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Cinderella is Dead
Cinderella is Dead
Kalynn Bayron | 2020 | LGBTQ+, Young Adult (YA)
10
7.5 (2 Ratings)
Book Rating
Contains spoilers, click to show
Thank you to Netgalley and Kalynn Bayron for giving me the opportunity to read an advance copy of Cinderella is Dead in exchange for an honest review.

With such a strong title to a novel, it’s easy to predict that an author would struggle to maintain the sense of danger and mystery that is immediately evoked. However, as Kalynn Bayron opens on the revelation that Cinderella has been dead for 200 years and introduces us to two young women hiding from those who are sure to kill them, I think it is safe to say that she has the drama side of things covered!

The kingdom of Mersaille was once ruled by none other than Prince Charming and Cinderella. After her untimely death, Cinderella’s tale is held in almost biblical stature for generations, with young girls reciting it each night in preparation for their own chance to attend an annual ball once they turn 16 and wishing for their own fairy godmother to grant their happily ever after.
However, as the reader enters the town of Lille 200 years later, we witness that life within the kingdom is far from that of a fairytale. The balls that act as a tribute to Cinderella are mandatory meat markets with lecherous “suitors”, domestic violence and the suppression of women is commonplace and the ruler, Prince Manford, thrives on the power, fear and violence.
 
The reader witnesses this abysmal society through Bayron’s use of a first-person perspective: that of our protagonist Sophia. Sophia is everything a modern protagonist should be: she questions the unjust world around her and, having just turned 16 is preparing to attend her first ball, not with excitement, but with trepidation.
Sophia reveals to the reader that a girl only has three chances to be chosen by a suitor at the ball, after that she is considered forfeit, taken away from her family in disgrace and placed either into a workhouse or service. Men, however, are under no such conditions: they can attend balls when they wish and can choose a number of girls if they want to. Many girls’ singular hope is to be chosen by a good man at the ball, one who will not beat her, perhaps even one who will take them away from Lille. This is not enough for Sophia, she wants more for her life and, as she says herself:
“I don’t want to be saved by some knight in shining armor. I’d like to be the one in the armor, and I’d like to be the one doing the saving.”

At the beginning of the book, Sophia’s main gripe with the society she lives in is that it will not allow her to be with Erin, the girl she loves. As the book continues, the underlying theme of the rights and treatment of women strengthens, along with Sophia, but the first few pages at least are centered on the teenage relationship between Sophia and Erin.
What I absolutely adored about Bayron’s writing style here is the complete lack of shock or awe in this relationship: it is mentioned right from the start and at no point in this novel does Sophia “come out”, there is simply no need. All those around Sophia, who know her and care for her, are aware of her feelings for Erin and, although Sophia is occasionally referred to as “different”, the author chooses to abolish any unnecessary labels within her novel.

Unfortunately, Bayron does not have an easy ride in store for Sophia: reeling from a firm separation from Erin, Sophia is cast a lifeline, an “easy way out” in the form of a local boy who is also “different”. Sadly, this option is quickly and dramatically ripped away from her: forcing her to find her strength pretty damn quickly as she begins a life as an outlaw.
Along her path, Sophia meets two strong female characters: Constance and Amina. Although, wildly different, both these women play a significant role in Sophia’s self-discovery.
Amina is as far from the traditional fairy godmother image as you can get and, although she feels guilt for her previous actions, it takes meeting Sophia for her to recognise her previous denial and to help change the way of the world. Amina is a protector to Sophia right to the end, in her own unique way.
Constance, what can we say about Constance? I defy anyone to read this book and not fall in love with this girl! Constance possesses the strength that Sophia does not yet recognise within herself; she is fiery and, as a descendant of an “evil stepsister”, leads a resistance movement to uncover and publicise the truth about the real tale of Cinderella. Despite, technically saving Sophia towards the beginning of the story, Constance is not Sophia’s saviour: nor is Sophia the saviour; however, the power that they find together is monumental.
Constance is a complete juxtaposition to Erin: whereas Erin accepts the rules of society out of fear for herself and her family, Constance actively rebels against them. It is almost as if they represent the paths Sophia has to choose from. Nevertheless, along their adventure, Sophia and Constance’s relationship strengthens into love. This is no fairytale, love at first sight deal though! If anything, the slow-burning romance between the two made it more believable and I really appreciated that Sophia didn’t just rebound due to Erin’s choices: she had been burnt and she was still unsure of her own feelings never mind anyone else’s.

At the hands of Bayron, Sophia experiences heartbreak, friendship, murder, love and conspiracy: she is on the brink of danger too many times to count and is constantly second guessing who she can trust. Yet, it is clear that the author adores her main character: Sophia’s journey to realise that she is enough is incredible and the strength that she finds within herself is inspirational. Sophia is also surrounded by a cast of strong female characters: there are no Prince Charming’s in this novel that’s for sure!

I wasn’t that far into this book when I decided I need to read more of Kalynn Bayron’s work. I love how there are no chapters in this novel, we are taken on this relentless journey with Sophia: the reader is not given a chance to stop and take stock, reflect or rest until it is all over and this creates the tensest experience. Even we don’t know who to trust towards the end!
‘Cinderella is Dead’ is powerful, thought-provoking and is constantly leaving the reader guessing. On a basic level the novel deals with violence, love, politics and a little bit of necromancy thrown in there for good measure. However, the intelligent writing as well as the massive plot twist and the subjects of LGBTQ love, women’s rights and domestic violence lifts this novel from that basic level into, what I predict could be a bestseller.
  
The Haunting of Hill House
The Haunting of Hill House
Shirley Jackson | 2009 | Fiction & Poetry, Horror
8
7.5 (29 Ratings)
Book Rating
Strong writing (1 more)
Good characters
Run-on sentences (1 more)
No explanations for paranormal activity
Contains spoilers, click to show
If you're looking for a scary story, 'The Haunting of Hill House' just doesn't add up.

The story is still worth reading because Jackson's story telling is something that is missing in literature today. The reader is introduced to characters that are different enough to be interesting; their development is just right that it leaves the reader satisfied. The story moves along well enough that the pace keeps us from getting bored. And each turn of the page keeps the reader guessing what is going to happen next- a must for any ghost story.

In 'The Haunting of Hill House,' Jackson mostly focuses on the character Eleanor - a woman who recently lost the sickly mother she had taken care of for years, to receiving an invitation for a paranormal experiment at the infamous Hill House. Eleanor also seems to be the main character affected by the house, not only having her name written on a wall, but also having her named called out by spirits during an automatic writing session with them.

