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Kristy H (1252 KP) rated Every Last Lie in Books
Jan 23, 2018
Irritating characters (1 more)
Letdown of an ending
A bit of a letdown
Clara Solberg's new son, Felix, is just days old when her husband, Nick, and four-year-old daughter, Maisie are in a terrible car crash. They are heading home from Maisie's ballet class when Nick takes a curve too fast and the car slams into a tree--Maisie is amazingly uninjured, but Nick is killed. Devastated, Clara finds herself unable to sleep or eat and soon, Maisie begins having nightmares, telling her mother a bad man is after her and showing fear about a particular kind of car. Clara begins to wonder if her husband's death was really an accident. As she investigates, she also starts to ponder if she knew Nick at all.
Kubica's latest is told in alternating perspectives: Clara, as she deals with the aftermath of her husband's untimely death, and Nick, in the months leading up to the car crash. It should be an effective format, causing things to unfurl slowly and build tension and suspense. Unfortunately, in this case, it also creates a layer of stress. Maybe I just caught this book at a bad time--I was busy with work and could only pick it up in bits and pieces for a while--but the first 2/3 or so just stressed me out. I found myself almost dreading picking it back up and finding out what Clara was up to. While we should have sympathy for Clara, as her husband is dead and she's left alone with two small children, I often found her annoying and, honestly, a borderline terrible parent.
As such, her parenting decisions and overall bad judgment left me unable to enjoy or even fathom huge portions of the novel. Maybe she's clouded by grief and fatigue, but I'm not sure I'd immediately go from my child having one nightmare to thinking my husband had been killed. Nor would I leave my children in the (hot) car alone everywhere I went, chasing down leads on this supposed murder. Good grief. Her unhinged behavior was hard to stomach after awhile.
Nick's portions were almost easier to read, even if he too is an unsympathetic character: a man who just needed to not lie constantly to his wife. (Why, why must characters just lie incessantly in some of these novels?)
The one redeeming facet for this novel was the last third--and again, I have to say that maybe I just found the book at a bad time, because when I finally found a little time to read it uninterrupted (e.g., stay up too late the night before my children started school--a decision I'm still regretting), it did pick up. I read the last third in one setting, because the dramatic tension was finally affecting me, and I needed to know what happened.
Still, even in the end, I felt let down by it all. Why did I read this? What was the point? I have read two other of Kubica's novels and enjoyed them, particularly Pretty Baby, but this one just didn't do it for me.
Overall: stressful, lacked the appropriate tension for most of the novel, belabored by annoying/irritating characters, and a letdown of an ending. Before writing this review, I was thinking 3 stars, but as I'm writing, I realized this was a 2.5 star read for me. Hopefully you will enjoy it more than me. I will definitely read whatever Kubica writes (and I still have The Good Girl waiting on my Kindle app), but I'm disappointed by this one.
More at http://justacatandabookatherside.blogspot.com/.
Kubica's latest is told in alternating perspectives: Clara, as she deals with the aftermath of her husband's untimely death, and Nick, in the months leading up to the car crash. It should be an effective format, causing things to unfurl slowly and build tension and suspense. Unfortunately, in this case, it also creates a layer of stress. Maybe I just caught this book at a bad time--I was busy with work and could only pick it up in bits and pieces for a while--but the first 2/3 or so just stressed me out. I found myself almost dreading picking it back up and finding out what Clara was up to. While we should have sympathy for Clara, as her husband is dead and she's left alone with two small children, I often found her annoying and, honestly, a borderline terrible parent.
As such, her parenting decisions and overall bad judgment left me unable to enjoy or even fathom huge portions of the novel. Maybe she's clouded by grief and fatigue, but I'm not sure I'd immediately go from my child having one nightmare to thinking my husband had been killed. Nor would I leave my children in the (hot) car alone everywhere I went, chasing down leads on this supposed murder. Good grief. Her unhinged behavior was hard to stomach after awhile.
Nick's portions were almost easier to read, even if he too is an unsympathetic character: a man who just needed to not lie constantly to his wife. (Why, why must characters just lie incessantly in some of these novels?)
The one redeeming facet for this novel was the last third--and again, I have to say that maybe I just found the book at a bad time, because when I finally found a little time to read it uninterrupted (e.g., stay up too late the night before my children started school--a decision I'm still regretting), it did pick up. I read the last third in one setting, because the dramatic tension was finally affecting me, and I needed to know what happened.
Still, even in the end, I felt let down by it all. Why did I read this? What was the point? I have read two other of Kubica's novels and enjoyed them, particularly Pretty Baby, but this one just didn't do it for me.
Overall: stressful, lacked the appropriate tension for most of the novel, belabored by annoying/irritating characters, and a letdown of an ending. Before writing this review, I was thinking 3 stars, but as I'm writing, I realized this was a 2.5 star read for me. Hopefully you will enjoy it more than me. I will definitely read whatever Kubica writes (and I still have The Good Girl waiting on my Kindle app), but I'm disappointed by this one.
More at http://justacatandabookatherside.blogspot.com/.
Movie Metropolis (309 KP) rated It (2017) in Movies
Jun 10, 2019
Make sure you take a pillow
Horror buffs and Stephen King fans everywhere have been waiting for this moment since 2009. It is of course, a modern adaptation of the author’s novel, IT.
Plagued with production problems from the get-go, I see a pattern emerging here, IT has been in the hands of multiple directors with numerous actors in the running to play that iconic clown. I am of course, talking about Pennywise.
Fast forward to 2017, and with Mama Andy Muschietti taking over directorial duties and Bill Skarsgård hopping into that tight-fitting suit we finally have a finished product. But what is it like?Seven young outcasts in Derry, Maine, are about to face their worst nightmare — an ancient, shape-shifting evil that emerges from the sewer every 27 years to prey on the town’s children. Banding together over the course of one horrifying summer, the friends must overcome their own personal fears to battle the murderous, bloodthirsty clown known as Pennywise.
Let’s start off by saying this is much, much better than last month’s The Dark Tower. Stephen King adaptations can go one of two ways and it was feared that IT would follow in the aforementioned film’s footsteps. Thankfully, this isn’t the case.
IT is frankly, an incredible interpretation of King’s iconic novel filled with exceptional performances, stunning cinematography and an emotional heart not normally seen in the genre. It’s unlike anything you will have seen before.
Now, let’s talk about the elephant in the room, Pennywise. Tim Curry played the hell out of that character in the 1990 miniseries and it would be senseless for 27-year-old Bill Skarsgård to follow too closely in his footsteps. At 6ft 3”, Skarsgård is certainly an imposing presence and his Pennywise is much more menacing than Curry’s, but to compare them too much would be unfair to each.
Elsewhere, all the members of the Losers’ Club are brilliant. I have never seen this calibre of acting from such a young group. Jaeden Lieberher as Bill in particular is astonishing. The scenes in which they all work together without the threat of Pennywise are a treat and give the film an uncharacteristically poignant style.
Moreover, the shot choices that Muschietti uses are striking. He rightly stays away from confining the horror to dimly lit corridors and alleyways and whilst this does feature more towards the finale, Derry makes a fine location bathed for the most part in gorgeous sunlight.
Whilst not being completely faithful to King’s novel, Muschietti’s film features all of the iconic scenes that you would expect. The opening sequence from the book in which little Georgie is confronted by Pennywise in the storm drain is shockingly brutal and sets up the tone for the rest of the picture.
This is a truly frightening film, speckled with just enough gore to keep it realistic and whilst it’s true there are one-too-many jump scares, the brilliant source material stops them from feeling too cheap. In the back of your mind, you’re well aware that this is very similar to the book indeed.
Overall, IT is better than anyone could have hoped. It’s scary, deeply emotional, funny and beautifully filmed with an exquisite score by Benjamin Wallfisch. If you’re a horror fan you must watch. If you’re a film fan, you must watch – just take a pillow with you, for protection purposes of course.
https://moviemetropolis.net/2017/09/09/it-review-make-sure-you-take-a-pillow/
Plagued with production problems from the get-go, I see a pattern emerging here, IT has been in the hands of multiple directors with numerous actors in the running to play that iconic clown. I am of course, talking about Pennywise.
