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"An incredibly well thought-out open-ended adventure game for kids ages 3-9!" SmartAppsForKids.com ...
Sophia (Bookwyrming Thoughts) (530 KP) rated Cruel Beauty in Books
Jan 23, 2020
I'm a sucker for fairy tales. I love retellings, myths, anything that's a complete spin from a well-known tale. I'm curious as to what authors come up with – problem is, Sleeping Beauty and Snow White needs a major upgrade or I might mentally blow a gasket one day. I promise it won't be pretty. No rants involved. Maybe a post about diversity in fairy tales instead (don't you take that post idea if no one's come up with it before o_o).
Well, Cruel Beauty is the cruel version of our beloved Disney characters. At least, that's what I thought at the very end. It's also got mythology, in which some I researched and learned new things (verification purposes). About time I'm not staring at what I learned in middle school/early high school over and over again.
Truth is, I enjoyed the concept of Cruel Beauty, but I didn't really enjoy the story... not too much. What originally caught my attention was the very fact that "Belle" is destined to marry the "Beast" ever since she was young due to a bargain her father made (reminds me of another story I can't think of currently). What I thought was even more interesting is how Rosamund Hodge bases the novel on ancient civilizations and mythology, particularly Pandora's box. Actually, I thought it was genius. I also think I've spoken too much about the book with those two words.
What started to lose my attention was this particular sentence... when Nyx – "Belle" of the story – is first married to the Gentle Lord – "Beast" of the story – and makes her entrance into his castle.
<blockquote>“I’m here!” I shouted. “Your bride! Congratulations on your marriage!”</blockquote>
I was like, really? THAT'S how you would make your entrance inside a demon's castle? Me, I would actually start plotting ways OUT of the castle, ways to avoid the Gentle Lord, etc. etc. NOT announcing, "Oh hey! I'm here! Come and feast on me!" *waves big sign*
And the Gentle Lord, no matter how much I like his humor, made a very unimpressive entrance.
<blockquote>In one moment I realized that what tickled my neck was a tuft of black hair, the blankets were a warm body, and the Gentle Lord was draped over me like a lazy cat, his head resting on my shoulder.</blockquote>
His reason?
<blockquote>“I got so bored waiting that I fell asleep too."</blockquote>
And...
<blockquote>“You were a good pillow."</blockquote>
DUDE. Sleeping on your bride when you first meet her even though you're now married? What an impressive husband you make. He could have slept next to her and not on top of her. You know, if a stranger – homeless or not – slept on top of me, I may kick said person's butt until they get off and call it self defense. I suppose some are now worried about my future. I'm completely surprised Nyx didn't mention that he was heavy, sleeping on top of her like that. Instead, this is her response shortly after:
<blockquote>“I’m sorry ,” I said, staring at the floor. “I just, my father made me promise to bring a knife, and— and—” I stuttered, acutely aware that I was half-naked in front of him. “I’m your wife! I burn for your touch! I thirst for your love!”</blockquote>
No offense, but that was so cheesy, it was bleeping hilarious. It's really obvious later from the Gentle Lord's constant mocking that Nyx should just act like herself and not the way her family wants her to act, but Nyx is completely oblivious.
Nyx, in a nutshell, is just the darker version of Belle. The semi-evil twin of Belle I may say, and it's no wonder she's named after the Greek goddess of the Night.
<blockquote>But I was a girl who had broken her sister’s heart and— for a moment— liked it. I had left somebody in torment and liked it.</blockquote>
Rosamund Hodge also implies that Nyx is well... a bit indecisive. In a conflict is more accurate. She wants to please her family – to fit in and meet up to her father's expectations even though he prefers her sister Astraia. Yet at the same time, she doesn't want to kill Ignite or whatever the Gentle Lord calls himself (the book was an e-loan and I'm basing this review off of my notes because I'm too lazy to jump on the hold list yet again) because she's in love with him. I suppose it makes sense in a way, since she wants to go with her emotions yet she's been trained her entire life to kill this one evil guy who isn't actually evil...
<blockquote>“Of course he’s evil and unforgivable.” My voice felt like it was coming from the far end of a long tunnel. “But he is the only reason I ever honored Mother with a clean heart. And if I hadn’t learnt to be kind with him, I would never have come back to beg your forgiveness and choose you over him. So gloat all you want— you deserve to watch us both suffer— but don’t you dare say I will ever be free of him. Every kindness I show you, all the rest of your life, that’s because of him. And no matter how many times I betray him, I will love him still.” </blockquote>
I mean, Nyx is living with the Gentle Lord. She could have just made her decision to live with him always and never guess his name, right?
