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Phillip McSween (751 KP) rated Ninja Assassin (2009) in Movies
Dec 2, 2019
Bland Characters Equals Meh Movie
A former member of a sect of secret ninjas escapes the clan, but has to fight for his life when the past catches up to him.
Acting: 4
I have seen paper bags act better than Rain the actor who plays main character Raizo. I think the screenwriters knew this and tried to mask his lack of chops with less lines, but it definitely didn’t work. He is as bland as the chicken I feed my dog when he has diarrhea. The rest of the crew isn’t terribly better and aren’t worth much of a mention.
Beginning: 10
The movie actually gets off to a great start. It starts off in a gangster hideout and an old man is giving one of the gangsters a tattoo. A letter shows up with black sand in it. Black sand is basically the kiss of death for these ninjas so it’s not too long after that bedlam ensues. Dope scene, got me excited to watch more.
Characters: 2
Cinematography/Visuals: 8
Conflict: 10
The action was also a plus. The beginning is definitely an indicator of things to come. You want crazy martial fighting? Check. Blood and gore? Blamo! Insane slowmo sequences? Coming right up. This is basically an action junkie’s wet dream. Actually, I think I’m giving it too much credit…
Entertainment Value: 7
Memorability: 7
Pace: 7
While I appreciate certain things like at least making an attempt at a backstory, there were other portions that slowed the movie down in a couple of spots. Like seriously, how much training do we need to see this dude do? A few rounds on the good ole speed bag will suffice for me, thanks. Nope, this dude is doing splits, using ninja swords, fighting air. I also thought they spent a bit too much time on the main detective Mika (Naomie Harris) researching the ninjas. Pretty painful, but mostly fine.
Plot: 8
I didn’t hate the story. As I mentioned above, it was cool that you got a look into Raizo’s earlier life in the ninja clan and what got him to where he was. Crappy character, but I appreciated the effort to develop him. While the story got sidetracked here and there, it got you from Point A to Point B fairly smoothly.
Resolution: 6
Overall: 69
What disappoints me most about Ninja Assassin is the sheer amount of potential it had. Because it didn’t invest in quality actors or working in characters we care about, there is little margin for error in the rest of the movie. It wants to be likable, yet it didn’t put in the work to earn your friendship. I do not recommend.
Acting: 4
I have seen paper bags act better than Rain the actor who plays main character Raizo. I think the screenwriters knew this and tried to mask his lack of chops with less lines, but it definitely didn’t work. He is as bland as the chicken I feed my dog when he has diarrhea. The rest of the crew isn’t terribly better and aren’t worth much of a mention.
Beginning: 10
The movie actually gets off to a great start. It starts off in a gangster hideout and an old man is giving one of the gangsters a tattoo. A letter shows up with black sand in it. Black sand is basically the kiss of death for these ninjas so it’s not too long after that bedlam ensues. Dope scene, got me excited to watch more.
Characters: 2
Cinematography/Visuals: 8
Conflict: 10
The action was also a plus. The beginning is definitely an indicator of things to come. You want crazy martial fighting? Check. Blood and gore? Blamo! Insane slowmo sequences? Coming right up. This is basically an action junkie’s wet dream. Actually, I think I’m giving it too much credit…
Entertainment Value: 7
Memorability: 7
Pace: 7
While I appreciate certain things like at least making an attempt at a backstory, there were other portions that slowed the movie down in a couple of spots. Like seriously, how much training do we need to see this dude do? A few rounds on the good ole speed bag will suffice for me, thanks. Nope, this dude is doing splits, using ninja swords, fighting air. I also thought they spent a bit too much time on the main detective Mika (Naomie Harris) researching the ninjas. Pretty painful, but mostly fine.
Plot: 8
I didn’t hate the story. As I mentioned above, it was cool that you got a look into Raizo’s earlier life in the ninja clan and what got him to where he was. Crappy character, but I appreciated the effort to develop him. While the story got sidetracked here and there, it got you from Point A to Point B fairly smoothly.
Resolution: 6
Overall: 69
What disappoints me most about Ninja Assassin is the sheer amount of potential it had. Because it didn’t invest in quality actors or working in characters we care about, there is little margin for error in the rest of the movie. It wants to be likable, yet it didn’t put in the work to earn your friendship. I do not recommend.
