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The Book of Kings
The Book of Kings
Robert Gilliam | 1995 | Science Fiction/Fantasy
8
8.0 (1 Ratings)
Book Rating
Shelf Life – The Book of Kings Has a Few Gems and a Few Warts
Contains spoilers, click to show
Unlike other short story anthologies I could mention, this one wasn’t mostly horrible. Instead, the stories inside run the gamut from stupid to brilliant and from annoying to nothing special to fun and memorable. A little something for everyone, then.

So since I can’t review it with one blanket sentiment, let’s instead take a quick look at a handful of the 20 all-original stories inside. The following are the tales that most stood out to me during my reading, for better or worse.

“The Kiss” by Alan Dean Foster – A woman walking through a snowy city finds a frog who says he’s a prince, so she kisses him. He turns into a guy and stabs her to death.

Oh boy, we’re not off to a great start here. This story could have been told in a page or so and been an interesting twist on the old tale, but instead the author drew it out over three pages by choosing the absolute most pretentious choice of words for every damn sentence. The guy doesn’t stab the woman, his “knife describes a Gothic arc.” She doesn’t shout or whisper or ask what’s going on, she “expels a querrelous trauma.” It’s not snowing on her face, “trifles of ice as beautiful as they were capricious tickled her exposed cheeks, only to be turned into simulacra of tears as they were instantly metamorphosed by the bundled furnace of her body.”

Yes, really.

The sheer purpleness of this prose might be excused for a deliberately lofty and overwrought tale, but it absolutely does not fit a story about a girl getting shanked by a frog on the street. If the contrast between what’s happening and how it’s presented is supposed to seem absolutely ridiculous, then it’s a success. This reads more like a writing exercise for seeing how unbearably melodramatic you can tell a simple story that the author went ahead and published anyway. I only read it last night as of the time of this particular bit of review, but I still have a headache.

“Divine Right” by Nancy Holder – A king grieving for his recently passed daughter and only heir tries to figure out how to keep his legacy from dying out and eventually decides on a way to choose a successor, sealing his decision by making a pact with God.

I really liked this one, partly for the great characterization of the king via his priorities. He’s not a bastion of righteousness or a tyrannical despot. He might be a pretty decent ruler, or he might not, depending on your priorities and the angle from which you view him. Mostly he’s written to be believable for his position and time period, pride and failings and all.

But what really sealed this story for me was the ironic bent of the plot that I can’t really discuss in any more depth without spoiling it except to say that it definitely fit with the tone and left an appropriate message. So let’s just give it a thumbs up and leave it at that.

“In the Name of the King” by Judith Tarr – If you know the story of Hatshepsut, an Egyptian queen who ruled as Pharaoh, then this is an extra interesting story. It follows both Hatshepsut and her lover in the afterlife and the legacy they’re leaving behind after their deaths, in which they take a surprisingly active interest for dead people.

If you know your history, though, you know where this is going, and it’s very touching as it gets there. It’s also character-centric in a way that makes its dead cast members seem very much alive. This one’s a good contender for my favorite story in the whole anthology.

“Please to See the King” by Debra Doyle and James D. Macdonald – A small glimpse of about one evening each into the lives of two seemingly unrelated, seemingly unimportant men against the backdrop of the battles being fought over a vague and distant rebellion against a vague and distant crown.

To say more would be to spoil the story, which is short, sweet, and interesting. It gives you just enough details, and no more, that you can piece together a much deeper story with room left for speculation about who certain characters really were and what exactly just happened. I’ve spent more time thinking about how the ending may be interpreted than it took me to read it, which is a good sign of nuance done right.

“The Name of a King” by Diana L. Paxson – This’n c’n rightf’ly b’ put in w’ th’ other st’ries I woul’n’t oth’rwise b’ther t’ mention ‘cept fer th’ o’erwrought dialectic style o’ nearly all o’ th’ dialogue, whut c’n git on yer nerves right quick-like whene’er any’ne op’ns their mouths. An’ while I’m ‘ere, th’ settin’ w’s rife wi’ plen’y o’ hints at deeper d’tails whut was ne’er sufficien’ly delved into or whut impact’d th’ actu’l plot much. Felt like part o’ a fant’sy series whut I was ‘spected t’ b’ f’miliar wit’ but wasn’t, an’ whut di’n’t give me ’nuff t’ git f’miliar wit’ just fr’m this st’ry.

Oth’rwise, t’w’sn’t t’ b’d, I s’pose. Bit borin’.

“Coda: Working Stiff” by Mike Resnick and Nicholas A. DiChario – This one was just fun. Again trying not to give away any twists or revelations, this one follows a journalist interviewing a bus driver who used to be a big, famous king back in his heyday but is now content (or so he says) with his obscure life of working a simple job in the day and drinking in his spartan home at night.

Who this ex-king really is probably isn’t who you think it’s gonna be at first, but the story does still technically, and cheekily, fit in with the premise of the book overall. It reminds me very much of something Neil Gaiman might have written, or maybe Terry Pratchett if he’d decided to tackle the kingly premise from a more modern and realistic approach.

There are still 14 stories left in here, many of which are also good reads, or at least decent. In fact, looking back through it again, the only real dud that stands out to me is “The Kiss.” The weakest of what’s left are either adaptations of stories that didn’t really do it for me (“The Tale of Lady Ashburn” by John Gregory Betancourt) or weird original works that weren’t really memorable in what they set out to do (“A Parker House Roll” by Dean Wesley Smith).

Overall, The Book of Kings is a fun and interesting romp through a number of royal worlds, themes, and tones. As such, anyone who gives it a look will probably have the same general sentiment I did at the end, with a few things to like and a few to point to as examples of what doesn’t work for them. Me, I got a bit of the inspiration I was looking for and a few memorable tales out of it, so I’ll forgive the warts.
  
Dragon Quest XI: Echoes of an Elusive Age
Dragon Quest XI: Echoes of an Elusive Age
2018 | Action/Adventure
I have loved the Dragon Quest games since I was a kid and have played many of them. I was quite thrilled that a new Dragon Quest game was coming out so as soon as I got my hands on Dragon Quest XI: Echoes Of An Elusive Age, I started playing immediately. Right from the start the game starts off with a fantastic introduction with music played by the Tokyo Symphonic Orchestra and beautiful scenes from the game. The story starts with an interesting beginning showing the hero who is known as the Luminary a hero of light who is the only one that can fight the powers of darkness and a villain known as Mordegon.

Once the initial introduction is done, this is where Dragon Quest really gets going. You have a few side quests that give you a tutorial on how the battle system works and there is a small bit of exploration in the hero's home village.



The hero exploring a cave in his village.


Exploration is very much encouraged in Dragon Quest without being overwhelming. Dungeons are fairly linear so there's no confusion about where to go. The battle system has been revamped a bit with the ability to have the AI on your party members set to specific things such as focusing on healing or fighting wisely. The way I had mine set up was that I had control of the hero with the follow orders setting and had the party members set to certain AI controls like having designated healers and melee fighters.

Another part of fighting in these turn based battles is something called pep powers. Basically after party members take a certain amount of damage from enemies they gain the power of pep. Each pep power is different and you unlock more for your hero and party members as you level up. These pep powers allow the hero and his friends to team up during battles to unleash epic attacks or heal everyone depending on what the situation calls for. Pep powers do not last forever however and if you don't use them right away they can wear off. A trick around this is to have the party member who is pepped up swap places with a party member who isn't. This is where the tactics and line up option in the battle menu comes in handy. It allows you to swap members in and out as needed until everyone has their pep powers ready to go.