Fast forward to 2017, and with Mama Andy Muschietti taking over directorial duties and Bill Skarsgård hopping into that tight-fitting suit we finally have a finished product. But what is it like?Seven young outcasts in Derry, Maine, are about to face their worst nightmare — an ancient, shape-shifting evil that emerges from the sewer every 27 years to prey on the town’s children. Banding together over the course of one horrifying summer, the friends must overcome their own personal fears to battle the murderous, bloodthirsty clown known as Pennywise.
Let’s start off by saying this is much, much better than last month’s The Dark Tower. Stephen King adaptations can go one of two ways and it was feared that IT would follow in the aforementioned film’s footsteps. Thankfully, this isn’t the case.
IT is frankly, an incredible interpretation of King’s iconic novel filled with exceptional performances, stunning cinematography and an emotional heart not normally seen in the genre. It’s unlike anything you will have seen before.
Now, let’s talk about the elephant in the room, Pennywise. Tim Curry played the hell out of that character in the 1990 miniseries and it would be senseless for 27-year-old Bill Skarsgård to follow too closely in his footsteps. At 6ft 3”, Skarsgård is certainly an imposing presence and his Pennywise is much more menacing than Curry’s, but to compare them too much would be unfair to each.
Elsewhere, all the members of the Losers’ Club are brilliant. I have never seen this calibre of acting from such a young group. Jaeden Lieberher as Bill in particular is astonishing. The scenes in which they all work together without the threat of Pennywise are a treat and give the film an uncharacteristically poignant style.
Moreover, the shot choices that Muschietti uses are striking. He rightly stays away from confining the horror to dimly lit corridors and alleyways and whilst this does feature more towards the finale, Derry makes a fine location bathed for the most part in gorgeous sunlight.
Whilst not being completely faithful to King’s novel, Muschietti’s film features all of the iconic scenes that you would expect. The opening sequence from the book in which little Georgie is confronted by Pennywise in the storm drain is shockingly brutal and sets up the tone for the rest of the picture.
This is a truly frightening film, speckled with just enough gore to keep it realistic and whilst it’s true there are one-too-many jump scares, the brilliant source material stops them from feeling too cheap. In the back of your mind, you’re well aware that this is very similar to the book indeed.
Overall, IT is better than anyone could have hoped. It’s scary, deeply emotional, funny and beautifully filmed with an exquisite score by Benjamin Wallfisch. If you’re a horror fan you must watch. If you’re a film fan, you must watch – just take a pillow with you, for protection purposes of course.
https://moviemetropolis.net/2017/09/09/it-review-make-sure-you-take-a-pillow/
Gareth von Kallenbach (965 KP) rated Green Room (2015) in Movies
Aug 6, 2019
After a fruitless tour, a punk group, The Ain’t Rights, find themselves out of money and stealing gas to get back home. When a recommendation from a fan looking for an interview leads them to play one more show out in the backwoods of Oregon to a crowd of white supremacists, they become witnesses to a murder and barricade themselves in the green room. With no clear escape, they enter into a deadly battle of wills with the owner of the club, and his band of skinheads, and quickly discover that they have no intention of letting them leave alive.
It’s to the point now where if the A24 logo is at the front of a flick, chances are I’m handing over my hard-earned cash. Enemy, Locke, A Most Violent Year, Ex Machina, Slow West – they’ve been distributing some of my favorite films from the last few years and are fast becoming a powerhouse for indie movies, not unlike Focus Features a little more than a decade ago. Unfortunately, this means I set my expectations a little too high on my way into Green Room, which was not hard to do when you combine A24’s track record with the emerging talent of writer/director Jeremy Saulnier. Blue Ruin, his second feature, was the surprise indie hit of 2013. Expertly crafted and deliberately paced, it harkened back to 70’s-style bleak and gritty filmmaking. Green Room also features some of the DNA that made Blue Ruin great, those quite moments of high-tension leading into heart-stopping explosions of extreme violence are present and accounted for, but a thinner plot and characters who are severely underdeveloped show that this story, to its detriment, was in much more of a rush to get where it was going than its predecessor was.
Green Room’s major selling point is of course, Patrick Stewart. Adding one part Cameron Alexander (Stacy Keach’s character from American History X) to one part Walter White/Heisenberg, his performance will undoubtedly go down as one of the greatest departures of our time. Having said that, and believe me when I say I’m loathe to fly in the face of what an exceptional casting choice this was, he is frustratingly underutilized. It does speak to what an unrivaled talent he is when he can build most of his menace from the other side of a locked door, but regardless of how solid the performance is, his presence is merely a set-piece. A role with this little screen time rivals Anthony Hopkins in The Silence of the Lambs (they both had what probably amounted to about 15 minutes of screen time, or less), but I’m certain Stewart’s won’t leave as lasting an impression. To be blunt, if you’re queuing up just for him, you may come away disappointed.
The flip side to this comes about through Imogen Poots as Amber, friend to the murder victim and unfortunate enough to get trapped backstage with the band. Much of the best dialogue, along with some incredible moments of jaw-dropping spontaneity, comes her way and it’s her deadpan delivery that steals the show. Though we are supposed to root for the band, it was her cynical “inside man” that drew me further into their nightmare situation and kept me hoping that she might be the one to survive and give the skinheads the brutal justice they deserved.
For now, I’m sticking to my guns and giving Green Room just half marks, but I look forward to a second viewing at home in a few months, where I’m certain my opinion of it will improve, due to my expectations being more aligned and the foreknowledge that this is simple and standard survival horror fare…that just happens to feature Picard as a neo-Nazi.
It’s to the point now where if the A24 logo is at the front of a flick, chances are I’m handing over my hard-earned cash. Enemy, Locke, A Most Violent Year, Ex Machina, Slow West – they’ve been distributing some of my favorite films from the last few years and are fast becoming a powerhouse for indie movies, not unlike Focus Features a little more than a decade ago. Unfortunately, this means I set my expectations a little too high on my way into Green Room, which was not hard to do when you combine A24’s track record with the emerging talent of writer/director Jeremy Saulnier. Blue Ruin, his second feature, was the surprise indie hit of 2013. Expertly crafted and deliberately paced, it harkened back to 70’s-style bleak and gritty filmmaking. Green Room also features some of the DNA that made Blue Ruin great, those quite moments of high-tension leading into heart-stopping explosions of extreme violence are present and accounted for, but a thinner plot and characters who are severely underdeveloped show that this story, to its detriment, was in much more of a rush to get where it was going than its predecessor was.
Green Room’s major selling point is of course, Patrick Stewart. Adding one part Cameron Alexander (Stacy Keach’s character from American History X) to one part Walter White/Heisenberg, his performance will undoubtedly go down as one of the greatest departures of our time. Having said that, and believe me when I say I’m loathe to fly in the face of what an exceptional casting choice this was, he is frustratingly underutilized. It does speak to what an unrivaled talent he is when he can build most of his menace from the other side of a locked door, but regardless of how solid the performance is, his presence is merely a set-piece. A role with this little screen time rivals Anthony Hopkins in The Silence of the Lambs (they both had what probably amounted to about 15 minutes of screen time, or less), but I’m certain Stewart’s won’t leave as lasting an impression. To be blunt, if you’re queuing up just for him, you may come away disappointed.
The flip side to this comes about through Imogen Poots as Amber, friend to the murder victim and unfortunate enough to get trapped backstage with the band. Much of the best dialogue, along with some incredible moments of jaw-dropping spontaneity, comes her way and it’s her deadpan delivery that steals the show. Though we are supposed to root for the band, it was her cynical “inside man” that drew me further into their nightmare situation and kept me hoping that she might be the one to survive and give the skinheads the brutal justice they deserved.