Sheridan (209 KP) rated Chappie (2015) in Movies
Jul 12, 2017
Cast (3 more)
CGI
Storyline
AI Concept is Ace
A Cult Classic
From the same director that brought us, District 9 and Elysium. We have the masterpiece that is Chappie. I can't express how much love I have for this film. So much love. The cast is ace, the CGI is incredible and the story...oh man the story is a work of art. Sigourney Weaver known as the alien go-to lady, plays an interesting role in this film, I liked her portrayal of the CEO. Hugh Jackman *sigh* I adore him and he shines in this role (as always) but he unfortunately plays a total a**hole :( Yo-Landi and Ninja the world's worst parents but in the best way :) (They both members of the band Die Antwoord, which has some top tracks, well worth a listen) Overall, this is just an epic film. Watch it. You won't be disappointed!
Emma @ The Movies (1786 KP) rated The LEGO Ninjango Movie (2017) in Movies
Sep 25, 2019
Lloyd Garmadon, like every teenager, hates going to school. But unlike every other teenager he's hated by pretty much everyone because of his father... Lord Garmadon. Not a day goes by where he doesn't try to destroy Ninjago, and they always say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
He's not entirely alone though, with his five friends he's actually part of a special ninja team that protect the city and thwart Garmadon's evil plans.
When a new plan emerges, and it looks like Garmadon might win, Lloyd decides it's time to use the ultimate weapon. A truly devious device that in the wrong hands could see the destruction of everything.
The Lego Movie was amazing, and it's still one of my go to feel good films. Lego Batman was funny, and well, superhero-y so of course I enjoyed it. Lego Ninjago was amusing, but I really feel like it missed something. I'm trying to think of something more to say about it than "amusing", but I'm coming up a bit blank... which I think is only slightly to do with the brain melt due to man flu.
He's not entirely alone though, with his five friends he's actually part of a special ninja team that protect the city and thwart Garmadon's evil plans.
When a new plan emerges, and it looks like Garmadon might win, Lloyd decides it's time to use the ultimate weapon. A truly devious device that in the wrong hands could see the destruction of everything.
The Lego Movie was amazing, and it's still one of my go to feel good films. Lego Batman was funny, and well, superhero-y so of course I enjoyed it. Lego Ninjago was amusing, but I really feel like it missed something. I'm trying to think of something more to say about it than "amusing", but I'm coming up a bit blank... which I think is only slightly to do with the brain melt due to man flu.
LeftSideCut (3778 KP) rated The Wolverine (2013) in Movies
Jul 30, 2019
An ok film that could have been so much more.
Here we have the 6th entry into the X-Men franchise, and the second solo outing for Wolverine.
I, like many comic fans, was thrilled when it was announced that this film would be diving into Logan's time in Japan. It's arguably one of the strongest solo Wolverine storylines from the comic!
The finished film however misses the mark. Not completely - remnants of the comic are left intact, buts it's clear that the studio meddled once again. When The Wolverine is concentrating on the dialogue heavy scenes, it's good. When it throws Logan against ninjas, it's (mostly) good.
However, FOX obviously didn't have enough faith in this as a whole, and opted to push James Mangold in the direction of dodgy CGI orgies.
The climatic battle against a massive CGI robot ninja (referred to as Silver Samurai - the bloody cheek), is so out of place, that it nearly ruins the whole film.
I feel that James Mangold is not to blame. He clearly has respect for the source material, and isn't about big CGI blowouts - he would go on to direct the stellar Logan a few years later.
A wasted opportunity then, and a storyline I really hope Marvel Studios revisits again in the future
I, like many comic fans, was thrilled when it was announced that this film would be diving into Logan's time in Japan. It's arguably one of the strongest solo Wolverine storylines from the comic!
The finished film however misses the mark. Not completely - remnants of the comic are left intact, buts it's clear that the studio meddled once again. When The Wolverine is concentrating on the dialogue heavy scenes, it's good. When it throws Logan against ninjas, it's (mostly) good.
However, FOX obviously didn't have enough faith in this as a whole, and opted to push James Mangold in the direction of dodgy CGI orgies.
The climatic battle against a massive CGI robot ninja (referred to as Silver Samurai - the bloody cheek), is so out of place, that it nearly ruins the whole film.