Cruel Beauty, as much as I like the entire idea behind it, is not one of those fairy tales I find very impressive. It's very much one of those books that I roll my eyes at, especially at how the romance played out (just because I never dated a soul doesn't mean I can't tell).
------------------------
Original Rating: 3.5 out of 5
Original Review posted at <a href="http://bookwyrming-thoughts.blogspot.com/2014/09/review-cruel-beauty-by-rosamund-hodge.html">Bookwyrming Thoughts</a>
<a href="http://bookwyrming-thoughts.blogspot.com/"><img src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-cG5gfBqJVzk/VA5BIojjZ9I/AAAAAAAAD1g/7srLUfpAGEU/s1600/banner.png"; /></a>
Well, Cruel Beauty is the cruel version of our beloved Disney characters. At least, that's what I thought at the very end. It's also got mythology, in which some I researched and learned new things (verification purposes). About time I'm not staring at what I learned in middle school/early high school over and over again.
Truth is, I enjoyed the concept of Cruel Beauty, but I didn't really enjoy the story... not too much. What originally caught my attention was the very fact that "Belle" is destined to marry the "Beast" ever since she was young due to a bargain her father made (reminds me of another story I can't think of currently). What I thought was even more interesting is how Rosamund Hodge bases the novel on ancient civilizations and mythology, particularly Pandora's box. Actually, I thought it was genius. I also think I've spoken too much about the book with those two words.
What started to lose my attention was this particular sentence... when Nyx – "Belle" of the story – is first married to the Gentle Lord – "Beast" of the story – and makes her entrance into his castle.
<blockquote>“I’m here!” I shouted. “Your bride! Congratulations on your marriage!”</blockquote>
I was like, really? THAT'S how you would make your entrance inside a demon's castle? Me, I would actually start plotting ways OUT of the castle, ways to avoid the Gentle Lord, etc. etc. NOT announcing, "Oh hey! I'm here! Come and feast on me!" *waves big sign*
And the Gentle Lord, no matter how much I like his humor, made a very unimpressive entrance.
<blockquote>In one moment I realized that what tickled my neck was a tuft of black hair, the blankets were a warm body, and the Gentle Lord was draped over me like a lazy cat, his head resting on my shoulder.</blockquote>
His reason?
<blockquote>“I got so bored waiting that I fell asleep too."</blockquote>
And...
<blockquote>“You were a good pillow."</blockquote>
DUDE. Sleeping on your bride when you first meet her even though you're now married? What an impressive husband you make. He could have slept next to her and not on top of her. You know, if a stranger – homeless or not – slept on top of me, I may kick said person's butt until they get off and call it self defense. I suppose some are now worried about my future. I'm completely surprised Nyx didn't mention that he was heavy, sleeping on top of her like that. Instead, this is her response shortly after:
<blockquote>“I’m sorry ,” I said, staring at the floor. “I just, my father made me promise to bring a knife, and— and—” I stuttered, acutely aware that I was half-naked in front of him. “I’m your wife! I burn for your touch! I thirst for your love!”</blockquote>
No offense, but that was so cheesy, it was bleeping hilarious. It's really obvious later from the Gentle Lord's constant mocking that Nyx should just act like herself and not the way her family wants her to act, but Nyx is completely oblivious.
Nyx, in a nutshell, is just the darker version of Belle. The semi-evil twin of Belle I may say, and it's no wonder she's named after the Greek goddess of the Night.
<blockquote>But I was a girl who had broken her sister’s heart and— for a moment— liked it. I had left somebody in torment and liked it.</blockquote>
Rosamund Hodge also implies that Nyx is well... a bit indecisive. In a conflict is more accurate. She wants to please her family – to fit in and meet up to her father's expectations even though he prefers her sister Astraia. Yet at the same time, she doesn't want to kill Ignite or whatever the Gentle Lord calls himself (the book was an e-loan and I'm basing this review off of my notes because I'm too lazy to jump on the hold list yet again) because she's in love with him. I suppose it makes sense in a way, since she wants to go with her emotions yet she's been trained her entire life to kill this one evil guy who isn't actually evil...
