enough. The brilliant Emma Thompson though is woefully underused as a straight-woman, being asked to do little more than an exasperated Theresa May impersonation.
If you need a sexy and sophisticated femme fatale for a Bond spoof, what better than a real ex-Bond girl? So the extremely sexy and sophisticated Olga Kurylenko (Camille from “Quantum of Solace”) plays Ophelia Bhuletova, which sounds much funnier when pronounced by Atkinson. And a very good job she does too.
The Review
To emphasise the positive for a moment, the film is suitably glossy, which are table stakes for a spy caper like this or Austin Powers.
But the script by William Davies (who did the previous Johnny Englishes, but nothing much since “Reborn”) doesn’t deliver any real laugh-out-loud moments. My hopes were raised when the “pensioner interviews” happened and Charles Dance, Edward Fox and Michael Gambon turned up. Great, I thought… having the old timers play off Atkinson will be fun. But unfortunately they were nothing but cameos and (although one of the film’s comedy highlights) they came and went in the blink of an eye.
Elsewhere the film relied too much on a few running jokes: ostensibly the need for health and safety in MI7, where guns are rather frowned upon, given their potential to caused injury or worse. A ‘virtual reality’ training mission also delivers smiles but outstays its welcome.
The film is a first-time feature for TV-comedy director David Kerr.
Final thoughts
There are films which are wildly offensive. There are films that are just plain bad. This is neither: it is as Douglas Adams might have described it as “Mostly Harmless”. But to get any more than the rating I have given it, a comedy film has to make me laugh and this one failed miserably. It’s a watchable TV film for a rainy afternoon, but not worth heading out to the cinema to watch.
So it was that 2003’s Johnny English was a refreshing novelty. Roll forwards 15 years (via 2011’s “Johnny English Reborn”) and the concoction needs… you know… actual JOKES.
For “Johnny English Strikes Again” is unfortunately a pretty lame affair.
The Plot
Johnny English (Atkinson) is retired from MI7 and living life as a Geography teacher at a public school. Aside from teaching them about sheep farming in Australia and magma, English delights in teaching his young pupils the tricks of the spy trade: “You’re looking particularly beautiful tonight”, with a twinkle and a vodka martini in hand. “You’re looking particularly beautiful tonight” repeats the class.
But the quiet life of English is about to end, since a cyber-attack has exposed all of MI7’s current agents and the Prime Minister (Emma Thompson) needs to re-hire a retired agent who is currently ‘off the grid’. But noone – friend or foe – is safe when the bumbling English and his faithful helper Bough (Ben Miller) go back into the field.
The Turns
As UK comedy professionals, Atkinson and Miller deliver their English/Bough schtick serviceably enough. The brilliant Emma Thompson though is woefully underused as a straight-woman, being asked to do little more than an exasperated Theresa May impersonation.
If you need a sexy and sophisticated femme fatale for a Bond spoof, what better than a real ex-Bond girl? So the extremely sexy and sophisticated Olga Kurylenko (Camille from “Quantum of Solace”) plays Ophelia Bhuletova, which sounds much funnier when pronounced by Atkinson. And a very good job she does too.
The Review
To emphasise the positive for a moment, the film is suitably glossy, which are table stakes for a spy caper like this or Austin Powers.
But the script by William Davies (who did the previous Johnny Englishes, but nothing much since “Reborn”) doesn’t deliver any real laugh-out-loud moments. My hopes were raised when the “pensioner interviews” happened and Charles Dance, Edward Fox and Michael Gambon turned up. Great, I thought… having the old timers play off Atkinson will be fun. But unfortunately they were nothing but cameos and (although one of the film’s comedy highlights) they came and went in the blink of an eye.
Elsewhere the film relied too much on a few running jokes: ostensibly the need for health and safety in MI7, where guns are rather frowned upon, given their potential to caused injury or worse. A ‘virtual reality’ training mission also delivers smiles but outstays its welcome.
The film is a first-time feature for TV-comedy director David Kerr.
Final thoughts
There are films which are wildly offensive. There are films that are just plain bad. This is neither: it is as Douglas Adams might have described it as “Mostly Harmless”. But to get any more than the rating I have given it, a comedy film has to make me laugh and this one failed miserably. It’s a watchable TV film for a rainy afternoon, but not worth heading out to the cinema to watch.
Hazel (1853 KP) rated Paper Towns in Books
May 30, 2017
John Green is such a good writer
Paper Towns is a brilliantly written novel by John Green. Having only previously read The Fault in our Stars I have little to compare it to and cannot say whether it is his best. I am writing this less that half an hour after finishing Paper Towns therefore it is still fresh in my mind, which may explain my slight preference over TFIOS. However the story lines are so different that it is not really fair to compare them.
Set in Orlando, Florida, Paper Towns is narrated by eighteen-year-old Quentin Jacobson (often referred to as Q). It begins with a flash back to when he and next door neighbour, Margo Roth Spiegelman, were nine and discovered a dead body in the park. It is here that the differences in character are pointed out: “As I took those two steps back, Margo took two equally small and quiet steps forward.” Q is an anxious boy, whereas Margo comes across as very confident.
Despite their childhood relationship, for the main bulk of the story Q and Margo have grown apart. They belong to different social circles: Margo to the popular crowd and Q with the gamers, band members and social outcasts. But things take a turn when one night Margo climbs through Q’s bedroom window and insists he accompany her on a nighttime adventure, going around righting wrongs and wronging rights.
