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Gareth von Kallenbach (965 KP) rated Call of Duty: Black Ops II - Uprising in Video Games
Jun 19, 2019
With the recent announcement of Call of Duty: Ghosts speculation has run rampant as to what the series has in store especially with the promise of the new gaming engine and new consoles on the horizon. However Call of Duty: Black Ops II shows that there’s still plenty of life left in the game with the release of Uprising, the second of four planned map packs for the game. Uprising is available for the Xbox 360, PlayStation 3, and PC versions of the game and does require the original game in order to play. Players can purchase the map pack individually or as part of a season pass that allows all past and future content for the game to be acquired at a discounted price.
The pack offers for new maps as well as a new zombie mode called Mob of the Dead, which casts players as inmates at Alcatraz which is being overrun by the undead. Gameplay wise it is similar to pass on the modes in net weapons, power ups, ammunition, and access to other areas of the maps can be obtained through purchase using the in game currency accrued from dispatching the undead.
There is also a nice surprise to this that in addition to trying to locate and assemble parts to make your escape, the voice talents of Michael Madsen, Joe Pantoliano, Chazz Palminteri, and Ray Liotta, provide a very nice depth to the game as they helped bring an infusion of personality to the characters which really makes you care about their outcome.
There is an afterlife mode as well which is necessary for accessing certain areas and gathering components needed for survival. It is also very satisfying to shock some of the undead minions while in this gameplay mode. Players were one and make sure to avoid the new boss Brutus who gives out a solid amount of damage every time he appears.
The four maps are available for play in various modes such as Team Death Match and Mosh Pit but do not offer the number of online modes that are available for the standard version of the game.
Vertigo is set in a futuristic high-rise in India and requires gamers to be very careful about where they step if they wish to avoid plummeting several stories to their doom. With a circular outside platform and limited indoor areas the emphasis is on using cover as much as possible especially from the abundant cargo and air-conditioning units that litter the map. I found this to be the least satisfying for my style of play as not being able to run, and constantly being at the mercy of snipers did make it very frustrating for me.
Encore is set in London at a music festival and offers a nice mix of options for players of all gaming styles. From the backstage area which is ideal for setting mines and other traps, to the grandstand boxes which offer numerous opportunities for snipers to ply their craft. Since neither these are my style of play, I was content to work my way under the stage, and through the clubs, restrooms, and park areas as well as on stage to catch enemy units transitioning from one point of the map to the other. The key is not stay in one place too long as I start to the run and gun mode and had solid success.
Magma is set in Japan following a volcanic eruption. Having to avoid lava and make your way over cooling areas through the village is definitely a nice visual touch. Everything from fish markets to subway stations and trains are on hand, but players have to be quick on the trigger as there are numerous areas for enemies to hide and blend into the shadows. Once I learned some of the nuances of the map, I did find myself having better luck and have racked up scores closer to my average on this one.
Studio is a reworking of the classic Firing Line map and is set at a Hollywood film studio. From the long areas of the lot which are ideal for snipers as well as the ample rooftop spaces, players must be on their toes because death can come from anywhere at any time. From a T Rex to a crashed alien ship this map has plenty of variety. One moment you are moving through a medieval castle, the next moment you are walking through a saloon and then stomping a miniaturized city like Godzilla. There are also plenty of other great locales and it would be fun just to run through and sightsee if there was not so much mayhem going on around you.
I find it best to avoid snipers zones and make your way through the areas that offer plenty of cover and make great use of the trailers as they certainly provide cover and great areas of transition as well as ambush.
While uprising does not offer anything new in terms of weaponry, equipment, or rewards, what it does offer is several hours of new gameplay enjoyment for friends of the series who are in need of effects while they wait for the next release in the series. With two more map scheduled between now and November, you’ll want to check this out and as long as you are moderate in your expectations understanding these are simply new maps to enhance your gameplay, then you might find yourself really enjoying what is being offered with this diverse yet enjoyable collection.
http://sknr.net/2013/05/19/call-of-duty-black-ops-2-uprising/
The pack offers for new maps as well as a new zombie mode called Mob of the Dead, which casts players as inmates at Alcatraz which is being overrun by the undead. Gameplay wise it is similar to pass on the modes in net weapons, power ups, ammunition, and access to other areas of the maps can be obtained through purchase using the in game currency accrued from dispatching the undead.
There is also a nice surprise to this that in addition to trying to locate and assemble parts to make your escape, the voice talents of Michael Madsen, Joe Pantoliano, Chazz Palminteri, and Ray Liotta, provide a very nice depth to the game as they helped bring an infusion of personality to the characters which really makes you care about their outcome.
There is an afterlife mode as well which is necessary for accessing certain areas and gathering components needed for survival. It is also very satisfying to shock some of the undead minions while in this gameplay mode. Players were one and make sure to avoid the new boss Brutus who gives out a solid amount of damage every time he appears.
The four maps are available for play in various modes such as Team Death Match and Mosh Pit but do not offer the number of online modes that are available for the standard version of the game.
Vertigo is set in a futuristic high-rise in India and requires gamers to be very careful about where they step if they wish to avoid plummeting several stories to their doom. With a circular outside platform and limited indoor areas the emphasis is on using cover as much as possible especially from the abundant cargo and air-conditioning units that litter the map. I found this to be the least satisfying for my style of play as not being able to run, and constantly being at the mercy of snipers did make it very frustrating for me.
Encore is set in London at a music festival and offers a nice mix of options for players of all gaming styles. From the backstage area which is ideal for setting mines and other traps, to the grandstand boxes which offer numerous opportunities for snipers to ply their craft. Since neither these are my style of play, I was content to work my way under the stage, and through the clubs, restrooms, and park areas as well as on stage to catch enemy units transitioning from one point of the map to the other. The key is not stay in one place too long as I start to the run and gun mode and had solid success.
Magma is set in Japan following a volcanic eruption. Having to avoid lava and make your way over cooling areas through the village is definitely a nice visual touch. Everything from fish markets to subway stations and trains are on hand, but players have to be quick on the trigger as there are numerous areas for enemies to hide and blend into the shadows. Once I learned some of the nuances of the map, I did find myself having better luck and have racked up scores closer to my average on this one.
Studio is a reworking of the classic Firing Line map and is set at a Hollywood film studio. From the long areas of the lot which are ideal for snipers as well as the ample rooftop spaces, players must be on their toes because death can come from anywhere at any time. From a T Rex to a crashed alien ship this map has plenty of variety. One moment you are moving through a medieval castle, the next moment you are walking through a saloon and then stomping a miniaturized city like Godzilla. There are also plenty of other great locales and it would be fun just to run through and sightsee if there was not so much mayhem going on around you.
I find it best to avoid snipers zones and make your way through the areas that offer plenty of cover and make great use of the trailers as they certainly provide cover and great areas of transition as well as ambush.
While uprising does not offer anything new in terms of weaponry, equipment, or rewards, what it does offer is several hours of new gameplay enjoyment for friends of the series who are in need of effects while they wait for the next release in the series. With two more map scheduled between now and November, you’ll want to check this out and as long as you are moderate in your expectations understanding these are simply new maps to enhance your gameplay, then you might find yourself really enjoying what is being offered with this diverse yet enjoyable collection.
http://sknr.net/2013/05/19/call-of-duty-black-ops-2-uprising/
Gareth von Kallenbach (965 KP) rated The World's End (2013) in Movies
Aug 6, 2019
This summer’s movie lineup has been crammed full of sophisticated robots, vampires and even a recently passed billionaire genius. And then you have The World’s End (“TWE”), which might simply be the best and most creative of the bunch. Having a much smaller budget than these bigger movies, and being set in England, Edgar Wright shows that it’s not all about money and tropics in this hilarious romp.
I cannot honestly think of a better way to wrap up the Cornetto Trilogy then the story told in TWE. For those that don’t know there’s a joke behind the Cornetto name, in that a report brought up that a Cornetto ice cream wrapper was featured in each of the first two movies. Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz make up the first two movies, and TWE rounds out what eventually became the Cornetto Trilogy. Ice cream Easter egg aside, all the films in the trilogy share the same cast and crew. They star Simon Pegg and Nick Frost, written by Pegg and Wright, and directed by Wright. The films are chock full of inside jokes that go back as far as this incredible groups humble beginnings with the TV show Spaced. Beyond these connections, though, each films stands on its own as a unique story.
While Shaun of the Dead was the group’s take on zombie films, and Hot Fuzz visited the buddy cop genre, TWE is a comedic riff on films like Invasion of the Body Snatchers. If you have somehow made it this far without having the full plot spoiled for you, do try and keep it that way. The key things you need to know is that there are robots, creepy “YOLO” kids, and the story centers on Gary King, a man who never quite grew up.
Gary (Pegg) is a disaster of an adult male. He’s wild, rambunctious, trying to constantly relive his youth, and irresponsible to boot. This demeanor has not done any good for him as an adult on the far side of 40, but he’s delusional and is not aware that he has not succeeded in life. This actually adds to his charm.
Gary gets a bug up his you know what, and wants to relive one of his last greatest days of his youth. A day when he and his four best friends decided to celebrate finishing school by tackling the town-famous golden mile. Newton Haven has 12 pubs spread along a mile path that Gary manages to convince his friends Steven (Paddy Considine), Oliver (Martin Freeman), Peter (Eddie Marsan) and former best friend Andrew (Frost) to attempt again just like they did all those years ago. The pub crawl concludes at the film’s namesake: The World’s End.
As the evening goes on, and the beers start going down, the five begin to discover that something is off. Between rounds and pubs, the group starts to discuss whether or not the town has changed, or they have. This leads to a fight with the creepy “YOLO” kids that is reminiscent of Chinese Kung Fu movies the likes of Jackie Chan would be found in. As the mates progress from pub to pub, more and more of the mystery of Newton Haven begins to unravel.
The film starts in a deceiving way and hides its true nature underneath a veil of middle-aged men trying to reconcile their present with their past. Gary very much represents the past as he still dresses the way he did when he was 18, still drives the same car, complete with the same cassette tape of music given to him more than 20 years ago by Steven. Gary is a loser, but thinks he is the hero of every story, which causes a love/hate relationship with the group of friends. Then it all changes! Wright and company manage to do a complete 180 and combine a very believable mid-life crisis film with a robot invasion. And it works!
