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Awix (3310 KP) rated The Three Musketeers (2011) in Movies
Feb 11, 2018 (Updated Feb 11, 2018)
Dumb and Dumas
Paul W.S. Anderson, the man behind the Resident Evil and Alien Vs Predator franchises, shows us what real creativity looks like as he gives us his take on a piece of classic literature, adding all those crucial things that Alexandre Dumas inexplicably forgot to include in the original version of The Three Musketeers: aqualungs, flamethrowers, airship battles, Orlando Bloom in a pompadour hairstyle, and Milla Jovovich doing somersaults in a basque.
Pretty much wholly ghastly from start to finish, almost to the point where banning Anderson from reading books seems like a reasonable precaution, just to be on the safe side. About as thrilling as watching your laptop install an update, with all the comic charm of an outbreak of venereal disease. The special effects are technically competent but that really is the best you can say about it.
Pretty much wholly ghastly from start to finish, almost to the point where banning Anderson from reading books seems like a reasonable precaution, just to be on the safe side. About as thrilling as watching your laptop install an update, with all the comic charm of an outbreak of venereal disease. The special effects are technically competent but that really is the best you can say about it.
David McK (3180 KP) rated Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (2011) in Movies
Aug 11, 2019
Oft-forgot-about (or so it seems) 4th instalment in Disney's Pirates of the Caribbean series, this is the one with Penelope Cruz that also sees Jack set off to find the Fountain of Youth: the Fountain itself also sought after by both English and Spanish factions, and by the notorious pirate Blackbeard (as portrayed by Ian McShane) who, here, also dabbles in Vodoo and is also (inexplicably) able to control his ship the Queen Anne's revenge by magic.
With no Orlando Bloom or Kiera Knightley in sight, the focus on this one is firmly on Johnny Depp's Jack Sparrow (a character who initially, remember, way back in the first film, was not the main focus), although it has to be said that his Keith Richards schtick is perhaps getting old by this point in the franchise.
Standout sequence of the film? That would be the Whit Cap bay mermaid bit.
With no Orlando Bloom or Kiera Knightley in sight, the focus on this one is firmly on Johnny Depp's Jack Sparrow (a character who initially, remember, way back in the first film, was not the main focus), although it has to be said that his Keith Richards schtick is perhaps getting old by this point in the franchise.
Standout sequence of the film? That would be the Whit Cap bay mermaid bit.
David McK (3180 KP) rated Kingdom of Heaven (2005) in Movies
Feb 5, 2022
Watch the Directors Cut instead.
I remember that, back in the early 2000s, there was a sudden surge in the 'Historical epic' sub genre of movies, largely as a result of 2000s 'Gladiator'
This was one such movie.
Set in a little known period of history, between the Second and Third Crusades, this follows the exploits of the blacksmith Balian (Orlando Bloom), who follows his estranged father Baron Godfrey (Liam Neeson) to Jerusalem to attempt to atone for his sins.
Of course, being a movie, he then goes on to be involved in many great events, from shipwreck to meeting Saladin and (eventually) leading the defence if Jerusalem.
Not bad, but maybe a bit long and slow, with The Directors Cut doing a better job of tying the themes together, including a whole subplot largely dropped from the theatrical release regarding the romance he becomes involved in.
This was one such movie.
Set in a little known period of history, between the Second and Third Crusades, this follows the exploits of the blacksmith Balian (Orlando Bloom), who follows his estranged father Baron Godfrey (Liam Neeson) to Jerusalem to attempt to atone for his sins.
Of course, being a movie, he then goes on to be involved in many great events, from shipwreck to meeting Saladin and (eventually) leading the defence if Jerusalem.
Not bad, but maybe a bit long and slow, with The Directors Cut doing a better job of tying the themes together, including a whole subplot largely dropped from the theatrical release regarding the romance he becomes involved in.
Awix (3310 KP) rated Haywire (2012) in Movies
Feb 20, 2018 (Updated Feb 20, 2018)
'You should not think of her as a woman. That would be a mistake.'