But the next day Margo runs away telling no one where she is going, except it appears that she has left clues to her whereabouts. Clues only intended for Q to discover. With the help of his prom-obsessed friend, Ben; Radar, the guy whose parents own the world’s largest collection of black Santas (seriously, where does Green come up with this stuff?); and Lacey, Margo’s best friend and Ben’s soon to be girlfriend; Q struggles to understand the clues and uncover Margo’s hiding place.
To begin with it is exciting to read about Q and his friends unscrambling the hidden messages but as the story goes on and Margo is yet to be found a sense of dread creeps up on us and Q begins to think the worst.
The final section, however, is fast past and thrilling to read as the characters travel across states, with a rather short time limit, in Q’s mini van in a final attempt to find Margo. What will they find when they arrive? Will Margo still be there?
At first I was not sure that I would like this book. Chapter one is mostly about Quentin, Ben and Radar fooling around as boys do, but once everything kicks off with Margo it is really exciting. Similarly to The Fault in our Stars, Green has filled Paper Towns with clever metaphors with paper, string, balloons and grass being used to represent life. It is a very witty narrative containing lots of humour, yet also manages to convey important ideas about the way we see the world, and the people in it.
Paper Towns can be described as a contemporary, coming-of-age story. As mentioned already, Margo was portrayed as a confident girl whereas Quentin was the opposite. Despite Q stating “I wanted Margo’s disappearance to change me; but it hasn’t, not really” I think Green has shown major character developments, and possibly even role reversals. Q may never completely get rid of his anxieties and does not totally become a different person, but he does gain more confidence as he is forced out of his comfort zone, and his perception of other people also begins to alter. Margo on the other hand may not be all that she seems. The real Margo may in fact be a quiet, rather lost teen in a world she feels trapped in. I think this story and Q’s development has the potential to inspire others of similar ages and make all readers question things about themselves.
Overall, an exceptionally good read.
Set in Orlando, Florida, Paper Towns is narrated by eighteen-year-old Quentin Jacobson (often referred to as Q). It begins with a flash back to when he and next door neighbour, Margo Roth Spiegelman, were nine and discovered a dead body in the park. It is here that the differences in character are pointed out: “As I took those two steps back, Margo took two equally small and quiet steps forward.” Q is an anxious boy, whereas Margo comes across as very confident.
Despite their childhood relationship, for the main bulk of the story Q and Margo have grown apart. They belong to different social circles: Margo to the popular crowd and Q with the gamers, band members and social outcasts. But things take a turn when one night Margo climbs through Q’s bedroom window and insists he accompany her on a nighttime adventure, going around righting wrongs and wronging rights.
But the next day Margo runs away telling no one where she is going, except it appears that she has left clues to her whereabouts. Clues only intended for Q to discover. With the help of his prom-obsessed friend, Ben; Radar, the guy whose parents own the world’s largest collection of black Santas (seriously, where does Green come up with this stuff?); and Lacey, Margo’s best friend and Ben’s soon to be girlfriend; Q struggles to understand the clues and uncover Margo’s hiding place.
To begin with it is exciting to read about Q and his friends unscrambling the hidden messages but as the story goes on and Margo is yet to be found a sense of dread creeps up on us and Q begins to think the worst.
The final section, however, is fast past and thrilling to read as the characters travel across states, with a rather short time limit, in Q’s mini van in a final attempt to find Margo. What will they find when they arrive? Will Margo still be there?
At first I was not sure that I would like this book. Chapter one is mostly about Quentin, Ben and Radar fooling around as boys do, but once everything kicks off with Margo it is really exciting. Similarly to The Fault in our Stars, Green has filled Paper Towns with clever metaphors with paper, string, balloons and grass being used to represent life. It is a very witty narrative containing lots of humour, yet also manages to convey important ideas about the way we see the world, and the people in it.
Paper Towns can be described as a contemporary, coming-of-age story. As mentioned already, Margo was portrayed as a confident girl whereas Quentin was the opposite. Despite Q stating “I wanted Margo’s disappearance to change me; but it hasn’t, not really” I think Green has shown major character developments, and possibly even role reversals. Q may never completely get rid of his anxieties and does not totally become a different person, but he does gain more confidence as he is forced out of his comfort zone, and his perception of other people also begins to alter. Margo on the other hand may not be all that she seems. The real Margo may in fact be a quiet, rather lost teen in a world she feels trapped in. I think this story and Q’s development has the potential to inspire others of similar ages and make all readers question things about themselves.
Overall, an exceptionally good read.
Phillip McSween (751 KP) rated Pootie Tang (2001) in Movies
May 3, 2018
Dare You Not to Like it
Platinum recording artist Pootie Tang (Lance Crouther) has to figure out how to get his mojo back after the scandalous Ireenie (Jennifer Coolidge) steals his magical belt that is the source of both his power and swag. Sound dumb? Well, it is. But it's damn funny and I challenge anyone not to laugh without cracking up at the absurdity of it all.
Acting: 10
Beginning: 10
Characters: 10
Pootie provides the most hilarious moments in the film. As it opens, Pootie is having an interview with Bob Costas and you quickly learn that Pootie speaks his own language literally. For the sake of this review, let's call it Pootie Slang. The audience doesn't understand Pootie Slang, but the world he lives in can somehow make out every word he's saying. Best example I can think of: Groot speech. The words he says are enough to make you laugh, but it's the confidence in which the lines are delivered that take it to a whole new level. Pootie's got swag. For whatever reason, the ladies love him and everyone respects him, including the "Tippy ties" (those are children, by the way). It's one of those films you have to see to understand.