Pegg absolutely nails the role of Gary, from his movements to his banter with the others in the film. There is an air of desperation hidden under his free spirit persona. But surprisingly, it is Frost that steals the movie this time around. Andrew is the most well-rounded character he has portrayed, even through his transformation from a stiff professional into the atomic elbow dropping fighter he needs to become.
As I mentioned earlier, the fight scenes are very reminiscent Chinese Kung Fu movies. The choreography is amazing and the actors have no problem keeping up with the action and bringing the air of humor that the Kung Fu films bring as well. It is impressive watching Frost, a small man by no means, nimbly dispatch several foes. Meanwhile, Pegg is constantly thwarted by enemies as he unsuccessfully attempt to enjoy a pint. For a film billed as comedy, the few fight scenes are among the best of the summer.
As good and Pegg and Frost are though, it all comes back to the man behind the camera… Wright. He has a style that is distinctive and unique. He has shown his range over the years with shows like Spaced and films like Scott Pilgrim vs. the World. And his attention to detail is bar-none. Nothing is included in a shot if it doesn’t have some sort of meaning. Wright is a master film maker in his own right.
TWE is steeped in originality and creativity, which is sorely lacking in many films that are released these days. Wright is a master of deconstructing a genre film to honor it and make fun of it at the same time. Pegg and Frost have an uncanny knack for translating Wright’s visions to the silver screen. The World’s End is another example of their shining chemistry, and also one of the best films of the summer.
I cannot honestly think of a better way to wrap up the Cornetto Trilogy then the story told in TWE. For those that don’t know there’s a joke behind the Cornetto name, in that a report brought up that a Cornetto ice cream wrapper was featured in each of the first two movies. Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz make up the first two movies, and TWE rounds out what eventually became the Cornetto Trilogy. Ice cream Easter egg aside, all the films in the trilogy share the same cast and crew. They star Simon Pegg and Nick Frost, written by Pegg and Wright, and directed by Wright. The films are chock full of inside jokes that go back as far as this incredible groups humble beginnings with the TV show Spaced. Beyond these connections, though, each films stands on its own as a unique story.
While Shaun of the Dead was the group’s take on zombie films, and Hot Fuzz visited the buddy cop genre, TWE is a comedic riff on films like Invasion of the Body Snatchers. If you have somehow made it this far without having the full plot spoiled for you, do try and keep it that way. The key things you need to know is that there are robots, creepy “YOLO” kids, and the story centers on Gary King, a man who never quite grew up.
Gary (Pegg) is a disaster of an adult male. He’s wild, rambunctious, trying to constantly relive his youth, and irresponsible to boot. This demeanor has not done any good for him as an adult on the far side of 40, but he’s delusional and is not aware that he has not succeeded in life. This actually adds to his charm.
Gary gets a bug up his you know what, and wants to relive one of his last greatest days of his youth. A day when he and his four best friends decided to celebrate finishing school by tackling the town-famous golden mile. Newton Haven has 12 pubs spread along a mile path that Gary manages to convince his friends Steven (Paddy Considine), Oliver (Martin Freeman), Peter (Eddie Marsan) and former best friend Andrew (Frost) to attempt again just like they did all those years ago. The pub crawl concludes at the film’s namesake: The World’s End.
As the evening goes on, and the beers start going down, the five begin to discover that something is off. Between rounds and pubs, the group starts to discuss whether or not the town has changed, or they have. This leads to a fight with the creepy “YOLO” kids that is reminiscent of Chinese Kung Fu movies the likes of Jackie Chan would be found in. As the mates progress from pub to pub, more and more of the mystery of Newton Haven begins to unravel.
The film starts in a deceiving way and hides its true nature underneath a veil of middle-aged men trying to reconcile their present with their past. Gary very much represents the past as he still dresses the way he did when he was 18, still drives the same car, complete with the same cassette tape of music given to him more than 20 years ago by Steven. Gary is a loser, but thinks he is the hero of every story, which causes a love/hate relationship with the group of friends. Then it all changes! Wright and company manage to do a complete 180 and combine a very believable mid-life crisis film with a robot invasion. And it works!
Pegg absolutely nails the role of Gary, from his movements to his banter with the others in the film. There is an air of desperation hidden under his free spirit persona. But surprisingly, it is Frost that steals the movie this time around. Andrew is the most well-rounded character he has portrayed, even through his transformation from a stiff professional into the atomic elbow dropping fighter he needs to become.
As I mentioned earlier, the fight scenes are very reminiscent Chinese Kung Fu movies. The choreography is amazing and the actors have no problem keeping up with the action and bringing the air of humor that the Kung Fu films bring as well. It is impressive watching Frost, a small man by no means, nimbly dispatch several foes. Meanwhile, Pegg is constantly thwarted by enemies as he unsuccessfully attempt to enjoy a pint. For a film billed as comedy, the few fight scenes are among the best of the summer.
As good and Pegg and Frost are though, it all comes back to the man behind the camera… Wright. He has a style that is distinctive and unique. He has shown his range over the years with shows like Spaced and films like Scott Pilgrim vs. the World. And his attention to detail is bar-none. Nothing is included in a shot if it doesn’t have some sort of meaning. Wright is a master film maker in his own right.
TWE is steeped in originality and creativity, which is sorely lacking in many films that are released these days. Wright is a master of deconstructing a genre film to honor it and make fun of it at the same time. Pegg and Frost have an uncanny knack for translating Wright’s visions to the silver screen. The World’s End is another example of their shining chemistry, and also one of the best films of the summer.
Purple Phoenix Games (2266 KP) rated Similo: Spookies in Tabletop Games
Mar 11, 2022
Anyone who knows my gaming preferences will tell you that I am not at all a fan of many party games. I just find them less that gratifying, with usually little to no skill or strategy involved, and also typically invites lewd and disgusting suggestions and behaviors. No thanks. However, upon seeing many reviewers that I trust showing off their hauls from recent conventions including games from the Similo series, I just had to find out why. Have I been missing out, or is this just another lame excuse for a “party game?”
Similo: Spookies (which I will just call Similo from here on out, as they are all basically the same, but with different themes) is a party card game where one player knows information and attempts to persuade the other players to choose the correct character SILENTLY. One game lasts five rounds or less, and many times players will want to play multiple games in a row.
To setup, shuffle the deck of cards and place it face-down on the table. The player chosen to be the “Clue Giver” will then secretly look at the top card. This card will be the secret character for the entire game. Along with this card, the Clue Giver will draw an additional 11 cards and shuffle them. Next, lay out the 12 characters face-up in a 4×3 grid, so that all players can see. Finally, the Clue Giver draws another five cards to act as their starting hand of clues. The game may now begin in earnest!
The game lasts no more than five rounds, and each round is played mostly the same. During the first round the Clue Giver will place a card from their hand onto the table in either Portrait or Landscape mode (I know there are different words to describe these orientations, but they are failing me now). When a card is in Portrait mode, the Clue Giver is letting the players know that the secret character has similarities to the played card. Landscape placement means that the secret character has differences from the card played.
At the end of the first round, the other players must discuss and decide one card from the grid to remove from play, based on the Clue Giver’s information. If the card removed is the secret character (or at any time the secret character is removed in this way) the players all immediately lose the game. However, if the players have removed an appropriate character card, then the game moves to the second round. Each subsequent round is played exactly the same way, except the number of cards removed will match the round number being played. For example, during the third round three cards will be removed. The only exception here is the very last fifth round. During this round there will only be two cards remaining, and the players will need to choose the correct one to win the game. Win or lose, all players will most likely request to play another game with a different Clue Giver.
Components. This game is 30 cards in a tuckbox. The cards are all great quality with excellent linen finish. They each have the character’s name on the upper left corner and a small thematic quip on the lower right corner. The big thing here is the utterly amazing character art by Naiade (Seasons, Tokaido, Isla Dorada, etc). They are each so wonderfully illustrated, and they have to be, considering the entire game is based on the similarity or differences of each card. I was so very pleasantly surprised to see this beautiful set of cards pop out of the box when I opened it. Zero issues with components here.
This game is low-key a thinking person’s puzzle. How can I get the group to exclude one card specifically and throw away all the others? What the heck is this Clue Giver trying to tell us? What exactly is an Oni? With the right group of gamers, especially those that share many inside jokes and experiences, this could be a nightly hit. Now, determining the difference between Frankenstein’s Monster and a Zombie may be harder than you thought, so do be careful with those technicalities.
This one really reminds me of a much more compact version of Deception: Murder in Hong Kong. There is a silent Clue Giver in both trying to guide the other players to the right answer using cards. If I can get the same feeling from a game featuring 30 cards versus about 300 I might have a replacement situation on my hands here.
For its tiny table presence, excellent artwork, and overall game play, Purple Phoenix Games gives this one a bone-chilling 4 / 6. I know at this very second that my score is hanging in the balance. I want it to be a 5 so very badly, and I feel that it may actually get there, assuming I can play with larger groups of people and a variety of types of gamers. For now, I am happy with the 4 it is assigned. If you are like me and didn’t know you needed a smaller game in your collection that can give similo experiences to bigger boxes, give this one a shot.
Oh PS – You can also combine the different sets into a larger and more chaotic game. I’m not sure I have the huevos for that quite yet, but I think a good counterpart to this Halloween-themed set may be the Fables or Myths sets. Let me know if you have combined these two and if my hunch is correct. I’m going to go fanboy over Naiade’s art now.
Similo: Spookies (which I will just call Similo from here on out, as they are all basically the same, but with different themes) is a party card game where one player knows information and attempts to persuade the other players to choose the correct character SILENTLY. One game lasts five rounds or less, and many times players will want to play multiple games in a row.
To setup, shuffle the deck of cards and place it face-down on the table. The player chosen to be the “Clue Giver” will then secretly look at the top card. This card will be the secret character for the entire game. Along with this card, the Clue Giver will draw an additional 11 cards and shuffle them. Next, lay out the 12 characters face-up in a 4×3 grid, so that all players can see. Finally, the Clue Giver draws another five cards to act as their starting hand of clues. The game may now begin in earnest!
The game lasts no more than five rounds, and each round is played mostly the same. During the first round the Clue Giver will place a card from their hand onto the table in either Portrait or Landscape mode (I know there are different words to describe these orientations, but they are failing me now). When a card is in Portrait mode, the Clue Giver is letting the players know that the secret character has similarities to the played card. Landscape placement means that the secret character has differences from the card played.