Rousing action thriller looks on paper like another Besson movie, is actually typically classy Steven Soderbergh genre pastiche. Basically a vehicle for delicate flower of women's MMA Gina Carano to batter the living daylights out of an array of A-list leading men, which she does with aplomb and charisma.
The script is sympathetically structured so Carano doesn't have to do more than the minimal amount of actual acting, but the plot is competently twisty-turny and Soderbergh puts an impressive cast around his star. Some first-class fight sequences and chases, as you would expect. At the time I had my fingers crossed for a new subgenre of pro-celebrity martial arts movies with Carano proceeding to kick in Jude Law, Orlando Bloom, Ryan Reynolds, etc, in subsequent outings, but it never happened. Shame; notable careers have been built on considerably less potential than Carano showed in this film.
The script is sympathetically structured so Carano doesn't have to do more than the minimal amount of actual acting, but the plot is competently twisty-turny and Soderbergh puts an impressive cast around his star. Some first-class fight sequences and chases, as you would expect. At the time I had my fingers crossed for a new subgenre of pro-celebrity martial arts movies with Carano proceeding to kick in Jude Law, Orlando Bloom, Ryan Reynolds, etc, in subsequent outings, but it never happened. Shame; notable careers have been built on considerably less potential than Carano showed in this film.
Matthew Krueger (10051 KP) rated Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest (2006) in Movies
Nov 19, 2019 (Updated Nov 20, 2019)
Drunk Johnny Part 2
Yo-Ho, what do you get when you based you movie off of a disney ride, a great movie. Yes you read the correctly, this movie is based off of the ride at disney. So how does a 20-30 minute ride turn into a 2h and 40min movie, well you ride the ride a bunch of times, than evently you get to the 2h and 40min mark. Im kidding, dont do that, instead watch this movie. Plus you get more drunking Johnny Depp or Johnny Depp playing pirate Keith Richards, so thats always good.
This movie is great and is better from the first one, coming off the first one, this one has more action, comedy, adventure and overall a better plot and a excellent villian.
The Plot: When ghostly pirate Davy Jones (Bill Nighy) comes to collect a blood debt, Capt. Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) must find a way to avoid his fate lest his soul be damned for all time. Nevertheless, the wily ghost manages to interrupt the wedding plans of Jack's friends Will Turner (Orlando Bloom) and Elizabeth Swann (Keira Knightley).
Bill Nighy is excellent as Davy Jones, i love the charcter and his haterd against Jack Sparrow.
This film was shot back-to-back with the third film of the series, At World's End.
Its a excellent movie and highly reccordmend it.
This movie is great and is better from the first one, coming off the first one, this one has more action, comedy, adventure and overall a better plot and a excellent villian.
The Plot: When ghostly pirate Davy Jones (Bill Nighy) comes to collect a blood debt, Capt. Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) must find a way to avoid his fate lest his soul be damned for all time. Nevertheless, the wily ghost manages to interrupt the wedding plans of Jack's friends Will Turner (Orlando Bloom) and Elizabeth Swann (Keira Knightley).
Bill Nighy is excellent as Davy Jones, i love the charcter and his haterd against Jack Sparrow.
This film was shot back-to-back with the third film of the series, At World's End.
Its a excellent movie and highly reccordmend it.
Matthew Krueger (10051 KP) rated Pirates of the Caribbean: At Worlds End (2007) in Movies
Nov 20, 2019
Drunk Johnny Part 3
This one, this one is my favorite out of all of them. Let my explain, this one ends the trilogy, this one continues off from the second movie and does it excellently. This one has the most epic battle out of all the movies, this one you see the chacters at their best, you see them at their peak, you see them battle for their lives. You see Keith Richards in this one, wait what? Yes you read that correctly, Keith Richards is in this one and he plays as Captain Jack Sparrow's Father, of course he does. Cause Johnny Depp is playing a drunk verison of pirate Keith Richard's. Anyways the plot:
Will Turner (Orlando Bloom) and Elizabeth Swann (Keira Knightley) join forces with Capt. Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush) to free Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) from Davy Jones' locker. Meanwhile, the crew of the Flying Dutchman ghost ship wreaks havoc on the Seven Seas. The friends must navigate dangerous waters to confront Chinese pirate Sao Feng (Chow Yun-Fat) and, ultimately, they must choose sides in a battle where
in the pirate life hangs in the balance.