Our first introduction to the Hill House happens as Eleanor arrives: "No Human eye can isolate the unhappy coincidence of line and place which suggests evil in the face of a house, and yet somehow a maniac juxtaposition, a badly turned angle, some chance meeting of roof and sky, turned Hill House into a place of despair, more frightening because the face of Hill House seemed awake, with a watchfulness from the blank windows and a touch of glee in the eyebrow of a cornice. Almost any house, caught unexpectedly or at an odd angle, can turn a deeply humorous look on a watching person; even a mischievous little chimney, or a dormer like a dimple, can catch up a beholder with a sense of fellowship; but a house arrogant and hating, never off guard, can only be evil. This house, which seemed somehow to have formed itself, flying together into its own powerful pattern under the hands of its builders, fitting itself into its own construction of lines and angles, reared its great head back against the sky without concession to humanity. It was a house without kindness, never meant to be lived in , not a fit place for people or for love or for hope. Exorcism cannot alter the countenance of a house; Hill House would stay as it was until it was destroyed."

We never see Hill House through any other character's eyes, and the viewpoints mostly come from Eleanor (a missed opportunity,I think). Everyone who arrives at the house feels uneasy about it: doors and curtains close on their own, unexplained banging noises down the hallways(only at night), the chattering and laughter of children, and with an oddly placed cold spot. Yet,to the reader's dismay, nothing is fully explained by the end of the story - no apparitions show up, no one seems harmed by anything unseen (although, the character, Luke, suddenly shows up with a bruised face that is never discussed), and the reader ends up wondering if this really is a product of mass psychosis. It almost seems like Jackson ended the story abruptly just to finish it(the book is only a little under 200 pages). She set up wonderful scenarios, but without explanations, we're left with a very empty feeling.

Nearing the end of the book, the doctor, John Montague, who has ran the entire experiment, has his wife,Mrs. Montague,arrive a few days later, who seems to know more about contacting spirits than he does: "The library? I think it might do; books are frequently very good carriers, you know. Materializations are often best produced in rooms where there are books. I cannot think of any time when materialization was in any way hampered by the presence of books." And with the arrival of Dr. Montague's wife, we get one of the major experiences in the entire book. Although her character is quite annoying- even seen through the eyes of other characters- she brings some of the most ghost story elements, one of which is her automatic writing sessions: "Planchette felt very strongly about a nun, John. Perhaps something of the sort- a dark, vague figure, even- has been seen in the neighborhood? Villagers terrified when staggering home late at night?" None of the characters, besides Mrs. Montague's companion, Arthur, believe her automatic writing sessions are real, even after Eleanor's name is brought up during one. As I stated before, without any explanations, the reader is even led to believe that nothing was meant to come of these sessions whatsoever.

The ghost story elements may not have been strong in the story, but the characters make up for them. They constantly question what they are experiencing and/or seeing, they question their surroundings, and they question each other -Jackson does an amazing job weaving paranoia into the story line.

One of the more shocking and unbelievable scenes is when Eleanor is suddenly not fearful of the house anymore: "And here I am, she thought. Here I am inside. It was not cold at all, but deliciously, fondly warm. It was light enough for her to see the iron stairway curving around and around up to the tower, and the little door at the top. Under her feet the stone floor moved caressingly, rubbing itself against the soles of her feet, and all around the soft air touched her, stirring her hair, drifting against her fingers, coming in a light breath across her mouth, and she danced in circles. No stone lions for me, she thought, no oleanders; I have broken the spell of Hill House and somehow come inside. I am home, she thought, and stopped in wonder at the thought. I am home, I am home, she thought; now to climb." It was as if Eleanor was a completely different person in just a few pages.

I do have a couple of problems with 'The Haunting of Hill House,' mostly centering around the use of run-on sentences and extra long paragraphs. The run-on sentences are a waste of time because Jackson seems to merely elaborate on something that could be easily explained or experienced with fewer words. The paragraphs, however, need to be broken up for scene transitioning purposes -when she transitions from one scene to the next, she can confuse the reader with them: one paragraph will have all the characters in the dining area, but in that same paragraph, just a few sentences down, Jackson has the characters suddenly in the parlor,drinking Brandy. Maybe the intention was to make the reader feel paranoid and uneasy like the characters in the book, but it was certainly not needed with the way of Jackson's style of writing.

With all that said, it's easy to see why this book is a popular classic. The writing is strong, using enough descriptions to put the reader in Hill House with all of its paranormal beings. And no matter who you are, you are able to find at least one of the lead characters as a favorite. I feel the book is a must-read for anyone interested in the paranormal, because Jackson brings out the occult interest that was going on around 1959 - when she published 'The Haunting of Hill House;' everything from cold spots to the use of a planchette for automatic writing.

I recommend this book, but if you're looking for scares, you must look elsewhere.
  
Space Plague
Space Plague
2021 | Abstract Strategy, Science Fiction, Space
When is the word “plague” ever a good thing? We as a people have endured several plagues and none of them could be considered super great. However, what if the term plague was merely that of endearment? What if, in a fantasy sci-fi world, a plague was merely a settler of new worlds? Now you can play as a plague and be inspired by the game’s tagline: “We are many, yet we are one. We are the plague.”

Space Plague is a new game from first time designers who hail from the country of Colombia. In it players assume the command of a race of aliens attempting to colonize a newfound planet before the other races assume majority. Each race is essentially the same, and have similar tactics, but may use these tactics differently from other races. The player who amasses the most plagues from their race by the time the game ends will be crowned champion, and settler of the new world.

DISCLAIMER: We were provided a prototype copy of this game for the purposes of this review. These are preview copy components, and I do not know for sure if the final components will be any different from these shown. Also, it is not my intention to detail every rule in the game, as there are just too many. You are invited to download the rulebook, back the game through the Kickstarter campaign, or through any retailers stocking it after fulfillment. -T


To setup, follow the instructions, as there are many steps for setup. Once complete, the game should look similar to the photo below. You will see in this photo the main board at the top, the circular world core board (in black and red), and individual board setups for three players. Of course, for this review I will be playing the purple faction: The Flat-Earthers (not that I agree with the actual group of Flat-Earthers). Each player receives the same components, just in their player color. This includes six action cards to serve as the opening hand.
Each round follows four phases: Planetary Deck, Play Action Cards, Planetary Event, and March. On the main board a Planetary Event Card is flipped at the start of each round. This will inform the players which terrain type will generate energy this turn, as well as give a glimpse into the future event that will occur once the card travels to the activation zone on the board. Once players have placed energy shards onto the requisite terrain tiles they must each choose one card to be played this turn from their hand. As each player has the same six beginning Action Cards turns may seem similar. These action cards include Producing Plague (placing a plague disc on the space furthest from the end of the terrain tile line, on top of the picture of the player’s spaceship), Producing a Captain (a stronger version of the normal plague disc), Fast Movement (allows plague discs to move twice toward the core or two discs to move one space each), Slow But Steady (allows one plague disc to move forward one space OR allows the player to place a shield disc on top of a plague to protect it from harm), and Evolving OR Getting Lucky (which allows the player to purchase an Evolution Card from the Market or to roll the energy die and place energy shards on the resulting terrain type). More action cards can be purchased at the Market and used on future turns in order to buff certain actions, abduct opponent plagues, or even create new types of plagues with special abilities.