For now, I’m sticking to my guns and giving Green Room just half marks, but I look forward to a second viewing at home in a few months, where I’m certain my opinion of it will improve, due to my expectations being more aligned and the foreknowledge that this is simple and standard survival horror fare…that just happens to feature Picard as a neo-Nazi.
Darren (1599 KP) rated Little Monsters (2019) in Movies
Nov 15, 2019
Verdict: Delightful
Story: Little Monsters starts when a washed up musician Dave (England) breaks up with his girlfriend Sara (Townsend) moving in with his sister Tess (Stewart) and her son Felix (Le Torraca), after getting his heart broken, Dave gets left on his last warning with Tess and after he meets Felix’s teacher Miss Caroline (Nyong’o) he ends up agreeing to go on a school trip.
When the trip seems to be going well, the school kids, Miss Caroline and Dave must find safety as zombies have broken free and heading to the petting zoo, joined by celebrity children’s host Teddy McGiggle (Gad) they must stay safe or face death.
Thoughts on Little Monsters
Characters – Miss Caroline is the kindergarten teacher that has the respect from all her students, treating them like nothing is going wrong no matter what is happening, she will always remain calm, with a smile on her face she takes complete control of the zombie outbreak. She has seen the father hit on her in the past which makes it easy for her to ignore them. Dave was once in a metal band, he had a girlfriend he always fought with him leading to him moving in with his sister and nephew. He is a terrible role model for Felix with his swearing, not listening and accepting it ok for a 5-year-old to play zombie games. He wants to get to know Miss Caroline and over this school trip he learns that there is more to life. Teddy McGiggle is a children’s entertainer who is world famous with every kid loving his work, when the zombies arrive, he shows the worst in mankind. The kids are all brilliant without being annoying like most would become in zombie films.
Performances – Lupita Nyong’o is wonderful to watch being a ray of sunshine through the film, bring a character that is completely different to anything we have seen before. Alexander England is excellent too, being someone, you could never see around children, getting so many laughs in the film. Josh Gad is great too, though it does seem like his character is slightly too much over the top at times. The young actors look like they are having a ball which is important for a film like this.
Story – The story here follows a teacher, a washed up musician and a group of school kids that get trapped during a zombie outbreak in a petting zoo. The best way to describe this story would be that we be, that we are focused on the human factors over the zombies, who are just background problem. We get to see how one man must learn about his life and start taking it more serious after years of wasting his time. We see zombies tackled a different way without needing to give us any sort of flashy zombie kill, which most all try to do, this is a character piece that shows positivity can give you hope no matter what is in your way. If you don’t end up smiling by the end of this film, it will be a surprise.
Comedy/Horror – The comedy is the highlight of this film, we get plenty of laughs, being part of the idea of Dave saying things or doing things around children along with how relaxing the survival attempts end up looking.
Settings – The film is mostly set on a petting zoo, which is meant to be a happy place for the children, despite it turning into a nightmare situation for the adults once the zombies come out.
Special Effects – The zombies are done with great practical effects, while any of the violence is withheld away from the camera.
Scene of the Movie – The tractor rescue.
That Moment That Annoyed Me – It seems like we didn’t need Teddy’s character if we are being completely honest.
Final Thoughts – This is a truly delightful watch, with loveable characters, adorable kids and a fresh take on the zombie genre, showing it is about the characters, not the zombies.
Overall: Enjoyable from start to finish.
Story: Little Monsters starts when a washed up musician Dave (England) breaks up with his girlfriend Sara (Townsend) moving in with his sister Tess (Stewart) and her son Felix (Le Torraca), after getting his heart broken, Dave gets left on his last warning with Tess and after he meets Felix’s teacher Miss Caroline (Nyong’o) he ends up agreeing to go on a school trip.
When the trip seems to be going well, the school kids, Miss Caroline and Dave must find safety as zombies have broken free and heading to the petting zoo, joined by celebrity children’s host Teddy McGiggle (Gad) they must stay safe or face death.
Thoughts on Little Monsters
Characters – Miss Caroline is the kindergarten teacher that has the respect from all her students, treating them like nothing is going wrong no matter what is happening, she will always remain calm, with a smile on her face she takes complete control of the zombie outbreak. She has seen the father hit on her in the past which makes it easy for her to ignore them. Dave was once in a metal band, he had a girlfriend he always fought with him leading to him moving in with his sister and nephew. He is a terrible role model for Felix with his swearing, not listening and accepting it ok for a 5-year-old to play zombie games. He wants to get to know Miss Caroline and over this school trip he learns that there is more to life. Teddy McGiggle is a children’s entertainer who is world famous with every kid loving his work, when the zombies arrive, he shows the worst in mankind. The kids are all brilliant without being annoying like most would become in zombie films.
Performances – Lupita Nyong’o is wonderful to watch being a ray of sunshine through the film, bring a character that is completely different to anything we have seen before. Alexander England is excellent too, being someone, you could never see around children, getting so many laughs in the film. Josh Gad is great too, though it does seem like his character is slightly too much over the top at times. The young actors look like they are having a ball which is important for a film like this.
Story – The story here follows a teacher, a washed up musician and a group of school kids that get trapped during a zombie outbreak in a petting zoo. The best way to describe this story would be that we be, that we are focused on the human factors over the zombies, who are just background problem. We get to see how one man must learn about his life and start taking it more serious after years of wasting his time. We see zombies tackled a different way without needing to give us any sort of flashy zombie kill, which most all try to do, this is a character piece that shows positivity can give you hope no matter what is in your way. If you don’t end up smiling by the end of this film, it will be a surprise.
Comedy/Horror – The comedy is the highlight of this film, we get plenty of laughs, being part of the idea of Dave saying things or doing things around children along with how relaxing the survival attempts end up looking.
Settings – The film is mostly set on a petting zoo, which is meant to be a happy place for the children, despite it turning into a nightmare situation for the adults once the zombies come out.
Special Effects – The zombies are done with great practical effects, while any of the violence is withheld away from the camera.
Scene of the Movie – The tractor rescue.
That Moment That Annoyed Me – It seems like we didn’t need Teddy’s character if we are being completely honest.
Final Thoughts – This is a truly delightful watch, with loveable characters, adorable kids and a fresh take on the zombie genre, showing it is about the characters, not the zombies.
Overall: Enjoyable from start to finish.
Daniel Boyd (1066 KP) created a post
Dec 19, 2018 (Updated Dec 19, 2018)
Kara Skinner (332 KP) rated The Mistletoe Bride in Books
Sep 10, 2019
Sometimes we all need a little bit of a pick-me-up during the holiday season. It’s supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year and all that, but it’s frickin’ stressful. Between the in-laws and the holiday shopping (not to mention the calories. Yikes!), December can quickly turn into a jolly nightmare. However, The Mistletoe Bride is perfect for getting into the holiday season.
You see, Eve is having her own trouble this Christmas season. Two weeks before Christmas, her fiance breaks everything off with her because he had been having an affair with his secretary and had gotten her pregnant. This leaves her single and with two tickets to paradise she had been going to surprise her husband with. And she plans to do something crazy. Instead of moping at home, or going on vacation by herself, she plans on asking a perfect stranger on going on vacation with her.
Nick Christmas is shocked when a beautiful and mysterious woman asks him to go on a trip with her, and he’s a little wary, too. But after talking with her for a few minutes in a coffee shop, he’s drawn to her. He’s more than ready to go on vacation with Eve and help her forget her sorrows, but he knows there’s more to everything than an innocent holiday when she starts hearing bells in his laugh. After all, Nick is destined to become the next Santa Claus– and it looks like Eve is destined to be his bride.
First of all, “Two Tickets to Paradise” by Eddie Money will get stuck in your head when you’re reading this. So if you know the song but hate it (but why would you hate it, unless you’re insane?), this might not be the best stress reliever. (I happen to like the song just fine, so no harm done to me.)