At World's End is the pefect title for a perfect trilogy and should of ending with this one, but nope had to make two more after this one.
Will Turner (Orlando Bloom) and Elizabeth Swann (Keira Knightley) join forces with Capt. Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush) to free Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) from Davy Jones' locker. Meanwhile, the crew of the Flying Dutchman ghost ship wreaks havoc on the Seven Seas. The friends must navigate dangerous waters to confront Chinese pirate Sao Feng (Chow Yun-Fat) and, ultimately, they must choose sides in a battle where
in the pirate life hangs in the balance.
At World's End is the pefect title for a perfect trilogy and should of ending with this one, but nope had to make two more after this one.
Awix (3310 KP) rated Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales (2017) in Movies
Feb 11, 2018 (Updated Feb 11, 2018)
For pity's sake, enough
In which the world is menaced by a shambling undead menace that simply will not stop - I'm not describing the plot, but the fact that they keep making Pirates of the Caribbean films a decade after they were actually cool or funny.
The plot is basically the same as in all the others: Johnny Depp and some blandly attractive young people are chased about by a scenery-chewing bad guy, requiring a convoluted quest to find some plot device or other. The action regularly grinds to a halt so Depp can do his impression of Keith Richards in a comedy sketch. By the end of the film it turns out that all the other characters are related to each other, somehow. Just when you thought it was safe to relax they wheel on Orlando Bloom. Actually piracy is kept to a minimum, as is the Caribbean.
I suppose this would be quite diverting if you hadn't seen any of the other movies in the franchise, but then I imagine you would struggle to follow much of what's going on. There is a sequence with zombie sharks which I suppose is not too badly done. Overall, though, this feels like a shameless attempt to perpetuate this series long after the makers' wells of creativity and enthusiasm have dried up. If there is a sixth film, I imagine it will be entitled 'Pirates of the Caribbean: Just Here for the Cheque'.
The plot is basically the same as in all the others: Johnny Depp and some blandly attractive young people are chased about by a scenery-chewing bad guy, requiring a convoluted quest to find some plot device or other. The action regularly grinds to a halt so Depp can do his impression of Keith Richards in a comedy sketch. By the end of the film it turns out that all the other characters are related to each other, somehow. Just when you thought it was safe to relax they wheel on Orlando Bloom. Actually piracy is kept to a minimum, as is the Caribbean.
I suppose this would be quite diverting if you hadn't seen any of the other movies in the franchise, but then I imagine you would struggle to follow much of what's going on. There is a sequence with zombie sharks which I suppose is not too badly done. Overall, though, this feels like a shameless attempt to perpetuate this series long after the makers' wells of creativity and enthusiasm have dried up. If there is a sixth film, I imagine it will be entitled 'Pirates of the Caribbean: Just Here for the Cheque'.
Elli H Burton (1288 KP) rated The Hobbit Trilogy (2015) in Movies
Jun 14, 2019
Going On an Adventure
I was a late comer to J.R. Tolkien and LOTR so when The Hobbit came out I was super excited that I had more to delve into and fall in love with as I had with LOTR.
So yes - the films are super long but personally I didn't feel the length of the film (as some bad films feel twice as long and you just scream HURRY UP AND END) where as with The Hobbit at the end of Unexpected Journey I couldn't wait for the next one.
Obviously with this being made years after, the Actors from LOTR would have unfortunately aged but Sir. Ian Mckellen looks not a day older and although Orlando Bloom is obviously not in his early twenties anymore, it was easy to overlook. Bilbo Baggins had to be a different actor but I definitely think Martin Freeman was the man for the job. I also loved that in the beginning Elijah Wood made an appearance, making it genuinely feel like part of the LOTR we've all come to love.
The Battle of the Five Armies was the main film I have qualms with, after countless googles I still don't understand the Five Armies part, but that could just be me! Also, when Smaugs rain of terror is finally ended it sort of felt bittersweet and kind of Anti Climactic as it happens rather quickly into the film.