<blockquote>“Of course he’s evil and unforgivable.” My voice felt like it was coming from the far end of a long tunnel. “But he is the only reason I ever honored Mother with a clean heart. And if I hadn’t learnt to be kind with him, I would never have come back to beg your forgiveness and choose you over him. So gloat all you want— you deserve to watch us both suffer— but don’t you dare say I will ever be free of him. Every kindness I show you, all the rest of your life, that’s because of him. And no matter how many times I betray him, I will love him still.” </blockquote>
I mean, Nyx is living with the Gentle Lord. She could have just made her decision to live with him always and never guess his name, right?
Cruel Beauty, as much as I like the entire idea behind it, is not one of those fairy tales I find very impressive. It's very much one of those books that I roll my eyes at, especially at how the romance played out (just because I never dated a soul doesn't mean I can't tell).
------------------------
Original Rating: 3.5 out of 5
Original Review posted at <a href="http://bookwyrming-thoughts.blogspot.com/2014/09/review-cruel-beauty-by-rosamund-hodge.html">Bookwyrming Thoughts</a>
<a href="http://bookwyrming-thoughts.blogspot.com/"><img src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-cG5gfBqJVzk/VA5BIojjZ9I/AAAAAAAAD1g/7srLUfpAGEU/s1600/banner.png"; /></a>
My Town : Grandparents
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It’s always a fun day when you get to visit your My Town grandparents! How fun to check out where...
Ultimate Shark Simulator
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Dive into the deep blue sea and rule over the ocean as a real Shark! For the first time ever, choose...
LilyLovesIndie (123 KP) rated Reckoning (The Gates Legacy #4) in Books
Nov 5, 2018
Oh my gosh! The Gates Legacy is back with an almighty bang, and boy was it good to catch up with the gang! Picking straight back up where we left off, Rohnert is nursing some severe issues regarding his mate's passing, Cyrus is intent on revenge for his torture, Issy just wants to be loved and the rest of the gang are trying to hold it all together like some magical glue. Throw some ancient, and very freaky, enemies into the mix for power and you have your full set to play with, and play is what Lorenz Font does so well.
The pace in this book is much more reminiscent of the earlier parts of the series. It's got a pull that as soon as it's got you hooked, you can't put it down. I've spent many nights reading way past my bedtime because I just needed to know what the characters were going to do next. As I've already mentioned, this book picks back up where we left off and it was like slipping back into your favourite pair of jeans. It' was familiar, yet there was another threat to follow - how Font finds so many enemies for the little rag tag band of heroes is beyond me, but it makes for very compelling reading!
Told mainly from the perspective of Cyrus and Issy, it was, as always with Font's writing, a delight to see so many POV's being used in the writing. It's like a lesson for aspiring writers on how to change POV's in a way that gives the reader so much information yet doesn't confuse them in the process. I adore her writing style, and this latest offering is no different in that. In fact, I probably like this one best of all, if only because, despite there being some hairy moments, Font managed to keep all of my favourites alive for a whole book!
The character development over the course of this story was also superb. Every character feels like they continue to grow, but none more so that Isidora. She is really coming into her own and holds the role of the lead heroine with the poise you'd expect of such a bloodline. She was an absolute joy to read and has secured her place within my favourite characters. Her relationship with Cyrus is probably one of the best developed and well told romances I've read in a while. It's believable, understandable thanks to their own troubled pasts and a fabulous pairing to read. I just hope Font leaves these two to enjoy a little happily ever after time, but I won't hold my breath knowing her penchant for throwing things in the air when they get settled!
The many twists and turns of the story also need a mention. When writing a series of this length and complexity it is very hard to keep it fresh, but Font never fails to deliver another twist or turn that leaves the reader reeling and wondering when that 18 wheeler truck or 2 ton bus hit them. It really is edge of the seat reading that leaves you needing more from the gang of vampires. I'm already on tenterhooks wondering how some of the loose ends will be tied up in the next book and I love that Font has left me thinking of her characters, even hours after finishing the book, because, let's face it, who doesn't like it when a book gets under your skin like that?
And so, I suppose I should wrap up and end my waffle. If you are new to the series, go back and read the others first. If you're an old hand returning for your next fix, you're going to love it. It's awesome, amazing, phenomenal and Font is right back on form with another 5 star thriller from the Gates crew. Buy it, I can promise you that you will not be disappointed.
