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Mommy May Bloops - A Farting Tale in Rhyme (Mariana Books Rhyming #10)
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graveyardgremlin (7194 KP) rated Fury of Fire (Dragonfury, #1) in Books
Feb 15, 2019
During the course of reading, everyone comes across a book that just doesn't connect with them. That doesn't mean the book is bad or that others shouldn't read it, it just means the it isn't a good fit that particular person. This is that book for me. I had a very difficult time getting through what I read, mostly due to a bunch of little things that stood out and were what I consider oddities, especially in context to situations in the book. If I had to describe this book in one word, it'd be abrasive. The characters, the dialogue, and most importantly, the writing felt like rubbing sandpaper over a wound. Over and over again.
<b>THE BAD</b>
The constant bombardment of internalizing that both Myst and Bastian provide in this book was like a splinter under my fingernail. The more I dug, the more painful it became, and I started to dislike the book and main characters more and more as I read on. Admittedly, it was pretty easy to loathe Bastian and Myst when it became apparent that they are both boring and stupid, and I didn't find Bastian all that likeable in the first place. Call me crazy, but I just feel uneasy when a character wants to immediately jump the bones of a person he just met in horrific situation while she is frightened beyond belief. But apparently that's okay because he acknowledges his creepiness in a fit of mental self-flagellation. Sorry, but that doesn't fly with me. Maybe if that had been mentioned only once, I would have let it slide, but it keeps on like that for way too long. Apparently he's all alpha on the outside and emo on the inside. What a winning combination! Not. Myst herself starts off, uh, decent enough but then quickly becomes the nitwit I was hoping to avoid. She gets the fastest case of Stockholm Syndrome I've ever come across. For all intents and purposes, Bastian kidnapped her. Sure, we the readers know it's for Myst and the baby's safety from the evil Razorbacks, but she certainly doesn't know that, therefore I found her reactions extremely unrealistic and bizarre to the situations she was in. One minute she's fighting, and by fighting I mean being stubbornly spunky, or somewhat thinking of escape, the next she's imagining wild, hot monkey sex with Bastian. I'm sorry but if some big, six-foot-six (apparently every male is 6'6 in this book, even the human cop. Obviously, if a guy is under that height, he's not really a man.), scary dude who can turn into a dragon kidnaps me, I am so not going to be thinking about how hot they are or what they're like in the sack. Yeah, uh-huh, that makes perfect sense. Oy! Anyway, they end up making out that night due to Bastian's alpha going crazy and some supernatural roofie that dragons put out to females. God, this is not romantic at all. And it's only been a few hours since they "met"! The morning after Myst is kidnapped, she wakes up naked and finds out Bastian bathed her, can you say mondo creepy? So after she dresses, she goes meandering through the Nightfury's lair, admiring his artwork and crap, then ends up in the kitchen with the rest of the freaky-tall Nightfuries. I'd be high-tailing it out of there, in fact, I would have been plotting escape long before this point. It appears she only thinks of escape once a day. While she's in the kitchen, Bastian has her sit at the table so she can eat her breakfast. He sets down a plate in front of her and as she goes to have a bite, she notices he cut her waffles into little, perfect, bite-size pieces and she's apparently overcome by this act. How weird is that?! All feminist angles aside, who cuts up someone else's food unless: A, it's for a small child, two, their arms and hands are broken, or D, they're handicapped in some way that prevents them from feeding themselves? W.T.F.? Frankly, I think it's just odd. And then she gets misty-eyed (Myst is all misty, how cute. *gag*) when he asks her to help name the baby he kidnapped. I've already doubted her sanity before but now it's gone to even more ridiculous heights by this point.
The magical Rohypnol I mentioned before creeped me the heck out. So when a dragon guy needs his energy fix, he picks out a woman, roofies her, feeds off her energy, sleeps with her, and then wipes her memory! Say what? That's too close to rape for my liking. This wasn't just the bad guys doing this, but the next book's "hero" did that to a woman in a hospital (note: she wasn't a patient, I think she was a researcher or something, I don't remember). How sweet.
The excessive swearing needed edited down. Normally I don't mind a little cursing here and there, but so much of it didn't need to be added to the dialogue or characters and showed a lack of creativity.
The "dragons" are really shape-shifting vampires. They have to feed off women, only it's energy instead of blood, they can't be out in the sun, they heal quickly, live a long time, are super-strong, amongst other attributes. If you're going to have shape-shifting dragons, don't make them so similar to other paranormal species. Differentiate them so they're unique, not a near-clone.
I didn't like the whole reading of minds thing. If it was something that happened when mated, fine, but I don't like the thought of someone just arbitrarily getting into someone else's brain whenever they want. It's a violation. Bastian did this to Myst way too often.