So yes - the films are super long but personally I didn't feel the length of the film (as some bad films feel twice as long and you just scream HURRY UP AND END) where as with The Hobbit at the end of Unexpected Journey I couldn't wait for the next one.
Obviously with this being made years after, the Actors from LOTR would have unfortunately aged but Sir. Ian Mckellen looks not a day older and although Orlando Bloom is obviously not in his early twenties anymore, it was easy to overlook. Bilbo Baggins had to be a different actor but I definitely think Martin Freeman was the man for the job. I also loved that in the beginning Elijah Wood made an appearance, making it genuinely feel like part of the LOTR we've all come to love.
The Battle of the Five Armies was the main film I have qualms with, after countless googles I still don't understand the Five Armies part, but that could just be me! Also, when Smaugs rain of terror is finally ended it sort of felt bittersweet and kind of Anti Climactic as it happens rather quickly into the film.
The Bandersnatch (199 KP) rated The Hobbit Trilogy (2015) in Movies
Nov 7, 2019
In Decembers of 2012, 2013 and 2014 the three movies of The Hobbit came out, The Hobbit: an unexpected journey, The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug and The Hobbit: Battle of the Five armies forming The Hobbit Trilogy. Metro-Goldwyn-Mayor and Newline Cinema each released part of the trilogy with Director Peter Jackson at the helm (he directed The Lord of the Rings trilogy too). The movies follow the book but have been expanded to include extra material from the Lord of the Rings appendices as well as having recurring characters from the Lord of the Rings Movies such as Gandalf (Sir Ian McKellen), Frodo Baggins (Elijah wood), Legolas (Orlando Bloom), Lord Elrond (Hugo Weaving), lady Galadriel (Cate Blanchett), Gollom/Smegol (Andy Sirkis) and Saruman (Sir Christopher Lee 1922-2015).
In my opinion whilst the movies were very good having pretty much been handled by the team who shot and produced The Lord of the Rings. It felt sort of stretched, I'm pretty sure they could have gotten away with having two movies maybe even just the one if they cut some of the extra material away. The Hobbit in my eyes was essentially its own story and having the extra material padding it up to three movies-whilst useful and giving us a glimpse of the world at large just clumped it a bit. Other than that it was a good set of movies and I'm grateful that the team behind the Lord of the Rings was behind these ones, kept a good thread of continuity going.
In my opinion whilst the movies were very good having pretty much been handled by the team who shot and produced The Lord of the Rings. It felt sort of stretched, I'm pretty sure they could have gotten away with having two movies maybe even just the one if they cut some of the extra material away. The Hobbit in my eyes was essentially its own story and having the extra material padding it up to three movies-whilst useful and giving us a glimpse of the world at large just clumped it a bit. Other than that it was a good set of movies and I'm grateful that the team behind the Lord of the Rings was behind these ones, kept a good thread of continuity going.
Gareth von Kallenbach (965 KP) rated Pirates of the Caribbean: At Worlds End (2007) in Movies
Aug 14, 2019
Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) returns in “Pirates of the Caribbean: At Worlds End”, the third film in the series which has set box office records the world over. Picking up shortly after the events of the previous film, “Dead Man’s Chest”, it’s a new world for pirates and those who associate with pirates. Once the hunters, they’ve become the hunted, rounded up by The East India Trading Company, headed by Lord Cutler Beckett (Tom Hollander). Now under Beckett’s command, The Flying Dutchman, and its miserable, unforgiving captain, Davy Jones (Bill Nighy), sails the seven seas hunting pirate ships and giving no quarter.
Will Turner (Orlando Bloom), Elizabeth Swann (Keira Knightley) and Captain Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush) journey to exotic Singapore and confront Chinese pirate Captain Sao Feng (Chow Yun-Fat) to gain charts, and a ship, that will take them off to world’s end, to rescue Jack from his cursed fate in Davy Jone’s Locker.