At the end of the first round, the other players must discuss and decide one card from the grid to remove from play, based on the Clue Giver’s information. If the card removed is the secret character (or at any time the secret character is removed in this way) the players all immediately lose the game. However, if the players have removed an appropriate character card, then the game moves to the second round. Each subsequent round is played exactly the same way, except the number of cards removed will match the round number being played. For example, during the third round three cards will be removed. The only exception here is the very last fifth round. During this round there will only be two cards remaining, and the players will need to choose the correct one to win the game. Win or lose, all players will most likely request to play another game with a different Clue Giver.
Components. This game is 30 cards in a tuckbox. The cards are all great quality with excellent linen finish. They each have the character’s name on the upper left corner and a small thematic quip on the lower right corner. The big thing here is the utterly amazing character art by Naiade (Seasons, Tokaido, Isla Dorada, etc). They are each so wonderfully illustrated, and they have to be, considering the entire game is based on the similarity or differences of each card. I was so very pleasantly surprised to see this beautiful set of cards pop out of the box when I opened it. Zero issues with components here.
This game is low-key a thinking person’s puzzle. How can I get the group to exclude one card specifically and throw away all the others? What the heck is this Clue Giver trying to tell us? What exactly is an Oni? With the right group of gamers, especially those that share many inside jokes and experiences, this could be a nightly hit. Now, determining the difference between Frankenstein’s Monster and a Zombie may be harder than you thought, so do be careful with those technicalities.
This one really reminds me of a much more compact version of Deception: Murder in Hong Kong. There is a silent Clue Giver in both trying to guide the other players to the right answer using cards. If I can get the same feeling from a game featuring 30 cards versus about 300 I might have a replacement situation on my hands here.
For its tiny table presence, excellent artwork, and overall game play, Purple Phoenix Games gives this one a bone-chilling 4 / 6. I know at this very second that my score is hanging in the balance. I want it to be a 5 so very badly, and I feel that it may actually get there, assuming I can play with larger groups of people and a variety of types of gamers. For now, I am happy with the 4 it is assigned. If you are like me and didn’t know you needed a smaller game in your collection that can give similo experiences to bigger boxes, give this one a shot.
Oh PS – You can also combine the different sets into a larger and more chaotic game. I’m not sure I have the huevos for that quite yet, but I think a good counterpart to this Halloween-themed set may be the Fables or Myths sets. Let me know if you have combined these two and if my hunch is correct. I’m going to go fanboy over Naiade’s art now.
graveyardgremlin (7194 KP) rated Nightmares: A New Decade of Modern Horror in Books
Feb 15, 2019
Shallaballah by [a:Mark Samuels|679023|Mark Samuels|https://images.gr-assets.com/authors/1485638875p2/679023.jpg]
Weird and I didn't completely understand it. I'm not big on surreal-like stories.
1.5 stars
Sob in the Silence by [a:Gene Wolfe|23069|Gene Wolfe|https://images.gr-assets.com/authors/1207670073p2/23069.jpg]
I liked it okay, but wasn't wowed. I feel like there was a missed opportunity and that the ending was too abrupt.
3 stars
Our Tun Too Will One Day Come by [a:Brian Hodge|167606|Brian Hodge|https://images.gr-assets.com/authors/1326937946p2/167606.jpg]
Folklore and horror equal an interesting tale. I'd read more from Brian Hodge.
4 stars
Dead Sea Fruit by [a:Kaaron Warren|1207458|Kaaron Warren|https://images.gr-assets.com/authors/1303270263p2/1207458.jpg]
So far the best in the book. Perfectly paced and pretty darned creepy.
4.5 stars
Closet Dreams by [a:Lisa Tuttle|38313|Lisa Tuttle|https://images.gr-assets.com/authors/1296860221p2/38313.jpg]
Haunting. That's the first word that popped into my head when I finished this story. Also, disturbing, sad, and devastating. Trigger warning: <spoiler>pedophilia and abduction, although not described in any kind of detail</spoiler>
5 stars
Spectral Evidence by [a:Gemma Files|765702|Gemma Files|https://images.gr-assets.com/authors/1266869494p2/765702.jpg]
I had a hard time with this, especially at the beginning since it's written as a case study with footnotes. Had this been written as a regular short story, I do believe the horror is there for a good tale, but as it stands it didn't feel at all scary or nightmarish.
2.5 stars
Hushabye by [a:Simon Bestwick|2830642|Simon Bestwick|https://s.gr-assets.com/assets/nophoto/user/u_50x66-632230dc9882b4352d753eedf9396530.png]
This was...okay. It sorta fit the book, but it also sorta didn't. The story almost felt noir, but not quite, plus everything was rather vague. Not bad, but fine.
3 stars
Very Low-Flying Aircraft by [a:Nicholas Royle|20435|Nicholas Royle|https://s.gr-assets.com/assets/nophoto/user/m_50x66-82093808bca726cb3249a493fbd3bd0f.png]
The only horror in this is the fact that it's included in a horror anthology. I'm not even sure what the point was.
1.5 stars
The Goosle by [a:Margo Lanagan|277536|Margo Lanagan|https://images.gr-assets.com/authors/1361153347p2/277536.jpg]
Meh. An even more twisted sequel of sorts to Hansel and Gretel sans Gretel. While it's gory, it didn't bother me but I didn't love it.
3 stars
The Clay Party by [a:Steve Duffy|376166|Steve Duffy|https://images.gr-assets.com/authors/1329037438p2/376166.jpg]
A take on the Donner Party told through diary entries and a letter at the end.
4 stars
Strappado by [a:Laird Barron|466494|Laird Barron|https://images.gr-assets.com/authors/1446325324p2/466494.jpg]
This didn't do anything for me; it was just too vague.
2 stars
Lonegan's Luck by [a:Stephen Graham Jones|96300|Stephen Graham Jones|https://images.gr-assets.com/authors/1458951688p2/96300.jpg]
Interesting, the writing and pace was good. The MC is a conman of the old(?) West. I didn't understand why he did what he did exactly, like were there circumstances of something that happened to the country as a whole, but it's not such a big thing. I only hoped he'd get a taste of his own medicine, so to speak.
3 stars
Mr. Pigsny by [a:Reggie Oliver|518983|Reggie Oliver|https://images.gr-assets.com/authors/1477924368p2/518983.jpg]
An odd, creepy little tale.
4 stars
At Night, When the Demons Come by [a:Ray Cluley|4446653|Ray Cluley|https://s.gr-assets.com/assets/nophoto/user/u_50x66-632230dc9882b4352d753eedf9396530.png]
Perfectly told, perfectly paced, with a horrible-ish ending. Definitely memorable.
4.5 stars
Was She Wicked? Was She Good by [a:Mary Rickert|7344680|Mary Rickert|https://s.gr-assets.com/assets/nophoto/user/u_50x66-632230dc9882b4352d753eedf9396530.png] (as M. Rickert)
Meh. Not bad, but not great either. I don't really have much to say about it.
3 stars
The Shallows by [a:John Langan|58413|John Langan|https://s.gr-assets.com/assets/nophoto/user/u_50x66-632230dc9882b4352d753eedf9396530.png]
I honestly don't even remember this one so it must not have been all that bad or good.
2 stars
Little Pig by [a:Anna Taborska|4343515|Anna Taborska|https://s.gr-assets.com/assets/nophoto/user/u_50x66-632230dc9882b4352d753eedf9396530.png]
Horrific only in the way of what you might do to for the survival of those you love. A quirky start with an powerful ending.
4 stars
Omphalos by [a:Livia Llewellyn|2966042|Livia Llewellyn|https://images.gr-assets.com/authors/1298571003p2/2966042.jpg]
Well-written but definitely not one for everybody. It's sick, a little too descriptive with the incest. I don't need an actual scene with explicitness. While I felt sorry for the MC and her brother, the story made me sad for actual victims. Possibly the point, but it's an upsetting story that some should probably skip. Also, what happened in the end? I get some of it, but it was so confusing and vague that I didn't fully comprehend the conclusion. It doesn't matter much, but I'm getting tired of vague endings or other scenes in these stories.
3.5 stars
How We Escaped Our Certain Fate by [a:Dan Chaon|16560|Dan Chaon|https://images.gr-assets.com/authors/1241719844p2/16560.jpg]
Interesting and thoughtful zombie tale. Slightly melancholy.
3.5 stars
That Tiny Flutter of The Heart I Used to Call Love by [a:Robert Shearman|128037|Robert Shearman|https://images.gr-assets.com/authors/1363523036p2/128037.jpg]
Strange. I'm not sure exactly what I thought of this tale, and I'm not sure I totally get what happened at the end, but that seems to be my lot with some of these stories.
3 stars
Interstate Love Song (Murder Ballad No. 8) by [a:Caitlín R. Kiernan|4798562|Caitlín R. Kiernan|https://images.gr-assets.com/authors/1491390729p2/4798562.jpg]
I liked this story. It was....interesting to say the least. Not my favorite but solid.
3.75 stars
Shay Corsham Worsted by [a:Garth Nix|8347|Garth Nix|https://images.gr-assets.com/authors/1207583754p2/8347.jpg]
3.5 stars
The Atlas of Hell by [a:Nathan Ballingrud|2957979|Nathan Ballingrud|https://images.gr-assets.com/authors/1354770124p2/2957979.jpg]
4.5 stars
Ambitious Boys Like You by [a:Richard Kadrey|37557|Richard Kadrey|https://images.gr-assets.com/authors/1252945001p2/37557.jpg]
4 - 4.5 stars
Okay, I kinda ran out of reviewing steam near the end, but the last two stories were excellent.
Weird and I didn't completely understand it. I'm not big on surreal-like stories.
1.5 stars
Sob in the Silence by [a:Gene Wolfe|23069|Gene Wolfe|https://images.gr-assets.com/authors/1207670073p2/23069.jpg]
I liked it okay, but wasn't wowed. I feel like there was a missed opportunity and that the ending was too abrupt.
3 stars
Our Tun Too Will One Day Come by [a:Brian Hodge|167606|Brian Hodge|https://images.gr-assets.com/authors/1326937946p2/167606.jpg]
Folklore and horror equal an interesting tale. I'd read more from Brian Hodge.
4 stars
Dead Sea Fruit by [a:Kaaron Warren|1207458|Kaaron Warren|https://images.gr-assets.com/authors/1303270263p2/1207458.jpg]
So far the best in the book. Perfectly paced and pretty darned creepy.