Like I said before, this is a great pick-me-up for the holiday season. And that’s all it is: a pick me up to enjoy that will get you in the mood for Christmas. If you like made-for-TV Christmas romances, then you’ll probably like The Mistletoe Bride. It’s adorable. Eve is all innocent and vulnerable and kind, and Nick is all strong and protective and kind. He really wants to help Eve heal from the damage done from her last relationship, and he doesn’t rush her even though he knows she’s his mistletoe bride. It’s incredibly sweet. And I really like how Scarlett Jade build the magic and myth of Santa Claus like she did. Inheriting the role of Santa, a magic suit that fits all Santas perfectly, the knowledge of everyone, as if he’s a god…. it’s pretty awesome.
But the book isn’t perfect. It was anticlimactic, honestly. Yes, there was a lot of suspense what with the Winter Elf trying to destroy Christmas and the race to the altar and everything, but it was rushed. The Winter Elf didn’t even come in until later and probably just to add a little spice to the mainly bland aftermath of Eve’s and Nick’s betrothal. The big villain in the whole book just wanted to make toys for Santa’s workshop. That’s it. I mean really? It’s a romance, not a thriller, I know, but we could have drawn it out a little bit more.
There also shouldn’t have been any sex scenes in this book. I know, this is a really strange complaint for me. After all I love sex scenes and they’re never a problem, right? (But hell is not freezing over right now because the Winter Elf is too effing busy making toys for Santa to cause some damn chaos!) The thing is, the love interest is Santa. Even if he’s young and about to marry his soul mate, he should not have sex appeal. Why? Because he’s Santa. He defined at least a third of my childhood (I really love Christmas) and he’s supposed to be a jolly gift-giver who loves cookies. Having a Santa Clause with sex appeal is like having a Mickey Mouse with sex appeal. Just. Don’t. Do it.
Even Spock thinks a sexy Santa is weird.
Since I was in the right mood for this book when I read it, I’m giving it four out of five stars. But most days I would probably only give it three.
You see, Eve is having her own trouble this Christmas season. Two weeks before Christmas, her fiance breaks everything off with her because he had been having an affair with his secretary and had gotten her pregnant. This leaves her single and with two tickets to paradise she had been going to surprise her husband with. And she plans to do something crazy. Instead of moping at home, or going on vacation by herself, she plans on asking a perfect stranger on going on vacation with her.
Nick Christmas is shocked when a beautiful and mysterious woman asks him to go on a trip with her, and he’s a little wary, too. But after talking with her for a few minutes in a coffee shop, he’s drawn to her. He’s more than ready to go on vacation with Eve and help her forget her sorrows, but he knows there’s more to everything than an innocent holiday when she starts hearing bells in his laugh. After all, Nick is destined to become the next Santa Claus– and it looks like Eve is destined to be his bride.
First of all, “Two Tickets to Paradise” by Eddie Money will get stuck in your head when you’re reading this. So if you know the song but hate it (but why would you hate it, unless you’re insane?), this might not be the best stress reliever. (I happen to like the song just fine, so no harm done to me.)
Like I said before, this is a great pick-me-up for the holiday season. And that’s all it is: a pick me up to enjoy that will get you in the mood for Christmas. If you like made-for-TV Christmas romances, then you’ll probably like The Mistletoe Bride. It’s adorable. Eve is all innocent and vulnerable and kind, and Nick is all strong and protective and kind. He really wants to help Eve heal from the damage done from her last relationship, and he doesn’t rush her even though he knows she’s his mistletoe bride. It’s incredibly sweet. And I really like how Scarlett Jade build the magic and myth of Santa Claus like she did. Inheriting the role of Santa, a magic suit that fits all Santas perfectly, the knowledge of everyone, as if he’s a god…. it’s pretty awesome.
But the book isn’t perfect. It was anticlimactic, honestly. Yes, there was a lot of suspense what with the Winter Elf trying to destroy Christmas and the race to the altar and everything, but it was rushed. The Winter Elf didn’t even come in until later and probably just to add a little spice to the mainly bland aftermath of Eve’s and Nick’s betrothal. The big villain in the whole book just wanted to make toys for Santa’s workshop. That’s it. I mean really? It’s a romance, not a thriller, I know, but we could have drawn it out a little bit more.
There also shouldn’t have been any sex scenes in this book. I know, this is a really strange complaint for me. After all I love sex scenes and they’re never a problem, right? (But hell is not freezing over right now because the Winter Elf is too effing busy making toys for Santa to cause some damn chaos!) The thing is, the love interest is Santa. Even if he’s young and about to marry his soul mate, he should not have sex appeal. Why? Because he’s Santa. He defined at least a third of my childhood (I really love Christmas) and he’s supposed to be a jolly gift-giver who loves cookies. Having a Santa Clause with sex appeal is like having a Mickey Mouse with sex appeal. Just. Don’t. Do it.
Even Spock thinks a sexy Santa is weird.
Since I was in the right mood for this book when I read it, I’m giving it four out of five stars. But most days I would probably only give it three.
Piper (13 KP) rated Halloween (2018) in Movies
Nov 27, 2019
Strong Characters (3 more)
Clever Camerawork
Myers is Finally Threatening Again
Callbacks and Subversions
"You're The New Doctor Loomis" (3 more)
Plot Holes
Predictable
Too Much Off-Screen Action
Halloween: Predictably Unpredictable
Contains spoilers, click to show
After the nightmare of a film that was Rob Zombie’s 2007 remake, I refused to bother seeing the new Halloween on its release, choosing instead to pick up a DVD when the price got knocked down significantly enough - after all, we’ve had sixty-three Halloween films now and only half of them were worth watching (really, Season of the Witch?) and this looked, in all honesty, like just another slasher-film-reboot that wasn’t worth the time. Now don’t get me wrong, it absolutely was just another slasher film, but I wish I’d seen it in the cinema. And a year earlier than I did, too, because I missed out big-time with this one.
The plot is predictable, because of course it is. It’s Michael Myers, what’s he going to do except escape from a mental institution and murder some people? But it’s beautifully subverted; some of the characters you might expect to last till the end die before the halfway mark, and while there are a fair amount who are clearly written in just to be killed minutes later, they contribute to some fine, gory moments, so it’s kind of okay. There’s no real heartbreaker here - everyone you really rooted for just about makes it, and everyone that was kind of a dick is killed. And that’s fine, because in a way this isn’t the kind of slasher where it matters who lives or dies. This is a film about preserving a legacy, or perhaps just making one, and it works. We’re told fairly early on that this is a direct sequel to the original Halloween (Myers’ death toll at the start of this version, apparently, is five, which matches the amount of kills he made in the first movie - as far as I’m aware, Myers has actually killed over 100 people in all the films combined, so this is a nice subtle way of telling us what to remember and what to ignore completely). Having said that, references are made throughout to previous films, the best of which is of course a callback to the infamous scene where Myers tumbles out of a window only for his body to completely disappear - this time it’s Laurie Strode who does the tumbling, and she very much intends to do a little vanishing act of her own, Michael, so keep an eye on - oh, no, you looked away, I wonder what’s happening down there!
Focusing on Laurie for a moment, Jamie Lee Curtis does an absolutely excellent job here. Age has given her character wisdom, paranoia, and a whole lot of guns, and the acting carries a huge amount of weight and strength with it. Having said that, there are a couple of moments where all of Laurie’s fear-induced calculations don’t seem to have quite worked out - why bother going to such extreme measures to protect your house, if the front door you’re standing behind is half glass? But that’s the thing about this movie - whatever you plan for, whatever you think Michael Myers is capable of, he’s stronger than you think, he’s far more terrifying than you remember, and right until the end, he’s here to remind you that nothing you can plan for will ever be enough. Of course, we never actually see him die (again) so here’s looking forward to the next sequel…
The cinematography is something to at least wonder over - settings and locations are used well and established with some wonderful wide shots, and some of the best scenes are those where the camera just stays in one place, at a very carefully-selected window for example, and watches. Two scenes are worth a particular mention; the first, in which we follow our two podcast-host characters to a gas station, seems fairly dull until Myers catches up to them, but if you watch the background carefully enough you’ll see he’s there all along, beating people up and murdering quite happily (swapping his prison jumpsuit for those traditional blues in the process). The second seems a little superficial, in the grand scheme of the movie, but it’s well-shot nonetheless - we watch, from that aforementioned window, as a woman hears about all the nasty things Michael might do, and of course we can see him through another window, heading for her front door, and when he finally appears inside the house he’s all the way across the room, somehow, and he calmly wanders on over and stabs the woman quite coolly through the throat, in a scene which I think is most reminiscent of the original films.