If Pootie isn't enough, there's an array of characters that keep the film entertaining. There's Biggy Shorty (Wanda Sykes), Pootie's love interest who has an eccentric style of dress and will slap the taste out of the mouth of anyone that disrespects Pooty. Then you have Trucky, Pootie's loudmouth friend that basically lives off of Pootie's success. Dirty Dee (Reg E. Cathey), the dirty scoundrel who walks around constantly covered in muck. My personal favorite: Lacey (Mario Joyner) who has a special knack for repeating everything a person said as if it were his idea. I could go on...
Cinematography/Visuals: 7
You haven't laughed until you have seen eight-year-old Pootie walking down a street while a woman three times his age throws his big wheel out the window because she's mad at him. You haven't laughed until you see Pootie's father get attacked at his job by a "gorilla" which is really someone in a gorilla costume. You really haven't laughed until you've seen Pootie record a song with absolutely no sound as he silently screams into the mic. And you really haven't laughed...well, you get my point.
Conflict: 10
Genre: 8
Memorability: 7
Pace: 7
Pacing was a bit spotty at times. When it's rolling, it's really rolling. However, there were a handful of dry spots where the film didn't seem like it knew where it was headed.
Plot: 6
The plot is all over the place at times, like watching a grenade explode. It has a direct line of sight, sure. There is a clear beginning, middle, and end. It's all the filler between these three things where the film goes south. There is a bit of forgiveness here as Pootie Tang manages to stay humorous even when it's confusing. Sometimes the confusion is what makes things funny. The writing definitely could have been stronger in certain points.
Resolution: 9
Overall: 84
Will Pootie Tang ever win an award for underrated comedy? No. Is it a pretty darn good time that makes you laugh consistently? Absolutely. It's dumb, but that's what makes it endearing. Honestly, I don't think it's any less dumb than a Bill and Ted film or *insert Pauly Shore film here* and those are regarded as cult classics. Just saying...Give it a chance. Maybe you hate it, but it's going to leave you laughing a few times and that's all that matters.
P.S.--Did I really just mention Groot and Pootie Tang in the same review? Wow...
Acting: 10
Beginning: 10
Characters: 10
Pootie provides the most hilarious moments in the film. As it opens, Pootie is having an interview with Bob Costas and you quickly learn that Pootie speaks his own language literally. For the sake of this review, let's call it Pootie Slang. The audience doesn't understand Pootie Slang, but the world he lives in can somehow make out every word he's saying. Best example I can think of: Groot speech. The words he says are enough to make you laugh, but it's the confidence in which the lines are delivered that take it to a whole new level. Pootie's got swag. For whatever reason, the ladies love him and everyone respects him, including the "Tippy ties" (those are children, by the way). It's one of those films you have to see to understand.
If Pootie isn't enough, there's an array of characters that keep the film entertaining. There's Biggy Shorty (Wanda Sykes), Pootie's love interest who has an eccentric style of dress and will slap the taste out of the mouth of anyone that disrespects Pooty. Then you have Trucky, Pootie's loudmouth friend that basically lives off of Pootie's success. Dirty Dee (Reg E. Cathey), the dirty scoundrel who walks around constantly covered in muck. My personal favorite: Lacey (Mario Joyner) who has a special knack for repeating everything a person said as if it were his idea. I could go on...
Cinematography/Visuals: 7
You haven't laughed until you have seen eight-year-old Pootie walking down a street while a woman three times his age throws his big wheel out the window because she's mad at him. You haven't laughed until you see Pootie's father get attacked at his job by a "gorilla" which is really someone in a gorilla costume. You really haven't laughed until you've seen Pootie record a song with absolutely no sound as he silently screams into the mic. And you really haven't laughed...well, you get my point.
Conflict: 10
Genre: 8
Memorability: 7
Pace: 7
Pacing was a bit spotty at times. When it's rolling, it's really rolling. However, there were a handful of dry spots where the film didn't seem like it knew where it was headed.
Plot: 6
The plot is all over the place at times, like watching a grenade explode. It has a direct line of sight, sure. There is a clear beginning, middle, and end. It's all the filler between these three things where the film goes south. There is a bit of forgiveness here as Pootie Tang manages to stay humorous even when it's confusing. Sometimes the confusion is what makes things funny. The writing definitely could have been stronger in certain points.
Resolution: 9
Overall: 84
Will Pootie Tang ever win an award for underrated comedy? No. Is it a pretty darn good time that makes you laugh consistently? Absolutely. It's dumb, but that's what makes it endearing. Honestly, I don't think it's any less dumb than a Bill and Ted film or *insert Pauly Shore film here* and those are regarded as cult classics. Just saying...Give it a chance. Maybe you hate it, but it's going to leave you laughing a few times and that's all that matters.
P.S.--Did I really just mention Groot and Pootie Tang in the same review? Wow...
Phillip McSween (751 KP) rated Avengers: Endgame (2019) in Movies
Apr 26, 2019 (Updated Apr 29, 2019)
Epic Indeed
Hours after viewing Avengers: Endgame, it’s taken me awhile to really get to the meat of what I wanted to say. The movie is bananas and heavy, both in a good way. It’s kind of like eating a really delicious meal, thinking you want more before deciding, “No, I think I’ve had the perfect amount actually.” The movie isn’t perfect, but damn if it isn’t an amazing spectacle. After The Snap, the Avengers set out to fix what went wrong by whatever means they can muster.