*This book was first reviewed on Lily Loves Indie as part of a blog tour, for which an ARC was received in return for an honest review*
The pace in this book is much more reminiscent of the earlier parts of the series. It's got a pull that as soon as it's got you hooked, you can't put it down. I've spent many nights reading way past my bedtime because I just needed to know what the characters were going to do next. As I've already mentioned, this book picks back up where we left off and it was like slipping back into your favourite pair of jeans. It' was familiar, yet there was another threat to follow - how Font finds so many enemies for the little rag tag band of heroes is beyond me, but it makes for very compelling reading!
Told mainly from the perspective of Cyrus and Issy, it was, as always with Font's writing, a delight to see so many POV's being used in the writing. It's like a lesson for aspiring writers on how to change POV's in a way that gives the reader so much information yet doesn't confuse them in the process. I adore her writing style, and this latest offering is no different in that. In fact, I probably like this one best of all, if only because, despite there being some hairy moments, Font managed to keep all of my favourites alive for a whole book!
The character development over the course of this story was also superb. Every character feels like they continue to grow, but none more so that Isidora. She is really coming into her own and holds the role of the lead heroine with the poise you'd expect of such a bloodline. She was an absolute joy to read and has secured her place within my favourite characters. Her relationship with Cyrus is probably one of the best developed and well told romances I've read in a while. It's believable, understandable thanks to their own troubled pasts and a fabulous pairing to read. I just hope Font leaves these two to enjoy a little happily ever after time, but I won't hold my breath knowing her penchant for throwing things in the air when they get settled!
The many twists and turns of the story also need a mention. When writing a series of this length and complexity it is very hard to keep it fresh, but Font never fails to deliver another twist or turn that leaves the reader reeling and wondering when that 18 wheeler truck or 2 ton bus hit them. It really is edge of the seat reading that leaves you needing more from the gang of vampires. I'm already on tenterhooks wondering how some of the loose ends will be tied up in the next book and I love that Font has left me thinking of her characters, even hours after finishing the book, because, let's face it, who doesn't like it when a book gets under your skin like that?
And so, I suppose I should wrap up and end my waffle. If you are new to the series, go back and read the others first. If you're an old hand returning for your next fix, you're going to love it. It's awesome, amazing, phenomenal and Font is right back on form with another 5 star thriller from the Gates crew. Buy it, I can promise you that you will not be disappointed.
*This book was first reviewed on Lily Loves Indie as part of a blog tour, for which an ARC was received in return for an honest review*
Bookapotamus (289 KP) rated The Glitch in Books
May 31, 2018
Not worth the hype
So, when I first heard about The Glitch, I was all like - Wow. What cool idea for a story! This is going to be awesome. I need to get my hands on this one! And then I read it, and I was all like - WTF did I just read? Did someone slip me drugs? Did I miss something?
Shelley is like one of those Steve Jobs-esque corporate tech CEO robots who is basically all work and zero play. Her company is called Conch, and is sort of like a Siri for everyday life that clips onto your ear. Even Steve jobs seems like a wuss compared to Shelley. She's stiff, and brusque and her marriage and friendships are more of business arrangements it seems, as well as having children (Nova and Blazer?!? ummm what?), she has ZERO social life - and she likes it all this way. In fact she thrives on it.
The story starts out with Nova going missing on the beach and her and her husband CASUALLY STROLL around on the beach looking for her while they are both ON THE PHONE taking conference calls. I cannot even believe people like this might exist. Then a "glitch" happens with the Conch product and weirdness ensues. I'm all for weird books. I don't base a books review on unlikeable characters. In fact Shelley is written PERFECTLY. Elisabeth Cohen is apparently a technical writer by trade and she shines at developing Shelley as a character. Her writing is SO smart, and sharp and I LOVE the way she writes. I'm giving a slight pass since it's her first novel because the words are there - and they are exquisite! They just need some finesse in arranging the story better. But the themes here all ALL over the place. Kidnapping? Corporate espionage? Time travel? Lightning? Weird romantic feeling for coworkers and nannies? Women's empowerment? Technology? Work/Life/Mom balance? I had enough trouble with being in Shelley's head with her ramblings and descriptions - thoroughly written, and passionately descriptive - but the story itself just fell flat.
