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Awix (3310 KP) rated The A-Team (2010) in Movies
Feb 16, 2020
Leaden remake of the popular-in-the-80s-but-only-possible-to-enjoy-ironically-now TV action show. Unhinged special-forces unit the A-Team are framed for a crime they didn't commit, bust out of prison, try to clear their names by going to Germany. Where, you may be wondering, is the mom 'n' pop store being threatened by cheap gangsters the team are called in to protect? Where is Hannibal putting on a stupid disguise? Where is the bit where the bad guys lock them in a shed with a load of welding gear, allowing them to build an armoured car out of bits of old washing machine? Where is the scene where they spray 35,000 rounds of .223 ammunition at the bad guys, destroying everything in sight but leaving their targets miraculously unscathed? Friends, none of these things are here.
Instead it's almost as if the A-Team have wandered into a rather downbeat Mission: Impossible movie, or possibly one of the Bournes. You don't expect to have to wrestle with the plot of The A-Team but there's a confusing tangle of double-crosses and betrayals between military intelligence, the CIA and private security firms at the heart of this. Seems to fundamentally misunderstand the essential cheesy disposability of The A-Team by trying to make it feel like a serious drama. I wouldn't have thought it was possible: this manages to be both inauthentic to the original series and also bad.
Instead it's almost as if the A-Team have wandered into a rather downbeat Mission: Impossible movie, or possibly one of the Bournes. You don't expect to have to wrestle with the plot of The A-Team but there's a confusing tangle of double-crosses and betrayals between military intelligence, the CIA and private security firms at the heart of this. Seems to fundamentally misunderstand the essential cheesy disposability of The A-Team by trying to make it feel like a serious drama. I wouldn't have thought it was possible: this manages to be both inauthentic to the original series and also bad.
Sarah (7800 KP) rated Doom: Annihilation (2019) in Movies
Jul 19, 2020
Pretty dire
Let’s be honest, the first Doom film was never going to win any Oscars but it at least had a lot of cheesy and fun charm alongside a fairly star studded cast. Sadly this reboot has no such qualities.
To start with, you can tell this is a very low budget film. The whole thing just looks cheap, from the poorly built sets to the costumes and props. It just has an overall feel of a cheap made for TV movie. And then there’s the cast and the script, both of which are incredibly dire. The acting for the most part is terrible, although I did have a soft spot for the rather over the top and hilarious Australian Winslow. One good thing about this is they at least use mostly physical effects, which is probably because the CGI is awful when it is eventually used. That said, some of the physical effects are pretty atrocious too. The creatures when they eventually show up (after the weird zombie like creatures that aren’t Doom in the slightest), they’re obviously just a bloke in a suit and a very badly made suit at that. The creatures aren’t scary, they’re just funny and actually reminded me of the bad guys you used to see on Power Rangers.
There are some films that are so bad they’re good, but sadly this isn’t one of them. This is just plain awful and really didn’t need to be made.
To start with, you can tell this is a very low budget film. The whole thing just looks cheap, from the poorly built sets to the costumes and props. It just has an overall feel of a cheap made for TV movie. And then there’s the cast and the script, both of which are incredibly dire. The acting for the most part is terrible, although I did have a soft spot for the rather over the top and hilarious Australian Winslow. One good thing about this is they at least use mostly physical effects, which is probably because the CGI is awful when it is eventually used. That said, some of the physical effects are pretty atrocious too. The creatures when they eventually show up (after the weird zombie like creatures that aren’t Doom in the slightest), they’re obviously just a bloke in a suit and a very badly made suit at that. The creatures aren’t scary, they’re just funny and actually reminded me of the bad guys you used to see on Power Rangers.
There are some films that are so bad they’re good, but sadly this isn’t one of them. This is just plain awful and really didn’t need to be made.
LoganCrews (2861 KP) rated Motherless Brooklyn (2019) in Movies
Mar 10, 2021 (Updated Mar 11, 2021)
A swing and a miss, to be sure - but boy do I admire what a wide fuckin' swing it is. Norton clearly loves and understands the mechanisms of film noir but translates them into a boiling hot mess. A baffling Frankenstein's monster of hokey performances, grotesque fakey-looking cinematography, trash editing, formless structure, and corny dialogue - you'd think no one here had ever been involved with the moviemaking process before, it's actually bewildering. The ever-dependable (and criminally underrated) Daniel Pemberton's score as well as some fine production are in direct conflict with its shit TV movie visuals - so there ends up being no actual mood here either. Its noble but muddled attempt at reviving the old-school prestige gumshoe epic make it at least mildly diverting oftentimes - but there's a whole lot of people explaining the plot to each other and not a lot of actual character on display. Nothing really feels lived-in, we're told time and time again how much we're supposed to feel for these relationships despite the fact that everyone just kind of bounces in and out only when they're needed to advance the plot with no further development - and its 50s setting it banks so hard on is mere window dressing to peddle the type of plot you've seen a hundred other times in these. Am I supposed to be shocked that urban renewal leaders are greedy, egotistical, and racist?