Acting: 10
From Robert Downey Jr. to Paul Rudd, each of these actors/actresses manage to fit into their roles just right as if it was a part made just for them. One might say, “Well, they’ve played the roles for x amount of years. They should be good at it by now.” But it isn’t just their roles but the maturation of those roles that really make an impact. While one might think it easy just to play the same character repeatedly, we neglect to take into account the growth that characters do/should endure and how it affects the characters overall. Side note: I just love how much of a bad ass Brie Larson is and I can’t wait to see what Marvel has in store for her next.
Beginning: 10
Not only does the beginning have a strong emotional setup, it turns the entire film on its head. What you expected to happen is actually not happening at all. And furthermore…I LOVE IT!
Characters: 10
Cinematography/Visuals: 10
Visuals are absolutely jaw-dropping in certain spots. The movie probably had some of the absolute best one-shots in film PERIOD. I can’t go into detail without giving anything away, but serious eye candy awaits, especially during the battles.
Conflict: 10
Whatever the film lacks in action more than makes up for things in Endgame’s grand finale. The battle reminded me of old kung fu films and Helm’s Deep all rolled into one. Outside of The Lord of the Rings Trilogy, I can’t remember a battle so epic in movies. If you don’t love it, you don’t love movies.
Genre: 10
Memorability: 10
My brain is running 100 miles an hour as I type this, thinking of all the different scenes and how everything tied so seamlessly together. Just masterful and wonderfully crafted. This movie will remain etched in your brain for a long time to come. Talk about setting a bar.
Pace: 10
With a three-hour runtime, this was honestly where I expected the film to trip up. Thing is, it doesn’t feel like three hours, not even in the slightest. I would’ve watched another hour if they had let me. There are so many stories to tell and so much going on that you’re at the end before you know it.
Plot: 10
I did have to put my thinking cap on in some spots, but all plot points tied in really nicely with no glaring holes I could see. It would be easy to make the storyline overly complex, but The Russo Brothers were firing on all cylinders with the execution of the story. It’s just complex enough to keep you engaged, but not to over-the-top where you lose interest.
Resolution: 10
Overall: 100
Eleven years of these great superheroes leading up to this moment. Was Avengers: Endgame worth the wait? You better freakin’ believe it. Go see this with all the confidence in the world that you will walk away with a smile on your face and perhaps a tear or two in your eye. And, when you go, you might see me there because I’m DEFINITELY watching this again in theaters. All three hours.
Acting: 10
From Robert Downey Jr. to Paul Rudd, each of these actors/actresses manage to fit into their roles just right as if it was a part made just for them. One might say, “Well, they’ve played the roles for x amount of years. They should be good at it by now.” But it isn’t just their roles but the maturation of those roles that really make an impact. While one might think it easy just to play the same character repeatedly, we neglect to take into account the growth that characters do/should endure and how it affects the characters overall. Side note: I just love how much of a bad ass Brie Larson is and I can’t wait to see what Marvel has in store for her next.
Beginning: 10
Not only does the beginning have a strong emotional setup, it turns the entire film on its head. What you expected to happen is actually not happening at all. And furthermore…I LOVE IT!
Characters: 10
Cinematography/Visuals: 10
Visuals are absolutely jaw-dropping in certain spots. The movie probably had some of the absolute best one-shots in film PERIOD. I can’t go into detail without giving anything away, but serious eye candy awaits, especially during the battles.
Conflict: 10
Whatever the film lacks in action more than makes up for things in Endgame’s grand finale. The battle reminded me of old kung fu films and Helm’s Deep all rolled into one. Outside of The Lord of the Rings Trilogy, I can’t remember a battle so epic in movies. If you don’t love it, you don’t love movies.
Genre: 10
Memorability: 10
My brain is running 100 miles an hour as I type this, thinking of all the different scenes and how everything tied so seamlessly together. Just masterful and wonderfully crafted. This movie will remain etched in your brain for a long time to come. Talk about setting a bar.
Pace: 10
With a three-hour runtime, this was honestly where I expected the film to trip up. Thing is, it doesn’t feel like three hours, not even in the slightest. I would’ve watched another hour if they had let me. There are so many stories to tell and so much going on that you’re at the end before you know it.
Plot: 10
I did have to put my thinking cap on in some spots, but all plot points tied in really nicely with no glaring holes I could see. It would be easy to make the storyline overly complex, but The Russo Brothers were firing on all cylinders with the execution of the story. It’s just complex enough to keep you engaged, but not to over-the-top where you lose interest.
Resolution: 10
Overall: 100
Eleven years of these great superheroes leading up to this moment. Was Avengers: Endgame worth the wait? You better freakin’ believe it. Go see this with all the confidence in the world that you will walk away with a smile on your face and perhaps a tear or two in your eye. And, when you go, you might see me there because I’m DEFINITELY watching this again in theaters. All three hours.
Kara Skinner (332 KP) rated Ride of Her Life in Books
Jun 12, 2019
Woman Surprised When Neighbor Waits For Her When Coming Home Late
Genre: Contemporary, Erotica
Word Count: 3,830
Average Smashwords rating: 5 out of 5 stars
My rating: 2.5 out of 5 stars
Warning: quotes below are certainly rated R.
When Andrea’s car breaks down and she gets a ride home with a coworker, the last thing she expects is her sexy yet scary-looking neighbor, Bo, waiting for her and livid. Worried out of his mind, Bo is done flirting with Andrea without action. Tonight, he’ll show her exactly what he wants with her.
Ride of Her Life is a hot little escape, but it’s like daydreaming about the stock photo of a tattooed macho man. True, it has some great sexy time.
He was fucking her hard and fast, but it was too much. Too raw. Too intimate. She felt too vulnerable, and she tried to lower her legs.
“No.” Keeping her legs close together, he leaned forward. “I like it this way. It makes you tighter. Makes you pay attention to me.”