However, there are moments when you don’t see Michael at all, just the aftermath, or where we watch him enter a room and are forced to linger in the corridor while he does the dirty work. A couple of times that’s just fine, but considering the nature of the film it would be nice to watch the magic happen a couple more times. And while we’re on the negatives, I might mention that the reveal that the Doctor Loomis-type character who looked, felt, and sounded like a rip-off of Doctor Loomis, and was even referred to as “The New Doctor Loomis” did EXACTLY the same thing that Doctor Loomis did, surprise, and we were somehow expected to not see that coming like it was all one big, obvious, heavy-handed bluff. A couple of the other characters, too, felt like they were purely rammed in there to be irritating - there were a couple of strong scenes with our podcast hosts, but ultimately they were rude, on-the-nose and annoyingly egotistical, and I was happy to see them go, just like Alison’s friend Foggy Nelson.
The score, incidentally, is worth mentioning, from a haunting retune of the original Myers theme to darker and more dramatic variations on it later on that really would have been quite something to hear in surround-sound. I’m never usually one to appreciate the music of a film quite fully enough, so it was nice to have this grab my attention in quite the way it did. Overall, it’s a genuinely good follow-on that takes the best of the films before and makes the best use of the worst of them. Some of the characters might be a little annoying, some of the action could have translated better on-screen than off, but it was an honest and straight-up slasher film and it just wasn’t that bad at all.
The plot is predictable, because of course it is. It’s Michael Myers, what’s he going to do except escape from a mental institution and murder some people? But it’s beautifully subverted; some of the characters you might expect to last till the end die before the halfway mark, and while there are a fair amount who are clearly written in just to be killed minutes later, they contribute to some fine, gory moments, so it’s kind of okay. There’s no real heartbreaker here - everyone you really rooted for just about makes it, and everyone that was kind of a dick is killed. And that’s fine, because in a way this isn’t the kind of slasher where it matters who lives or dies. This is a film about preserving a legacy, or perhaps just making one, and it works. We’re told fairly early on that this is a direct sequel to the original Halloween (Myers’ death toll at the start of this version, apparently, is five, which matches the amount of kills he made in the first movie - as far as I’m aware, Myers has actually killed over 100 people in all the films combined, so this is a nice subtle way of telling us what to remember and what to ignore completely). Having said that, references are made throughout to previous films, the best of which is of course a callback to the infamous scene where Myers tumbles out of a window only for his body to completely disappear - this time it’s Laurie Strode who does the tumbling, and she very much intends to do a little vanishing act of her own, Michael, so keep an eye on - oh, no, you looked away, I wonder what’s happening down there!
Focusing on Laurie for a moment, Jamie Lee Curtis does an absolutely excellent job here. Age has given her character wisdom, paranoia, and a whole lot of guns, and the acting carries a huge amount of weight and strength with it. Having said that, there are a couple of moments where all of Laurie’s fear-induced calculations don’t seem to have quite worked out - why bother going to such extreme measures to protect your house, if the front door you’re standing behind is half glass? But that’s the thing about this movie - whatever you plan for, whatever you think Michael Myers is capable of, he’s stronger than you think, he’s far more terrifying than you remember, and right until the end, he’s here to remind you that nothing you can plan for will ever be enough. Of course, we never actually see him die (again) so here’s looking forward to the next sequel…
The cinematography is something to at least wonder over - settings and locations are used well and established with some wonderful wide shots, and some of the best scenes are those where the camera just stays in one place, at a very carefully-selected window for example, and watches. Two scenes are worth a particular mention; the first, in which we follow our two podcast-host characters to a gas station, seems fairly dull until Myers catches up to them, but if you watch the background carefully enough you’ll see he’s there all along, beating people up and murdering quite happily (swapping his prison jumpsuit for those traditional blues in the process). The second seems a little superficial, in the grand scheme of the movie, but it’s well-shot nonetheless - we watch, from that aforementioned window, as a woman hears about all the nasty things Michael might do, and of course we can see him through another window, heading for her front door, and when he finally appears inside the house he’s all the way across the room, somehow, and he calmly wanders on over and stabs the woman quite coolly through the throat, in a scene which I think is most reminiscent of the original films.
However, there are moments when you don’t see Michael at all, just the aftermath, or where we watch him enter a room and are forced to linger in the corridor while he does the dirty work. A couple of times that’s just fine, but considering the nature of the film it would be nice to watch the magic happen a couple more times. And while we’re on the negatives, I might mention that the reveal that the Doctor Loomis-type character who looked, felt, and sounded like a rip-off of Doctor Loomis, and was even referred to as “The New Doctor Loomis” did EXACTLY the same thing that Doctor Loomis did, surprise, and we were somehow expected to not see that coming like it was all one big, obvious, heavy-handed bluff. A couple of the other characters, too, felt like they were purely rammed in there to be irritating - there were a couple of strong scenes with our podcast hosts, but ultimately they were rude, on-the-nose and annoyingly egotistical, and I was happy to see them go, just like Alison’s friend Foggy Nelson.
The score, incidentally, is worth mentioning, from a haunting retune of the original Myers theme to darker and more dramatic variations on it later on that really would have been quite something to hear in surround-sound. I’m never usually one to appreciate the music of a film quite fully enough, so it was nice to have this grab my attention in quite the way it did. Overall, it’s a genuinely good follow-on that takes the best of the films before and makes the best use of the worst of them. Some of the characters might be a little annoying, some of the action could have translated better on-screen than off, but it was an honest and straight-up slasher film and it just wasn’t that bad at all.
Purple Phoenix Games (2266 KP) rated Victim: The Cursed Forest in Tabletop Games
Sep 24, 2021
I mean, who WOULDN’T be frightened out of their undies when one of their traveling mates just suddenly becomes… something else… and chases them through a very odd forest? But yet, here is where we now play. In a vast forest with danger around every curve, and a horrific presence taunting the party with the imminent possession of their very bodies. A far cry from prancing about a candied forest in an attempt to reach the summit: Candy Castle. Board games have definitely evolved, and boy am I glad for that!
Victim: The Cursed Forest (which I shall from here call simply “Victim”) is a horror survival game where players assume the roles of survivors of a plane crash. Each survivor, which in the game are actually called Victims, must race against time and nightmare fiends in order to reach the safety bunker until saviors come rescue them. However, early in the game one of their own is possessed by the lurking horror and then turns on the party to pick them off one by one. It’s up to the victims to race to the bunker and input the correct code to open its hatch to relative safety!
DISCLAIMER: We were provided a copy of this game for the purposes of this review. This is a retail copy of the game, so what you see in these photos is exactly what would be received in your box. I do not intend to cover every single rule included in the rulebook, but will describe the overall game flow and major rule set so that our readers may get a sense of how the game plays. For more in depth rules, you may purchase a copy online or from your FLGS. -T
To setup, basically shuffle each deck separately, and place the Bunker map tile in the bottom six of the stack, then split that into two stacks. Place out all the chits however makes sense for your table (organized for me, thank you), and each player chooses one of the characters to play and collects all their goodies. The Start Tile is laid down, the player minis are placed upon it and the chase is on!
Each turn the players will have several choices of actions to complete, with two actions available to be taken on their turn. Primarily, players will be Running around the map to different tiles and exploring their special characteristics. Some tiles allow players to search them for Item cards, some allow players to Decode as an action, and some also require players to pass certain tests of abilities. These tests correspond to each player’s abilities of Agility, Intelligence, Vitality, and Luck. The ability scores are different for each character and can be improved or worsened throughout the game. Character boards also will show each character’s special skills that can be used on a turn.