I feel that James Mangold is not to blame. He clearly has respect for the source material, and isn't about big CGI blowouts - he would go on to direct the stellar Logan a few years later.
A wasted opportunity then, and a storyline I really hope Marvel Studios revisits again in the future
Colin Newman recommended Todd by Todd Rundgren in Music (curated)
LoganCrews (2861 KP) rated Ninja Assassin (2009) in Movies
Sep 21, 2020
Slept on. A breathless, blood-soaked rager where shurikens get thrown like machine gun bullets and manifold enemies get shredded into human ballistic gel. Totally cockamamie lore put to the backdrop of CGI blade-chains and club music, ancient ninja cults just hanging out and making human sacrifices on rainy city rooftops and shit lmao. Nothing more than an excuse to rip apart a bunch of ninjas, gangsters, and government officials for 99 minutes - a decapitated head ends up in a washing machine at one point - but who wouldn't want to see that? I'll take the opposite opinion of the general consensus and totally gush about the style, I'm all for modernizing cheesy early-mid-2000s duels where we just started to really learn what mainstream stylized action was and went overboard with it. Also has an acute emphasis on physicality and production rather than leaving everything important up to the editing department - has a realized sense of framing and uses CGI as an enhancer rather than the full package. Lovingly embraces martial arts story tropes without undermining their importance, which many actioners would probably jettison out entirely. Feels much, much more like a successful and distinct love letter rather than a ripoff. Aesthetic as fuck, and Rain is godly in it.
Lou Grande (148 KP) rated Upgrade (2018) in Movies
Jun 15, 2018
The best William Gibson movie not written by William Gibson
My boyfriend and I saw this the other day, and I can't believe how poorly it's doing at the box office! This was a great movie. The feel of it was very cyberpunky, but not so in-your-face as the very awful Ghost in the Shell adaptation. Leigh Whannell directed and produced, so it has some of the same Saw graphic violence, which I think sits well with the cyberpunk genre. The entire concept is based around human and machine adaptation, and where the line should be drawn--or rather, the dangers of letting it go too far.
The atmosphere is really well developed: we see the poor parts of the city being grungy and dangerous, while the upper crust benefits from the best technology. Almost all humans have been modified in some way, except for our protagonist. In the beginning, anyway. Anyone who has watched the trailers knows that he becomes paralyzed, and then his spinal cord is "reattached" using Stem, a "widget" that allows his brain to communicate with his limbs. It also makes him a ninja.
But that's not really the core of the story. At its heart, Upgrade is a mystery wrapped in a cautionary tale. I'll take this over Johnny Mnemonic any day.
The atmosphere is really well developed: we see the poor parts of the city being grungy and dangerous, while the upper crust benefits from the best technology. Almost all humans have been modified in some way, except for our protagonist. In the beginning, anyway. Anyone who has watched the trailers knows that he becomes paralyzed, and then his spinal cord is "reattached" using Stem, a "widget" that allows his brain to communicate with his limbs. It also makes him a ninja.
But that's not really the core of the story. At its heart, Upgrade is a mystery wrapped in a cautionary tale. I'll take this over Johnny Mnemonic any day.
Tim McGuire (301 KP) rated Under the Silver Lake (2018) in Movies
Apr 20, 2020
Trippy
417. Under the Silver Lake. A pretty wild mind bender, head scratcher, what the fuck just happened good time! A great recommendation from the Movie Ninja, thank you. We meet Sam, he's kind of a slacker, and about to be evicted from his pad, but he is dating a very nice prostitute. One day hanging out on his patio, he spies a beauty, Sarah, chilling by the pool, and meets her later on while hanging around her dog. And after fun night of chilling, poof, she disappears. And Sam apparently really felt a connection with Sarah over those 2 or 3 hours because this dude goes on a hunt for this girl. Through a crazy couple of dreamlike days we follow Sam through some insane conspiracy theories that lead him through a hobo underground, complete with its own king (Fisher King?) secret sex drug parties, getting crazy to a Brimful of Asha (Everybody needs a bosom for a pillow) and of course the billionaire cults preparing for the afterlife. Think Alfred Hitchcock, Brian DePalma and Stanley Kubrick got together for a movie, and it turned out pretty sweet! Starring a former Spider-Man and a former Venom (didn't recognize him at first, Foreskin is all grown up) But yea, I really liked it, gets pretty crazy!! Check it out! Filmbufftim on FB!