The increase in pressure startled her. “Bo!”
He bucked at the sound of his name, and Andrea could hardly stand the pleasure. It felt naughty, exhibitionistic, and so damn good.
“That’s right, sweet thing. Give it to me. I’m the guy who’s meant to be your lover, not your handyman.”
But Bo has no character whatsoever. For that matter, Andrea isn’t much better with her inconsistent weirdness.
Bo is a jerk. He was mad that his neighbor didn’t call him when she was going to be home late or ask him to drive all the way to the college just to give him a ride. He was even more irritated that the coworker who dropped her off was male. Bo is her next door neighbor! Sure, they’re closer than most neighbors, but that doesn’t mean she needs to call him when she is a little bit late.
There’s an inch of depth that flickers beneath Bo’s otherwise boring flatness. His anger stems from worry and he’s insecure around Andrea. He doesn’t think he’s smart enough for her and in a moment of vulnerability asks her what he means to her.
It’s clear the two of them have history together. They have been neighbors for a while and Bo is always there to help with lawn mowing, giving her takeout, and doing repairs around the house. Andrea fantasizes about him at night but is scared to acknowledge her attraction to him. Bo seems to know it anyway and basically takes her on a picnic table with Andrea barely getting a consent out.
The lack of real consent is a huge turn-off for me. Just because he mows her lawn doesn’t mean he gets to, well, mow her lawn. There’s a difference between dominating and borderline-raping, and I wish that was much clearer here.
Andrea’s character is all over the place. She goes from caring to femme fatale in less than four thousand words.
At first, she’s slightly scared of Bo. She’s nervous and innocent for most of the story.
The tingle was back. Her entire body vibrated with anticipation and nerves. She’d never done anything like this. A thrill of uneasiness and excitement rushed through her
By the end, he’s just a fuck for her.
“Can we go inside now?” she asked, her lips brushing against his ear.
“On one condition. Tell me what I am to you.”
She smiled softly. “Oh honey, you’re the man I call when I need a ride.”
Where is this new found confidence of hers and when did she start calling him honey? Did her orgasm compel a man-eating ghost to possess her for the sake of reliving glory days?
We’ll never find out, because that’s where the story ends. There’s no real conclusion and just the flippant line to half-heartedly tie the ending and beginning together. It left me wholly unsatisfied.
Word Count: 3,830
Average Smashwords rating: 5 out of 5 stars
My rating: 2.5 out of 5 stars
Warning: quotes below are certainly rated R.
When Andrea’s car breaks down and she gets a ride home with a coworker, the last thing she expects is her sexy yet scary-looking neighbor, Bo, waiting for her and livid. Worried out of his mind, Bo is done flirting with Andrea without action. Tonight, he’ll show her exactly what he wants with her.
Ride of Her Life is a hot little escape, but it’s like daydreaming about the stock photo of a tattooed macho man. True, it has some great sexy time.
He was fucking her hard and fast, but it was too much. Too raw. Too intimate. She felt too vulnerable, and she tried to lower her legs.
“No.” Keeping her legs close together, he leaned forward. “I like it this way. It makes you tighter. Makes you pay attention to me.”
The increase in pressure startled her. “Bo!”
He bucked at the sound of his name, and Andrea could hardly stand the pleasure. It felt naughty, exhibitionistic, and so damn good.
“That’s right, sweet thing. Give it to me. I’m the guy who’s meant to be your lover, not your handyman.”
But Bo has no character whatsoever. For that matter, Andrea isn’t much better with her inconsistent weirdness.
Bo is a jerk. He was mad that his neighbor didn’t call him when she was going to be home late or ask him to drive all the way to the college just to give him a ride. He was even more irritated that the coworker who dropped her off was male. Bo is her next door neighbor! Sure, they’re closer than most neighbors, but that doesn’t mean she needs to call him when she is a little bit late.
There’s an inch of depth that flickers beneath Bo’s otherwise boring flatness. His anger stems from worry and he’s insecure around Andrea. He doesn’t think he’s smart enough for her and in a moment of vulnerability asks her what he means to her.
It’s clear the two of them have history together. They have been neighbors for a while and Bo is always there to help with lawn mowing, giving her takeout, and doing repairs around the house. Andrea fantasizes about him at night but is scared to acknowledge her attraction to him. Bo seems to know it anyway and basically takes her on a picnic table with Andrea barely getting a consent out.
The lack of real consent is a huge turn-off for me. Just because he mows her lawn doesn’t mean he gets to, well, mow her lawn. There’s a difference between dominating and borderline-raping, and I wish that was much clearer here.
Andrea’s character is all over the place. She goes from caring to femme fatale in less than four thousand words.
At first, she’s slightly scared of Bo. She’s nervous and innocent for most of the story.
The tingle was back. Her entire body vibrated with anticipation and nerves. She’d never done anything like this. A thrill of uneasiness and excitement rushed through her
By the end, he’s just a fuck for her.
“Can we go inside now?” she asked, her lips brushing against his ear.
“On one condition. Tell me what I am to you.”
She smiled softly. “Oh honey, you’re the man I call when I need a ride.”
Where is this new found confidence of hers and when did she start calling him honey? Did her orgasm compel a man-eating ghost to possess her for the sake of reliving glory days?
We’ll never find out, because that’s where the story ends. There’s no real conclusion and just the flippant line to half-heartedly tie the ending and beginning together. It left me wholly unsatisfied.
Zuky the BookBum (15 KP) rated Her Every Fear in Books
Mar 15, 2018
Read my review here: https://bookbumzuky.wordpress.com/
NOW AVAILABLE!