Once all players have completed their two actions in turn order, the last player will flip an Event card that may be active for the entirety of the next round. Sometimes these Events affect only characters on certain tile types, or even adjust ability scores and Items held. However, at the end of the second or third round of play (depending on the number of players), the ominous Curse Phase is completed.
The Curse Phase is a special one-time insert that has all players make a test against one of the four abilities. The lowest score for the test then becomes the host for the Evil that will ravage the party and wreak hell on the other players. The player no longer controls their chosen character, but immediately becomes the Evil that was drawn and now plays the game against the other players. The Evil takes their turn at the end of the round, just before the Event card is drawn.
Once the Evil enters play in earnest, the game quickly shifts from a nice exploration and map building game to a race against time to earn bunker password tokens from the Decoding tiles and avoid all attacks from the now raging Evil chasing the players. I will not describe the entirety of battle and Evil special abilities, but battle is a very simple Attack roll vs. Defense roll for one wound. When a player sustains two wounds, they are considered to have a Critical Injury and may only Crawl to another player in hopes of receiving healing or to arrive on a tile with healing properties upon it. However, a character that has been Critically Injured is ripe for the Evil’s Death Skill. The Death Skill is how the Evil is able to remove characters (and thusly players) from the game and decrease the odds of the Victims’ victory.
Play continues in this fashion of players taking their turns, then the Evil takes their turn, then the Event card is drawn as the last part of each round, until either the players collect the correct tokens to solve the hatch passcode and earn safety, or the Evil takes out the required number of characters for their victory. All this can be accomplished in a mere 45-90 minutes. Absolutely.
Components. Never having heard of Hexa House prior to arranging for this review, I had no idea what to expect in terms of components. However, this game comes in a very large box, the insert is kind of perfect (which is saying a lot, especially since it is a vacuum form), and everything inside the box is really great! I’m not really a miniatures kinda guy, but I can appreciate them. Standees are just as good to me, but I think these minis are above-average from my experience. The cards, the art style, the custom dice, everything just hits really well.
So you probably noticed my weird ratings graphic up top. Well, I will admit that my graphic design skills are, well, amateur at best. So I just created a 5 point 5 because I really feel this one is just amazing. Now, some people may have some small issues with the rule book, but please read it with a grain of salt: I believe they originate in Thai or Laotian languages and are translated to English. I didn’t have problems reading it at all, but had a couple questions. I tried playing several different ways when I had these questions, and usually just one option was really viable anyway.
That said, everything else about this game is truly wonderful. I sincerely enjoy that sudden shift near the beginning of the game where one player becomes the big baddie and comes for the rest of the players. Depending on placement and buddy systems that formed in the first part of the game, the Evil player will have either a feast setup before themselves, or have to do a bit of work to track down the characters to orchestrate their attack. I know I didn’t go into a whole lot of detail on what the Evil player can do on their turns, but it boils down to basically Hunt (run), Attack, and trap.
This base game ships with six Victims and six Evils. I have yet to see all the Evils in my plays, as the mechanic for determining which Evil surfaces is dependent on a draw of a card from a shuffled deck. That said, even when an Evil enters the game that I have played before, the players were different, and the map was different, and the placement of characters was different, so it did not feel “samey” to me at all.
I will admit that the most frustrating aspect of the game is the bunker hatch passcode. Okay, so once the Bunker tile is placed, a new component enters play: the Bunker board. A hole in the middle of the board is to house a Gate Token. This Gate Token is simply a target number that the players need to achieve using the different Number and Symbol Tokens won from successful Decode actions. The Number Tokens are simply 1-6, and the Symbol Tokens are plus/minus/multiply/divide. Therefore, in order to meet the Gate Token showing 35 players would need to gather 6 x 5 + 3 + 2. That is seven different successes at the Decoder tiles, and best case scenario has players pulling those exactly and no others. When you are playing a game that is a race against time (or death, in this instance), these little setbacks can cost the entire game – that is, if players simply cannot pass the test needed for a success at the Decoder tile. Frustrating, yes, but also a very cool addition to this style of game.
Victim has completely surprised me, and I am so thankful I had the opportunity to add this to my collection. My strong recommendation is that if you see one of these in the wild – GRAB IT. There are hours and hours of gameplay in this box, and I haven’t even touched the expansion for it yet (expect another review of that in the near future as well). Purple Phoenix Games officially gives this one a 5.5 / 6 (we NEVER do half points), but I feel like with even more plays, and with the expansion to be added soon, this may give my Top 10 list a shakeup still this year. If you are a fan of games like Betrayal at House on the Hill and Posthuman, then you need to check this one out for sure. Oh, did I mention that there is a LOT of dice rolling here too? Guess I just left that until the end for my dice-chucking lovers.
Victim: The Cursed Forest (which I shall from here call simply “Victim”) is a horror survival game where players assume the roles of survivors of a plane crash. Each survivor, which in the game are actually called Victims, must race against time and nightmare fiends in order to reach the safety bunker until saviors come rescue them. However, early in the game one of their own is possessed by the lurking horror and then turns on the party to pick them off one by one. It’s up to the victims to race to the bunker and input the correct code to open its hatch to relative safety!
DISCLAIMER: We were provided a copy of this game for the purposes of this review. This is a retail copy of the game, so what you see in these photos is exactly what would be received in your box. I do not intend to cover every single rule included in the rulebook, but will describe the overall game flow and major rule set so that our readers may get a sense of how the game plays. For more in depth rules, you may purchase a copy online or from your FLGS. -T
To setup, basically shuffle each deck separately, and place the Bunker map tile in the bottom six of the stack, then split that into two stacks. Place out all the chits however makes sense for your table (organized for me, thank you), and each player chooses one of the characters to play and collects all their goodies. The Start Tile is laid down, the player minis are placed upon it and the chase is on!
Each turn the players will have several choices of actions to complete, with two actions available to be taken on their turn. Primarily, players will be Running around the map to different tiles and exploring their special characteristics. Some tiles allow players to search them for Item cards, some allow players to Decode as an action, and some also require players to pass certain tests of abilities. These tests correspond to each player’s abilities of Agility, Intelligence, Vitality, and Luck. The ability scores are different for each character and can be improved or worsened throughout the game. Character boards also will show each character’s special skills that can be used on a turn.
Once all players have completed their two actions in turn order, the last player will flip an Event card that may be active for the entirety of the next round. Sometimes these Events affect only characters on certain tile types, or even adjust ability scores and Items held. However, at the end of the second or third round of play (depending on the number of players), the ominous Curse Phase is completed.
The Curse Phase is a special one-time insert that has all players make a test against one of the four abilities. The lowest score for the test then becomes the host for the Evil that will ravage the party and wreak hell on the other players. The player no longer controls their chosen character, but immediately becomes the Evil that was drawn and now plays the game against the other players. The Evil takes their turn at the end of the round, just before the Event card is drawn.
Once the Evil enters play in earnest, the game quickly shifts from a nice exploration and map building game to a race against time to earn bunker password tokens from the Decoding tiles and avoid all attacks from the now raging Evil chasing the players. I will not describe the entirety of battle and Evil special abilities, but battle is a very simple Attack roll vs. Defense roll for one wound. When a player sustains two wounds, they are considered to have a Critical Injury and may only Crawl to another player in hopes of receiving healing or to arrive on a tile with healing properties upon it. However, a character that has been Critically Injured is ripe for the Evil’s Death Skill. The Death Skill is how the Evil is able to remove characters (and thusly players) from the game and decrease the odds of the Victims’ victory.
Play continues in this fashion of players taking their turns, then the Evil takes their turn, then the Event card is drawn as the last part of each round, until either the players collect the correct tokens to solve the hatch passcode and earn safety, or the Evil takes out the required number of characters for their victory. All this can be accomplished in a mere 45-90 minutes. Absolutely.