Once all players have played and resolved their action card for the round the Planetary Event phase begins. If an event card has moved its way to the activation zone of the main board its event text is resolved now. These events signify death of plague discs if they reside on specific terrain types, allow for purchasing cards at the Market or else destroying the plague furthest toward the core, or other various and nefarious events.

When the event has been resolved the active player token is passed to the next player and the March phase ensues. Players will move each of their plague discs one space toward the core to make room for more incoming plagues and captains.


Once the final event card has made its way through each of the main board slots and past the activation zone the game will end. Players will count their plague discs that made it onto the core of the planet and the player with the most discs will win! The rules also include several tie-breakers, ending with a shared victory and a snarky, “tough toothpaste,” style of comment.
Components. Again, this is a prototype copy of the game, and components are not at all final. However, component quality aside, this game looks amazing on the table and hints at some really excellent plans for the final aesthetic. The character art and art on the cards is cartoony, but not in a bad way, and the other art in the graphic design is just stellar (checks around the room for the hook). The game feels “spacey” and “alieny” but also hip and lighthearted. I like it. I like it a lot. My hope for the final product is that the rulebook gets much more detailed, as I had to ask several questions to the designer that just were not clear or present in the rules. I am also hoping that the cards themselves will see quite a bit of beefiness added to them, as this prototype copy shipped with mega-thin cards that are delicate to handle. For a prototype, the components are good and show me what could be upon a successful Kickstarter campaign.

The gameplay is definitely something I want to discuss. I was blown away by how much fun I had playing this game! I cannot count how many times I vocalized how impressed I was with the design and how much fun I was having. I love the mechanic of giving all players the same components but allowing them to choose how to use them best for their strategies. Sometimes I felt that I need to flood my track with plagues and get them moving, while other times I wanted to just upgrade my race by using the evolution cards from the market. Those evolution cards are so interesting to use because they can change the course of the game, especially if specific cards come out near the beginning of the game.

Players can choose which world they wish to conquer at the start of each game (five were included with this copy), and each world possesses different strategies of play. That said, Space Plague definitely scores points for replayability from us.

While it was difficult to get into at first (remember all the rules questions I had), once I was able to truly learn the game it became so enjoyable, and everyone I have played with has thoroughly enjoyed it. If this is the style of game we can expect to come out of Colombia and Bamboo Studios in particular, I am very excited for the future and for the board game community as a whole. This one is a gem and I cannot recommend it highly enough. If you are looking for something a little kooky but with great art and super fun play, then it’s a no-brainer. Space Plague is a must-play at the very least.
  
Century Golem: Eastern Mountains
Century Golem: Eastern Mountains
2019 | Fantasy
Before I buy any new games, I like to do my research. I watch play-through videos, read reviews, check out ratings, etc. Hopefully I’ll even get a chance to play the game before I decide whether or not I want it in my collection. But when Century: Golem Edition – Eastern Mountains came out, I did none of that. I just immediately pre-ordered it blindly, no research done at all. I love Century: Golem Edition, and had faith in the quality of the Eastern Mountains version. Was my faith misplaced? Or does this second game in the Century: Golem trilogy live up to its predecessor and keep me hooked?

The second game in the Century: Golem Edition trilogy is Century: Golem Edition – Eastern Mountains (referred to as just Eastern Mountains for the rest of this review). Players return to their roles as crystal traders, mining and trading crystals. You’ve achieved success in your home village, but now have decided to venture out into the mountains of Carvania, in hopes of creating a vast network of trade throughout the land.

Disclaimer: Eastern Mountains is a standalone game, but also comes with a ruleset for The Call For Adventure – with which you can integrate both Century: Golem Edition AND Eastern Mountains into one big game. This review is of Eastern Mountains only and does not delve into the gameplay for The Call For Adventure. When we add that additional content to Eastern Mountains, we will either amend this review or write a new post altogether! -L

Eastern Mountains is a game of point-to-point movement with a modular board in which players are mining/trading crystals to fulfill Village requirements and receive end-game VPs. Set up the game tiles as described in the rules, and each player receives a player board, wagon, and outposts in their chosen color. From the starting crystal options, players select and add their starting crystals to their player boards, place their wagon on any mountain tile, and the game is ready to begin!

Played over a series of rounds, players take turns moving their wagon and performing one action. To begin a turn, you may move your wagon to an adjacent tile for free. You can always choose not to move on your turn if you wish! If you want to move more than 1 mountain tile, you may do so, but you must place a single crystal from your player board onto each tile you leave. As long as you have crystals to pay, you can continue movement. If you end your movement on a tile with another wagon, you must pay each other wagon owner 1 crystal from your board. After you are done moving your wagon (or not moving), you may perform one of the following actions: Trade, Village, or Mine.

To perform the Trade action, you must first have an outpost on that tile. The cost to build an outpost varies by player count and number of outposts already on that tile. Outposts are paid for with crystals from your board. You then take the leftmost outpost from your board in the row that matches the trade symbol on the mountain tile, and place it on that tile. When building an outpost, if you empty a vertical column on your board, you may immediately choose a bonus tile to use for the remainder of the game. Once you have an outpost on a mountain tile, you may perform the Trade action. To Trade, exchange the crystal(s) listed above the arrow for those listed below the arrow. You may perform the Trade action as many times as long as you have the appropriate crystals to exchange.


Village tiles, placed on the four corners of the ‘board,’ each have 1 face-up VP tile atop them. If you move your wagon to a Village tile, and you have the appropriate crystals shown on that VP tile, you may perform the Village action by returning those crystals to the supply and claiming that VP tile. Draw a new VP tile to place on the village, and your turn is over. To perform the Mine action, you simply take 2 yellow crystals from the supply. This action can be performed from any tile. The end of the game is triggered once a player has claimed their 4th VP tile. The round ends as normal, and then VPs are tallied. You earn VPs from VP tiles, some bonus tiles, and for uncovered outpost spaces on your player board. The player with the most VP is the winner!
So, for pre-ordering Eastern Mountains blindly, with no intel about it at all, I am happy to report that it did not disappoint! Eastern Mountains takes everything I love about Century: Golem Edition and takes it to the next level. Let’s dive into strategy first. Eastern Mountains takes the strategic element of trading/upgrading crystals to the next level by adding a modular board. Instead of drafting cards to your hand, you have to physically move your wagon across the tiles to perform those chosen trades. And since you can only move 1 tile for free, you really have to strategize how to manipulate your crystals in the fastest ways possible to fulfill the Village tile VPs. Can you find a combination of tiles that can churn crystals out for you? Or are they scattered across the board, thus forcing you to adjust strategy to gain new crystals? With the modular board and random tile setup, every game is going to be different, and will require a different strategy for success.

The other strategic element that I love in Eastern Mountains is that all information is known by all players. You know what crystals (and how many) your opponents have, you know the trade powers in play, you can see where your opponent has built outposts, and you can see the VP requirements on the Village tiles. Obviously, you can’t read your opponents’ minds, but all of this public information could give you a glimpse into their strategy. And that could affect your strategy as well! You’re always thinking in this game, and I love that.