<b><i>Face it. Accept it. Float with it. Let time pass.</i></b>
Kate, our anxiety riddled main character, has just flat swapped with her American cousin in order to boost her confidence and try to escape her haunted past for a little while, but as soon as she arrives at her cousin's luxurious apartment, things begin to go sour. Her new next door neighbour has been murdered, and her secretive American cousin seems to the main suspect.
<b>This <i>could</i> have been <i>so</i> good.</b> Swansons last hit novel, <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/1427280826">The Kind Worth Killing</a> (aw look at my baby review) was so goddamn exciting and thrilling but this was completely missing whatever spark the other had. A co-reviewer (Maxi/Slothreads) commented that this book was uninspired and I couldnt have put that any better myself, hence why Im quoting it. This had potential to work and be great but I feel like Swanson was pushed for time by his editors on this and spewed out whatever came to mind first. I know I sound like a total arse for saying that but Im just really disappointed in this novel! <b>Warning: some spoilers ahead.</b>
Lets start off by talking about our uninteresting characters. Kate suffers from anxiety disorder, made a lot worse by a terrifying incident she had with her ex boyfriend, so she decides to travel across the pond and into her cousin's apartment. While anxiety is something Im all too familiar with, I dont actually have any sympathy for Kate, as were supposed to. If she was really as damaged as she is made out to be, I find it very hard to believe she would move to America for 6 months all by herself, make friends and chat with everyone she comes across and sleep with a guy, Alan, whos admitted to be a creepy window watcher after 3 days of knowing him. Next comes ol cousin Corbin whos a cliche jock. Swanson makes him out to be the guilt ridden, caring man but after the revelation of his bad deeds in the past, how are we supposed to like him or feel sorry for him? It makes all the empathetic talk from him seem so creepy. Our only interesting character is, of course, the psycho. A bit of an over-the-top, cliche psycho, but at least worth reading about.
My <b>main</b> issue with this novel is the repetition of scenes. Our narrator chops and changes several times in the novel, so were often presented with a retelling of what weve already been told by another narrator. Id say that at least 25% of this book is a repeat of a part weve already read, so it gets very tedious, very quickly. Another issue with this novel is the lack of plot twist, I mean, there is a plot twist, but its not that exciting and it happens early on in the novel, so the rest of the book plays out exactly how you would expect it to. Can I also quickly just complain about the unnecessary focus on the fact that Alan is Jewish? It made me uncomfortable. And that Swanson should have done some more research into England because we dont have £100 notes.
This novel had great potential, but in the end, it was a let down. The ending was terribly mediocre and then the remaining chapters were a waste of time to read, they really could have been removed.
Thanks to Netgalley and Faber & Faber Ltd for giving me the opportunity to read this in exchange for an honest review.
NOW AVAILABLE!
<b><i>Face it. Accept it. Float with it. Let time pass.</i></b>
Kate, our anxiety riddled main character, has just flat swapped with her American cousin in order to boost her confidence and try to escape her haunted past for a little while, but as soon as she arrives at her cousin's luxurious apartment, things begin to go sour. Her new next door neighbour has been murdered, and her secretive American cousin seems to the main suspect.
<b>This <i>could</i> have been <i>so</i> good.</b> Swansons last hit novel, <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/1427280826">The Kind Worth Killing</a> (aw look at my baby review) was so goddamn exciting and thrilling but this was completely missing whatever spark the other had. A co-reviewer (Maxi/Slothreads) commented that this book was uninspired and I couldnt have put that any better myself, hence why Im quoting it. This had potential to work and be great but I feel like Swanson was pushed for time by his editors on this and spewed out whatever came to mind first. I know I sound like a total arse for saying that but Im just really disappointed in this novel! <b>Warning: some spoilers ahead.</b>
Lets start off by talking about our uninteresting characters. Kate suffers from anxiety disorder, made a lot worse by a terrifying incident she had with her ex boyfriend, so she decides to travel across the pond and into her cousin's apartment. While anxiety is something Im all too familiar with, I dont actually have any sympathy for Kate, as were supposed to. If she was really as damaged as she is made out to be, I find it very hard to believe she would move to America for 6 months all by herself, make friends and chat with everyone she comes across and sleep with a guy, Alan, whos admitted to be a creepy window watcher after 3 days of knowing him. Next comes ol cousin Corbin whos a cliche jock. Swanson makes him out to be the guilt ridden, caring man but after the revelation of his bad deeds in the past, how are we supposed to like him or feel sorry for him? It makes all the empathetic talk from him seem so creepy. Our only interesting character is, of course, the psycho. A bit of an over-the-top, cliche psycho, but at least worth reading about.
My <b>main</b> issue with this novel is the repetition of scenes. Our narrator chops and changes several times in the novel, so were often presented with a retelling of what weve already been told by another narrator. Id say that at least 25% of this book is a repeat of a part weve already read, so it gets very tedious, very quickly. Another issue with this novel is the lack of plot twist, I mean, there is a plot twist, but its not that exciting and it happens early on in the novel, so the rest of the book plays out exactly how you would expect it to. Can I also quickly just complain about the unnecessary focus on the fact that Alan is Jewish? It made me uncomfortable. And that Swanson should have done some more research into England because we dont have £100 notes.
This novel had great potential, but in the end, it was a let down. The ending was terribly mediocre and then the remaining chapters were a waste of time to read, they really could have been removed.
Thanks to Netgalley and Faber & Faber Ltd for giving me the opportunity to read this in exchange for an honest review.