4.5 stars
Closet Dreams by [a:Lisa Tuttle|38313|Lisa Tuttle|https://images.gr-assets.com/authors/1296860221p2/38313.jpg]
Haunting. That's the first word that popped into my head when I finished this story. Also, disturbing, sad, and devastating. Trigger warning: <spoiler>pedophilia and abduction, although not described in any kind of detail</spoiler>
5 stars
Spectral Evidence by [a:Gemma Files|765702|Gemma Files|https://images.gr-assets.com/authors/1266869494p2/765702.jpg]
I had a hard time with this, especially at the beginning since it's written as a case study with footnotes. Had this been written as a regular short story, I do believe the horror is there for a good tale, but as it stands it didn't feel at all scary or nightmarish.
2.5 stars
Hushabye by [a:Simon Bestwick|2830642|Simon Bestwick|https://s.gr-assets.com/assets/nophoto/user/u_50x66-632230dc9882b4352d753eedf9396530.png]
This was...okay. It sorta fit the book, but it also sorta didn't. The story almost felt noir, but not quite, plus everything was rather vague. Not bad, but fine.
3 stars
Very Low-Flying Aircraft by [a:Nicholas Royle|20435|Nicholas Royle|https://s.gr-assets.com/assets/nophoto/user/m_50x66-82093808bca726cb3249a493fbd3bd0f.png]
The only horror in this is the fact that it's included in a horror anthology. I'm not even sure what the point was.
1.5 stars
The Goosle by [a:Margo Lanagan|277536|Margo Lanagan|https://images.gr-assets.com/authors/1361153347p2/277536.jpg]
Meh. An even more twisted sequel of sorts to Hansel and Gretel sans Gretel. While it's gory, it didn't bother me but I didn't love it.
3 stars
The Clay Party by [a:Steve Duffy|376166|Steve Duffy|https://images.gr-assets.com/authors/1329037438p2/376166.jpg]
A take on the Donner Party told through diary entries and a letter at the end.
4 stars
Strappado by [a:Laird Barron|466494|Laird Barron|https://images.gr-assets.com/authors/1446325324p2/466494.jpg]
This didn't do anything for me; it was just too vague.
2 stars
Lonegan's Luck by [a:Stephen Graham Jones|96300|Stephen Graham Jones|https://images.gr-assets.com/authors/1458951688p2/96300.jpg]
Interesting, the writing and pace was good. The MC is a conman of the old(?) West. I didn't understand why he did what he did exactly, like were there circumstances of something that happened to the country as a whole, but it's not such a big thing. I only hoped he'd get a taste of his own medicine, so to speak.
3 stars
Mr. Pigsny by [a:Reggie Oliver|518983|Reggie Oliver|https://images.gr-assets.com/authors/1477924368p2/518983.jpg]
An odd, creepy little tale.
4 stars
At Night, When the Demons Come by [a:Ray Cluley|4446653|Ray Cluley|https://s.gr-assets.com/assets/nophoto/user/u_50x66-632230dc9882b4352d753eedf9396530.png]
Perfectly told, perfectly paced, with a horrible-ish ending. Definitely memorable.
4.5 stars
Was She Wicked? Was She Good by [a:Mary Rickert|7344680|Mary Rickert|https://s.gr-assets.com/assets/nophoto/user/u_50x66-632230dc9882b4352d753eedf9396530.png] (as M. Rickert)
Meh. Not bad, but not great either. I don't really have much to say about it.
3 stars
The Shallows by [a:John Langan|58413|John Langan|https://s.gr-assets.com/assets/nophoto/user/u_50x66-632230dc9882b4352d753eedf9396530.png]
I honestly don't even remember this one so it must not have been all that bad or good.
2 stars
Little Pig by [a:Anna Taborska|4343515|Anna Taborska|https://s.gr-assets.com/assets/nophoto/user/u_50x66-632230dc9882b4352d753eedf9396530.png]
Horrific only in the way of what you might do to for the survival of those you love. A quirky start with an powerful ending.
4 stars
Omphalos by [a:Livia Llewellyn|2966042|Livia Llewellyn|https://images.gr-assets.com/authors/1298571003p2/2966042.jpg]
Well-written but definitely not one for everybody. It's sick, a little too descriptive with the incest. I don't need an actual scene with explicitness. While I felt sorry for the MC and her brother, the story made me sad for actual victims. Possibly the point, but it's an upsetting story that some should probably skip. Also, what happened in the end? I get some of it, but it was so confusing and vague that I didn't fully comprehend the conclusion. It doesn't matter much, but I'm getting tired of vague endings or other scenes in these stories.
3.5 stars
How We Escaped Our Certain Fate by [a:Dan Chaon|16560|Dan Chaon|https://images.gr-assets.com/authors/1241719844p2/16560.jpg]
Interesting and thoughtful zombie tale. Slightly melancholy.
3.5 stars
That Tiny Flutter of The Heart I Used to Call Love by [a:Robert Shearman|128037|Robert Shearman|https://images.gr-assets.com/authors/1363523036p2/128037.jpg]
Strange. I'm not sure exactly what I thought of this tale, and I'm not sure I totally get what happened at the end, but that seems to be my lot with some of these stories.
3 stars
Interstate Love Song (Murder Ballad No. 8) by [a:Caitlín R. Kiernan|4798562|Caitlín R. Kiernan|https://images.gr-assets.com/authors/1491390729p2/4798562.jpg]
I liked this story. It was....interesting to say the least. Not my favorite but solid.
3.75 stars
Shay Corsham Worsted by [a:Garth Nix|8347|Garth Nix|https://images.gr-assets.com/authors/1207583754p2/8347.jpg]
3.5 stars
The Atlas of Hell by [a:Nathan Ballingrud|2957979|Nathan Ballingrud|https://images.gr-assets.com/authors/1354770124p2/2957979.jpg]
4.5 stars
Ambitious Boys Like You by [a:Richard Kadrey|37557|Richard Kadrey|https://images.gr-assets.com/authors/1252945001p2/37557.jpg]
4 - 4.5 stars
Okay, I kinda ran out of reviewing steam near the end, but the last two stories were excellent.
Movie Metropolis (309 KP) rated Halloween (2018) in Movies
Jun 10, 2019
A True successor to the original
Halloween 1978 and little-known director John Carpenter terrifies thousands of impressionable horror fans with the introduction of ‘The Shape’. Jamie Lee Curtis becomes the new ‘scream queen’ and all is well in the world of the slasher genre.
Fast-forward to 2009 and Rob Zombie directs the sequel to his reasonably successful remake of Halloween, but it was poorly received by critics and audiences alike. Why? Well Zombie’s grungy, rock-anthem vibe didn’t really sit too well with Michael Myers and the result was a distasteful and messy outing that set the franchise back nearly 10 years.
Of course, in between 1978 and 2009, the series was ripped apart, put back together again until it was a shadow of its former self. Anyone remember Busta Rhymes doing a vague impression of a karate master in Halloween: Resurrection? Best forget about that.
Nevertheless, director David Gordon Green, a lifetime fan of Carpenter’s iconic original is in the chair to helm a direct sequel to the 1978 classic. That’s right, it forgoes every single film apart from the first. But is it a worthy sequel to one of the greatest horror films of all time?
It’s been 40 years since Laurie Strode survived a vicious attack from crazed killer Michael Myers on Halloween night. Locked up in an institution, Myers manages to escape when his bus transfer goes horribly wrong. Laurie now faces a terrifying showdown when the masked madman returns to Haddonfield. But this time, she’s ready for him.
Having Jamie Lee Curtis and John Carpenter back for this instalment is already a coup for Gordon Green. Clearly, they thought enough of the material that he and co-writer Danny McBride had produced to give one more shot at crafting a properly deserved sequel. And it works very well, so well in fact that we have, barring the original, the best Halloween movie to date.
Jamie Lee Curtis is absolutely fabulous as a world-weary Laurie Strode. Traumatised by the events of 40 years ago, she holds herself up in a cabin on the outskirts of Haddonfield, flanked by floodlights and CCTV cameras. The script does a very good job at showing how massive events can destroy an individual’s life and Curtis’ understated performance is a highlight here.
Judy Greer gets a nicely fleshed out role as Karen, Laurie’s daughter. She’s an incredibly talented actress and it’s a world away from the one-dimensional characters she’s been given to play in blockbusters like Jurassic World. The great thing about this film is that each of the main characters feels real. There’s no cheap sex scenes, the kills are well-placed and the dialogue is superbly written – you actually believe these are real people, rather than characters in a movie.
While the body count is high, Halloween doesn’t rely on the murders to progress the story forward. This is very much Laurie’s film as opposed to Michael’s and it works very well. There’s some nice juxtaposition as shots that would have involved Michael in the original, choose to put Laurie front and centre here. Halloween features some tasteful references to the original as well as its less-well received sequels. They’re not immediately obvious for those not too familiar with the series, but die-hards will enjoy seeing those homages pop up every now and then.
Halloween is a resounding success. It takes what audiences loved about the original and updates them in a sequel that, while not being wholly original, respects what came before it
The film starts relatively slowly with a not quite successful side-plot involving two investigative journalists, but once Michael Myers gets his mask back, the film rarely lets up until the end. Populated by enough kills and scares to keep the audience happy, this is a Halloween movie that doesn’t rely too much on jump scares. There’s a few, but they’re nicely filmed which helps lift them above the mundane.
To look at, this is a film that is head and shoulders above anything else in the genre. Gordon Green uses incredibly fluid camera techniques that almost mimic those of the original. In one extended sequence, Myers moves in and out of shot as the camera follows him from house to house, selecting his next victim. With no cuts in between, it’s a stunning scene to watch and very effective.
Thankfully, the writing duo has decided to pass on giving Michael anything resembling a back story. The embodiment of ‘pure evil’ as Samuel Loomis once put it, Myers needn’t have any motives – and that’s what makes him so terrifying. In fact, his first kill here reaffirms his evil characteristics and it’s clear that David Gordon Green and Danny McBride were aiming for this take on the character.
Then there’s the score. John Carpenter has returned to craft new music for this instalment and it is by far the best score in the series, possibly even better than the original. That haunting Halloween theme tune is back, but upgraded with guitar riffs and electronic percussion. It’s a fabulous update that works perfectly with the modern characters and an older Michael.
While it’s true that the film isn’t out-and-out scary, the finale is exquisite as Laurie and Michael come face-to-face once again. Only the abrupt ending and forgetting of some key characters lets it down. After all, what’s the point in caring about a character and never learning of their fate?