Use the pep powers to defeat enemies in battle.

There are tons of side quests in Dragon Quest where you help villagers find items, defeat monsters for them, or just wear the right outfit and you get rewarded with not just experience but items for crafting, healing items, or gear for your party members. There are also some mini games like horse racing and a casino where you can exchange tokens for things like costumes and crafting recipes.



Horse racing is just one of the mini games you can play in the game.

Crafting is a big part of Dragon Quest XI. When you are at campfires, you can use the fun sized forge to craft weapons, armor, and accessories for your hero and his friends. I enjoyed this part of the game a lot because there are a variety of items you can make and if you make them well you get some pretty good stats on them. As you level up, you unlock abilities that can enhance your forging skills and increase your chances of successfully crafting items. If you screw up a crafting session you can always go back and rework the item if you have the right number of perfectionist's pearls. Some of the side quests require you to craft specific items so this is where the fun sized forge comes in handy. It's a nice break from level grinding and adventuring and you can save your game progress at the campfire as well.



Craft a variety of items with the fun sized forge.

Another fun aspect of the game is the variety of costumes you can get for your hero and party members. Some do offer pretty great defense stats and some are just for fun like Jade's bunny costume. There are a few side quests that offer costumes as rewards and some of the costumes you can craft with the forge. Running around getting all the costumes is a lot of fun and each one looks great and goes well with the party member it's for.



Just one of the many costumes you can get in the game.

Does Dragon Quest XI have flaws? In a word, yes. While I loved running around exploring everywhere, enjoyed the story, and didn't mind the level grinding there are serious issues with many of the boss battles in the game. My biggest one is that the old fashioned way of not being able to see a boss battle's HP bar does not work. There are times where a battle will drag on a little too long and there is no way to tell if you are even doing any damage at all or if the boss is close to being defeated. Fighting and hoping for the best just does not work.

Another factor is just how much level grinding is needed in order to win against certain bosses. I love Dragon Quest and while I don't mind challenging having to run around for long periods of time to level grind just to win a boss fight is incredibly tedious which brings me to the next major issue with the game. Towards the end of the game there is a final boss that is the biggest pain in the ass to fight. To add to the frustration in this final area there is only one save point and it's at the beginning of the dungeon. There is no warning about the final boss coming up, no save point before it, and it just throws you into the fray. I did not win the first time or even the second because the boss fight was in two parts and the second part had an outrageous difficulty spike to the point of being so frustrating that I had to take a break from the game.

I did finish the game eventually, but that part of the game alone and the odd spikes in difficulty in various boss fights shows that Dragon Quest needs to modernize a bit and get with the times. It does not need to do anything drastic, but it at least needs to make some changes that are more friendly to the people playing their game such as showing an enemy's HP gauge and not have such a steep learning curve for important boss battles.

Other than those things, I enjoyed Dragon Quest XI a lot. It has an interesting story, wonderful characters, and is a great adventure overall. There is a lot to see and do, the mini games are fun, and the voice acting in the game is very well done. The artwork in the game is terrific and you definitely notice Akira Toriyama's unique art style. The music for the game is great also. When you finish the game, there are things you can do afterwards such as collecting all the crafting recipes and finishing some level 60 side quests. If you are a fan of the series, it is one that you will enjoy playing because it is a great addition to the Dragon Quest universe.
  
Stellar Leap
Stellar Leap
2018 | Exploration, Science Fiction, Space
You are the member of an alien species, and your mission is to explore the galaxy! Discover new solar systems, build colonies on new planets, and gather resources along the way to sustain your species. Some neighboring alien species have also decided to foray into exploration, and will likely cross your path at some point or another. Are you a friendly race, willing to cooperate and maybe even cohabit a new planet? Or are you more aggressive and less willing to share? Only time, the cards, and the dice, will tell. Put your strategy to the test as you race to become the most prestigious alien species in the galaxy. So suit up and get ready for blast off!

DISCLAIMER: We were provided a copy of this game for the purposes of this review. This is a retail copy of the game, so what you see in these photos is exactly what would be received in your box. We do not intend to cover every single rule included in the rulebook, but will describe the overall game flow and major rule set so that our readers may get a sense of how the game plays. For more in depth rules, you may purchase a copy online or from your FLGS. -T

Stellar Leap is, at its core, a worker placement game with elements of dice rolling, variable powers, and a modular ‘board’ sprinkled in. To setup, each player receives an individual player board and components, while the Galaxy is set up for use by all players. Players then add their home planet, as well as 1 population marker, to the Galaxy, and the game is ready to begin! Stellar Leap is played over a series of rounds in which players take turns performing any or all actions available to them.

To begin a turn, players first recover any Population markers that may have been exhausted on their last turn (more on that in a bit). Next, the player rolls the two dice, manipulating them with Special Dice Powers if desired, and resources are collected. The Galaxy is set up in columns, each column numbered 1-6, to which these dice rolls will correspond. If you have a Population marker on a planet in one of the columns that corresponds to your die roll (you have a Population in column 4 and you rolled a 4), you collect the resources provided by that planet. It is important to note that any player can receive resources from a die roll, even if it is not their turn!

The next phase of play involves three elements: Movement, High Command Actions, and Division Actions. There is no limit to the amount of Movement you can take on your turn, as long as you have resources available to perform that action. You may take two High Command Actions: Populate (add a new Population marker to a planet), Tax (collect any two resources), Discover (add planets/asteroids to the Galaxy), or Attack (fight an opponent located on the same planet as yourself). The same High Command Action could be performed twice on your turn, but you can only perform two per turn. The Division Actions can each be taken once per turn. Those actions are: Intelligence (complete a Mission), Mining (mine an asteroid for resources), or Labor (exhaust one of your populations on a planet to receive additional resources). Movement, High Command Actions, and Division Actions can be taken in any order on your turn – turns are not ‘set’ in a specific order and actions can be taken at your discretion. You also are not required to take every available action on your turn if you do not want to – your turns could be as long or as brief as you want them to be, depending on which actions you want to take.

At certain points throughout play, Events will be triggered. When an Event is triggered, draw the top Event card and resolve its effect. Some are resolved immediately, and some remain in play for the rest of the game. The game ends once six Events have been triggered. Players then tally up their Prestige points (earned by completing Missions, discovering planets, winning combats, and fulfilling their secret objectives), and the player with the highest Prestige is declared the winner!

So as you can see, there is quite a bit going on in Stellar Leap. Admittedly, it seemed pretty daunting to me as I first read through the rules. But in all actuality, the game flows pretty efficiently and calmly. How? Player Reference cards! I absolutely looooove a game that includes good references cards for player turns because it makes it so much easier to check instead of digging through the entire rulebook for an answer. The Player Reference cards included in this game are well-written, clear, and concise, and that truly helps the game flow smoothly even though there are many elements to every turn. Another thing that I love about Stellar Leap is that you have so many strategic options. Everyone has their own secret objectives for end-game scoring to complete, but you also have to decide which Missions you’d like to accomplish to earn points as well. And do you want to risk many combats, or would you rather live harmoniously with your opponents? When adding planets/asteroids to the Galaxy, you also have to strategize where you should put them – do you want them close to you for easy access? Or do you want to keep them as far away from opponents as necessary? The modular board makes this a different game every time you play, so you can’t just pick a blanket strategy for every play.

The only thing that gives me pause with this game are the rules regarding Movement. You pay certain resources to move, but it depends on the ‘threat level’ of the destination as well as its location in your Solar System or a neighboring Solar System. It just was a little tricky to keep track of how many of each resource I had to pay to move, when moving more than just one planet away. That aspect takes a little bit more concentration, but other than that, the game gave me no issues.