The characters sound a lot like each other. They don't all have individual voices so there isn't much beyond a name separating one from the other.
<b>THE GOOD</b>
The first fight scene was actually quite well-done, although it was very early on in the book so it might not hold up on a second reading. The next fight scene wasn't too bad, maybe a little confusing at times.
The other characters in the Dragonfury series have the potential to be more interesting if they can be given some individuality, but since I didn't connect with the author's writing style and don't like most of the ideas, I won't be looking for any sequels to this oh-so-romantic series. I wouldn't recommend this book, but hey, if it sounds right up your alley or you have masochistic tendencies, by all means try it out for yourself.
As a final note, I just wanted to thank <a href="http://homealone.wikia.com/wiki/Buzz_McCallister" target="_blank">Buzz McCallister</a> for his mad counting/alphabetizing skillz in writing this review. I couldn't have done it without you, buddy.
<img src="http://kindbooksandcoronets.files.wordpress.com/2012/03/buzzmccallister1.jpg">

Lee (2222 KP) rated Thor: Ragnarok (2017) in Movies
Oct 27, 2017
Since then, the appeal of Thor (aside from his obvious appeal to the ladies) has grown considerably via his other appearances within the Marvel Cinematic Universe. His humourous side began to show a lot more. Ragnarok just takes that side of him to a whole other level, delivering the funniest most ridiculous Marvel movie to date. And it's a joyous blast!
Things start as they mean to go on, with Thor dangling in chains before giant fire demon Surtur, constantly interrupting his monologue as he waffles on about destroying Asgard. Thor soon escapes, defeating a huge army and killing a dragon creature in an impressive battle sequence. Then, it's back to Asgard for a little bit of Loki mischief, down to Earth for a brief but hilarious meeting with one of the newest additions to the MCU, followed by a trip to Norway! And then it's time to introduce us to the big bad of the movie, banished sister of Thor and Loki, Hela the goddess of death (Cate Blanchett), who has returned to claim the throne of Asgard. It's no secret, if you've seen the trailer, that she's powerful enough to destroy Mjolnir, so when she does, Thor and Loki both know she means business. Hela banishes Thor to Sakaar, and that's where the crazy really kicks in. Captured by a Valkyrie from Asgard, Thor is transported to the fighting pits where he is set to meet the Grandmaster (Jeff Goldblum) and fight against his champion in the main event. It's at this point that we also meet Korg, a rock gladiator voiced by Taika Waititi himself, who manages to deliver many of the films funniest lines in a softly spoken Kiwi accent.
Again, if you've seen the trailer then you've already at this point got a pretty good idea who the champion gladiator is going to be. And the "He's a friend from work" line sums up just how much fun this entire scene is. Watching from the sidelines is Loki, and his reaction upon seeing Hulk, along with his reaction to the whole magnificent fight sequence, is hilarious. But, the one thing on Thor's mind is to get back to Asgard and stop Hela. And his plan involves eventually recruiting Hulk, the Valkyrie who captured him, and even Loki, to form a brand new team called 'The Revengers'!
Along with Thor, this is also the best use of Hulk within a Marvel movie so far. He has plenty more to say this time round, and with a wider range of emotions too. Most of the time though this involves being sulky and moody, and complaining about everyone on Earth thinking he's the stupidest Avenger. The banter between Thor and Hulk throughout the entire movie is just brilliant.
I tend to judge my Marvel movies on how often I catch myself gazing at the screen with a wide-eyed, slack-jawed geeky grin on my face and there were a lot of those moments during Ragnarok, especially during the final scenes. I can't remember the last time I had this much fun watching a Marvel movie!

**✿❀ Maki ❀✿** (7 KP) rated Heir of Fire in Books
May 3, 2018
Character development continues to abound in this book, and Celaena actually joins Chaol and Dorian in growing for the better. We even get a couple of sets of new characters to follow, including Manon, who is a wyvern riding Witch.
However, this book also suffered from Training Montage Syndrome (TMS). A good portion of the book is spent watching Celaena learn how to use her powers. And while I understand that it's an important piece of the story, the training portions were generally slow-paced, and made the book feel like it was never going to end.
<img src= "http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Yx5snM_uuuA/TdKW7fdvaHI/AAAAAAAACHA/_LxQWaVWjT8/s1600/Team-America-montage-001.jpg" width="360" height="176"/>
I can be fair, though - that's a trap that a lot of fantasy books can fall into. I <i>still</i> haven't read [b:Inheritance|7664041|Inheritance (The Inheritance Cycle, #4)|Christopher Paolini|https://d.gr-assets.com/books/1390886502s/7664041.jpg|10260587] because of how horrifically slow-paced [b:Brisingr|2248573|Brisingr (The Inheritance Cycle, #3)|Christopher Paolini|https://d.gr-assets.com/books/1391443970s/2248573.jpg|3124969] was.