Overall, Halloween is a resounding success. It takes what audiences loved about the original and updates them in a sequel that, while not being wholly original, respects what came before it. While this is sure to make bucket loads at the box-office, it feels like it was crafted with care by a writing team and director that absolutely adores the series. It’s a must watch.
https://moviemetropolis.net/2018/10/20/halloween-2018-review-a-true-successor-to-the-original/
Fast-forward to 2009 and Rob Zombie directs the sequel to his reasonably successful remake of Halloween, but it was poorly received by critics and audiences alike. Why? Well Zombie’s grungy, rock-anthem vibe didn’t really sit too well with Michael Myers and the result was a distasteful and messy outing that set the franchise back nearly 10 years.
Of course, in between 1978 and 2009, the series was ripped apart, put back together again until it was a shadow of its former self. Anyone remember Busta Rhymes doing a vague impression of a karate master in Halloween: Resurrection? Best forget about that.
Nevertheless, director David Gordon Green, a lifetime fan of Carpenter’s iconic original is in the chair to helm a direct sequel to the 1978 classic. That’s right, it forgoes every single film apart from the first. But is it a worthy sequel to one of the greatest horror films of all time?
It’s been 40 years since Laurie Strode survived a vicious attack from crazed killer Michael Myers on Halloween night. Locked up in an institution, Myers manages to escape when his bus transfer goes horribly wrong. Laurie now faces a terrifying showdown when the masked madman returns to Haddonfield. But this time, she’s ready for him.
Having Jamie Lee Curtis and John Carpenter back for this instalment is already a coup for Gordon Green. Clearly, they thought enough of the material that he and co-writer Danny McBride had produced to give one more shot at crafting a properly deserved sequel. And it works very well, so well in fact that we have, barring the original, the best Halloween movie to date.
Jamie Lee Curtis is absolutely fabulous as a world-weary Laurie Strode. Traumatised by the events of 40 years ago, she holds herself up in a cabin on the outskirts of Haddonfield, flanked by floodlights and CCTV cameras. The script does a very good job at showing how massive events can destroy an individual’s life and Curtis’ understated performance is a highlight here.
Judy Greer gets a nicely fleshed out role as Karen, Laurie’s daughter. She’s an incredibly talented actress and it’s a world away from the one-dimensional characters she’s been given to play in blockbusters like Jurassic World. The great thing about this film is that each of the main characters feels real. There’s no cheap sex scenes, the kills are well-placed and the dialogue is superbly written – you actually believe these are real people, rather than characters in a movie.
While the body count is high, Halloween doesn’t rely on the murders to progress the story forward. This is very much Laurie’s film as opposed to Michael’s and it works very well. There’s some nice juxtaposition as shots that would have involved Michael in the original, choose to put Laurie front and centre here. Halloween features some tasteful references to the original as well as its less-well received sequels. They’re not immediately obvious for those not too familiar with the series, but die-hards will enjoy seeing those homages pop up every now and then.
Halloween is a resounding success. It takes what audiences loved about the original and updates them in a sequel that, while not being wholly original, respects what came before it
The film starts relatively slowly with a not quite successful side-plot involving two investigative journalists, but once Michael Myers gets his mask back, the film rarely lets up until the end. Populated by enough kills and scares to keep the audience happy, this is a Halloween movie that doesn’t rely too much on jump scares. There’s a few, but they’re nicely filmed which helps lift them above the mundane.
To look at, this is a film that is head and shoulders above anything else in the genre. Gordon Green uses incredibly fluid camera techniques that almost mimic those of the original. In one extended sequence, Myers moves in and out of shot as the camera follows him from house to house, selecting his next victim. With no cuts in between, it’s a stunning scene to watch and very effective.
Thankfully, the writing duo has decided to pass on giving Michael anything resembling a back story. The embodiment of ‘pure evil’ as Samuel Loomis once put it, Myers needn’t have any motives – and that’s what makes him so terrifying. In fact, his first kill here reaffirms his evil characteristics and it’s clear that David Gordon Green and Danny McBride were aiming for this take on the character.
Then there’s the score. John Carpenter has returned to craft new music for this instalment and it is by far the best score in the series, possibly even better than the original. That haunting Halloween theme tune is back, but upgraded with guitar riffs and electronic percussion. It’s a fabulous update that works perfectly with the modern characters and an older Michael.
While it’s true that the film isn’t out-and-out scary, the finale is exquisite as Laurie and Michael come face-to-face once again. Only the abrupt ending and forgetting of some key characters lets it down. After all, what’s the point in caring about a character and never learning of their fate?
Overall, Halloween is a resounding success. It takes what audiences loved about the original and updates them in a sequel that, while not being wholly original, respects what came before it. While this is sure to make bucket loads at the box-office, it feels like it was crafted with care by a writing team and director that absolutely adores the series. It’s a must watch.
https://moviemetropolis.net/2018/10/20/halloween-2018-review-a-true-successor-to-the-original/
Neil Goddard (3 KP) rated Hellboy (2019) in Movies
Feb 27, 2020
It all looked soooo promising
Contains spoilers, click to show
Let me say this upfront; David Harbour looks f---ing boss as Hellboy. The makeup is far superior to that of Ron Perlman, not that there was anything wrong with Ron Perlman’s, but with this new incarnation it’s all in the eyes. Deep red, sunken, pained. Sadly, that is all I can say about this movie that is one hundred percent genuinely positive. There are positives however, but they come with a big ‘however’.
I was initially a little concerned that we were getting a re-boot and not a direct sequel to Hellboy II: The Golden Army (2008), especially as it still seemed so recent and was so well made. I know it was over a decade ago but quality is timeless, yeah? Then David Harbour was cast and Neil Marshall announced as director. Great, thought I, an actor I like and a director who’s put out some solid genre material. I saw the first picture of Harbour as Hellboy and I was genuinely excited. I saw the trailer and again, excited. Then I watched the film.
Eurgh, where to start?
Firstly, Ian McShane’s initial voice over is clunky and ill fitting, then they throw in some b@llocks about King Arthur and Excalibur. I had my first wobble here, as some of the effects seemed less than special.
Cue opening titles.
The film starts with a Mexican wrestling match that is purely exposition to let us know Hellboy is a hard drinking and hard fighting anti-hero working for an organisation that deals with the paranormal. The make up for his vampiric opponent is also great (can’t fault the makeup department), but the scene seemed superfluous. We get the nubbin of the story forming now; some horrible witchy wench from way back when was cut into bits and flung around jolly old England to prevent her from spreading a right ‘orrible plague. Turns out a potty-mouthed Liverpudlian pig-monster is collecting said bits in the hope of putting her back together in exchange for his normal appearance. Scouse pig-monster is quite entertaining.
Hellboy goes to England at the request of an upper-class paranormal society to help them kill giants; this goes t1ts up. Again, this seems like unnecessary exposition to introduce Alice, a medium who he rescued as a baby, who now rescues him in a transit van. We also get introduced to M11’s Agent Daimio. There something wrong with him, he keeps injecting himself with a serum to stop something happening. I knew at this point we’d get to see what it was eventually, probably at a juncture where something is needed to rescue someone important. However, at this point I had a feeling it would be bad, I just didn’t know how bad.
There some more fighting, some good effects, some mediocre effects and some terrible effects. There’s some good one-liners, there’s some dull and/or terrible dialogue and then we get the film’s conclusion.
There’s something I’ve been putting off mentioning as I didn’t want the entire review to be about it, and it could have been; the witchy wench at the heart of all this paranormal consternation, Nimue, is played by Milla Jovovich and she is terrible. From when she first opens her mouth to her predictable demise, she is terrible. Terrible. TERRIBLE.
I love some of the Resident Evil films but all she’s required to do is some slow-motion scissor kicks and shoot zombies and zombie-dogs in the face. She is tolerated, rather than enjoyed. Here she is emoting, or at least I think that’s what she was going for, and as a depiction of an evil entity bent of the destruction of all mankind, she is, for want of a better word, cack.
David Harbour and the Hellboy franchise deserve better than this. To be blunt, the franchise has better than this and Mike Mignola should be a bit more f---ing precious with his creation.
Hellboy (2004) was genuinely exciting; it was an origin story that bought that story full circle for its thrilling and apocalyptical conclusion. It has a wonderful nemesis, great support and breath-taking visuals. The re-tread of the origin story in Hellboy (2019) is, again, one more unnecessary diversion from a sketchy plot, which, for all its meagre bones takes a f-ck load of time to tell.
Hellboy II: The Golden Army (2008) was equally impressive. It also introduced a fully formed community of creatures and customs hiding alongside mankind. It did so with nonchalant aplomb. Nothing seemed irrelevant or forced. For two films with almost identical running times, Hellboy (2019) tells less of a story with way more waffle.
So, I did mention there were some positives. David Harbour is great. He’s dour, sarcastic, defiant and funny, he just has no engaging story in which to be all those things. Ian McShane is good as the father figure but he is overshadowed by memories of the late, unbelievably great John Hurt. The story of a witch trying to destroy mankind is solid fantasy movie gold and the unleashing of her plague late in the final act is suitably hellish; bizarre demons emerging from city streets and tearing humans limb from limb, it’s bloody wonderful and wonderfully bloody. They all could have come straight out of a Clive Barker fever dream. However, it’s too little too late, by this point in the story we’ve had too many cutaways, too much shoddy CGI, and Agent Daimio stinking up many a scene with his ‘will he won’t he’ turn into something rubbish… he does.
The worst part of all this is I don’t know if they can come back from this. The film may have sunk the franchise at least for the next few years.
I do however, look forward to a re-boot in a decade or so, if we haven’t all been assimilated by aliens, overrun by AI robots or decimated by a supernatural plague bought on by some witchy wench with an axe to grind.
THREE WORD SUMMATION: Big Red Turd.
I was initially a little concerned that we were getting a re-boot and not a direct sequel to Hellboy II: The Golden Army (2008), especially as it still seemed so recent and was so well made. I know it was over a decade ago but quality is timeless, yeah? Then David Harbour was cast and Neil Marshall announced as director. Great, thought I, an actor I like and a director who’s put out some solid genre material. I saw the first picture of Harbour as Hellboy and I was genuinely excited. I saw the trailer and again, excited. Then I watched the film.
Eurgh, where to start?
Firstly, Ian McShane’s initial voice over is clunky and ill fitting, then they throw in some b@llocks about King Arthur and Excalibur. I had my first wobble here, as some of the effects seemed less than special.