Speaking of no issues, let’s touch on components. The player boards are dual-layered and they are awesome. The text is clear, the organization is logical, and they are just of a great quality. The cards are nice and sturdy, the ‘meeples’ are cute and chunky, and the cardboard chits are good too. The space theme is definitely translated well in this game, and that adds to the immersion.

Overall, I would say Stellar Leap is stellar. (Ha, see what I did there?) The gameplay is engaging and the strategy is adaptable. Some of the rules seem a little tedious in some aspects, but for the most part, they are logical and easy to remember. Weird Giraffe Games is a publisher that has made a blip on our radar, and we are excited to see what other games they will put out in the future – we’ve been impressed so far! Purple Phoenix Games gives Stellar Leap an other-worldly 9 / 12.
  
Century Golem: Eastern Mountains
Century Golem: Eastern Mountains
2019 | Fantasy
Before I buy any new games, I like to do my research. I watch play-through videos, read reviews, check out ratings, etc. Hopefully I’ll even get a chance to play the game before I decide whether or not I want it in my collection. But when Century: Golem Edition – Eastern Mountains came out, I did none of that. I just immediately pre-ordered it blindly, no research done at all. I love Century: Golem Edition, and had faith in the quality of the Eastern Mountains version. Was my faith misplaced? Or does this second game in the Century: Golem trilogy live up to its predecessor and keep me hooked?

The second game in the Century: Golem Edition trilogy is Century: Golem Edition – Eastern Mountains (referred to as just Eastern Mountains for the rest of this review). Players return to their roles as crystal traders, mining and trading crystals. You’ve achieved success in your home village, but now have decided to venture out into the mountains of Carvania, in hopes of creating a vast network of trade throughout the land.

Disclaimer: Eastern Mountains is a standalone game, but also comes with a ruleset for The Call For Adventure – with which you can integrate both Century: Golem Edition AND Eastern Mountains into one big game. This review is of Eastern Mountains only and does not delve into the gameplay for The Call For Adventure. When we add that additional content to Eastern Mountains, we will either amend this review or write a new post altogether! -L

Eastern Mountains is a game of point-to-point movement with a modular board in which players are mining/trading crystals to fulfill Village requirements and receive end-game VPs. Set up the game tiles as described in the rules, and each player receives a player board, wagon, and outposts in their chosen color. From the starting crystal options, players select and add their starting crystals to their player boards, place their wagon on any mountain tile, and the game is ready to begin!

Played over a series of rounds, players take turns moving their wagon and performing one action. To begin a turn, you may move your wagon to an adjacent tile for free. You can always choose not to move on your turn if you wish! If you want to move more than 1 mountain tile, you may do so, but you must place a single crystal from your player board onto each tile you leave. As long as you have crystals to pay, you can continue movement. If you end your movement on a tile with another wagon, you must pay each other wagon owner 1 crystal from your board. After you are done moving your wagon (or not moving), you may perform one of the following actions: Trade, Village, or Mine.

To perform the Trade action, you must first have an outpost on that tile. The cost to build an outpost varies by player count and number of outposts already on that tile. Outposts are paid for with crystals from your board. You then take the leftmost outpost from your board in the row that matches the trade symbol on the mountain tile, and place it on that tile. When building an outpost, if you empty a vertical column on your board, you may immediately choose a bonus tile to use for the remainder of the game. Once you have an outpost on a mountain tile, you may perform the Trade action. To Trade, exchange the crystal(s) listed above the arrow for those listed below the arrow. You may perform the Trade action as many times as long as you have the appropriate crystals to exchange.


Village tiles, placed on the four corners of the ‘board,’ each have 1 face-up VP tile atop them. If you move your wagon to a Village tile, and you have the appropriate crystals shown on that VP tile, you may perform the Village action by returning those crystals to the supply and claiming that VP tile. Draw a new VP tile to place on the village, and your turn is over. To perform the Mine action, you simply take 2 yellow crystals from the supply. This action can be performed from any tile. The end of the game is triggered once a player has claimed their 4th VP tile. The round ends as normal, and then VPs are tallied. You earn VPs from VP tiles, some bonus tiles, and for uncovered outpost spaces on your player board. The player with the most VP is the winner!
So, for pre-ordering Eastern Mountains blindly, with no intel about it at all, I am happy to report that it did not disappoint! Eastern Mountains takes everything I love about Century: Golem Edition and takes it to the next level. Let’s dive into strategy first. Eastern Mountains takes the strategic element of trading/upgrading crystals to the next level by adding a modular board. Instead of drafting cards to your hand, you have to physically move your wagon across the tiles to perform those chosen trades. And since you can only move 1 tile for free, you really have to strategize how to manipulate your crystals in the fastest ways possible to fulfill the Village tile VPs. Can you find a combination of tiles that can churn crystals out for you? Or are they scattered across the board, thus forcing you to adjust strategy to gain new crystals? With the modular board and random tile setup, every game is going to be different, and will require a different strategy for success.

The other strategic element that I love in Eastern Mountains is that all information is known by all players. You know what crystals (and how many) your opponents have, you know the trade powers in play, you can see where your opponent has built outposts, and you can see the VP requirements on the Village tiles. Obviously, you can’t read your opponents’ minds, but all of this public information could give you a glimpse into their strategy. And that could affect your strategy as well! You’re always thinking in this game, and I love that.


Moving on to components – high quality stuff! All of the mountain tiles are thick and sturdy cardboard, the wagon and outpost meeples are chunky and easy to handle, and of course the crystals are beautiful and fun to play with! One thing that really drew me to Century: Golem Edition was the colorful and awesome artwork. In Eastern Mountains, that artwork really doesn’t shine through as much. The theme is still there, but not as evident as in the first game. Overall, though, still a colorful and pretty game!
Plan B Games absolutely hit the mark with Eastern Mountains. It is extremely strategic, engaging, and entertaining. A highlight is the fact that it has a modular board. The setup possibilities are endless, and replayability is no concern for this game. Eastern Mountains is a wonderful sequel to Century: Golem Edition, and it was definitely a great investment for me. If you enjoy Century: Golem Edition, I highly recommend that you give Eastern Mountains a try. It might surprise you! Purple Phoenix Games gives Century: Golem Edition – Eastern Mountains an 11 / 12.
  
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Bob Mann (459 KP) rated Tenet (2020) in Movies

Aug 28, 2020  
Tenet (2020)
Tenet (2020)
2020 | Action
Spectacular action set pieces done "in camera" (1 more)
Branagh and Debecki, both superb
Sound mix makes dialogue unintelligible (1 more)
In the words of Huey Lewis, "You're too darn loud"
Only Nolan and Schrödinger’s cat knows what’s going on.
Tenet is the long awaited new movie from Christopher Nolan. The movie that's set to reboot the multiplexes post-Covid. It's a manic, extremely loud, extremely baffling sci-fi cum spy rollercoaster that will please a lot of Nolan fan-boys but which left me with very mixed views.

How to write a spoiler-free plot summary? John David Washington (Denzel's lad) plays "The Protagonist" - a crack-CIA field operative who is an unstoppable one-man army in the style of Hobbs or Shaw. Recruited into an even more shadowy organisation, he's on the trail of an international arms dealer, Andrei Sator (Kenneth Branagh in full villain mode). Sator is bullying his estranged wife Kat (Elizabeth Debicki) over custody of their son (and the film unusually has a BBFC warning about "Domestic Abuse"). Our hero jets the world to try to prevent a very particular kind of Armageddon while also keeping the vulnerable and attractive Kat alive.