Moving on to components – high quality stuff! All of the mountain tiles are thick and sturdy cardboard, the wagon and outpost meeples are chunky and easy to handle, and of course the crystals are beautiful and fun to play with! One thing that really drew me to Century: Golem Edition was the colorful and awesome artwork. In Eastern Mountains, that artwork really doesn’t shine through as much. The theme is still there, but not as evident as in the first game. Overall, though, still a colorful and pretty game!
Plan B Games absolutely hit the mark with Eastern Mountains. It is extremely strategic, engaging, and entertaining. A highlight is the fact that it has a modular board. The setup possibilities are endless, and replayability is no concern for this game. Eastern Mountains is a wonderful sequel to Century: Golem Edition, and it was definitely a great investment for me. If you enjoy Century: Golem Edition, I highly recommend that you give Eastern Mountains a try. It might surprise you! Purple Phoenix Games gives Century: Golem Edition – Eastern Mountains an 11 / 12.
  
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Purple Phoenix Games (2266 KP) rated Sea of Clouds in Tabletop Games

Sep 5, 2019 (Updated Jul 1, 2020)  
Sea of Clouds
Sea of Clouds
2016 | Card Game, Pirates
When it comes to game themes, I think that we at Purple Phoenix Games are pretty good at trying just about anything. That being said, for some reason we keep finding ourselves back at pirates! So how does Sea of Clouds compare to our other pirate-themed games? Is it a good First Mate, or does it need to walk the plank? Keep reading to find out!

In Sea of Clouds, players are Captains of mighty air pirate ships. That’s right – flying pirate ships! Just like the pirate days of yore, your goal is to recruit the best crew, plunder for treasure and relics, and find the best rum along the way. But be careful because your rival pirate Captains have their eyes on the same prize – so make sure you’ve got a way to outsmart them and sail your way to victory!

Sea of Clouds is a game of card drafting, set collection, and push your luck in which players are trying to amass the most end-game victory points. Played over a series of rounds, players take turns drafting cards, performing bonus actions, and engaging in combat with their neighboring Captains. To setup, each player takes their chosen Captain board, the central board is placed in the middle of all players, and 1 loot card is placed face-down on each of the 3 loot spaces on the central board. The remaining cards are shuffled and create a draw pile. Now you are ready to play!


Each round consists of divvying up shares of loot between all players. On your turn, you will take the face-down card(s) in the #1 loot spot and look at them secretly. Decide whether you want to take the share, or leave it and look at the next one. If you decide to keep the card(s), add them directly around your Captain board in their corresponding spaces. If you decided to leave the share, add 1 card from the top of the draw pile to that share, and then look secretly at the cards in the #2 loot spot. Proceed in the same manner as before with the cards in the #2 and #3 loot spots, if necessary. If none of the shares catch your fancy, draw 1 card from the top of the draw deck to add to your ship. Play continues to the left, and once everyone has had their turn, move the round marker ahead on the central board, and continue on to the next round in the same fashion. At the end of certain rounds of the game, following the divvying of shares, there will be a boarding/combat turn – players will compare the combat strength of their crew (recruited during the divvying of shares) to that of their neighboring Captains. If your crew’s strength is greater than your neighbor, resolve any rewards/effects on your pirate cards. If your strength is less than your neighbor, you lose the combat and do not collect any rewards. Once all combats have been resolved, everyone discards all their crew cards, and the next round begins. At the end of the game, players count up their victory points, and the player who has amassed the most is the winner!

I’m going to get right to the spoilers and say that I love Sea of Clouds. It has some of my favorite mechanics (set collection and card drafting) and it is easy to teach, learn, and play. Do not let the simplicity of play fool you, however, because strategy is definitely a key to victory. One thing that takes this strategy to the next level for me is that there will be times when all players know what cards are in each share of loot. You’ve got to pay attention to which shares your opponents are taking, and figure out a way to stop them from collecting complete sets, or try to force them to collect a share they may not necessarily want. Also, as shares go unclaimed, they get more cards (and eventually money) added to them, so you have to weigh the risks of collecting a share because of one specific card, even though there may be a ‘bad’ card in that share for you. You always have to be adjusting your strategy based on what cards show up in each share, so there is no idle time for any player in this game.

Another neat thing I like about the strategy of this game is that all the cards have backs based on their card type. So all Relic cards have the same back, all Crew cards have the same back, etc. Even though you may not know what is on the other side of the card, you might just take a chance on a share of loot because it has the card types you are trying to get. That’s where the push your luck comes in, because until you look at a share of loot, you aren’t sure if that card is the one you need. Maybe share #1 has a couple cards you could use, but share #2 has a relic card that could be the final one in your set! Are you willing to risk passing up a decent share of loot to see if the next share has what you need? Or maybe the top of the draw deck has the card type you want – would you pass up all 3 shares of loot for one blindly draw card in hopes that it is to your benefit? There is no single ‘right’ way to play, and that is what makes this fun.

The only drawbacks of this game for me are the boarding/combat turns. I like the idea of this player interaction, but it doesn’t always work fairly in my opinion. At the end of each boarding/combat turn, all players discard all of their Crew cards, and you have until the next boarding phase to recruit a new crew. And sometimes, just based on the luck of the draw, you just never get the opportunity to hire anybody. Maybe your opponent takes the share with a Crew member before you get a chance to, or maybe the deck just isn’t evenly shuffled enough to get enough Crew cards out into the playing field. So if you have no Crew, you automatically lose the combat, and that can be detrimental to your strategy – opponents could steal or discard some of your cards, and cause you to lose end-game points. Maybe if there was a draw pile where you could pay a certain amount of gold to hire a Crew member, that would make the game feel a little more fair in the combat department. But ultimately, you’re at the mercy of the luck of the shuffle/draw, and sometimes it just doesn’t balance out.

All in all, I think Sea of Clouds is a great game. It’s a relatively simple game, but one that still requires strategic thought. The push your luck element feels unique in this game because you don’t really lose anything if your luck runs out, you just don’t necessarily get as far as you wanted. The game itself is pretty to look at – the artwork is very well-done and the colors really pop and draw the eye to the cards. This may not be in my Top 10 of favorite games, but it’s one that I will definitely be keeping in my collection. Take a chance on this one if you haven’t so far – it might surprise you. Purple Phoenix Games gives Sea of Clouds a high-flying 12 / 18.
  
Mob Sitters
Mob Sitters
2019 | Bluff, Card Game, Humor, Mafia, Party Game
I feel like everyone at some point in their lives has been a babysitter. Either for younger (or maybe even older?) siblings, or for the entire neighborhood – it kind of seems like a rite of passage. I definitely had my share of babysitting gigs growing up, but none as exciting and high-energy as the one presented in Mob Sitters!