And the ending, just really unsatisfying. And a bit unbelievable knowing how hardcore Shelley was about most things - It was like she just conceded and gave up? Which seemed so out of character.. There were several times I was like "No WAY this type A personality would let this chick in her house!" and "Why isn't she calling the cops!" It was like you knew so precisely who Shelley was by the incredible character development of how robotic and precise her actions would be and then - what? Huh? What just happened? I'm still just really confused.
I hate when this happens. I find out about a book that sounds so ridiculously awesome that i rush out to find it wherever I can immediately. The description when I first heard of the book had a question in it like "What would you do if you met your younger self?" I want to read THAT book. That's what I thought I was reading and where it was going, but it turned into this whole other story that went somewhere else entirely. There was so much promise and potential and I'm pretty bummed. It wasn't worth all the hype I've been hearing.
Shelley is like one of those Steve Jobs-esque corporate tech CEO robots who is basically all work and zero play. Her company is called Conch, and is sort of like a Siri for everyday life that clips onto your ear. Even Steve jobs seems like a wuss compared to Shelley. She's stiff, and brusque and her marriage and friendships are more of business arrangements it seems, as well as having children (Nova and Blazer?!? ummm what?), she has ZERO social life - and she likes it all this way. In fact she thrives on it.
The story starts out with Nova going missing on the beach and her and her husband CASUALLY STROLL around on the beach looking for her while they are both ON THE PHONE taking conference calls. I cannot even believe people like this might exist. Then a "glitch" happens with the Conch product and weirdness ensues. I'm all for weird books. I don't base a books review on unlikeable characters. In fact Shelley is written PERFECTLY. Elisabeth Cohen is apparently a technical writer by trade and she shines at developing Shelley as a character. Her writing is SO smart, and sharp and I LOVE the way she writes. I'm giving a slight pass since it's her first novel because the words are there - and they are exquisite! They just need some finesse in arranging the story better. But the themes here all ALL over the place. Kidnapping? Corporate espionage? Time travel? Lightning? Weird romantic feeling for coworkers and nannies? Women's empowerment? Technology? Work/Life/Mom balance? I had enough trouble with being in Shelley's head with her ramblings and descriptions - thoroughly written, and passionately descriptive - but the story itself just fell flat.
And the ending, just really unsatisfying. And a bit unbelievable knowing how hardcore Shelley was about most things - It was like she just conceded and gave up? Which seemed so out of character.. There were several times I was like "No WAY this type A personality would let this chick in her house!" and "Why isn't she calling the cops!" It was like you knew so precisely who Shelley was by the incredible character development of how robotic and precise her actions would be and then - what? Huh? What just happened? I'm still just really confused.
I hate when this happens. I find out about a book that sounds so ridiculously awesome that i rush out to find it wherever I can immediately. The description when I first heard of the book had a question in it like "What would you do if you met your younger self?" I want to read THAT book. That's what I thought I was reading and where it was going, but it turned into this whole other story that went somewhere else entirely. There was so much promise and potential and I'm pretty bummed. It wasn't worth all the hype I've been hearing.
My Town : Dance School
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Welcome to My Town's new Dance School, a must have addition to your Town. Practice in ballet lesson,...
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A must have for the serious classic car rallye pilot & co-pilot with a passion to win. Classic car...
Bob Mann (459 KP) rated Independence Day: Resurgence (2016) in Movies
Sep 29, 2021
Why Will Smith is a wise, wise man.
I’m catching up on a few of the big films I missed during 2016. But Roland Emmerich has a lot to answer for with this one. Twenty years after Independence Day smashed the summer box office of 1996, the aliens are back: bigger and badder than ever. Steven Hiller (Will Smith) is no longer on the scene but, to give Emmerich a little credit, he has gathered an impressive array of the original stars to return led by Hiller’s wife Jasmine (Vivica Fox), President Whitmore (Bill Pullman), Dr Okun (Brent Spiner), David Levinson (Jeff Goldblum) and his dad (Judd Hirsch). The great Robert Loggia even turns up, who played the original General Grey, looking like he is about to expire (which unfortunately he did late last year, and the film is in memorial to him). All of them have weathered over the years apart from Judd Hirsch who must have a picture in his attic.