Components. Never having heard of Hexa House prior to arranging for this review, I had no idea what to expect in terms of components. However, this game comes in a very large box, the insert is kind of perfect (which is saying a lot, especially since it is a vacuum form), and everything inside the box is really great! I’m not really a miniatures kinda guy, but I can appreciate them. Standees are just as good to me, but I think these minis are above-average from my experience. The cards, the art style, the custom dice, everything just hits really well.
So you probably noticed my weird ratings graphic up top. Well, I will admit that my graphic design skills are, well, amateur at best. So I just created a 5 point 5 because I really feel this one is just amazing. Now, some people may have some small issues with the rule book, but please read it with a grain of salt: I believe they originate in Thai or Laotian languages and are translated to English. I didn’t have problems reading it at all, but had a couple questions. I tried playing several different ways when I had these questions, and usually just one option was really viable anyway.
That said, everything else about this game is truly wonderful. I sincerely enjoy that sudden shift near the beginning of the game where one player becomes the big baddie and comes for the rest of the players. Depending on placement and buddy systems that formed in the first part of the game, the Evil player will have either a feast setup before themselves, or have to do a bit of work to track down the characters to orchestrate their attack. I know I didn’t go into a whole lot of detail on what the Evil player can do on their turns, but it boils down to basically Hunt (run), Attack, and trap.
This base game ships with six Victims and six Evils. I have yet to see all the Evils in my plays, as the mechanic for determining which Evil surfaces is dependent on a draw of a card from a shuffled deck. That said, even when an Evil enters the game that I have played before, the players were different, and the map was different, and the placement of characters was different, so it did not feel “samey” to me at all.
I will admit that the most frustrating aspect of the game is the bunker hatch passcode. Okay, so once the Bunker tile is placed, a new component enters play: the Bunker board. A hole in the middle of the board is to house a Gate Token. This Gate Token is simply a target number that the players need to achieve using the different Number and Symbol Tokens won from successful Decode actions. The Number Tokens are simply 1-6, and the Symbol Tokens are plus/minus/multiply/divide. Therefore, in order to meet the Gate Token showing 35 players would need to gather 6 x 5 + 3 + 2. That is seven different successes at the Decoder tiles, and best case scenario has players pulling those exactly and no others. When you are playing a game that is a race against time (or death, in this instance), these little setbacks can cost the entire game – that is, if players simply cannot pass the test needed for a success at the Decoder tile. Frustrating, yes, but also a very cool addition to this style of game.
Victim has completely surprised me, and I am so thankful I had the opportunity to add this to my collection. My strong recommendation is that if you see one of these in the wild – GRAB IT. There are hours and hours of gameplay in this box, and I haven’t even touched the expansion for it yet (expect another review of that in the near future as well). Purple Phoenix Games officially gives this one a 5.5 / 6 (we NEVER do half points), but I feel like with even more plays, and with the expansion to be added soon, this may give my Top 10 list a shakeup still this year. If you are a fan of games like Betrayal at House on the Hill and Posthuman, then you need to check this one out for sure. Oh, did I mention that there is a LOT of dice rolling here too? Guess I just left that until the end for my dice-chucking lovers.
graveyardgremlin (7194 KP) rated Sweet Valley Confidential: Ten Years Later in Books
Feb 15, 2019
<b><i>"What a stupid book."</i></b>
That was my initial thought after turning the final page of <b>Sweet Valley Confidential: Ten Years Later</b>.
As a pre-teen, I was addicted to the <u>Sweet Valley High</u> series, and then later, the <u>Sweet Valley University</u> series as well. Before that even, I had read some of the Twins and Kids series, so when I heard this was coming out last year, I just knew I had to read it. I was excited beyond compare and went into full geek-out mode. Where are the perfect size-six Wakefield twins, and their friends and enemies, now? What are their occupations? Who are they dating or who'd they marry? And my questions kept going on and on. What has inspired this obsession? It's not like these books were high literature, but somehow they became ingrained into my life to this very day and I cannot help but remember SVH fondly.
It is nearly impossible to review the story within the covers without spoilers, but I am going to try my darnedest. Some cursing may or may not be involved.
<b>Short synopsis</b> (snarky comments in parentheses ;P):
Jessica has betrayed Elizabeth. <i>(Doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what she did. Anyone who's read the books could make an accurate guess.)</i> The Ultimate Betrayal. <i>(Oooooh!)</i> Elizabeth flees to New York. Elizabeth is a slightly sympathetic bitter victim/martyr who craves revenge throughout the book. Jessica is supposed to be a sympathetic betrayer/victim who's heartsick at destroying her sister. <i>(I don't buy it.)</i> Tons of reminiscing flashbacks ensue throughout the book, sometimes the same ones told by different characters, and take up about half of it, so there's barely any plot. Book ends with a thirteen-page <i>Where Are They Now?</i>-type epilogue that tells old fans what has happened to many major supporting characters from the original high school series. <i>(Apparently no one is allowed to be happy. And anyone you may have originally liked from SVH has turned into a big dick. WTF?)</i>
I expected to enjoy this as the usual over-the-top, soap opera stories I remember, but revamped a bit. Sadly, I was left feeling underwhelmed, disappointed, annoyed, and rather pissed off. For one thing, I could not buy the main betrayal -- <spoiler>Jessica and Todd?! In love!!?? Really? In what surreal dimension does that make any kind of sense? This broke the book for me. How can I believe anything else if this doesn't ring true. A passionate affair, sure. A one-night stand, why not? But actual 'til death do us part nonsense? Bull. Not when it's almost always been the Elizabeth and Todd, "made-for-each-other" type of thing. I actually wouldn't have minded if E & T hadn't ended up together, but for Todd to be with Jessica, that's just madness, plain and simple.</spoiler> -- it was just so unbelievable. And I mean that in a Sweet Valley way, which we all know is not steeped in any form of actual reality, so my standards are quite low and I expect the extraordinary and overwrought. So from this point on, which is within the first two chapters, I struggled, but somehow managed to read on. I admit, I gagged more than few times throughout the book. Who wouldn't when faced with passages such as this one,
<blockquote>"And what faces they were.
Gorgeous. Absolutely amazing. The kind you couldn't stop looking at. Their eyes were shades of aqua that danced in the light like shards of precious stones, oval and fringed with thick, light brown lashes long enough to cast a shadow on their cheeks. Their silky blond hair, the cascading kind, fell just below their shoulders. And to complete the perfection, their rosy lips looked as if they were penciled on. There wasn't a thing wrong with their figures, either. It was if billions of possibilities all fell together perfectly.
Twice."
-page 9/10</blockquote>
I hope you managed to hold onto your last meal. I barely did. I also had to endure "his beloved," "his love," and other similar nauseating descriptions.
This is not the PG-rated books from the past, the word "orgasm" is actually used. So is the F-bomb and other expletives. *gasp* Seriously, it does push the boundaries more than the innocent SVH series, but it's not very shocking by today's standards. Except that it does involve the Wakefield Twins, which was strange at first. Of course, current trends had to pop up, like Twitter and Facebook, Justin Timberlake and Beyonce, which always makes a book better and doesn't date it in the least. (That was heavy sarcasm in case you weren't sure.) The book does refer to some incidents and people from the SVU series, but only certain elements, otherwise it's mainly a continuation of high school and no one from the university days actually appears in the book.
Neither Elizabeth nor Jessica felt true to form, especially Jessica, and in fact, none of the characters, whether seen or just talked about, were right. Sure, some people change and some don't, but not a one was recognizable. Where did these strangers with the same names come from? Why couldn't there have been some semblance of the original shining through? Again, I have a hard time with the basis of the book, so that has severely colored my view of the entire thing, but as it stands, it was a complete waste of a good idea. I'd be willing to bet that any fan of SVH could come up with something a million times better than this dreck. Wasn't there an original ghostwriter available? You know, someone who might actually know the world and characters, and have the skill to develop them both in a believable manner?