This is cinema at its biggest and boldest. Nolan has taken a cinema 'splurge' gun, filled it with money, set it on rapid fire, removed the safety and let rip at the screen. Given that Nolan is famous for doing all of his 'effects' for real and 'in camera', some of what you see performed is almost unbelievable. You thought crashing a train through rush-hour traffic in "Inception" was crazy? You ain't seen nothing yet with the airport scene! And for lovers of Chinooks (I must admit I am one and rush out of the house to see one if I hear it coming!) there is positively Chinook-p*rn on offer in the film's ridiculously huge finale.

The 'inversion' aspects of the story also lends itself to some fight scenes - one in particular in an airport 'freeport' - which are both bizarre to watch and, I imagine, technically extremely challenging to pull off. In this regard John David Washington is an acrobatic and talented stunt performer in his own right, and must have trained for months for this role.

Nolan's crew also certainly racked up their air miles pre-lockdown, since the locations range far and wide across the world. The locations encompassed Denmark, Estonia, India, Italy, Norway, the United Kingdom, and United States. Hoyte Van Hoytema's cinematography is lush in introducing these, especially the beautiful Italian coast scenes. Although I did miss the David Arnold strings that would typically introduce these in a Bond movie: it felt like that was missing.

The 'timey-wimey' aspects of the plot are also intriguing and very cleverly done. There are numerous points at which you think "Oh, that's a sloppy continuity error" or "Shame the production design team missed that cracked wing mirror". Then later in the movie, you get at least a dozen "Aha!" moments. Some of them (no spoilers) are jaw-droppingly spectacular.

Perhaps the best twist is hidden in the final line of the movie. I only processed it on the way home.

And so to the first of my significant gripes with Tenet. The sound mix in the movie is all over the place. I'd go stronger than that... it's truly awful (expletive deleted)! Nolan often implements Shakespeare's trick of having characters in the play provide exposition of the plot to aid comprehension. But unfortunately, all of this exposition dialogue was largely incomprehensible. This was due to:

- the ear-splitting volume of the sound: 2020 movie audiences are going to be suffering from 'Tenetis'! (that joke © David Moody, 2020);
- the dialogue is poorly mixed with the thumping music by Ludwig Göransson (Wot? No Hans Zimmer?);
- a large proportion of the dialogue was through masks of varying description (#covid-appropriate). Aaron Taylor-Johnson was particularly unintelligible to my ears.

Overall, watching this with subtitles at a special showing might be advisable!

OK, so I only have a PhD in Physics... but at times I was completely lost as to the intricacies of the plot. It made "Inception" look like "The Tiger Who Came to Tea". There was an obvious 'McGuffin' in "Inception" - - ("These 'dream levels'... how exactly are they architected??".... "Don't worry... they'll never notice". And we didn't!) In "Tenet" there are McGuffins nested in McGuffins. So much of this is casually waved away as "future stuff... you're not qualified" that it feels vaguely condescending to the audience. At one point Kat says "I don't understand what's going on" - darn right luv.

There are also gaps in the storyline that jar. The word "Tenet"? What does it mean. Is it just a password? I'm none the wiser.

The manic pace of Tenet and the constant din means that the movie gallops along like a series of disconnected (albeit brilliant) action set pieces. For me, it has none of the emotional heart of the Cobb's marriage problems from "Inception" or the father/daughter separation of "Interstellar". In fact, you barely care for anyone in the movie, perhaps with the exception of Kat.

It's a talented cast. As mentioned above, John David Washington is muscular and athletic in the role. It's a big load for the actor to carry in such a tent-pole movie, given his only significant starring role before was in the excellent BlacKkKlansman. But he carries it off well. A worthy successor to Gerard Butler and Jason Statham for action roles in the next 10 years.

This is also a great performance by Robert Pattinson, in his most high-profile film in a long time, playing the vaguely alcoholic and Carré-esque support guy. Pattinson's Potter co-star Clemence Poésy also pops up - rather more un-glam that usual - as the scientist plot-expositor early in the movie.

Nolan's regular Michael Caine also pops up. although the 87-year old legend is starting to show his age: His speech was obviously affected at the time of filming (though nice try Mr Nolan in trying to disguise that with a mouth full of food!). But in my book, any amount of Caine in a movie is a plus. He also gets to deliver the best killer line in the film about snobbery!

However, it's Kenneth Branagh and Elizabeth Debicki that really stand out. They were both fabulous, especially when they were bouncing off each other in their marital battle royale.

So, given this was my most anticipated movie of the year, it's a bit of a curate's egg for me. A mixture of being awe-struck at times and slightly disappointed at others. It's a movie which needs a second watch, so I'm heading back today to give my ear drums another bashing! And this is one where I reserve the right to revisit my rating after that second watch... it's not likely to go down... but it might go up.

(For the full graphical review, check out One Mann's Movies here - https://bob-the-movie-man.com/2020/08/28/tenet-only-nolan-and-schrodingers-cat-knows-whats-going-on/ .)
  
Holi: Festival of Colors
Holi: Festival of Colors
2020 | Abstract Strategy, Puzzle
I absolutely love a beautiful game. Being a gamer, I have seen and played many gorgeous games. However, the first time I set up Holi: Festival of Colors (just Holi from here), both my 5 year old son and my slightly older mother-in-law both commented on how awesome it looked setup on the table. It has been a while since I last was so impressed by the sheer glamour of a game – and I only have the base retail version! I HAVE to get my hands on an upgrade pack or something… Just checked. I’ll have to buy the Deluxe version. Okay, placing order.

Holi is an abstract, area control, card-driven action selection (akin to Onitama) game for two to four players. In it, players are attendees at the Holi Festival and the goal is spread their favorite color onto the plaza and other players in order to increase their joy (earn VP). The winner is the player who is best able to throw their color and score joy, all while enjoying the festival!


To setup, the game owner will assemble the three-tiered board and place the appropriate sweets tokens on their spaces. The score track and Rivalry cards are set nearby so all can see. Each player receives their color’s player markers (in four delightful animal shapes), color tokens, color cards, and a helper card. The first player receives the cool lotus flower (I think) marker and the game may begin!
Holi is played over a series of turns, and continues until every player has either run out of color tokens or color cards to play. Each turn, players will take one to three actions in any order, with only one action being absolutely mandatory. This is the Throw Color action. In order to Throw Color, the active player will choose a color card from their hand of three cards to play. On these cards are indications of where a player’s marker/piece/animeeple must be located and the spaces near it to throw color tokens on the board. These color cards are reminiscent of those found in Onitama, where players may only move to specific spaces based on card grid iconography. Players will be littering the squares of the play area with their color tokens as well as attempting to hit other players’ animeeples with their color.

Players may also optionally Move at any point during the turn. This is an easy one: players may Move to any space on the current level of the board they are on, except any space inhabited by an opponent’s animeeple. These spaces could already contain sweets tokens, which can be collected by the player, or even color tokens. When a player lands in a space with their own color token, they take it back to their supply to be used again. However, landing on an opponent’s color token causes the active player to also take it into their supply, thus scoring the opponent points at the end of the game.

Finally, a player, if in a space surrounded on four edges by color tokens, may Climb Up to the next higher level. Players on the middle level will score 2 joy (VP) at the end of the game for each color token placed, while tokens on the top level will score 3 joy. Care should be taken when throwing color on the upper levels, because should an empty space reside on the level below where the token has been placed, the token will fall through to the lower level! Therefore, only color tokens will only remain placed on higher levels when another token is blocking its fall below it.