Playing the new generation (Hiller’s young son Dylan and the president’s daughter Patricia) are Jessie Usher and the comely Maika Monroe respectively, the latter having the pout of a young Jessica Alba and showing promise. Rounding off the young ‘uns, and playing an enormously irritating hunk/hero and his sidekick buddy are Jake (Liam Hemsworth – yes, younger brother of Chris) and Floyd (Nicolas Wright). And with the obvious needs of summer blockbusters to appeal to the ravenous Chinese market there is also Shanghai-born Angelababy as a young hotshot pilot and Chin Han as her uncle, moonbase commander Commander Jiang.
It’s hard to know where to start with criticism of this film. It’s like you’ve caught someone desecrating the grave of a dearly departed relative. The plot is ludicrous…. Uh oh…here comes another One Mann’s Movies Showcase Theatre….
The scene: onboard the alien craft high above central Asia
DRONE K’FAALL: “The use of the anti-gravity weapon worked a treat your Majesty. We have ripped up Shanghai and dumped in from a great height on London! Take that Queenie! All hail our weapons superiority! I take it we should just ‘rinse and repeat’ around the world to wipe them all out? ”
QUEEN ALIEN BEE: “No K’Fall. Let’s land in the Atlantic and then go fight them one-on-one with our little ships in the desert near Area 51.”
DRONE K’FALL: “B-b-b-but your Majesty, with our gravity weapon we could eliminate all threat, drill out the earth’s core and find what we came here for in perfect safety!”.
QUEEN ALIEN BEE: “No… that’s just what they’ll be expecting us to do…”
I thought the Oscar for the dumbest aliens of the year was a shoe-in for the ones who chose a similar tactic in “The 5th Wave” – but no… we have another contender for the crown. This ridiculous London-based CGI sequence – a virtual re-shoot of the ridiculous CGI sequence in Emmerich’s “2012” where John Cusack is fleeing by plane a collapsing Los Angeles – is mitigated only by Goldblum’s witty comment about them “Always going for the landmarks” – the best line in the film.
Elsewhere, the story and screenplay – by an army of writers (never a good sign) – is risible and an insult to intelligence, alien or otherwise. The ludicrous plot points go on and on…
Why on earth is the single landed alien craft from 1996 owned by an African warlord? If mankind have ‘benefited’ so much from the alien technology that must surely have been through the UN-dismantling of that ship?
There seems to be no logical connection between the “visions” (stolen from “Close Encounters”) and the alien craft. The visions might have well have been of the alien’s last shopping list (“six cans of Kraag beans; one bottle of Vollufi ale; … “);
The alien craft is big enough to span the WHOLE Atlantic when it lands, but – who would believe it? – comes to a stop with its edge in Washington JUST ENOUGH to dip the White House flag to a jaunty angle. #cringe;
The alien ship – apparently open to the elements – allows our heroic hunks to wander around without spacesuits;
Breathless… or not. Jessie T Usher and Liam Hemsworth (foreground) not dying of asphyxiation or cold.
At one point it looked like our curvaceous heroine was going to defeat the alien queen in good ol’ Wild West fashion armed only with a handgun (but no, my head could come out of my hands again);
And don’t even get me started on the opening “excitement” about propping up a collapsing supergun on the moon with a spaceship. Gerry Anderson would be spinning in his grave.
The dialogue is little better. The original “Independence Day” was probably most famous for two scenes: the impressive destruction of the White House and Bill Paxton’s ludicrously corny “We will not go quietly into the night” speech. Here trying to go one better we have not just one version of this but two with William Fichner’s General Adams chipping one in from the rough before Paxton delivers an impromptu hanger speech that is toe-curlingly excruciating.
Much of the acting is of the “I really don’t want to be here but it’s good for the pension” variety with Paxton and Goldblum going through the motions and Charlotte Gainsborough being horribly miscast as a French anthropologist running around the world on the trail of Pokemon Go characters… or symbols… or something. Only Brent Spiner and Judd Hirsch really get into their stride with likeably over-the-top performances.
Goldblum and Charlotte Gainsborough. A less likely historic romantic attachment its difficult to imagine.
If this was a standalone story it might scrape a double-Fad… but as it so horrendously sullies a classic movie experience it incurs my cinematic wrath. It might have made Roland Emmer-richer (sic)…. but my recommendation would be to get a big bag of popcorn, the original 1996 movie on DVD and enjoy. Avoid, avoid, avoid.