Cue opening titles.
The film starts with a Mexican wrestling match that is purely exposition to let us know Hellboy is a hard drinking and hard fighting anti-hero working for an organisation that deals with the paranormal. The make up for his vampiric opponent is also great (can’t fault the makeup department), but the scene seemed superfluous. We get the nubbin of the story forming now; some horrible witchy wench from way back when was cut into bits and flung around jolly old England to prevent her from spreading a right ‘orrible plague. Turns out a potty-mouthed Liverpudlian pig-monster is collecting said bits in the hope of putting her back together in exchange for his normal appearance. Scouse pig-monster is quite entertaining.
Hellboy goes to England at the request of an upper-class paranormal society to help them kill giants; this goes t1ts up. Again, this seems like unnecessary exposition to introduce Alice, a medium who he rescued as a baby, who now rescues him in a transit van. We also get introduced to M11’s Agent Daimio. There something wrong with him, he keeps injecting himself with a serum to stop something happening. I knew at this point we’d get to see what it was eventually, probably at a juncture where something is needed to rescue someone important. However, at this point I had a feeling it would be bad, I just didn’t know how bad.
There some more fighting, some good effects, some mediocre effects and some terrible effects. There’s some good one-liners, there’s some dull and/or terrible dialogue and then we get the film’s conclusion.
There’s something I’ve been putting off mentioning as I didn’t want the entire review to be about it, and it could have been; the witchy wench at the heart of all this paranormal consternation, Nimue, is played by Milla Jovovich and she is terrible. From when she first opens her mouth to her predictable demise, she is terrible. Terrible. TERRIBLE.
I love some of the Resident Evil films but all she’s required to do is some slow-motion scissor kicks and shoot zombies and zombie-dogs in the face. She is tolerated, rather than enjoyed. Here she is emoting, or at least I think that’s what she was going for, and as a depiction of an evil entity bent of the destruction of all mankind, she is, for want of a better word, cack.
David Harbour and the Hellboy franchise deserve better than this. To be blunt, the franchise has better than this and Mike Mignola should be a bit more f---ing precious with his creation.
Hellboy (2004) was genuinely exciting; it was an origin story that bought that story full circle for its thrilling and apocalyptical conclusion. It has a wonderful nemesis, great support and breath-taking visuals. The re-tread of the origin story in Hellboy (2019) is, again, one more unnecessary diversion from a sketchy plot, which, for all its meagre bones takes a f-ck load of time to tell.
Hellboy II: The Golden Army (2008) was equally impressive. It also introduced a fully formed community of creatures and customs hiding alongside mankind. It did so with nonchalant aplomb. Nothing seemed irrelevant or forced. For two films with almost identical running times, Hellboy (2019) tells less of a story with way more waffle.
So, I did mention there were some positives. David Harbour is great. He’s dour, sarcastic, defiant and funny, he just has no engaging story in which to be all those things. Ian McShane is good as the father figure but he is overshadowed by memories of the late, unbelievably great John Hurt. The story of a witch trying to destroy mankind is solid fantasy movie gold and the unleashing of her plague late in the final act is suitably hellish; bizarre demons emerging from city streets and tearing humans limb from limb, it’s bloody wonderful and wonderfully bloody. They all could have come straight out of a Clive Barker fever dream. However, it’s too little too late, by this point in the story we’ve had too many cutaways, too much shoddy CGI, and Agent Daimio stinking up many a scene with his ‘will he won’t he’ turn into something rubbish… he does.
The worst part of all this is I don’t know if they can come back from this. The film may have sunk the franchise at least for the next few years.
I do however, look forward to a re-boot in a decade or so, if we haven’t all been assimilated by aliens, overrun by AI robots or decimated by a supernatural plague bought on by some witchy wench with an axe to grind.
THREE WORD SUMMATION: Big Red Turd.
Chris Sawin (602 KP) rated The Suicide Squad (2021) in Movies
Oct 6, 2021
Its adult humor is also incredibly poignant (2 more)
Blood and gore is Troma levels of insanity
King Shark and Polka Dot Man
Not as fun on repeat viewings (1 more)
Is a little too similar to Guardians of the Galaxy
I'm a Motherf@#$ing Superhero!
You could probably get away with calling James Gunn’s The Suicide Squad an R-rated version of Guardians of the Galaxy, but it isn’t entirely fair or correct. It’s a complicated comparison much like Gunn’s status with Marvel Studios that allowed him to make the film in the first place and whether or not The Suicide Squad is a sequel or a reboot to David Ayer’s 2016 film.
Gunn has always had a knack for getting gory or gross or raunchy if the opportunity presented itself. The Suicide Squad almost feels like a clean, strike that, blood-splattered slate for the filmmaker. Gunn had complete creative control while making The Suicide Squad and it shows; not only in its graphic content and excessive vulgarity, but also in the characters Gunn chose to be in the film. Nearly everyone has been replaced from the previous Suicide Squad film except for Captain Boomerang (Jai Courtney), Colonel Rick Flagg (Joel Kinnaman), Harley Quinn (Margot Robbie), and Amanda Waller (Viola Davis). The new characters are mostly unknown or barely known villains, which makes the fact that nearly all of them are expendable all the more intriguing.
While Guardians of the Galaxy and The Suicide Squad are two different films, there are some undeniable similarities. The cast of The Suicide Squad is insanely stacked, but you have to know by now that three quarters of these characters die in horribly gruesome ways. Witnessing who lives and who dies is half the fun of the film, so that won’t be spoiled here. But The Suicide Squad has a team of five characters that are grouped together and featured more than anyone else. It’s a lot like how Guardians began with Star-Lord, Gamora, Drax, Rocket, and Groot. These five characters also end up being the ones you love the most.
Gunn also has a thing for taking a group of assholes and giving them meaning. In the tenth season of South Park, Eric Cartman meets Bart Simpson face to face. Bart has always been a troublemaker and a prankster, but Cartman ground up Scott Tenorman’s parents, slapped that ground parent meat in some chili, and made Scott eat his own parents. The comparison between Guardians and The Suicide Squad is a lot like the difference between Bart Simpson and Eric Cartman. The Suicide Squad features straight up murderers, demented psychopaths, and whatever the hell Weasel is.
Not unlike his other comic book film work though, Gunn typically takes what would be unlikable characters on their own and finds a purpose for them once they’re with other outcasts that they can relate to. There is a ton of heart in The Suicide Squad. You fall in love with King Shark because he’s trying to read books upside down and use one of his fingers as mustache as a brilliant disguise, but you don’t feel for him until he reveals that he’s never had a friend. Sebastian, Ratcatcher II’s go-to rat, is adorable because he waves at, offers leaves to, and flocks toward Bloodsport even though he’s afraid of rats. There’s still this camaraderie in The Suicide Squad. It may be broken and gory, but it’s still camaraderie.
There are some unusual choices that Gunn made with The Suicide Squad though. They originally wanted Will Smith to come back as Deadshot, but supposedly cast Idris Elba to replace Smith in the role. Then they backtracked and made Elba Bloodsport. The odd thing is that both Bloodsport and Peacemaker are exactly the same as Deadshot. Peacemaker seems to be a bit crazier, but both characters have a thing for making anything a weapon in their hands and having precise aim. Bloodsport is even doing everything in the film for the sake of his daughter. It gives Warner Bros a chance to bring Smith back as Deadshot down the line, but having all three characters in the same film would be serious overkill.
Harley Quinn’s action sequences in The Suicide Squad are better and more satisfying than anything Margot Robbie has done with the role. Polka Dot Man is low-key the coolest character of the film despite seeing his mom in every person that he meets. Many will likely point to the blood, the gore, and all of the F-bombs shouted mostly among teammates as Gunn cleansing his Marvel/Disney palette so to speak. However, the major difference is Starro. Starro is a giant blue and purple starfish with an eyeball in the middle of his body. He is essentially a kaiju, but he shoots miniature versions of himself out of his armpits which latch onto people’s faces, kills them, and turns their corpses into zombie-like slaves that do his bidding; all while Starro gets bigger and bigger in the process. The abridged version of this starfish heavy explanation is that Starro is fucking terrifying. The entire world is basically on the verge of bowing down to a Godzilla sized starfish that has the ability to shoot armies of himself out of his Goddamn armpits! The MCU featuring a monster or creature of any kind that is that scary is slim to none.
The Suicide Squad is an uproarious extravaganza filled with grotesque nom-noms, full-on naked dick shots, and John Cena in tighty-whities and it’s is the most fun you’ll have with an R-rated comic book film in a theater (or at home with HBO Max) since Deadpool. It’s the first comic book film to come along in a good long while that’s charming because of how weird it is. As a final note, stay/watch after the credits. James Gunn and John Cena are doing an 8-episode Peacemaker TV series for HBO Max due sometime in 2022, so that may or may not be teased in some capacity.
Gunn has always had a knack for getting gory or gross or raunchy if the opportunity presented itself. The Suicide Squad almost feels like a clean, strike that, blood-splattered slate for the filmmaker. Gunn had complete creative control while making The Suicide Squad and it shows; not only in its graphic content and excessive vulgarity, but also in the characters Gunn chose to be in the film. Nearly everyone has been replaced from the previous Suicide Squad film except for Captain Boomerang (Jai Courtney), Colonel Rick Flagg (Joel Kinnaman), Harley Quinn (Margot Robbie), and Amanda Waller (Viola Davis). The new characters are mostly unknown or barely known villains, which makes the fact that nearly all of them are expendable all the more intriguing.
While Guardians of the Galaxy and The Suicide Squad are two different films, there are some undeniable similarities. The cast of The Suicide Squad is insanely stacked, but you have to know by now that three quarters of these characters die in horribly gruesome ways. Witnessing who lives and who dies is half the fun of the film, so that won’t be spoiled here. But The Suicide Squad has a team of five characters that are grouped together and featured more than anyone else. It’s a lot like how Guardians began with Star-Lord, Gamora, Drax, Rocket, and Groot. These five characters also end up being the ones you love the most.
Gunn also has a thing for taking a group of assholes and giving them meaning. In the tenth season of South Park, Eric Cartman meets Bart Simpson face to face. Bart has always been a troublemaker and a prankster, but Cartman ground up Scott Tenorman’s parents, slapped that ground parent meat in some chili, and made Scott eat his own parents. The comparison between Guardians and The Suicide Squad is a lot like the difference between Bart Simpson and Eric Cartman. The Suicide Squad features straight up murderers, demented psychopaths, and whatever the hell Weasel is.