Once all players have played their cards and thrown their color tokens, the game is over and the score is tallied. 1 point is earned for each color token on the bottom level, 2 points for the middle level, and 3 points for tokens on the upper level. Players score 2 more points for each of their color tokens that found their way into opponents’ supplies. Remember those sweets tokens that players were collecting? Players will score 5 points for every player that has less sweets tokens at the end of the game. If playing with the Rivalry cards, points are also scored for any of their special circumstances (ie color tokens scoring 4 instead of 3 on the top level, or hitting opponents with colors score 2 points immediately instead of the normal 1 point, or even 10 bonus points to the player with the most color tokens on the bottom level). The player with the most points at the end of this scoring phase wins the game!
Components. I kind of already made my point about this game being a flat out stunner on the table. I will sing its praises from here to India and then back again. I normally acknowledge the artist(s) on a game once I open it for the first time, but seeing that this is a total Vincent Dutrait masterpiece, I just had to see which other games of his I own. I have made my claims in the past for my favorite board game artists and I had not included Dutrait. No more. This is brilliant and just a wonderful experience throughout. The components are all great, and that multi-layered board? I mean, come on! The intricacies found throughout and within this box are immeasurable, and I will surely be adding the Deluxe version to my collection.

Holi is a game I can pull out with almost any person or group of people and feel confident that it will give an extremely satisfying experience. The rules are relatively simple, and games are very quick. This is not a filler, but runs so smoothly and briskly that one may miscategorize it as such. The options of movement are so unrestricted, and having the ability to craft spatial situations with the cards in your hand to allow only your animeeple to climb up to the next level is just delicious. Speaking of, the sweets tokens, and really ALL of the components, are just so cute and well-illustrated. I really am finding it difficult to point out any flaws in this game. Every time I have played it I have simply had the best time with my opponents. Yeah, there’s some minor take that, but it’s all in good fun, and if you know anything about the actual celebration of Holi, participants relish coming home just covered head to toe in paint, colored water, and other colorful materials. It’s a great theme that shines through, and I look forward to each of my coming plays.

Currently, eight games we have published reviews for have earned the Golden Feather Award. At the time of this writing, I know one other will be joining that list soon, and now Holi will as well. So that is 10 total games over the 495 we have published and are sitting in queue to be published. That said, it is no surprise, I’m sure, that Holi has earned its spot among the best we have played, and I am incredibly relieved that I was able to grab a copy when I did. This will remain a favorite of mine for many years, I know it. If you are like me and appreciate an amazing production value with a comparably wonderful game underneath, then you owe it to yourself to pick up a copy of Holi as soon as you can. Or come play my copy with me. I will always be up for a play.
  
Once Upon a Time in Hollywood (2019)
Once Upon a Time in Hollywood (2019)
2019 | Crime, Drama, Thriller
Leonardo DiCaprio (1 more)
Brad Pitt
It's 2 hours and 41 minutes and feels long. (2 more)
Story elements don't seem to go together.
Charles Manson stuff feels forced.
With Once Upon a Time…in Hollywood being his ninth feature film as writer and director and a career just shy of the three decade mark, you should probably know what to expect from a Quentin Tarantino film. Amongst all of the usual Tarantino trademarks of memorable performances, long strings of dialogue, a questionable amount of dancing, the inclusion of several shots of barefoot women, interior car sequences, and a relentless tidal wave of vulgarity that drowns the audience in a sea of sharp expletives, Once Upon a Time...in Hollywood lacks the one element that truly makes a Tarantino film worthwhile; coherent storytelling.

Once Upon a Time…in Hollywood should be great based on its cast alone. Leonardo DiCaprio delivers one of his more complex performances as television star turned infrequent movie star Rick Dalton. Dalton made a name for himself in a western TV series called Bounty Law. Rick burned that bridge when he tried to make the jump to movies and failed. Now he only seems to get work as the TV villain. Rick gets an opportunity in Rome to star in Italian spaghetti westerns and reluctantly accepts. Rick is an alcoholic that struggles with a stutter when he speaks. He has low self-esteem and questions every decision he makes. The scene where he flubs his lines followed by his angry outburst in his trailer is extraordinary. He’s also the one person on the planet who seems to hate hippies more than Eric Cartman.

Brad Pitt portrays Rick’s stunt double Cliff Booth. Cliff is a Vietnam War veteran who may or may not have (but probably did) kill his wife without any repercussions. Cliff hardly works as a stunt double anymore and mostly makes his living driving Rick around and doing various odd jobs for him. Cliff is the exact opposite of Rick. Rick lives in the Hollywood Hills in a roomy luxurious house with a pool and an extravagant view. Cliff lives in a trailer by a drive-in theater, eats macaroni and cheese for dinner, and has amazing chemistry with his pitbull Brandy. Cliff seems like a handy and capable guy, but he’s also extremely blunt. His to-the-point demeanor keeps Rick’s wilder antics in check the majority of the time. Cliff doesn’t exactly babysit Rick and allows him to live his own life, but he’s the one to give Rick the “you’re better than that,” kind of pep talk after it’s over.

One of the things mentioned in the film by Kurt Russell (he plays Randy and does the voiceover as the narrator) is that Rick and Cliff share this bond that is practically as deep as a brotherhood yet lacks the commitment of a marriage. Their bond is the backbone of the film and it’s interesting because they both seem like half decent people. Cliff may have killed someone and Rick beats himself up harder than anyone else could, but they’re both hard working individuals who put everything into their work and they have each other’s backs through thick and thin. Their bond is almost wholesome to the minuscule extent Tarantino will allow.

Brad Pitt’s chemistry with Brandy is also quite entertaining. There’s something comical about seeing Cliff rummage through his pantry filled with nothing but cans of dog food only to pull out two specific cans; one rat flavored and one raccoon flavored. He opens the cans with a manual can opener, tips them over in mid-air after removing their lids, and lets gravity guide that slop into whatever is designated as a food bowl that particular evening in a sickening PLOP! And a meaty splash that overflows onto the kitchen floor tiles. Cliff and Brandy seem almost as close as Cliff and Rick. They have this partnership that is easy to detect as soon as they’re on-screen together.

Mike Moh’s Bruce Lee impression isn’t totally flawless, but it is fairly excellent regardless. Moh is Korean and Bruce Lee was Chinese-American, so it’s an intriguing fit that works way better than you expect. The scene Moh has with Pitt as Bruce Lee and Cliff Booth have a physical encounter is an entertaining highlight of the film. The outrageous violence you’ve come to expect in a Tarantino film isn’t present in Once Upon a Time…in Hollywood until the final scene and it is a glorious display of dog biting, face pummeling, and flame throwing mayhem. If Cliff Booth hasn’t already established himself as a certified badass through the first two and a half hours, those last ten minutes certainly allow him to obtain that title with ease.

The unfortunate aspect of Once Upon a Time…in Hollywood is that everything doesn’t really come together in a satisfying way. You’ve got a washed up actor trying to regain the spotlight, a stunt double struggling to find work and make a living despite his troublesome reputation, and the Charles Manson stuff with Roman Polanski (Rafal Zawierucha) and Sharon Tate (Margot Robbie) living next door to Rick and Cliff’s time at the Spahn Movie Ranch with the Manson Family. In 1968, Tate and four others were murdered in the home she shared with Polanski by members of the Manson Family while being eight-and-a-half months pregnant. It’s a horrendous statistic that puts a different perspective on the ending if you didn’t know beforehand. The Manson inclusion mostly feels like an afterthought that isn’t ever taken seriously.