LoganCrews (2861 KP) rated G.I. Joe: Retaliation (2013) in Movies
Jul 4, 2021
You know what I love so much about these? The fact that they have no concern for any ounce of seriousness or plausibility - so they can continually chain together one rip-roaringly stupid action scene not confined to any logical sense of reason one right after the other, so just when you think they've finally topped their jubilant buffoonery - boom - suddenly a guy starts shooting ninja stars out of the air with machine guns. Anything is possible. They capture that sense of 'unhinged toxic machismo breaks the laws of physics' allure which was later captured by the 𝘍𝘢𝘴𝘵 & 𝘍𝘶𝘳𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴 sequels, with a similarly (undoubtedly moreso imo) loaded cast. In fact I'm not even sure what the plot is but whatever tf is going on here is shockingly a pretty concise riff on mid-Obama-era tensions. Throws like 3 or 4 different genres at the wall and then douses them with Axe body spray, Tabasco sauce, and Four Lokos; even if the action can get just a little too overcut for my liking it's every ounce the riot that seems. At any rate, Chu >> Sommers - so naturally this is pretty visually appetizing to boot. Not sure what you all expected out of these, it's an astutely sound translation of the source material to live action - at least in spirit. Literally ecstatic that they're bringing this severely underappreciated nutso franchise back.
Gareth von Kallenbach (971 KP) rated Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014) in Movies
Aug 6, 2019
I’m kind of like everyone else out there. I grew up with the Ninja Turtles. I loved the cartoons, the comics and most of all the toys. I remember the pizza shooter. Boy, did I get into some trouble with that. When the movie came out in 1990, I begged and begged by father to take me to it until he finally did. I loved that movie! And while it may not for most, it still hold up for me today.
I wish that I could speak with as much enthusiasm about 2014’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. The truth is, as I sat there and watched I found myself shaking my head “no” more often than not over the course of the hour and a half. My worst fears for the movie came true, and I am ashamed of what this may do to the franchise. And be warned, there are most definitely spoilers ahead.
TMNT is about a “gang” called the Foot Clan, who are robbing chemical shipments, banks and all sorts of places in New York City. April O’Neil, a local news reporter, is looking to make a big break and thinks she may have found it as she happens upon a robbery in progress by the Foot Clan. But before she could any good pictures or footage, mysterious vigilantes show up and save the day. This leads her to investigate and find out that none other than our favorite heroes in the half shell are said vigilantes. We find out that the partner of Shredder, the head of the Foot Clan, was running experiments using a chemical compound not of this world. They were injecting, you guessed it, four turtles and a rat. Now the turtles must stop the Foot Clan from carrying out there ultimate plan, which leads us to a final showdown between our heroes and Shredder.
First off, bad move changing the origin story like that. A mutagen made from an alien compound? It totally lacks credibility especially as it is only slight referenced in one scene, and then never spoken of again. Plus, losing “the ooze” origin totally closes doors (though maybe not all the way) on other characters in the TMNT universe (i.e. BeBop and Rocksteady). It’s just really lame to see them veer away from what was tried and true.
The turtles themselves, their new look actually grew on me. I think that some of the accessories may have been a little overboard, but the basics were there. I especially liked that the bandanas weren’t identical. However, the look is where it ended for me. I do not think that they cast the voices right. It just didn’t sound like they are supposed to sound. We’ve had the iconic voices from animated series to the old series of movies that just stand out. I didn’t get that here.
Also, I just don’t get the deal with Megan Fox. I get that some guys find her attractive, but that doesn’t mean she can act. She was the absolute worst choice for April O’Neil. She just didn’t look the part. Maybe Michael Bay was trying to prove a point about the rumors going around for why she wasn’t in Transformers 3. Will Arnett, however, did an excellent job as Vern Fenwick, O’Neil’s camera man. He had some great comedic timing and relief from the action sequences.
If you ask me, they showed Shredder’s face way too early in the movie. And then they way overdid him, right off the get go. Shredder was a formidable foe because of his cunningness and martial arts expertise. But ladies and gentleman, they introduce Super Shredder almost immediately off the bat. Or, as I like to call him in this film, Swiss Army Shredder. He looked like a freaking Transformer, in the worst way. I swear I even heard the Transformer sound when he jumped and landed one time. They way, way over did it. I know, I’ve already said this. But it seems to be a theme of the night.