Disclaimer: This preview is based upon a preview copy of the game. The final components, rules, and gameplay may differ from those described in this review! -L

In Mob Sitters, you take on the role of a babysitter working for the mob. Just because crime pays the bills doesn’t mean these mobsters don’t have families! You’re no ordinary babysitter though, otherwise you wouldn’t be mixed up with the mob. You’ve got plans of your own – whether it’s stealing from your boss, ratting out your rivals to the cops, or actually just some innocent babysitting, there’s money to be made here!

Mob Sitters is played over six rounds in which you take turns playing cards (some hidden and some not), targeting or reacting to your opponents, and collecting that sweet sweet money. Let’s break it down. To start the game, each player receives a player mat and deck of cards for their chosen character. There will be 8 characters in the final game, but only 6 are present in the preview copy. The different characters do not have any special powers or abilities, they just have different artwork on their cards! Shuffle your decks, draw a hand of 6 cards, determine a starting player, and you’re ready to go.

Each player’s turn consists of 6 steps (Steps 1-3 are not applicable in round 1, and Steps 4-6 are not applicable in the final round). Step 1 is to earn money – any cards with a monetary value that are in your play area are moved to your Safe and will count towards end-game scoring. It is important to note that cards that earn you money (Steal and Job cards) must be played face-up into your play area. Step 2 is to reveal and resolve any Accusation cards in your play area that you want to. Accusation cards allow you to target an opponent’s Job/Steal card currently in play, in an attempt to discard it to their Cops/Boss piles, respectively, to count against that player in end-game scoring. The targeted player does not have to sit idly by and watch their money go down the drain, however. If the targeted player has a Reaction card face-down in their play area, they may reveal it to deflect the blame to yet another player! If you successfully deflect the blame, that money will not count against you, but will instead count against the next player blamed who is unable to react to and shift blame to someone else. To play a Reaction card, it must already be in your play area – you cannot play one directly from your hand! The next step, Step 3, is to discard any remaining face down cards in your play area. In Step 4, you choose 3 cards from your hand and play them into your play area. Job/Steal cards must be played face-up, but Accusation and Reaction cards can be played face-down. During Step 5, you resolve any face-up accusation cards you may have played in Step 4. The final step, Step 6, of your turn is to draw 3 cards, bringing your hand back up to 6 cards. Play then moves on to the next player, who then will perform their 6 steps, and so on. After 6 rounds, the game ends. Scoring varies depending on how many players there are, but ultimately the winner is the player with the most money in their safe!

I know that sounds like quite a lot going on, but believe me when I say the game plays pretty well (and pretty quickly) once you’ve gotten the hang of the turns. On paper, the sheer number of steps per turn seems excessive and like it would bog down the gameplay, but in actuality, the actions performed in each step are simple and fast. Perhaps if the number of steps were condensed from 6 down to maybe 3-4, the gameplay would seem a little less daunting. There is some slight ambiguity between the types of cards and into which stacks they go – the rules call cards Job and Steal cards, but the player mat refers to Boss and Cop cards. Fortunately the cards have symbols that correspond to the different stacks, so when in doubt, check the corner of the card!

Let’s talk components. This is first and foremost a card game, and the cards I received are of good quality! They shuffle well, and feel sturdy enough to withstand many plays. The art on the cards is pretty cute, the colors really pop, and there are some fun puns to be found on several Steal/Job cards. As for the player mats, this is only a preview copy of the game so I just printed them out (apologies for my lack of access to a color printer!), but their text is clear and helpful for remembering turn steps. The components may change throughout the Kickstarter campaign, but so far they’re off to a good start!

So how does it play? For the most part, Mob Sitters plays pretty quickly and is engaging for all players. There’s a good amount of strategy involved, as well as some luck and a whole lotta take that. All players receive identical decks of cards, which are then shuffled, so although you know what cards are available to your opponents, you never know what they currently have in their hand. You’ve got to be watchful of which cards your opponents play, to see if you can deduce which cards they have remaining. Are they taking the offensive approach and accusing everyone? Or are they being more subtle and taking a defensive stance, deflecting all accusations onto others? You have to decide when is the right time to play your cards to ensure that you aren’t targeted by too many opponents. Your strategy is ever-changing to adapt to the cards currently in your hand, and that’s what takes Mob Sitters to the next level for me.

Mob Sitters is a quick, easy, and fun game for any sized group. Hilarity ensues when accusations result in all players pointing fingers and trying to deflect blame. Although it can be played with 3, I think this game is better suited for 4+ players. With a smaller group, some of the aspects of ‘take that’ can feel personal and lead to tension between players. But a larger group can eliminate some of the animosity caused by always being targeted by the same person the entire game. Overall though, I enjoyed getting to play Mob Sitters! It has a unique theme and simple, yet strategic, gameplay that will keep all players on their toes. In my communications with the designer, I have learned that the retail version of the game will include “Hidden Agenda” cards to provide each player with a secret objective. There is also an expansion already in the works – The Heavy Mob Deck – that will add more cards and more complexity for experienced gamers!

If you enjoy games of hidden information, take that, and a little bit of bluffing, definitely check Mob Sitters out! It’s more than the standard party game, but still fits the categories of light, fast, and easy to learn games for all players. I look forward to following this upcoming campaign, and I definitely will be playing my copy again!
  
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Kirk Bage (1775 KP) rated Ozark in TV

Jul 31, 2020 (Updated Jan 22, 2021)  
Ozark
Ozark
2017 | Crime, Drama, Thriller
It’s about 6 weeks since I finished season 3 of this incredible show from Netflix. I have been putting off writing about it, because I wanted to let it settle. And also because I have a hell of a lot to say about it. I am gonna try and be comprehensive, without giving too much away in terms of spoilers. I am going to assume you have seen some of it, or have heard the hype, at least. If you haven’t got around to it yet, then all I can say is: what are you doing with your entertainment life? Get on it, now! It is as ubiquitous as Breaking Bad, The Sopranos, or The Wire, and sits comfortably in that group for consistent quality and lasting impressions.

Season one first aired in July 2017. I heard good things very quickly, albeit with some hesitation. It was dark, sometimes literally, utilising a trademark washed-out effect visually, that instantly gave it a bleak feel, which was not to everyone’s taste, but I loved. General consensus had it that the writing was great; the situation and concept drew you in from minute one. In fact, I believe the first episode is one of the best pilots seen in the last decade, bar none. It made no bones about what we were to expect from the start: intelligent dialogue, a lot of tension and a hefty chunk of jaw-dropping brutality.

Jason Bateman has enjoyed a remarkable career in the last ten years, putting behind him a patchy child-star and B actor tag, to emerge as the go to guy for deadpan comedy pathos, rivalled only, perhaps by Paul Rudd. Ozark is Bateman’s show in many regards, fulfilling his ambition to produce and direct as well as act, and he is a superb central pivot to the show, as hard nosed accountant turned drug cartel puppet, Marty Byrde. He excels in all three roles on every level, and if you are a fan of his lighter work, chances are you will fall head over heels for his dubious charm in Ozark.