So many recognizable names are a part of the cast and everyone outside of Brad Pitt and Leonardo DiCaprio are basically a waste. Margot Robbie has a few moments that mostly reside in her reacting to films starring Sharon Tate in a movie theater. Tate seems to represent this pure and positive light in the film while Rick and Cliff experience the uglier aspects of the Tarantino-skewed late 1960s. Robbie downright glows during that movie theater sequence with a bubbly and contagious attitude, but doesn’t do much else over the course of the film.

Once Upon a Time…in Hollywood feels longer than its 141-minute duration. It drags so often in between its enjoyable moments and seems to purposely lag during every dialogue heavy sequence that is just talking without any sort of payoff. Tarantino’s attention to the music of whatever era he’s depicting has always been a staple in his films, but it is on the verge of annoyance here. The dancing in the film feels like an excuse to stretch out the story that much longer for no other reason other than to blatantly rub the audience’s nose in the time period.

There are some masterful elements to Once Upon a Time…in Hollywood that shouldn’t be overlooked. Leonardo DiCaprio’s Rick F’ing Dalton sequence is explosively brilliant and Brad Pitt has this abrasive charm as Cliff Booth. It’s difficult to make the argument that Quentin Tarantino has original stories still worth telling at this point in his career though since this suffers from incoherent progression and a reasonable purpose for why we should care about these characters. At one point in the film, Rick tells Cliff with tears streaming down his face and this unhealthy cough full of cancerous phlegm, “It’s official old buddy. I’m a has-been.” Maybe this is how Tarantino feels about himself now that he’s nearing the end of his filmmaking career. That struggle to find meaning and a welcome audience for something he used to care deeply about but may have lost the passion for in recent years. He had a good run, but as it stands Once Upon a Time…in Hollywood is overstuffed yet bland despite its two zesty leads.
  
Battlestar Galactica: The Board Game
Battlestar Galactica: The Board Game
2008 | Bluff, Deduction, Entertainment, Political, Science Fiction
Welcome aboard the Battlestar Galactica, a ship home to the remnants of the human race. After an uprising and near-annihilation by the Cylons (cyborg workers/soldiers created by the humans), the human survivors have taken to space to outrun their mechanical enemies and search for a new world to inhabit. Hardly a walk in the park, this journey through space is filled with many challenges – from fuel and food shortages to mutiny and battles for power. The biggest challenge of all, however, is that the Cylons have advanced to such a high level that they actually appear to be human. Are the Galactica’s misfortunes just bad luck, or are they being orchestrated by a Cylon who has infiltrated the ship and is yet to be discovered? Who can you trust? Which race will end up victorious?

Disclaimer: There are several expansions for Battlestar Galactica. This review will not take any expansions into account, and will focus solely on the base game. Also, I do not intend to rehash the entire rulebook in this review, but rather provide an overview of the gameplay. – L

To setup for a game, follow the instructions in the rulebook – there are simply too many to detail here. Each player selects a Character, and receives the corresponding Character sheet and tokens. Based on the Characters selected, one player will receive the President title and another the Admiral title. Depending on how many players there are, a Loyalty deck is created and each player is secretly dealt a Loyalty card – either “You are not a Cylon” or “You Are a Cylon.” The Loyalty cards determine how you will play the game: human players win if they complete their given objective, and Cylon players win if they prevent the humans from completing their objective (by depleting resources, successfully invading the Galactica, or destroying the Galactica itself). The game is now ready to begin!

Battlestar Galactica is played over a series of rounds in which players take turns moving, performing actions, playing/drawing cards, etc. until either the human players or Cylon players have won the game. A player’s turn consists of 4 main steps, carried out in the following order: Receive Skills, Movement, Action, and Crisis. To begin your turn, you will draw Skill cards according to the skills listed on your Character sheet. Skill cards can be used to address crises or can provide special abilities. In the next step, Movement, you may move your Character to a different location/ship (all provide special actions). After moving, you will then choose one Action to perform – either listed on your current location, Character sheet, by using a Skill card, or you may choose to perform no action at all. Once you have completed your action, draw the top card of the Crisis deck, and resolve it. Depending on the Crisis card drawn, you may need to then Activate Cylon Ships or Prepare for Jump (more on this in a bit). If neither of those are listed on the Crisis card, then your turn ends and play moves to the next player.


I know that seems like a lot, but each turn of Battlestar Galactica can essentially be broken down into 2 phases: Player Actions and Space Combat. The first phase, Player Actions, is what is detailed above – drawing Skills, Movement, Actions, and drawing Crisis cards. This phase is where players make progress towards their objectives. Certain Actions or Skill cards earn specific rewards necessary to move forward in the game. Crisis cards can consist of Cylon attacks (activating and adding new Cylon ships to the board), Skill checks (all players secretly contribute Skill cards to either aid or sabotage the Skill check), or Events (resolved immediately). The second phase of play, Space Combat, takes place after the Crisis card has been drawn on each turn. Certain Crisis cards will show icons of Cylon ships, indicating that they are to be activated for combat, launched into play, or moved around the Galactica. Cylon ships will act based upon an action hierarchy, detailed in the rulebook. If the drawn Crisis card has the “Prepare for Jump” icon, move the fleet token forward on the Jump Preparation track, jumping the fleet if necessary (and moving the humans closer to their game-end objective). I have purposefully left out some elements of play, for you to discover on your own, or because they just provide intricate detail for the steps and actions described above. When the game-end objective is met by either the human players or the Cylons, the game is over and that respective race wins the game!
To say that there is a lot going on in Battlestar Galactica is quite an understatement. There are several rules and game elements that I did not touch upon, just because if I did then this review would be too long. With so many elements in play and of which to keep track, this game is not exactly for the faint of heart. The gameplay is very involved and requires a good amount of strategy – this is definitely a game that could take up most of a game night to play. That being said, I love this game. There is a lot going on, but that just provides players with so many different strategies to complete their objectives. Maybe you want to focus on dealing with Skill checks or Crisis cards, but maybe you’d rather think offensively and be prepared for any potential Space Combat. Can you help the crew efficiently manage its resources, or position its fleet to protect the Galactica itself? Your strategy must be adaptable at a moment’s notice to help you complete your objective….whatever it may be.

Speaking of which, the fact that there may or may not be secret Cylon players attempting to disrupt your plans really takes a hidden identity game to the next level. Cylons want to sabotage the humans, but in subtle ways as to not be found out – because once a Cylon is revealed, the humans can target and hinder their turns. Can you convince the humans that your previous actions were honest mistakes, or will they catch on that you are trying to undermine their efforts? The elements of deception and bluffing in this regard make the game much more immersive and make it feel realistic – there is a traitor among us and we have to find them, while also completing our own objectives. You really start to question who to trust and how your own actions can be perceived by your fellow players. There have been times, when playing this game, that we have taken breaks for dinner or snacks, and all players pocketed their cards rather than leave them on the table, vulnerable to sneaky opponents. Battlestar Galactica is definitely engaging for all players, and for such an involved and lengthy game, that is something to be applauded.