Gareth von Kallenbach (971 KP) rated Thor: The Dark World (2013) in Movies
Jun 19, 2019
Marvel Studios has certainly been on a roll in recent years with a string of successful film adaptations of their popular comic book series. The recent overwhelming worldwide successes for “The Avengers”, and “Iron Man 3”, which topped $1 billion each globally has certainly raised the bar for their next cinematic offerings.
“Thor: The Dark World”, is poised to carry on the success of the Marvel film franchise as it successfully mixes action and character form the rare sequel that is better than the film that spawned it.
Chris Hemsworth once again stars as the title character who has been spending his time clearing up discord on the planets of the Nine Realms following his outing with The Avengers.
With peace at hand, his father Odin, (Sir Anthony Hopkins), believes the time is right for Thor to prepare for his reign as king of Asgard and protector of the realms.
Thor is not ready to embrace his destiny as his mind and heart are focused on Jane Foster (Natalie Portman), we has not seen since the events of the first film. His father warns him that a mortal is not suited to be his future queen and suggest that his fellow warrior Sif (Jaimie Alexander), would be far more suitable.
To further complicate matters Thor’s treacherous brother Loki (Tom Hiddleston), is seething at the prospect of spending eternity in captivity for his past crimes which only furthers his desire for power and revenge.
While all of this would be enough to keep Thor very busy, a new threat has arisen from the past that threatens to destroy the known universe. A powerful force known as the Aether which had been hidden by Thor’s grandfather has emerged and is drawn the attention of a Dark Elf named Malekith (Christopher Eccleston), who has been hiding away for centuries from those who believed him to be dead.
Malekith wants to take advantage of a pending convergence of the realms to use the supernatural power for his own purposes and in doing so destroy and subjugate all those who are before him. Fate intervenes and brings Jane and Thor together again just as the enemy forces arrived to ransack Asgard.
Faced with a battle against time not only to protect his beloved homeland but to save the known universe, Thor must work with his treacherous brother Loki in a race against time to save the day.
There are plenty of action sequences that follow and the visual effects are quite good even though the film is presented in converted 3-D after being shot in a standard format. The leads are fantastic and truly seem to have a grasp of their characters and the supporting work especially that of Kat Dennings much-needed comic relief is a very nice mix.
The only issue I had with the film other than the converted 3-D, was that the enemy while menacing did not seem to be one of the larger-than-life enemies that one has come to expect from a Marvel film. While certainly dangerous and menacing, there almost seemed to be an air of and confidence about the character as it was clear that he was simply biting off more than he could handle with the forces that were available to him.
That being said the film was extremely enjoyable as were the two bonus scenes that play during the middle of and the end of the credits.
While it may not went over box offices to the level of the two previous Marvel outings, Director Alan Taylor keeps things moving at a steady clip and the film nor the characters do not overstay their welcome.
With another Avengers movie on the horizon and a promise that Thor will return, fans can definitely enjoy this latest offering and look forward to the future for this promising series.
http://sknr.net/2013/11/08/thor-the-dark-world/
“Thor: The Dark World”, is poised to carry on the success of the Marvel film franchise as it successfully mixes action and character form the rare sequel that is better than the film that spawned it.
Chris Hemsworth once again stars as the title character who has been spending his time clearing up discord on the planets of the Nine Realms following his outing with The Avengers.
With peace at hand, his father Odin, (Sir Anthony Hopkins), believes the time is right for Thor to prepare for his reign as king of Asgard and protector of the realms.
Thor is not ready to embrace his destiny as his mind and heart are focused on Jane Foster (Natalie Portman), we has not seen since the events of the first film. His father warns him that a mortal is not suited to be his future queen and suggest that his fellow warrior Sif (Jaimie Alexander), would be far more suitable.
To further complicate matters Thor’s treacherous brother Loki (Tom Hiddleston), is seething at the prospect of spending eternity in captivity for his past crimes which only furthers his desire for power and revenge.
While all of this would be enough to keep Thor very busy, a new threat has arisen from the past that threatens to destroy the known universe. A powerful force known as the Aether which had been hidden by Thor’s grandfather has emerged and is drawn the attention of a Dark Elf named Malekith (Christopher Eccleston), who has been hiding away for centuries from those who believed him to be dead.
Malekith wants to take advantage of a pending convergence of the realms to use the supernatural power for his own purposes and in doing so destroy and subjugate all those who are before him. Fate intervenes and brings Jane and Thor together again just as the enemy forces arrived to ransack Asgard.
Faced with a battle against time not only to protect his beloved homeland but to save the known universe, Thor must work with his treacherous brother Loki in a race against time to save the day.
There are plenty of action sequences that follow and the visual effects are quite good even though the film is presented in converted 3-D after being shot in a standard format. The leads are fantastic and truly seem to have a grasp of their characters and the supporting work especially that of Kat Dennings much-needed comic relief is a very nice mix.
The only issue I had with the film other than the converted 3-D, was that the enemy while menacing did not seem to be one of the larger-than-life enemies that one has come to expect from a Marvel film. While certainly dangerous and menacing, there almost seemed to be an air of and confidence about the character as it was clear that he was simply biting off more than he could handle with the forces that were available to him.
That being said the film was extremely enjoyable as were the two bonus scenes that play during the middle of and the end of the credits.
While it may not went over box offices to the level of the two previous Marvel outings, Director Alan Taylor keeps things moving at a steady clip and the film nor the characters do not overstay their welcome.