The writing is rather clunky and purple-ly, often managing both at the same time. Redundancy abounds, editing mistakes, including wrong names and inconsistencies to previous events in SVH-iverse, and lots of use of the words "like" and "so", more-so in Jessica's narrative than anywhere else, which was really, really, so, like, irritating. Like, really. Ms. Pascal must have had a thesaurus at the ready, because there were big words awkwardly thrown into the narrative. While I appreciate authors utilizing lesser known or used words, some just don't blend well with the rest of the text and they pop-out unflatteringly. The structure needed fine-tuning and tenses were oddly used to differentiate the flashbacks from present day.
To put it succinctly, the writing isn't great and neither is the storyline, what there is of it. This was a bizarre read even by Sweet Valley standards and an insult to fans. Seriously, does Francine Pascal hate this universe and its readers? I think I'll stick to the <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/series/58723-sweet-valley-high">Sweet Valley High</a> series and make up my own stories about what happened afterward.
Slightly spoiler-ish lesson learned from this book:
<spoiler>Betrayal is okay as long as it's "Twu Luv."</spoiler>
Second lesson learned:
Everything always turns up fucking sunshine and roses and unicorns and lollipops for the worst person (or people) in the end.
I'd like to leave you with another winning description,
<blockquote>"There were no tears, but her mouth was twisted in a silent sob."
-page 17</blockquote>
<u>A thought a few hours after having finished this book:</u>
Maybe another "sequel" will eventually come out and it'll begin with Elizabeth waking up from the nightmare that is this book and we'll get the real ten years later story. Ahh, sweet dreams.
<u>Update: April 26, 2011:</u>
Oh yes, always good to blame the fans/readers for not liking their terrible book. By pointing out minor, petty reasons, I might add. <b>Warning:</b> book spoilers in article.
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/04/17/business/media/17sweet.html?_r=1
That was my initial thought after turning the final page of <b>Sweet Valley Confidential: Ten Years Later</b>.
As a pre-teen, I was addicted to the <u>Sweet Valley High</u> series, and then later, the <u>Sweet Valley University</u> series as well. Before that even, I had read some of the Twins and Kids series, so when I heard this was coming out last year, I just knew I had to read it. I was excited beyond compare and went into full geek-out mode. Where are the perfect size-six Wakefield twins, and their friends and enemies, now? What are their occupations? Who are they dating or who'd they marry? And my questions kept going on and on. What has inspired this obsession? It's not like these books were high literature, but somehow they became ingrained into my life to this very day and I cannot help but remember SVH fondly.
It is nearly impossible to review the story within the covers without spoilers, but I am going to try my darnedest. Some cursing may or may not be involved.
<b>Short synopsis</b> (snarky comments in parentheses ;P):
Jessica has betrayed Elizabeth. <i>(Doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what she did. Anyone who's read the books could make an accurate guess.)</i> The Ultimate Betrayal. <i>(Oooooh!)</i> Elizabeth flees to New York. Elizabeth is a slightly sympathetic bitter victim/martyr who craves revenge throughout the book. Jessica is supposed to be a sympathetic betrayer/victim who's heartsick at destroying her sister. <i>(I don't buy it.)</i> Tons of reminiscing flashbacks ensue throughout the book, sometimes the same ones told by different characters, and take up about half of it, so there's barely any plot. Book ends with a thirteen-page <i>Where Are They Now?</i>-type epilogue that tells old fans what has happened to many major supporting characters from the original high school series. <i>(Apparently no one is allowed to be happy. And anyone you may have originally liked from SVH has turned into a big dick. WTF?)</i>
I expected to enjoy this as the usual over-the-top, soap opera stories I remember, but revamped a bit. Sadly, I was left feeling underwhelmed, disappointed, annoyed, and rather pissed off. For one thing, I could not buy the main betrayal -- <spoiler>Jessica and Todd?! In love!!?? Really? In what surreal dimension does that make any kind of sense? This broke the book for me. How can I believe anything else if this doesn't ring true. A passionate affair, sure. A one-night stand, why not? But actual 'til death do us part nonsense? Bull. Not when it's almost always been the Elizabeth and Todd, "made-for-each-other" type of thing. I actually wouldn't have minded if E & T hadn't ended up together, but for Todd to be with Jessica, that's just madness, plain and simple.</spoiler> -- it was just so unbelievable. And I mean that in a Sweet Valley way, which we all know is not steeped in any form of actual reality, so my standards are quite low and I expect the extraordinary and overwrought. So from this point on, which is within the first two chapters, I struggled, but somehow managed to read on. I admit, I gagged more than few times throughout the book. Who wouldn't when faced with passages such as this one,
<blockquote>"And what faces they were.
Gorgeous. Absolutely amazing. The kind you couldn't stop looking at. Their eyes were shades of aqua that danced in the light like shards of precious stones, oval and fringed with thick, light brown lashes long enough to cast a shadow on their cheeks. Their silky blond hair, the cascading kind, fell just below their shoulders. And to complete the perfection, their rosy lips looked as if they were penciled on. There wasn't a thing wrong with their figures, either. It was if billions of possibilities all fell together perfectly.
Twice."
-page 9/10</blockquote>
I hope you managed to hold onto your last meal. I barely did. I also had to endure "his beloved," "his love," and other similar nauseating descriptions.
This is not the PG-rated books from the past, the word "orgasm" is actually used. So is the F-bomb and other expletives. *gasp* Seriously, it does push the boundaries more than the innocent SVH series, but it's not very shocking by today's standards. Except that it does involve the Wakefield Twins, which was strange at first. Of course, current trends had to pop up, like Twitter and Facebook, Justin Timberlake and Beyonce, which always makes a book better and doesn't date it in the least. (That was heavy sarcasm in case you weren't sure.) The book does refer to some incidents and people from the SVU series, but only certain elements, otherwise it's mainly a continuation of high school and no one from the university days actually appears in the book.
Neither Elizabeth nor Jessica felt true to form, especially Jessica, and in fact, none of the characters, whether seen or just talked about, were right. Sure, some people change and some don't, but not a one was recognizable. Where did these strangers with the same names come from? Why couldn't there have been some semblance of the original shining through? Again, I have a hard time with the basis of the book, so that has severely colored my view of the entire thing, but as it stands, it was a complete waste of a good idea. I'd be willing to bet that any fan of SVH could come up with something a million times better than this dreck. Wasn't there an original ghostwriter available? You know, someone who might actually know the world and characters, and have the skill to develop them both in a believable manner?
The writing is rather clunky and purple-ly, often managing both at the same time. Redundancy abounds, editing mistakes, including wrong names and inconsistencies to previous events in SVH-iverse, and lots of use of the words "like" and "so", more-so in Jessica's narrative than anywhere else, which was really, really, so, like, irritating. Like, really. Ms. Pascal must have had a thesaurus at the ready, because there were big words awkwardly thrown into the narrative. While I appreciate authors utilizing lesser known or used words, some just don't blend well with the rest of the text and they pop-out unflatteringly. The structure needed fine-tuning and tenses were oddly used to differentiate the flashbacks from present day.
To put it succinctly, the writing isn't great and neither is the storyline, what there is of it. This was a bizarre read even by Sweet Valley standards and an insult to fans. Seriously, does Francine Pascal hate this universe and its readers? I think I'll stick to the <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/series/58723-sweet-valley-high">Sweet Valley High</a> series and make up my own stories about what happened afterward.
Slightly spoiler-ish lesson learned from this book:
<spoiler>Betrayal is okay as long as it's "Twu Luv."</spoiler>
Second lesson learned:
Everything always turns up fucking sunshine and roses and unicorns and lollipops for the worst person (or people) in the end.
I'd like to leave you with another winning description,
<blockquote>"There were no tears, but her mouth was twisted in a silent sob."
-page 17</blockquote>
<u>A thought a few hours after having finished this book:</u>
Maybe another "sequel" will eventually come out and it'll begin with Elizabeth waking up from the nightmare that is this book and we'll get the real ten years later story. Ahh, sweet dreams.
<u>Update: April 26, 2011:</u>
Oh yes, always good to blame the fans/readers for not liking their terrible book. By pointing out minor, petty reasons, I might add. <b>Warning:</b> book spoilers in article.
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/04/17/business/media/17sweet.html?_r=1