LeftSideCut (3776 KP) rated Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (AVP 2) (2007) in Movies
Jun 28, 2019
A shameless money grab
After the thoroughly underwhelming AVP, we are presented with Requiem, a film that's entices you with it's R rating (after the first films odd PG-13 rating), and it's clear to see why a lot of the advertising was centred around the R rating - because Requiem has little else to offer.
Both of these franchises are beloved, but unfortunately, the bad films have really started to outweigh the good - and Requiem is a film made purely to make money. There's no diving into the lore behind any of the past films, and instead the story is set in a small Colorado town, full of actors that I kind of recognise from various TV shows - which is fitting, because the film plays out like an episode of Dawson's Creek, just with lots of Aliens running around.
The staple violence of both series is present once again, however, it feels like the constant Gore is being thrown at you to distract you from the threadbare plot.
The (singular) Predator looks pretty good, however the Aliens are mostly shrouded in shadow, I don't recall seeing a full body shot of a Xenomorph at any point, and the Predator-Alien hybrid, again, is never really shown properly, and what we do see looks silly.
It's a pretty shoddy movie all in all, and this particular mash up is probably best left to books and graphic novels.
Both of these franchises are beloved, but unfortunately, the bad films have really started to outweigh the good - and Requiem is a film made purely to make money. There's no diving into the lore behind any of the past films, and instead the story is set in a small Colorado town, full of actors that I kind of recognise from various TV shows - which is fitting, because the film plays out like an episode of Dawson's Creek, just with lots of Aliens running around.
The staple violence of both series is present once again, however, it feels like the constant Gore is being thrown at you to distract you from the threadbare plot.
The (singular) Predator looks pretty good, however the Aliens are mostly shrouded in shadow, I don't recall seeing a full body shot of a Xenomorph at any point, and the Predator-Alien hybrid, again, is never really shown properly, and what we do see looks silly.
It's a pretty shoddy movie all in all, and this particular mash up is probably best left to books and graphic novels.
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David McK (3623 KP) rated Murder on the Orient Express in Books
Dec 27, 2021
As a general rule, I'm not really big into murder mystery whodunnits, generally finding them boring, (sometimes) obvious and just, well, generally a little bit stale.
That may be why I'd never read perhaps Agatha Christie's most famous murder story before, or even had any interest in which any of the (numerous) films, TV series or plays based around the same.
Which is a long way of saying that I came into this 'cold', as it were, knowing little beyond the fact that it was a Hercule Poirot mystery (thanks to the 2017 Kenneth Branagh movie, which I hadn't seen), and that the murder was on a train (d'uh!) just as it ran into snow whilst on a journey.
Now that I've read it, I have to say: I found little to cause me to revise my opinion of murder mysteries in general.
That's not to say that it is bad, per se, just that it never really hooked me all that much: indeed, at times it felt more like a chore to read than something enjoyable. Indeed, I'm sorry to say, the reveal of just who carried out the crime also completely failed to elicit any form of surprise or emotion at all from me: not that I saw it coming but just that, well, it almost felt like a relief when it did.
All I can say is: sorry, any Poirot fans!
That may be why I'd never read perhaps Agatha Christie's most famous murder story before, or even had any interest in which any of the (numerous) films, TV series or plays based around the same.
Which is a long way of saying that I came into this 'cold', as it were, knowing little beyond the fact that it was a Hercule Poirot mystery (thanks to the 2017 Kenneth Branagh movie, which I hadn't seen), and that the murder was on a train (d'uh!) just as it ran into snow whilst on a journey.
Now that I've read it, I have to say: I found little to cause me to revise my opinion of murder mysteries in general.
That's not to say that it is bad, per se, just that it never really hooked me all that much: indeed, at times it felt more like a chore to read than something enjoyable. Indeed, I'm sorry to say, the reveal of just who carried out the crime also completely failed to elicit any form of surprise or emotion at all from me: not that I saw it coming but just that, well, it almost felt like a relief when it did.
All I can say is: sorry, any Poirot fans!