Let’s touch on components for a minute. The production quality of this game is great. The cardboard elements, including resource dials, are thick and sturdy. The cards and Character sheets are quality, colorful, and feel good in hand. And the plastic ships are well made too. The artwork consists mainly of screen caps from the TV show (which I admittedly have not yet seen…) but the theme and cohesiveness of the components makes for an immersive and engaging game overall.
In general, I am not a person who enjoys hidden identity games – simply because I am a bad liar and get found out almost immediately. However, the way this mechanic is incorporated into Battlestar Galactica makes it more a game of strategy than simple deception. And games of strategy are what I truly love. Managing your hand of Skill cards to best overcome Crisis cards, thinking tactically about how to deploy your fleet and battle Cylon ships, and having to determine who among the crew can actually be trusted keeps all players engaged across the board. Nobody can just sit back and relax, every single turn can drastically affect the outcome of the game. Everyone is in it, and that is what I love about this game. Purple Phoenix Games gives it a 11 / 12. This game has been out of print for a while now, but if you ever get a chance to play – jump on it! You don’t have to know the show to enjoy the game. Trust me, I haven’t seen a single episode yet.
  
Banewreaker
Banewreaker
Jacqueline Carey | 2005 | Science Fiction/Fantasy
10
9.5 (2 Ratings)
Book Rating
Shelf Life – Banewreaker Will Make You Feel Bad for Sauron
Contains spoilers, click to show
Very few fantasy fans can get away with admitting that they aren’t all that big into sweeping, high epic fantasy à la Lord of the Rings or the Pern stories or everything that Terry Brooks writes. Many non-fantasy fans, however, can point to these tales as examples of why they aren’t into fantasy. Like it or not, it’s hard not to see the latter group’s point, as a lot of high fantasy is riddled with confusing terminology, rehashed stories, and genre clichés. This is not to say that these stories are bad, per sé, just that they can easily turn off readers who aren’t in the right kind of crowd.

Banewreaker, the first book in Jacqueline Carey’s two-part volume The Sundering, will probably not change any opinions in this respect, then, as it’s sweeping high fantasy to the core. This, as it turns out, is both its greatest strength and its greatest weakness.

There are some reviews out there that laud Banewreaker as a masterful examination of subjective viewpoints in an epic fantasy turned into a human tragedy by a simple change of perspective. And they are absolutely correct.

There are other reviews, however, that call the book out as a heap of all of the stalest fantasy clichés piled one atop the other in a confusing and pretentious jumble with a shellacking of purple prose for good measure. And they are also absolutely correct.

Let me explain.

For starters, it would be inaccurate to say that this story is full of clichés. This story is clichés. This story is every familiar and used-up trope you would expect from a high fantasy, all of those details that have been done to death in thousands of other versions until almost nothing that happens seems original anymore.

This is what’s going to turn off a lot of people. But the thing is, Banewreaker has to be this way. It wants the reader to look at all of the things that they’ve come to expect from a fantasy epic and then, by shifting the narrative focus, realize that all of these beloved tropes are actually, when you think about it, tragic as hell.

In other words, it’s Lord of the Rings from Sauron’s point of view.

It’s not a riff, though. It’s not goofy like most of the stuff I go in for. It takes its subject just as seriously as the stories that it’s mirroring, and this is what makes the whole story ultimately so gripping and so moving.

The story starts out like many stories of this magnitude, with exposition stretching back to the Dawn of This Particular Creation. In this case, we have a protogenos world god named Uru-Alat who died and gave rise to seven smaller godlike beings called Shapers. First comes Haomane, who becomes the Lord of Thought and sets himself up as head honcho for this ensuing pantheon. Second is Arahila, the Basically a Love Goddess; and third is Satoris, whose purview was “the quickening of the flesh,” which is high fantasy speak for sexy times. Four more Shapers come after this who, for the sake of brevity, we’ll be glossing over.

To summarize the important godly exposition, the Seven Shapers set about shaping the world to the surprise of no one. Haomane creates elves (here called Ellyl, but if you’ve ever even looked at a fantasy, you know that they’re the elves here), Arahila creates humans, and Satoris doesn’t create anything because he’s busy hanging out with dragons and learning their wisdom. Satoris grants his fleshy quickening to the humans but not the elves, because Haomane didn’t want his elves to do that. Then Haomane decides he doesn’t want the humans to do that either, but Satoris refuses to take the gift away again. Conflict escalates, god wars ensue, and the world splits into two continents, with Satoris ostracized from his brethren on one and the remaining Shapers on the other. By the time the dust has settled, Satoris is scarred and burned pitch black, living in a mostly dead land thanks to Haomane’s wrath, but with a dagger in his possession that is the only weapon capable of killing any of the Shapers.

The story itself picks up thousands of years later, with Satoris as the Satan/Sauron stand-in living in a forbidding land surrounded by classically evil things like trolls, giant spiders, and insane people. Since Haomane is the head god, the rest of the world believes Satoris to be a terrible figure of evil and betrayal, while Satoris’s few allies know him as a pitiable and misunderstood figure who only ever wanted to honor his word and do right by his own sense of morality rather than the dictates of his elder brother god king.

From here the plot becomes the typical Army of Good vs. Army of Evil adventure, but with the protagonistic focus on Satoris and his allies. His trolls we see not as a mindless horde but as a simple, honorable people who happily serve their lord because he happily serves them right back. The mad individuals inhabiting his fortress are castaways from normal society with nowhere else to go. And the giant spiders just happen to live there and be bigger than normal, with no sinister intentions beyond that.

And just like that, by actually showing us the home life of the ultimate in evil fantasy tropes, we see how easily one side’s view of evil is another’s view of good. In doing so, Banewreaker becomes perhaps the first sweeping fantasy epic with no real bad guy, just two sides of an unfortunate conflict. Both sides have their likeable characters, both sides seem from their view to be in the right, and pretty soon you, as the reader, will stop cheering for either one, because whenever one person that you like succeeds it means that another person whom you also like is failing.

In fact, the closest thing that this story has to a clearly-labeled “evil” character is the sorceress Lilias, and even then, she’s not evil so much as a woman who has done some bad things for completely understandable reasons. Lilias, in fact, is one of the most pitiful characters in this whole saga of pitiable characters, with her fears and attachments closely mirroring those of most readers, only amplified by her immortality and magical powers. She is afraid of dying. She wants to be more in the grand scheme of things than just another man’s wife or another country’s momentary ruler, both of which would just be tiny moments in a long history. She likes her youth. She likes having pretty things and pretty people around her. And from her interactions with her dragon mentor and apparently only friend, Calandor, we see that she is also capable of intense affection and even love just as she is capable of indulging in self-centered self-interest that, if not particularly a good trait, is also one that she is not alone in possessing.

Banewreaker, then, is a story with a large cast of characters but very few actual heroes or innocents as well as very few outright villains, which is exactly what it sets out to be. Those who love it and those who hate it both seem to blame this quality in particular for their feelings. The biggest complaint leveled against it (that I have read, anyway) is that the people we should be rooting for do not deserve our sympathy, while the people we should be rooting against are more misguided and unwilling to see things in another light than deserving of our scorn.

This is true. But if it’s a flaw, it’s an intentional one. And if it makes you feel like you shouldn’t be cheering for either side at all in this conflict, that’s the point. This is a story of clichés, yes, but it has something that it needs to say about these clichés and, in doing so, about the subjective and impossibly nebulous quality of morality in general.

In short, here again is another fantasy story about the Forces of Good wiping out an entire nation dedicated to their “evil” enemy. And as the story points out, even if you believe in that cause, you’re still wiping out an entire nation of people. No way is there not a downside to that. Seeing things in a black-and-white morality just means crushing a whole lot of important shades of gray underfoot.