Not unlike his other comic book film work though, Gunn typically takes what would be unlikable characters on their own and finds a purpose for them once they’re with other outcasts that they can relate to. There is a ton of heart in The Suicide Squad. You fall in love with King Shark because he’s trying to read books upside down and use one of his fingers as mustache as a brilliant disguise, but you don’t feel for him until he reveals that he’s never had a friend. Sebastian, Ratcatcher II’s go-to rat, is adorable because he waves at, offers leaves to, and flocks toward Bloodsport even though he’s afraid of rats. There’s still this camaraderie in The Suicide Squad. It may be broken and gory, but it’s still camaraderie.
There are some unusual choices that Gunn made with The Suicide Squad though. They originally wanted Will Smith to come back as Deadshot, but supposedly cast Idris Elba to replace Smith in the role. Then they backtracked and made Elba Bloodsport. The odd thing is that both Bloodsport and Peacemaker are exactly the same as Deadshot. Peacemaker seems to be a bit crazier, but both characters have a thing for making anything a weapon in their hands and having precise aim. Bloodsport is even doing everything in the film for the sake of his daughter. It gives Warner Bros a chance to bring Smith back as Deadshot down the line, but having all three characters in the same film would be serious overkill.
Harley Quinn’s action sequences in The Suicide Squad are better and more satisfying than anything Margot Robbie has done with the role. Polka Dot Man is low-key the coolest character of the film despite seeing his mom in every person that he meets. Many will likely point to the blood, the gore, and all of the F-bombs shouted mostly among teammates as Gunn cleansing his Marvel/Disney palette so to speak. However, the major difference is Starro. Starro is a giant blue and purple starfish with an eyeball in the middle of his body. He is essentially a kaiju, but he shoots miniature versions of himself out of his armpits which latch onto people’s faces, kills them, and turns their corpses into zombie-like slaves that do his bidding; all while Starro gets bigger and bigger in the process. The abridged version of this starfish heavy explanation is that Starro is fucking terrifying. The entire world is basically on the verge of bowing down to a Godzilla sized starfish that has the ability to shoot armies of himself out of his Goddamn armpits! The MCU featuring a monster or creature of any kind that is that scary is slim to none.
The Suicide Squad is an uproarious extravaganza filled with grotesque nom-noms, full-on naked dick shots, and John Cena in tighty-whities and it’s is the most fun you’ll have with an R-rated comic book film in a theater (or at home with HBO Max) since Deadpool. It’s the first comic book film to come along in a good long while that’s charming because of how weird it is. As a final note, stay/watch after the credits. James Gunn and John Cena are doing an 8-episode Peacemaker TV series for HBO Max due sometime in 2022, so that may or may not be teased in some capacity.
Hadley (567 KP) rated Pet Sematary in Books
Jul 31, 2019
Realistic horror scenes (1 more)
Great writing
Overuse of some words (1 more)
Some contradictions
Louis Creed, the main character of Stephen King's 'Pet Sematary,' wants a good life for his family. He's starting his first term as a newly appointed doctor for the University of Maine. Louis' family moved from Chicago to Maine for this very job, which consists of his young daughter, Ellie, his wife, Rachel, his infant son, Gage, and Ellie's black cat, Church (which is short for Winston Churchill). This cat quickly becomes the topic of conversation when the Creeds' new neighbor, Jud Crandall, warns them about the road in front of their house: " 'I'd get him fixed, ' Crandall said, crushing his smoke between his thumb and forefinger. 'A fixed cat don't tend to wander as much. But if it's all the time crossing back and forth, its luck will run out, and it'll end up there with the Ryder kids' coon and little Timmy Dessler's cocker spaniel and Missus Bradleigh's parakeet. Not that the parakeet got run over in the road, you understand. It just went feet up one day.' "
When Louis becomes curious about a trail behind his new home that leads into the woods, Jud gladly introduces the Creed family to the infamous 'Pet Sematary.' A place where children, for years, have buried their pets when they die. This place, and the death of Church, form the starting basis of King's amazing novel.
Louis' life suddenly changes after the death of a University student named Victor Pascow, and gets even worse when Louis starts to have dreams about him. One night, even the ghost of Pascow shows up at Louis' house: " He stood there with his head bashed in behind the left temple. The blood had dried on his face in maroon stripes like Indian warpaint. His collarbone jutted whitely. He was grinning. 'Come on, Doctor,' Pascow said. 'We got places to go.' " Louis ends up following Pascow to the pet sematary where he tells him: " 'I come as a friend,' Pascow said--- but was friend actually the word Pascow had used? Louis thought not. It was as if Pascow had spoken in a foreign language which Louis could understand through some dream magic... and friend was as close as to whatever word Pascow had actually used that Louis's struggling mind could come. ' Your destruction and the destruction of all you love is very near, Doctor.' He was close enough for Louis to be able to smell death on him. "
Later on, Louis feels Pascow's premonition might be coming true when he finds that Church has been killed by a passing vehicle. Jud, who happened to find Church, tells him to follow him so that they can bury the cat, but Jud doesn't stop at the pet sematary as expected, instead he goes past a deadfall barrier and continues on to a place he calls the Micmac Burial Ground, a burial ground that was made by the Micmac Indians. Through this entire scene, Louis experiences paranormal-type things, including the maniacal laughter of a disembodied voice. Jud warns Louis to not pay any attention to anything he experiences here: " 'You might see St. Elmo's fire- - - what the sailors call foo-lights. It makes funny shapes, but it's nothing. If you should see some of those shapes and they bother you, just look the other way. You may hear sounds like voices, but they are the loons down south toward Prospect. The sound carries. It's funny.' "
Now, the real story begins when Church returns to the house after his burial, where Louis finds dried blood on the cat's face and small pieces of plastic from the garbage bag his body had been in. Breathing and eating, the cat has certainly come back to life, but Louis notices that Church isn't the same as he was before; while Louis is in a hot bath, Church takes a seat on the toilet, where we witness him swaying back and forth, from this point on, Louis starts to regret following Jud to the Micmac burial ground.
Ellie, Louis' daughter, begins to suspect that something is different about Church, but she shrugs it off and doesn't necessarily question it:
" 'Daddy?' Ellie said in a low, subdued voice.
'What, Ellie? '
'Church smells funny.'
'Does he?' Louis asked, his voice carefully neutral.
'Yes!' Ellie said, distressed. 'Yes, he does! He never smelled funny before! He smells like... he smells like ka-ka!'
'Well, maybe he rolled in something bad, honey,' Louis said. 'Whatever that bad smell is, he'll lost it.'
'I certainly hope so,' Ellie said in a comical dowager's voice. She walked off. " King spends a majority of 'Pet Sematary' addressing everyone's fear of death; he discusses parents' fear of explaining death to their children for the first time, and even makes readers face the real nightmare of losing a child.
And the realism that King writes about is what makes him the great writer that he is today. King writes about the death of a child, but also makes Louis into a very real character that any parent could relate to. While many books touch on this subject, none can touch on grief like King does: " It was well for Louis- - - well for all three of the remaining family members--- that Steve had shown up as promptly as he had, because Louis was at least temporarily unable to make any kind of decision, even one so minor as giving his wife a shot to mute her deep grief. Louis hadn't even noticed that Rachel had apparently meant to go to the morning viewing in her housecoat, which she had misbuttoned. Her hair was uncombed, unwashed, tangled. Her eyes, blank brown orbits, bulged from sockets so sunken that they had almost become the eyes of a living skull. Her flesh was doughy. It hung from her face. She sat at the breakfast table that morning, munching unbuttered toast and talking in disjointed phrases that made no sense at all. At one point she had said abruptly, 'About that Winnebago you want to buy, Lou---' Louis had last spoken about buying a Winnebago in 1981. "
Yet, this isn't a book about grief, but a horror book about grief, which King masterfully put together. He molds the darkness of losing a child with the horror of making zombies, but King makes the story seem so realistic that any parent would go to the lengths that Louis did - - -and Jud, for that matter - - - even with the dire consequences at stake: " You're slanting all the evidence in favor of the conclusion you want to produce, his [Louis] mind protested. At least tell yourself the goddamned truth about the change in Church. Even if you want to disqualify the animals--- the mice and the birds--- what about the way he is? Muddled... that's the best word of all, that sums it up. The day we were out with the kite. You remember how Gage was that day? How vibrant and alive he was, reacting to everything? Wouldn't it be better to remember him that way? Do you want to resurrect a zombie from a grade-B horror picture? Or even something so prosaic as a retarded little boy? A boy who eats with his fingers and stares blankly at images on the TV screen and who will never learn to write his own name? What did Jud say about his dog? 'It was like washing a piece of meat.' Is that what you want? A piece of breathing meat? And even if you're able to be satisfied with that, how do you explain the return of your son from the dead to your wife? To your daughter? To Steve Masterton? To the world? What happens the first time Missy Dandridge pulls into the driveway and sees Gage riding his trike in the yard? Can't you hear her screams, Louis? Can't you see her harrowing her face with her fingernails? What do you say to the reporters? What do you say when a film crew from 'Real People' turns up on your doorstep, wanting to shoot film of your resurrected son? "
Pet Sematary is an emotional thrill ride, with Louis as a very relatable character, and the writing makes this a must-read book for all readers. With one of my favorite descriptive parts taking place in the 'Little God Swamp' that exists just outside of the Micmac Burial Ground when King describes the legendary Wendigo:
" The mist stained to a dull slate- gray for a moment, but this diffuse, ill-defined watermark was better than sixty feet high. It was no shade, no insubstantial ghost; he could feel the displaced air of its passage, could hear the mammoth thud of its feet coming down, the suck of mud as it moved on. For a moment he believed he saw twin yellow- orange sparks high above him. Sparks like eyes. "
The novel is so well-written that it reads easily, and King's descriptions put the reader right inside of the book.
With a few inconsistencies here and there, and overuse of some words, Pet Sematary is a very enjoyable book for lovers of the horror genre. I highly recommend this book!
When Louis becomes curious about a trail behind his new home that leads into the woods, Jud gladly introduces the Creed family to the infamous 'Pet Sematary.' A place where children, for years, have buried their pets when they die. This place, and the death of Church, form the starting basis of King's amazing novel.