The worst part of the overwhelming focus on training was, to me, that the book didn't really <i>need</i> to cut back to Celaena's training so often. There were plenty of other things to focus on instead of watching other people watch Celaena play racquetball with fire.
I mean, Chaol and Aedion (Celaena's cousin) are searching for a way to restore magic to the land, while simultaneously working to gather together survivors of Adarlan's oppression to raise a rebellion, Dorian starts looking for a way to control his magic, Manon is introduced and needs time dedicated to her character...but nope! Celaena needs <i>another</i> scene where she gets into a fight with Rowan, and then she's rude to everybody.
Chaol is the main driving-force behind my continued interest in this series. The things that man has gone through, and done by the end of the book...and all for someone who gave up on him, because of a misunderstanding. I said it in my Crown of Midnight review, and I'll say it again - Celaena doesn't deserve him. >__>
I actually found myself really liking Dorian in this book, as well. Even if he is doomed to unbelievably and suddenly fall in love with random women at the drop of a hat.
Manon's sections of the story were pretty fun. The new point of view was interesting, although I kept picturing Manon training her wyvern as the Other Mother from Coraline inserted into the world of How to Train Your Dragon 2.
...I'll leave you to supply your own visuals.
The ending would have been heartbreaking, except it just got ridiculous after a while. There are only so many self-sacrifices that can be made before my brain starts going, "I'm Spartacus! No, I'M Spartacus!"
<img src= "http://img.over-blog-kiwi.com/0/86/53/69/20140315/ob_a59585_spartacus.gif"/>
And the fruit of all of that self-sacrifice?
<spoiler>Chaol escapes the kingdom with his life, but is now a traitor to the Crown, which is kind of what Aedion had sacrificed himself to avoid in the first place. Meanwhile, both Aedion and Dorian are prisoners, and Dorian's love interest is dead.</spoiler>
These books are almost starting to frustrate me. They're <i>so</i> close to being great - but there's always something that disappoints me enough to stop me from being completely in love with this series. Ah, well. I suppose at least I still like them well enough.
Maybe the next one will be the one to completely win me over.

Mothergamer (1589 KP) rated the PC version of Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning in Video Games
Apr 3, 2019
The story begins with your character finding himself or herself revived from death by a creation known as the Well Of Souls. This event has disrupted the threads of fate that affect the people and events of Amalur leaving you with no determined fate. This opens you up to many possibilities and of course there are those who would exploit it for their own personal gain.
With an opening like this, Kingdoms Of Amalur's story has a lot of depth and there are many possibilities that one can take as it progresses. There is so much to explore on the map and there is a freedom to it as you can explore as much as you like. The story line itself leads to you exploring the kingdom of Amalur even further opening up new areas and you are not isolated to just one location.
All the areas are beautifully done and are different from each other. No similarities or one map used repeatedly here. There is even a dangerous beauty and creativity to all the fantasy monsters that are a threat to you such as mountain trolls. Although you will see some of the same monsters in different areas as well as types of NPCs and other characters, it mixes together so well it doesn't hinder the game play or the story. The dialogue with characters is well written and even more refreshing, well acted. It's never boring and in some dialogues it even adds more to the tale.
One flaw Kingdoms Of Amalur has is a couple of the quests had a few bugs, such as the Shine And Shadow quest. The quest couldn't be finished because of the quest items not being in the inventory or the Boss for this particular quest just didn't show up. It wasn't a terribly trying ordeal, but it was something that was noticed and something that could and should be fixed. Other than that, there was no other technical issues with the game for me. The game didn't freeze once during all the hours of game play and the frame rate didn't drop, and because of how much fun I had with the game, a couple of quest bugs didn't bother me at all. But, let's move on to the rest of the good.
The core of Kingdoms Of Amalur is the combat throughout the game along with the ability to fully customize your character and play to your character's strengths due to your fate or lack of one. The possibilities are endless and you can even open up new job classes as your character levels up as the game progresses. Award points earned after leveling up can be put into three categories: Might, Finesse, and Sorcery giving you added abilities and status boosts associated with whichever job class you have chosen. Combine this with all the questing and yes, that includes all the side quests, five guild story arcs, and the downloadable content of The Legend Of Dead Kel, that could easily give you 100 hours or more of game time. To sum up, Kingdoms Of Amalur isn't just a run of the mill RPG. It's something more. It has a great mix of excellent story telling, amazing game play, and an exciting world to explore that promises tons of great adventure. Overall, it is a game worth having in a gamer's collection.