They need to gather the Nine Lords of the Brethren Court, their only hope to defeat Beckett, the Flying Dutchman, and his Armada. Sao Feng is one of the nine lords as is Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp). Their clandestine meeting does not go unnoticed, with the East India Trading Company dispatching troops to interfere, and soon a battle royale erupts in one of the films better moments, which sadly were few and far between.
British troops and treacherous waters dispensed with, Elizabeth, Captain Barbosa, and Will Turner (Orlando Bloom), are reunited with Jack, which sets into motion a very long, and at times confusing series of events. Jack is trying to avoid his debt to the squid faced Davy Jones, while Will is hoping to free his father from the Flying Dutchman as well, and at the same time restore his damaged relationship with Elizabeth.
While this covers the main three characters, the agenda for the others in the film are much more murky, especially that of Barbossa and other members of the Brethren Court who join together and seem content to risk life and limb without much in the way of compensation. There is a tacked on subplot about the Pieces of Eight that are needed to free a magical entity who may be of help in their battle with the deadly Jones and his otherworldly crew, but sadly most of the film’s nearly three hour running times seems either unnecessary and/or confusing as it works its way towards the final climax.
When the film does shift back into action mode which thankfully comes in the final 30 minutes or so of the film, with great special effects, the attractive and nimble cast really get a chance to shine. It is easily the most enjoyable and invigorating action sequence in all three of the films, and is almost worth the wait it took to get there. Almost. The film suffers mightily from the convoluted plot, dragging painfully on for long stretches of time, and only seems to come to life when Depp is on the screen. Sadly that is not nearly enough to save the film, weighed down as it is by the issues I’ve already detailed.
Although visually spectacular, I had high hopes for this film, especially after the great, but somewhat disturbing, opening sequence. Any momentum gained from that was quickly lost and the film soon became a bloated extravaganza of style over substance that was badly in need of having 45-60 minutes trimmed from its running time.
Will Turner (Orlando Bloom), Elizabeth Swann (Keira Knightley) and Captain Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush) journey to exotic Singapore and confront Chinese pirate Captain Sao Feng (Chow Yun-Fat) to gain charts, and a ship, that will take them off to world’s end, to rescue Jack from his cursed fate in Davy Jone’s Locker.
They need to gather the Nine Lords of the Brethren Court, their only hope to defeat Beckett, the Flying Dutchman, and his Armada. Sao Feng is one of the nine lords as is Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp). Their clandestine meeting does not go unnoticed, with the East India Trading Company dispatching troops to interfere, and soon a battle royale erupts in one of the films better moments, which sadly were few and far between.
British troops and treacherous waters dispensed with, Elizabeth, Captain Barbosa, and Will Turner (Orlando Bloom), are reunited with Jack, which sets into motion a very long, and at times confusing series of events. Jack is trying to avoid his debt to the squid faced Davy Jones, while Will is hoping to free his father from the Flying Dutchman as well, and at the same time restore his damaged relationship with Elizabeth.
While this covers the main three characters, the agenda for the others in the film are much more murky, especially that of Barbossa and other members of the Brethren Court who join together and seem content to risk life and limb without much in the way of compensation. There is a tacked on subplot about the Pieces of Eight that are needed to free a magical entity who may be of help in their battle with the deadly Jones and his otherworldly crew, but sadly most of the film’s nearly three hour running times seems either unnecessary and/or confusing as it works its way towards the final climax.
When the film does shift back into action mode which thankfully comes in the final 30 minutes or so of the film, with great special effects, the attractive and nimble cast really get a chance to shine. It is easily the most enjoyable and invigorating action sequence in all three of the films, and is almost worth the wait it took to get there. Almost. The film suffers mightily from the convoluted plot, dragging painfully on for long stretches of time, and only seems to come to life when Depp is on the screen. Sadly that is not nearly enough to save the film, weighed down as it is by the issues I’ve already detailed.
Although visually spectacular, I had high hopes for this film, especially after the great, but somewhat disturbing, opening sequence. Any momentum gained from that was quickly lost and the film soon became a bloated extravaganza of style over substance that was badly in need of having 45-60 minutes trimmed from its running time.