But, whilst he is the lynchpin of the show, and a compelling character in every subtley drawn way, there is so much more to the show than him. Laura Linney, as his initially timid wife, Wendy, is never less than interesting. Perfectly cast, utilising her skill for portraying strong yet flawed women at every turn; she grows into a character so full of contradictions and conflicts, that you change your mind whether you like her or not almost episode to episode. Time will tell, but she may yet emerge in season 4 as the most fully realised character in the show, depending on how her arc ends. The potential is huge, and despite a CV of solid roles over the years, this could be the defining work of her career. It’s already close.

Then there are the kids in this very modern nuclear family, Charlotte and Jonah, played by Sofia Hublitz and Skylar Gaetner. These characters could have been set decoration in lesser hands, but in this show they are given the chance to grow and become pivotal to the ongoing story in remarkable ways. There is nothing stereotypical about either of them, and the two young actors more than rise to the challenge of matching the more experienced pros. Many a show has been ruined by miscast youths that can’t match the more sophisticated adult content, but I remain impressed by these two, both as characters and actors. Again, they have the scope to go into very fascinating places within the story when season four emerges.

The true strength of the show, however, may lie in its consistently solid output of great supporting characters. Julia Gartner, as older than her years redneck with ambitions to rise above it, Ruth, has garnered all the plaudits, quite rightly. You grow to like her in usual ways. At first mistrusting her and then ended up 100% on her side. At times, she is the only one making sense and making the right decisions. The continual ways she is forced to grow up fast and bounce back from traumatic situations is so beautifully handled, that when she does show her vulnerable side it is at once shocking and heart- rending.

A lot of characters come and go; some forever, much quicker than you anticipated… for the sake of non spoilers, I won’t go into a who’s who here, but many meet a very sticky end, and it isn’t always who you think it will be. Especially by season 3, which largely drops the dark filter on the camera lens, but cranks up the body count exponentially, you start to feel that no one is safe, and anyone can go at any minute. Except, when they do, and why they do, is so well interwoven into the plot that you forget to look for the sucker punch and are still left with your jaw hitting the floor.

There were moments on season three where I was actually talking to the screen, begging certain characters not to do what they were doing; a sure sign of complete emotional investment. A big part of that was the addition of Tom Pelphrey as Wendy’s brother, who from the start puts a genius new spin on the family dynamic, becoming intertwined in interesting and ultimately devastating ways. His character takes a while to warm up, but by mid-season he is guaranteed to be your favourite person in it. And in episode 9, he delivers a monologue and a performance that I would quite honestly say is one of the absolute best things I’ve ever seen in a TV show.

I was moderately outraged then, to see he wasn’t rewarded with at least a nomination for the 2020 Emmy Awards. An oversight rather than a snub, for sure, but when Bateman, Linney and Garner all got nominated and he didn’t it felt like a real injustice, and a lot of online vitriol reflected that. Such a shame, especially if it turns out to be the best work he ever does – and I can’t imagine anything better, but who knows where he will go from here.

By the end of season 3 I felt exhausted. Each episode is slightly over an hour long, but can feel like you just watched a self contained movie. The quality certainly feels that way. I was both elated and shocked by the way it was left on a cliff edge, and relieved that I could take a break from it now. Although, waiting potentially up to two years to see how the story ends now seems like a long wait.

And it will be the end, one way or another, as the production announced season four will be the last, however stretching from 10 to 14 episodes, divided into 2 halves of 7; a trick Breaking Bad also did in its fifth and final season. I love that idea. Knowing the finish line is coming, rather than having it stretch out for years until the ideas and the momentum have long run out. Dexter springs to mind: a show that should have ended two seasons earlier, for sure.

I can really only see two ways it can go from here: either everyone dies, and that seems quite likely right now, or they win big. There simply is no inbetween I can imagine that would be satisfying. And I’m on the fence which I will prefer… The only certainty is that I will be very excited indeed when it comes around. And shows that make you feel that way are rare. In the meantime, I’m gonna watch a lot of comedies. I need a laugh after this…
  
Game Of Thrones
Game Of Thrones
2011 | Adventure, Drama, Fantasy
Look on the bright side, we all said, without really believing it, when lockdown hit in March – time to watch those box sets we’ve been putting off. Well that was, of course, a great idea! For me that box set was possibly the biggest of all: the behemoth that is GOT.

Much like when a new band gets big quickly and you refuse to listen to the hype, I avoided watching the biggest show in the world, even when it was on in the same room as I tried to read a book in the other corner. It wasn’t that I thought I wouldn’t like it, but more that I didn’t believe it could be anywhere near as good as folk were making it out to be, especially as season one looked like only a slight step up on the swords and sandles exploitation-fests that had been going around. I labelled it “Tits and Dragons” and got on with my life for the next 8 years.

March 2020 will go down in history as the biggest spike in streaming TV services the globe will ever see. Literally millions of previously casual watchers, who had been busy having lives and jobs, turned to Netflix, Amazon Prime, Now TV and iPlayer etc, in search of endless hours of easy entertainment they could immerse their bored and twitchy minds inside of. Without internet at home, I had to go a bit more old school and rely on my daughter posting me the DVDs of GOT season by season.

I found season one enjoyable, with caveats, as it seemed to be one massive exposition (and sexposition) workshop. Obviously the main characters were being set up for big storylines down the road. In which sense it reminded me of a soap opera; in how it flitted between characters and relationships, never dwelling on one plot point for more than two minutes. I liked the way the production had set itself up though – the sets and costumes were of a much higher level than was usual for this kind of thing. Then there was those great opening credits, which become impossible not to hum along to as you get more into it.

Sadly, the first big shock moment didn’t shock me, as I’d heard so much about it on social media 9 years ago. But it was still very well done. Bold and brave; to take out a big name that early was a master stroke. By the end of S1E9 I was properly hooked. Although it helped I didn’t have anything else to do!

The next two weeks I had to wait for season two to be posted out, so I embarked on watching all the DVD commentaries too to kill some time in the evenings whilst I waited. This is almost certainly something I wouldn’t have done under normal circumstances and I believe it is what cemented my enjoyment of it as a whole. Listening to the cast and crew reminisce about what a great time they had, and how close they all were, really helped put it into context for me. I was already loving Peter Dinklage and Lena Headey, but their humour and irreverence in the commentaries made it feel like there were pals in the room watching it with me.

By season two and beyond, I was looking at maps, memorizing every minor character’s name, house and motto, and just immersing in it to the point of obsession. As, I guess, millions of people had already done over the years, but now I got what the fuss was all about. It is an addictive show; you have to know what happens next, you simply can’t leave it alone! Whether it is hissing and booing at Joffrey, or loving to hate Cersei, or siding with the bastards and broken things, there is always something engaging going on – and when a character you disliked dies horribly it is so satisfying!