Playing the new generation (Hiller’s young son Dylan and the president’s daughter Patricia) are Jessie Usher and the comely Maika Monroe respectively, the latter having the pout of a young Jessica Alba and showing promise. Rounding off the young ‘uns, and playing an enormously irritating hunk/hero and his sidekick buddy are Jake (Liam Hemsworth – yes, younger brother of Chris) and Floyd (Nicolas Wright). And with the obvious needs of summer blockbusters to appeal to the ravenous Chinese market there is also Shanghai-born Angelababy as a young hotshot pilot and Chin Han as her uncle, moonbase commander Commander Jiang.
It’s hard to know where to start with criticism of this film. It’s like you’ve caught someone desecrating the grave of a dearly departed relative. The plot is ludicrous…. Uh oh…here comes another One Mann’s Movies Showcase Theatre….
The scene: onboard the alien craft high above central Asia
DRONE K’FAALL: “The use of the anti-gravity weapon worked a treat your Majesty. We have ripped up Shanghai and dumped in from a great height on London! Take that Queenie! All hail our weapons superiority! I take it we should just ‘rinse and repeat’ around the world to wipe them all out? ”
QUEEN ALIEN BEE: “No K’Fall. Let’s land in the Atlantic and then go fight them one-on-one with our little ships in the desert near Area 51.”
DRONE K’FALL: “B-b-b-but your Majesty, with our gravity weapon we could eliminate all threat, drill out the earth’s core and find what we came here for in perfect safety!”.
QUEEN ALIEN BEE: “No… that’s just what they’ll be expecting us to do…”
I thought the Oscar for the dumbest aliens of the year was a shoe-in for the ones who chose a similar tactic in “The 5th Wave” – but no… we have another contender for the crown. This ridiculous London-based CGI sequence – a virtual re-shoot of the ridiculous CGI sequence in Emmerich’s “2012” where John Cusack is fleeing by plane a collapsing Los Angeles – is mitigated only by Goldblum’s witty comment about them “Always going for the landmarks” – the best line in the film.
Elsewhere, the story and screenplay – by an army of writers (never a good sign) – is risible and an insult to intelligence, alien or otherwise. The ludicrous plot points go on and on…
Why on earth is the single landed alien craft from 1996 owned by an African warlord? If mankind have ‘benefited’ so much from the alien technology that must surely have been through the UN-dismantling of that ship?
There seems to be no logical connection between the “visions” (stolen from “Close Encounters”) and the alien craft. The visions might have well have been of the alien’s last shopping list (“six cans of Kraag beans; one bottle of Vollufi ale; … “);
The alien craft is big enough to span the WHOLE Atlantic when it lands, but – who would believe it? – comes to a stop with its edge in Washington JUST ENOUGH to dip the White House flag to a jaunty angle. #cringe;
The alien ship – apparently open to the elements – allows our heroic hunks to wander around without spacesuits;
Breathless… or not. Jessie T Usher and Liam Hemsworth (foreground) not dying of asphyxiation or cold.
At one point it looked like our curvaceous heroine was going to defeat the alien queen in good ol’ Wild West fashion armed only with a handgun (but no, my head could come out of my hands again);
And don’t even get me started on the opening “excitement” about propping up a collapsing supergun on the moon with a spaceship. Gerry Anderson would be spinning in his grave.
The dialogue is little better. The original “Independence Day” was probably most famous for two scenes: the impressive destruction of the White House and Bill Paxton’s ludicrously corny “We will not go quietly into the night” speech. Here trying to go one better we have not just one version of this but two with William Fichner’s General Adams chipping one in from the rough before Paxton delivers an impromptu hanger speech that is toe-curlingly excruciating.
Much of the acting is of the “I really don’t want to be here but it’s good for the pension” variety with Paxton and Goldblum going through the motions and Charlotte Gainsborough being horribly miscast as a French anthropologist running around the world on the trail of Pokemon Go characters… or symbols… or something. Only Brent Spiner and Judd Hirsch really get into their stride with likeably over-the-top performances.
Goldblum and Charlotte Gainsborough. A less likely historic romantic attachment its difficult to imagine.
If this was a standalone story it might scrape a double-Fad… but as it so horrendously sullies a classic movie experience it incurs my cinematic wrath. It might have made Roland Emmer-richer (sic)…. but my recommendation would be to get a big bag of popcorn, the original 1996 movie on DVD and enjoy. Avoid, avoid, avoid.