Purple Phoenix Games (2266 KP) rated Onitama in Tabletop Games
Jun 12, 2019
DISCLAIMER: There are several expansions to this game, but we are not reviewing them at this time. Should we review them in the future we will either update this review or post a link to the new material here. -T
While at first glance, Onitama seems to be another little guy trying its darndest to bring down the classic giant. However, this is where the genius of this game really kicks in. It doesn’t try to take down the giant, but yet streamlines it in a way you would never expect. Onitama brilliantly finds a way to keep the grandeur and thick strategy you would expect from Chess, but eliminates the amount of time needed to craft your next move. Okay, so how is this possible you ask!? Well, in Onitama, you are provided 2 cards on each turn that include a set of possible paths that ANY pawn on the board can take. Seems limiting at first right? That’s the beauty. It’s not. You will be planning your moves quite quickly as the card you just used will trade hands around the table once played. So while a certain card may be your absolute best move in that moment, it may also be the key to your opponent winning the game if you pass it to them. Enter strategic bliss! While you don’t have to remember which way the Knight moves again, you do need to think on your feet potentially 2-3 turns ahead so that you don’t play into your opponent’s plans to victory!
A few other glowing graces this board game includes is its low price point, high quality cards, components (playmat included!), and visually beautiful artwork inside and out. While not imperative to the gameplay of Onitama, you will love the clever naming of the potential move cards. The shape of the move on the card plays a certain role in its naming. E.X. a longer squiggle type move on a card might have the name of “Snake.” Or, a card with the name “Dragon” let’s you leap across the board numerous spaces at a time as if in flight to exert your winged dominance.
We here at Purple Phoenix Games really love Onitama; it’s one of our highest rated 2-player board games! While it can act as a quick filler game between other heavier board games, it can also be played numerous times one after another without the loss of fun or strategic opportunities. I personally cannot think of a time I have ever sat down and played Onitama just once. This game keeps you coming back for more. We hope you will consider picking up a copy soon! As I write this, there are already a few expansions out there or in the works. Check back soon for some exciting updates to this already great board game! Purple Phoenix Games gives this one a calculated 19 / 24.
https://purplephoenixgames.wordpress.com/2019/04/12/onitama-review/

Purple Phoenix Games (2266 KP) rated Apotheca in Tabletop Games
Jun 12, 2019
After years of study, you have finally become a master apothecary, and making magic potions is your passion. You buy all of your ingredients in a secret marketplace with no problem until one day, you come across another apothecary trying to buy all of the same ingredients as you! Who does this person think they are?? Using your quick wit, and some sleight of hand, you manage to scatter the ingredients around the marketplace to hide them from your rival. Now all you’ve got to do is give them the slip so you can go pick up the ingredients. Be careful, though – you’re rival is as sly as you are, and is scouring the marketplace to find them first!
In Apotheca, players are racing to create three magic potions before their opponents do. To craft a magic potion, players must make a match of three potions of the same color in a row. Played on a 4×4 grid, potions are manipulated by apothecary powers from recruited apothecary cards in a manner similar to movement in chess, or better yet – Onitama. Complete three matches, and you win! As a whole, I could describe Apotheca as chess with a helping of tic-tac-toe.
One thing I really like about this game is that it’s a game of semi-hidden information. Some things are hidden and some things are not. You do know the apothecary power(s) your opponent has, but you don’t know the color of the potions they put into play. Based on how they use their powers to manipulate potions, both face-up and face-down, you must deduce their strategy and thwart their attempts at making a match! Of course, they are doing the exact same thing to you – only you know the color of potions you place, but your power is known to your opponent. It’s a unique game of deduction and deception that requires more strategy than meets the eye.
Apotheca can be played with 1-4 players, but I think the best player count is 2. In a 3-4 player game, it can be difficult to build a concrete strategy because the board can significantly change between your turns. In a 2-player game, the board changes as well, but not nearly as quickly since it is just a back-and-forth with turn order. Also, more players means more hidden information – it can be tedious trying to remember who performed what action and who has what powers as you try to deduce everyone’s strategy. I don’t mind Apotheca as a 3-4 player game, but I would certainly prefer to play it as a 2-player game.
As you can see by our individual ratings, we are a little split on this game. It requires a decent amount of strategy and deduction, which work well together in this game. Apotheca was one of the first games in my collection, and it’s one that will stay there. Overall, Purple Phoenix Games gives Apotheca a sneaky 12 / 18.
https://purplephoenixgames.wordpress.com/2019/02/01/apotheca-review/