It is a weird mix, however, of moments so horribly signposted, with some dubious acting, and moments of real surprise and emotion delivered with great acting. Many of the characters really grow into their skins as the actors get more familiar and comfortable being them. The writers too get better at putting the right words in their mouths, and learn to minimise the exposition moments. The young ones in particular really grow impressively as it goes on into seasons 3 and 4. Maisie Williams as the slightly sadistic loner Arya Stark especially. I loved how none stereotypical that character was, and have to say her relationship with The Hound was my favourite thing in the whole show.

At the climax of season four, which I believe was the peak of it artistically, the story arc of Dinklage as Tyrion Lannister, aka The Imp, becomes so compellingly good you can’t take your eyes off him. I had already come to the conclusion that his scenes were the best ones, but this went to 11 on the dial. And it gets better thinking back on it too. Which can’t truly be said of where they go with John Snow and Daenarys, who are ostensibly the main draw by this point, as all storylines seem to mirror their journeys on opposite sides of the world; a song of ice and fire, indeed.

Seasons 5 and 6 continued to be great, even though the dramatic peaks were hard to top. What did improve was the big set pieces, as episodes such as Hardhome and Battle of the Bastards upper the bar on huge battles, staged masterfully. There were things happening that I had never seen in a TV show before, both creatively and budget spent. Watching some of the making of documentaries was fascinating in this regard. The props department alone was astonishingly detailed, to Lord of the Rings degrees, properly impressive!

To go into story and scene details here is pointless, and I don’t want to include any more spoilers than I already have, just in case there is anyone else like me, that hasn’t done the whole journey yet. Obviously, there was some controversy in where seasons 7 and especially 8 went with some storylines and characters. I thought it was mostly fine, to be honest, I just went with it. But it did become a little stretched and hurried, as it raced towards its conclusion. It’s hard for me to get a proper impression of how tense and then annoying it would be to wait a long time for a new season and then have it not go where you imagined it would. Not a problem for me, as I blitzed the final 4 seasons in about a week.

As the episode ratings of season 8 on IMDb indicate, folk were not happy. There was an element of anti-climax, to be fair, but what else could it have been, now so many people claim it as their own? The end isn’t perfect, and that may have a lot to do with the fact they stopped following the books, because they hadn’t been written. In all honestly, I didn’t care. It was spectacular and diverting enough to keep my attention, and my investment in the characters not brutally killed off was not teenage enough to take it personally. I do have sympathy for fans that felt their loyalty betrayed, but come on… it’s just a TV show.

Watching the same fictional world for more than 70 actual hours can do things to you brain. In conclusion I would say I loved going there! The good things always outweighed the annoying things, and it is an experience I would recommend to anyone who hasn’t done it. Whatever age you are, it is a must see phenomenon, like The Sopranos – oh wait, I haven’t seen that yet either…
  
Ad Astra (2019)
Ad Astra (2019)
2019 | Adventure, Drama, Mystery
Impressive visuals, but rather disappointing as an overall package.
Like father, like son?
I really love sci-fi films with high ambitions. “Psychological” sci-fi like “Solaris” for example. And “Arrival” topped my movie list for 2016. In similar vein, “Ad Astra” is also a movie concerning attempted contact with alien life. So I had high hopes for it. But would this Sci-fi epic ultimately challenge my brain again, or end up in the “Crystal Skull” sin bin with a dodgy alien meeting?

The Plot
Set a few years into the future, Roy McBride (Brad Pitt) is the son of a legend. H. Clifford McBride (Tommy Lee Jones) was a space exploration pioneer. His picture hangs in the NASA hall of fame next to Buzz Aldrin’s. McBride senior went missing presumed dead near Neptune during a mission. The mission was to get outside the Sun’s heliosphere to scan for potential alien transmissions from nearby solar systems.

But something went badly wrong, and now the earth (and potentially all human life migrating into the solar system) is at risk from massive electromagnetic bursts arising from Neptune. Is Clifford alive and involved in the emerging crisis? The authorities send Roy on a secret mission to Mars to try to communicate with his father.

Majestic cinematography
Let’s start with a real positive. The cinematography here is first rate. Hoyte Van-Hoytema – well known for “Interstellar“, “Spectre” and “Dunkirk” – knocks this out of the park. In the same manner as “Blade Runner 2049“, many of the frames of this film could be blown up and placed on art gallery walls around the world.

Add to that some cracking film editing from John Axelrad and Lee Haugen, and some beautiful sound design and I predict the movie should feature strongly in the technical awards at the Oscars.

But “science fiction” has the word “science” in it….
I’d like to park my physics brain sometimes when I go to the movies, but I just can’t. So I really need sci-fi films to live up to the science part of their name. There are a number of areas, particularly at the back end of the film, when credibility goes out the window.

I can’t really say more here without giving spoilers, so I will leave them to a “Spoiler section” below the trailer…. don’t read this if you haven’t seen the film!

What IS this movie trying to be?
In my view the film is pretty schizophrenic in nature. This is what confused me about the trailer, jumping from a cerebral sci-fi vibe to moon buggy shoot-outs.

On one hand, its the standard (but always interesting) tale of a child abandoned by a hero-father and his attempts to reconcile what that’s done to his life and relationships. How can he ever square that circle without contacting his dad? As the film’s tag-line goes “The answers we seek are just outside our reach”.

On the other there are episodes of action that would fit happily into an action scene from Star Trek.

The two elements never really gel, leading to the feeling of the film having been written as a set of disconnected pages and the writers then saying “Hey, Jimmy, once you’ve finished making us the tea, could you just write a few lines to join those pages up into a shooting script?”. Then later, “What do you mean Jimmy you used BOTH piles of paper?!”.

The greatest sin of all
Unfortunately, the film commits a cardinal sin in my book. Those of you who follow my blog regularly might know what I’m going to say….

Voiceovers! I BLOODY HATE THEM!! It’s at the very extreme of what the great Mark Kermode calls “show don’t tell”.

Here, we don’t just have a little Brad Pitt set-up intro and he then shuts up. He just drones on and on and on with his inner thoughts. At least Matt Damon in “The Martian” got away with it by cleverly filming his video blog. And it’s not as if there isn’t a prime opportunity to use that device here! He is constantly having to talk to a computer to do his regular psychological tests! But that option is not picked up.

BIG BLACK MARK!

But the film has its moments
Bubbling under all of this are some stand-out moments where, for me, the film soared. One of them (ultimately setting me up for as much of a disappointing fall as some of the characters!) is the stunning opening shots aboard the “Sky Antenna” structure. Impressive and exciting, with falling bits of metal playing Russian Roulette with Roy’s iife.

Another strength for me is Brad Pitt. I’ve seen wildly differing views on this, but for me its a quiet but strong acting performance. There are many scenes when he has no lines, his inner (and our outer) voice gives it a miss, and he acts the socks off his peers. What with “Once Upon A Time… In Hollywood” its been a really good year for Pitt. I suspect “Hollywood” might be the one though that gets him his fourth acting Oscar nomination.

For a 2019 film, it’s actually a very male-heavy film, made more so by Pitt’s love-interest (Liv Tyler) being given virtually nothing to do other that look a bit sulky from a distance. I’m not even sure she gets a single line in the whole film! (“Miss Tyler – please sign for your script”. “But, there’s nothing in the envelope?”. “Quite Miss Tyler, Quite”).