I walked out of the film wishing I had never agreed to do this. Unfortunately, though, someone’s got to take one for the team. And if it means that I can warn others, than I am glad to have done it. The movie was entirely bad; there were a couple of funny moments. It just saddens me to think that this will be some people’s first exposure to what was always such an awesome universe. I will most definitely not be picking this up on Blu-ray. I will, however, be watching 1990’ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Now, I understand that some of you may see me as being a fan boy obsessing over nostalgia. But if you have read any of my reviews, you know that I always am kinder and look for the entertainment value of movies. This movie just made me sad. But if you don’t believe me, or doubt my opinion… go check it out. You’ll wish you hadn’t.
I wish that I could speak with as much enthusiasm about 2014’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. The truth is, as I sat there and watched I found myself shaking my head “no” more often than not over the course of the hour and a half. My worst fears for the movie came true, and I am ashamed of what this may do to the franchise. And be warned, there are most definitely spoilers ahead.
TMNT is about a “gang” called the Foot Clan, who are robbing chemical shipments, banks and all sorts of places in New York City. April O’Neil, a local news reporter, is looking to make a big break and thinks she may have found it as she happens upon a robbery in progress by the Foot Clan. But before she could any good pictures or footage, mysterious vigilantes show up and save the day. This leads her to investigate and find out that none other than our favorite heroes in the half shell are said vigilantes. We find out that the partner of Shredder, the head of the Foot Clan, was running experiments using a chemical compound not of this world. They were injecting, you guessed it, four turtles and a rat. Now the turtles must stop the Foot Clan from carrying out there ultimate plan, which leads us to a final showdown between our heroes and Shredder.
First off, bad move changing the origin story like that. A mutagen made from an alien compound? It totally lacks credibility especially as it is only slight referenced in one scene, and then never spoken of again. Plus, losing “the ooze” origin totally closes doors (though maybe not all the way) on other characters in the TMNT universe (i.e. BeBop and Rocksteady). It’s just really lame to see them veer away from what was tried and true.
The turtles themselves, their new look actually grew on me. I think that some of the accessories may have been a little overboard, but the basics were there. I especially liked that the bandanas weren’t identical. However, the look is where it ended for me. I do not think that they cast the voices right. It just didn’t sound like they are supposed to sound. We’ve had the iconic voices from animated series to the old series of movies that just stand out. I didn’t get that here.
Also, I just don’t get the deal with Megan Fox. I get that some guys find her attractive, but that doesn’t mean she can act. She was the absolute worst choice for April O’Neil. She just didn’t look the part. Maybe Michael Bay was trying to prove a point about the rumors going around for why she wasn’t in Transformers 3. Will Arnett, however, did an excellent job as Vern Fenwick, O’Neil’s camera man. He had some great comedic timing and relief from the action sequences.
If you ask me, they showed Shredder’s face way too early in the movie. And then they way overdid him, right off the get go. Shredder was a formidable foe because of his cunningness and martial arts expertise. But ladies and gentleman, they introduce Super Shredder almost immediately off the bat. Or, as I like to call him in this film, Swiss Army Shredder. He looked like a freaking Transformer, in the worst way. I swear I even heard the Transformer sound when he jumped and landed one time. They way, way over did it. I know, I’ve already said this. But it seems to be a theme of the night.
I walked out of the film wishing I had never agreed to do this. Unfortunately, though, someone’s got to take one for the team. And if it means that I can warn others, than I am glad to have done it. The movie was entirely bad; there were a couple of funny moments. It just saddens me to think that this will be some people’s first exposure to what was always such an awesome universe. I will most definitely not be picking this up on Blu-ray. I will, however, be watching 1990’ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Now, I understand that some of you may see me as being a fan boy obsessing over nostalgia. But if you have read any of my reviews, you know that I always am kinder and look for the entertainment value of movies. This movie just made me sad. But if you don’t believe me, or doubt my opinion… go check it out. You’ll wish you hadn’t.
Dean (6921 KP) Dec 2, 2019
Phillip McSween (751 KP) Dec 3, 2019 (Updated Dec 3, 2019)