Whether or not you like Banewreaker, then, depends in large part upon how much you realize that Carey as an author is being self-aware. As someone who read and still hasn’t stopped being awed over her Kushiel series, I can’t claim complete objectivity in this area, because I came to Banewreaker already in love with her. I can say, however, that unless you have an intense and searing aversion to ornate and sweeping style, this book is worth any fantasy-lover’s time – especially if you’ve ever felt a pang of empathy for all of the poor villainous mooks that fantasy heroes tend to mow down without a thought because they were the wrong kind of ugly.
  
A Million Ways to Die in the West (2014)
A Million Ways to Die in the West (2014)
2014 | Comedy, Western
Neil Patrick Harris is delightfully devious. (1 more)
MacFarlane shows he has potential in his on-screen acting debut.
The humor is at times very vulgar and immature. (2 more)
The film is slow-paced and overly long.
"A Dozen Ways to Die in the West" would have been a more appropriate title.
A Million Ways to Die in the West is good for a few laughs but it feels like it goes on unreasonably long. Still, if you're a fan of MacFarlane's other works, you'll most likely enjoy his parody of the Old West.
Following the success of his directorial debut, Ted, Seth MacFarlane steps in front of the movie camera for the first time in his new film, A Million Ways to Die in the West. MacFarlane is best known as the creator of the popular animated television series, Family Guy, and he was also the host of the Oscars just two years ago. Now he’s taking the starring role in a film he wrote and directed himself. Here MacFarlane plays a cowardly sheep farmer named Albert who is miserably living in the dangerous Old West. Or rather, the not-so-dangerous Old West. Despite what the title suggests, there’s not a whole lot of dying going on in A Million Ways to Die in the West. You won’t find a whole lot of substance either, but there are a fair amount of laughs if you’re able to tolerate the crude toilet humor and dirty jokes. All in all, MacFarlane does a decent job in this comedy, but his jokes stick too close to his own conventions, and much like life on the frontier, the film can be kind of a drag.

If you’ve ever seen Family Guy, you should feel right at home with the humor in this film. It’s crass, edgy, violent, and full of pop culture references. Although, given that this is an R-rated movie, MacFarlane’s able to push the limits further than usual, and he makes sure to do that by including a lot of raunchy humor and toilet-gags. Oh, and in case you were wondering, yes, male genitals are still the hottest thing in comedy right now. As you’ve no doubt deduced, this is certainly not a film you’d want to take your kids to see. Nor is it for the easily-offended. Though in the film’s defense, it’s not entirely tasteless, and its use of vulgarity isn’t overly frequent. There’s plenty of great slapstick physical comedy and some pretty hilarious dialogue. I laughed more than I thought I would, and was never so disgusted that I wanted to walk out. It’s an entertaining film, it just happens to run a little long and lose momentum down the stretch. Plus the main premise of the film is never all that compelling to begin with.

In A Million Ways to Die in the West, MacFarlane’s character Albert is a man entirely self-aware of the time and place he’s living in, as well as the many dangers that come with it. He sheepishly lives his life, terrified by the threat of death that lurks around every corner. When his beloved girlfriend leaves him for a man with a mighty mustache, Albert has to cowboy up to prove his machismo and try to win her back. Luckily for him, he meets a gun-toting woman named Anna who’s happy to help him face his fears and show him the ropes of being a cowboy. Unfortunately however, this new friendship ends up putting Albert right into the crosshairs of Clinch Leatherwood, the deadliest outlaw around.

While MacFarlane does a respectable job in his first foray into acting, his character feels rather uninspired. I couldn’t help but see him as a hodgepodge of various Family Guy characters, having the clumsiness of Peter Griffin, the self-consciousness of Chris Griffin, and the intelligence and charm of Brian. Given that he created that show, perhaps that should be expected, but it just felt like Albert was lacking a unique and consistent identity. He’s a character who can be charming and funny, but he also comes off seeming like a jerk. All in all, the film has a good cast of actors, with Neil Patrick Harris being the stand-out of the bunch. He plays the pompous, mustached snob, Foy, who steals the heart of Albert’s girlfriend, Louise. Giovanni Ribisi and Sarah Silverman are likable as the flawed, clueless couple who serve as Albert’s close friends, Edward and Ruth. Although their characters stay pretty comfortably within the realm of what you would expect from their respective actors, with Edward being the naïve nice guy, while Silverman’s Ruth is the seemingly-sweet-and-innocent, foul-mouthed hussy. Charlize Theron does a fine job as Albert’s mentor, Anna. She has a strong presence in the film and is fun to watch, but despite her best efforts, the emotional element she brings to the story ends up feeling forced and unconvincing. Though that’s no fault of her own. It’s just hard to imagine her, or anyone, falling head over heels so easily and suddenly for a guy like Albert. Then, of course, there’s Liam Neeson, who is effective in his performance as the intimidating villain, Clinch, but would have benefitted from more screen-time.

A Million Ways to Die in the West proficiently parodies the western film genre, capturing the right atmosphere for the setting and time period. Visually it’s a pleasant film to look at, with good camera-work, well-created sets, and lots of beautiful scenery. This makes it all the more disappointing then that the filmmakers decided to place a visual filter over the entirety of the film to give it a more old-fashioned look. As a result, there is a constant flickering throughout the whole movie, and while not quite seizure-inducing, it certainly is distracting. At times you kind of get used to it and forget about it, but it really stands out in scenes with heavy lighting and most of the movie takes place in broad daylight. On the audio side of things, the music is appropriately fitting, but little of it is particularly noteworthy. There is a great song about mustaches, accompanied with a well-orchestrated dance number led by Neil Patrick Harris in what is undoubtedly one of the highlights of the film. Additionally the film’s theme song is appropriately fun. The visual effects in the movie, although limited, are done quite well and nicely add to the film’s comedic effect. Although I’m sure I speak for everyone when I say the movie could have done just fine without all of the animated urinating sheep.

I think the film’s greatest flaw is the fact that it’s doing too much as it tries to incorporate all of the main stereotypes of the western genre. It has duels, bar brawls, jailbreaks, horse chases, and even capture by Indians thrown in for good measure. In trying to cover all of the bases, the movie ends up running too long and becomes a little boring and tired. Rather than building up to a climax, the film diverges with some unnecessary scenes, and then concludes with a lackluster ending. It would have been cool to see Clinch and his group of bandits lay siege to the main town, which could have given the filmmakers an opportunity to create a wide variety of deaths, and allow Albert to exercise his newly developed skills before setting up to an ultimate final showdown. Maybe that would be adding to the long list of clichés, but at least it would have given this slow-paced film some much needed adrenaline and would have made it more true to its misleading title. There are also several cameo appearances in the film, and while a couple of them are great conceptually, I don’t think any of them are quite as satisfying as they should be. They end up feeling out of place, like last-second additions that have no purpose other than to acknowledge other films. I can appreciate the attempt but the cameos aren’t particularly funny and they just seems to emphasize how much better those other films are.

Seth MacFarlane’s A Million Ways to Die in the West is good for a few laughs, but just like his character Albert’s long-winded ramblings, it feels like it goes on unreasonably long. It’s still an entertaining film regardless, and if you’re a fan of MacFarlane’s other work, you’ll most likely enjoy his parody of the Old West. The movie has a talented cast, some truly great scenes such as a bar brawl and a memorable dance, as well as plenty of good old-fashioned slapstick, and witty dialogue. If you can handle the occasional gross-out gag, you’ll probably have a good time. Just don’t expect to actually see the many ways people can die In the Old West. The movie doesn’t show many deaths at all, and all the best ones you likely already saw in the trailer.

(This review was originally posted at 5mmg.com on 6.3.14.)