With another Avengers movie on the horizon and a promise that Thor will return, fans can definitely enjoy this latest offering and look forward to the future for this promising series.
http://sknr.net/2013/11/08/thor-the-dark-world/
Hazel (1853 KP) rated How to Date Dead Guys (The Witch`s Handbook #1) in Books
Dec 14, 2018
<i>This eBook was provided by the author in exchange for an honest review
How To Date Dead Guys </i>is the first novel in the paranormal series <i>The Witches Handbook </i>by the author Ann. M Noser. The protagonist, Emma, is introduced to the reader as a shy, introverted student whose negative experience with bullying during high school still greatly affects her despite now being a sophomore at University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire. Against her wishes, Emma is forced to attend a party by her roommate Chrissy, a girl who is the complete opposite in personality. Whilst trying to keep out of the way of the partying students, Emma starts talking to Mike, a boy she has a crush on. From this point onwards Emma’s life changes dramatically, although in ways she had never previously imagined.
After a devastating accident leaving Mike dead and Emma feeling guilty, Emma decides to take drastic action with the help of a book she finds called <i>Book of Shadows</i>. Using instructions from the book Emma recites a spell believing she can raise Mike from the dead. However this has disastrous consequences. Instead of being reunited with Mike, Emma finds herself face to face with a different guy, one who died a few months previously. Feeling responsible, Emma tries to help this resurrected body but she soon learns she got more than she bargained for.
<i>How To Date Dead Guys</i> is both hilarious and moving. The shock of Mike’s death makes the reader feel sorry for Emma, a lovely girl who does not deserve this heartache. Initially there is a sense of foreboding when she begins to dabble in witchcraft however the outcome results in some amusing situations.
Initially the storyline was not completely clear, which made understanding the purpose of the various scenarios a little confusing. However, Emma was also confused during this time, thus it makes sense for the reader to be also. It soon becomes clear why a different person was brought back to life rather than Mike, causing the story to take a more heart-warming direction.
Emma is a character that many introverts will relate to. Growing up being bullied has left her feeling that she is not good enough at anything. She has barely any friends, rarely goes out and is scared to talk to anyone new. Ironically raising the dead changes Emma for the better. Being in a situation where she has no choice but to deal with the consequences, Emma becomes more confident in herself. Although she believes she is still the same shy girl she was to begin with, hanging around with the dead forces her to see that she has changed and that she is no longer the weak person she always thought herself to be.
Emma’s character development is one of the best parts of the entire novel. Many young adult or new adult stories use romance and reliance on a male “hero” to save the girl from her introverted life style. Although romance was somewhat involved, this was not the case with Emma. Emma changed because she had to, because of circumstances she accidently created and felt she needed to put right. Emma’s confidence is not a result of influence from anyone else and proves that people can survive by themselves and become the person they wish to be.
Overall I enjoyed reading <i>How To Date Dead Guys</i>. Admittedly the beginning of the book felt like a few different stories crammed together, but once the plot was established it became exciting to discover what would happen next. Although listed as a New Adult book, the content is suitable for readers in their teens as well.
How To Date Dead Guys </i>is the first novel in the paranormal series <i>The Witches Handbook </i>by the author Ann. M Noser. The protagonist, Emma, is introduced to the reader as a shy, introverted student whose negative experience with bullying during high school still greatly affects her despite now being a sophomore at University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire. Against her wishes, Emma is forced to attend a party by her roommate Chrissy, a girl who is the complete opposite in personality. Whilst trying to keep out of the way of the partying students, Emma starts talking to Mike, a boy she has a crush on. From this point onwards Emma’s life changes dramatically, although in ways she had never previously imagined.
After a devastating accident leaving Mike dead and Emma feeling guilty, Emma decides to take drastic action with the help of a book she finds called <i>Book of Shadows</i>. Using instructions from the book Emma recites a spell believing she can raise Mike from the dead. However this has disastrous consequences. Instead of being reunited with Mike, Emma finds herself face to face with a different guy, one who died a few months previously. Feeling responsible, Emma tries to help this resurrected body but she soon learns she got more than she bargained for.
<i>How To Date Dead Guys</i> is both hilarious and moving. The shock of Mike’s death makes the reader feel sorry for Emma, a lovely girl who does not deserve this heartache. Initially there is a sense of foreboding when she begins to dabble in witchcraft however the outcome results in some amusing situations.
Initially the storyline was not completely clear, which made understanding the purpose of the various scenarios a little confusing. However, Emma was also confused during this time, thus it makes sense for the reader to be also. It soon becomes clear why a different person was brought back to life rather than Mike, causing the story to take a more heart-warming direction.
Emma is a character that many introverts will relate to. Growing up being bullied has left her feeling that she is not good enough at anything. She has barely any friends, rarely goes out and is scared to talk to anyone new. Ironically raising the dead changes Emma for the better. Being in a situation where she has no choice but to deal with the consequences, Emma becomes more confident in herself. Although she believes she is still the same shy girl she was to begin with, hanging around with the dead forces her to see that she has changed and that she is no longer the weak person she always thought herself to be.
Emma’s character development is one of the best parts of the entire novel. Many young adult or new adult stories use romance and reliance on a male “hero” to save the girl from her introverted life style. Although romance was somewhat involved, this was not the case with Emma. Emma changed because she had to, because of circumstances she accidently created and felt she needed to put right. Emma’s confidence is not a result of influence from anyone else and proves that people can survive by themselves and become the person they wish to be.
Overall I enjoyed reading <i>How To Date Dead Guys</i>. Admittedly the beginning of the book felt like a few different stories crammed together, but once the plot was established it became exciting to discover what would happen next. Although listed as a New Adult book, the content is suitable for readers in their teens as well.