The only decent female role goes to Ruth Negga as the Mars colony leader. Even then, she only has limited screen time and although having the title “Mars CEO” really doesn’t seem to have much power.

Elsewhere, its great to see both Tommy Lee Jones and Donald Sutherland back on the big screen again.

Final Thoughts
As any veteran RAF person will know, “Ad Astra” is Latin for “To the stars”. In space terms this is less “to the stars” and more “just beyond your front door”.

James Gray‘s film undoubtedly has high ambitions but, through its spasmodic script, never really gets there. It has the beauty of “Gravity” but none of the refinement; there’s an essence of “Space Odyssey” in places, but it never goes for the mystical angle; it has the potential to reflect the near-insanity through loneliness of “Silent Running” but never commits fully to that storyline. But if its novelty you’re looking for, it ticks the “floating monkeys in space” box!

I think it’s worth seeing on the big screen just for its visual beauty and Pitt’s performance. And as a major block-buster sci-fi film I enjoyed it to a degree. But for me it had just so many irritations that it failed to live up to my high expectations. A great shame and a frustrating disappointment.

But at least it’s great news for Richard Branson and Virgin Atlantic shareholders. They can be assured that the future is bright for their “long distance” flights in the future!
  
Moonfall (2022)
Moonfall (2022)
2022 | Action, Adventure, Fantasy
The late ’90s and early 2000s was filled with epic, over-the-top disaster movies focusing on all methods of world-ending cataclysmic events. Alien invasions as seen in Independence Day, set on destroying all humans and snatching our planet’s remaining resources, global warming resulting in floods and freezing temperatures, even threats of asteroids crashing into the earth. While many of these movies were ridiculous and epic at times, they all focused on a singular threat facing humankind and a group of ordinary (yet somehow extraordinary) people to save the planet and ourselves. Moonfall attempts to take another stab at the formula that made these movies famous (even infamous) resulting in some mixed and head-scratching results.

Moonfall, directed by Roland Emmerich, stars Halle Berry and Patrick Wilson as a pair of NASA astronauts that are attacked by a strange mechanical swarm while performing a routine satellite repair mission from the space shuttle Endeavor in the mid-1990s. The attack resulted in the death of one of the crew members and severely damaged the shuttle. Brian Harper (Wilson) and Jo Fowler (Berry) successfully return the shuttle to earth only to see Harper take the fall for the death of his crewman and the fall guy for a coverup to prevent the citizens of earth from truly understanding what they encountered.

Fast forward to current day and a “crazy” conspiracy theorist K.C Houseman, believing the moon to be a megastructure built by aliens, discovers that the moon’s orbit is rapidly eroding. He attempts to reach out to NASA and after several unsuccessful attempts releases his findings via social media. The top minds at NASA confirm what has been identified and estimate that they have only three weeks to execute a plan to prevent the moon from crashing into the earth destroying everything and everyone. The race for the survival of the planet is quickly on which will focus on not only the NASA “team”, but each of their family members.

Let me get this out of the way first, I personally loved many of Roland Emmerich’s wildly outlandish films. I thought Independence Day was fantastic, and even though many found The Day After Tomorrow a bit to preachy and ridiculous, I still found it entertaining for what it was. So, I was excited going into Moonfall. I was ready for a fun movie that I felt would be a mindless, fun adventure which was something I had really missed in many of the movies that had come out over the past year or two. Unfortunately, my aspirations (and even the low bar I had set my expectations for) would be quickly dashed.

Moonfall is a movie that struggles throughout to find an identity. I found myself instantly comparing several of Emmerich’s films during its roughly two-hour run time. At times its reminiscent of Independence Day, with its alien destruction of earth storyline, and then quickly jumps to a disaster film about the moon crashing into the earth. It’s as though Emmerich took pages of several of his previous films and cobbled them together into some sort of Frankenstein’s monster. There are so many plots and subplots going on that you never truly know what the main threat is. It touches on everything from the birth of humanity to the overly aggressive military, to the dumbing down of NASA all at the same time. With the exception of our heroes (and of course their entire families, because why not), everyone else is just resigned to the fact that nothing can be done. Riots of course breakout, the military is quick to decide to nuke the moon is somehow going to save the planet, and no level of crazy plan is off the table.

I’m happy to forgive an outrageous plot if the actors are able to pull it off with some semblance of believability. I know none of the actions have any real-world chance of success, and I can forgive plot holes for the sake of entertainment. Unfortunately, the acting is where Moonfall really lets the audience down. Each character is portrayed in a completely over-the-top fashion, it reminded me of watching a movie that is intentionally attempting to spoof another movie. The emotions are not believable, and the lines being delivered are literally derived from popular lines of other movies. Bonus points if you can identify which movie they are from as the film progresses. The saddest part is, this movie is trying to take itself seriously, it’s not intentionally being campy, for the sake of being campy. I think the character portrayals could have been forgiven if that was the case, but it’s clearly not. It’s actually a distraction when the story of a film is already struggling to deliver.

The movie effects go from truly spectacular, to overly CGI-infused. Ironically the space shots, which you think would be the hardest to pull off are some of its best, yet the vehicle driving scenes through the snow-covered townscape are some of the worst. It’s almost as though they spent so much of their budget on the space scenes that they had no money for the earth shots, which would be fine if they didn’t literally look so bad. It’s jarring going from one area to another and makes for a very inconsistent experience the entire time.

I believe one of the biggest tragedies of the film however is the absolutely blatant product placement. Yes, I understand that product placement has sadly been a staple in the film industry since the dawn of time. Yes, I understand that when someone is using a MacBook on-screen or riding a Peloton, it’s there for a reason. Moonfall however takes this to a Hallmark movie level. If you watch a Hallmark movie sponsored by Folgers for example, there will be clear shots of the Folgers coffee on the counter, with the cast explaining how much they love Folgers’s coffee, Moonfall utilizes this very trope. Kaspersky Anti-Virus is plastered on everything, even the Space Shuttle is protected with Kaspersky Anti-virus (which some might argue has other implications, but I won’t go there), and while avoiding looters driving through the snow-packed roads, do we really need the character to explain the need for the off-road settings on their Lexus? Talking about it is one thing, but do we really need to see the dial up-close and personal? It quickly takes you from the scene to a Lexus Christmas commercial and back again.

Sadly, Moonfall is a very disappointing film. If it were released in 1998 maybe it would be a super hit and I’d feel differently about it, but the industry has moved on since then. I had gone in knowing the film wouldn’t be realistic, but I was hoping it would at least be a nice escape from what is going on in the world today. As I have stated before, I’m a huge fan of Emmerich’s films, and while Moonfall may not be his absolute worst, it is one that will quickly be forgotten. I don’t even know if it’s one I’d revisit if it premiered on HBO or Showtime. As excited as I was, I just wouldn’t be able to recommend it.