Louis' life suddenly changes after the death of a University student named Victor Pascow, and gets even worse when Louis starts to have dreams about him. One night, even the ghost of Pascow shows up at Louis' house: " He stood there with his head bashed in behind the left temple. The blood had dried on his face in maroon stripes like Indian warpaint. His collarbone jutted whitely. He was grinning. 'Come on, Doctor,' Pascow said. 'We got places to go.' " Louis ends up following Pascow to the pet sematary where he tells him: " 'I come as a friend,' Pascow said--- but was friend actually the word Pascow had used? Louis thought not. It was as if Pascow had spoken in a foreign language which Louis could understand through some dream magic... and friend was as close as to whatever word Pascow had actually used that Louis's struggling mind could come. ' Your destruction and the destruction of all you love is very near, Doctor.' He was close enough for Louis to be able to smell death on him. "
Later on, Louis feels Pascow's premonition might be coming true when he finds that Church has been killed by a passing vehicle. Jud, who happened to find Church, tells him to follow him so that they can bury the cat, but Jud doesn't stop at the pet sematary as expected, instead he goes past a deadfall barrier and continues on to a place he calls the Micmac Burial Ground, a burial ground that was made by the Micmac Indians. Through this entire scene, Louis experiences paranormal-type things, including the maniacal laughter of a disembodied voice. Jud warns Louis to not pay any attention to anything he experiences here: " 'You might see St. Elmo's fire- - - what the sailors call foo-lights. It makes funny shapes, but it's nothing. If you should see some of those shapes and they bother you, just look the other way. You may hear sounds like voices, but they are the loons down south toward Prospect. The sound carries. It's funny.' "
Now, the real story begins when Church returns to the house after his burial, where Louis finds dried blood on the cat's face and small pieces of plastic from the garbage bag his body had been in. Breathing and eating, the cat has certainly come back to life, but Louis notices that Church isn't the same as he was before; while Louis is in a hot bath, Church takes a seat on the toilet, where we witness him swaying back and forth, from this point on, Louis starts to regret following Jud to the Micmac burial ground.
Ellie, Louis' daughter, begins to suspect that something is different about Church, but she shrugs it off and doesn't necessarily question it:
" 'Daddy?' Ellie said in a low, subdued voice.
'What, Ellie? '
'Church smells funny.'
'Does he?' Louis asked, his voice carefully neutral.
'Yes!' Ellie said, distressed. 'Yes, he does! He never smelled funny before! He smells like... he smells like ka-ka!'
'Well, maybe he rolled in something bad, honey,' Louis said. 'Whatever that bad smell is, he'll lost it.'
'I certainly hope so,' Ellie said in a comical dowager's voice. She walked off. " King spends a majority of 'Pet Sematary' addressing everyone's fear of death; he discusses parents' fear of explaining death to their children for the first time, and even makes readers face the real nightmare of losing a child.
And the realism that King writes about is what makes him the great writer that he is today. King writes about the death of a child, but also makes Louis into a very real character that any parent could relate to. While many books touch on this subject, none can touch on grief like King does: " It was well for Louis- - - well for all three of the remaining family members--- that Steve had shown up as promptly as he had, because Louis was at least temporarily unable to make any kind of decision, even one so minor as giving his wife a shot to mute her deep grief. Louis hadn't even noticed that Rachel had apparently meant to go to the morning viewing in her housecoat, which she had misbuttoned. Her hair was uncombed, unwashed, tangled. Her eyes, blank brown orbits, bulged from sockets so sunken that they had almost become the eyes of a living skull. Her flesh was doughy. It hung from her face. She sat at the breakfast table that morning, munching unbuttered toast and talking in disjointed phrases that made no sense at all. At one point she had said abruptly, 'About that Winnebago you want to buy, Lou---' Louis had last spoken about buying a Winnebago in 1981. "
Yet, this isn't a book about grief, but a horror book about grief, which King masterfully put together. He molds the darkness of losing a child with the horror of making zombies, but King makes the story seem so realistic that any parent would go to the lengths that Louis did - - -and Jud, for that matter - - - even with the dire consequences at stake: " You're slanting all the evidence in favor of the conclusion you want to produce, his [Louis] mind protested. At least tell yourself the goddamned truth about the change in Church. Even if you want to disqualify the animals--- the mice and the birds--- what about the way he is? Muddled... that's the best word of all, that sums it up. The day we were out with the kite. You remember how Gage was that day? How vibrant and alive he was, reacting to everything? Wouldn't it be better to remember him that way? Do you want to resurrect a zombie from a grade-B horror picture? Or even something so prosaic as a retarded little boy? A boy who eats with his fingers and stares blankly at images on the TV screen and who will never learn to write his own name? What did Jud say about his dog? 'It was like washing a piece of meat.' Is that what you want? A piece of breathing meat? And even if you're able to be satisfied with that, how do you explain the return of your son from the dead to your wife? To your daughter? To Steve Masterton? To the world? What happens the first time Missy Dandridge pulls into the driveway and sees Gage riding his trike in the yard? Can't you hear her screams, Louis? Can't you see her harrowing her face with her fingernails? What do you say to the reporters? What do you say when a film crew from 'Real People' turns up on your doorstep, wanting to shoot film of your resurrected son? "
Pet Sematary is an emotional thrill ride, with Louis as a very relatable character, and the writing makes this a must-read book for all readers. With one of my favorite descriptive parts taking place in the 'Little God Swamp' that exists just outside of the Micmac Burial Ground when King describes the legendary Wendigo:
" The mist stained to a dull slate- gray for a moment, but this diffuse, ill-defined watermark was better than sixty feet high. It was no shade, no insubstantial ghost; he could feel the displaced air of its passage, could hear the mammoth thud of its feet coming down, the suck of mud as it moved on. For a moment he believed he saw twin yellow- orange sparks high above him. Sparks like eyes. "
The novel is so well-written that it reads easily, and King's descriptions put the reader right inside of the book.
With a few inconsistencies here and there, and overuse of some words, Pet Sematary is a very enjoyable book for lovers of the horror genre. I highly recommend this book!
Purple Phoenix Games (2266 KP) rated Hiding Hitler in Tabletop Games
Apr 6, 2021
Adolf Hitler was an abomination of a person, can we all agree? Now that THAT is out of the way, let’s talk card games based on a character from history named Hitler. This game is based on a historical figure, but once translated to cardstock becomes simply the target of victory. When I heard the pitch (I paraphrased by quite a bit) for Hiding Hitler I immediately winced, as the subject matter makes me wince. But I took a chance on the game, and I am here to let you know that it will be okay, this is merely a card game, but if you are offended by the subject matter, please check out any of our other reviews that contain zero references to horrible people.
Hiding Hitler is a hand management, take that card game for four to six players. In it, players are trying to end the game with either the Hitler card in their hand or the Death token in their possession. The game is played over a series of turns and ends once the final turn has been taken, following the draw of the final card from the draw deck.
DISCLAIMER: We were provided a prototype copy of this game for the purposes of this review. These are preview copy components, and I do not know for sure if the final components will be any different from these shown. Also, it is not my intention to detail every rule in the game, as there are just too many. You are invited to download the rulebook, back the game through the Kickstarter campaign, or through any retailers stocking it after fulfillment. -T
To setup, shuffle the deck of cards and deal six cards to each player. Set the draw deck in the middle of the table, along with the other components. The left of the deck is considered the “Graveyard” and the right side of the deck is the “Action Pile.” Depending on the game mode chosen to play, the Hitler card may be in one of the players’ hands (Blitzkrieg mode – faster because Hitler is already in one player’s hand) or possibly in the draw deck (Strategic mode – slower if Hitler starts in the draw deck). The first player is now able to begin taking their turn and the hunt (or hiding) of Hitler may begin!
On a turn a player may play any amount of Action, Attack, or Instant cards from their hand, resolved one at a time. Action cards are just that: cards that allow for some type of action, be it drawing more cards, or having the entire table draw more cards. Attacks are targeted at a specific player and that player will need to roll the die in order to achieve the Attack card’s victory condition. For example, the Attack card may instruct the attacked to roll higher than value 2 on the die. If they beat that number nothing happens. However, should they roll a 1 (or simply not meet the number on the card) the failing player will need to discard Hitler to the Graveyard if they have it, or discard any other card to the Action Pile. Finally, Instant cards can be played AT ANY TIME, even if not on the player’s turn. These can negate actions or modify die/roll results. Once a player has no more cards to play (or cards they wish to play), the turn ends by drawing one card from the draw deck. It is now the next player’s turn.
Play continues in this fashion of players taking turns playing cards from their hands to attack each other, bolster their hands, and affect each other in various ways until the last card is drawn from the deck. This signifies one final turn for all players. When the final turns are over the winning player is they who either have the Hitler card in hand, or was the last player to send Hitler to the Graveyard, thus collecting the Death token. This winner may now awkwardly congratulate themselves on winning a card game based on eliminating or Hiding Hitler. Yay?
Components. Again, this is a prototype version of the game, so the components may be different as a result of a successful Kickstarter campaign. That said, this game is a bunch of cards, a small die, and a plastic token with Hitler stickers. The cards are all fine, the die is a smaller size than your typical RPG set, and the plastic standee token is fine as well. I do need to address the art style on the cards. It is quite cartoony and really isn’t my style, but for this type of game it works just fine. I am not really excited by it at all, but there is nothing gruesome or triggery in the artwork. FOR ME. I do not speak for everyone though, so if you have issues with it, you are more than entitled to your opinions.
It is difficult to review, or even play for that matter, a game with such an emotionally charged central character. However, this is meant to be a lighthearted card game with a wonky theme. And it most certainly is that. Players are playing as many cards as they dare trying to find out where that Hitler card is residing so they may Attack and send it to the Graveyard. This earns the Death token. But can you hold onto that token until the end of the game? Depending on how far through the deck the game currently is, other players still may have chances to bring the Hitler card back to life. When this happens that Death token is surrendered and available to be earned again. I like that. Now, obviously, the whole zombie thing is weird, but the game is weird in itself, so that fits. Want to throw some achievements into your game? See how many times a player can send Hitler to the Graveyard. You can do that, and it would be a fun way to spice up the game for everyone.
At the end of the day, again, this is a card game with a Hitler theme. In it, Hitler really doesn’t DO anything. He just hangs out in players’ hands, gets sent to the Graveyard, possibly is resurrected, and the cycle continues until the end of the game. The theme may be off-putting for some, but I have no problems with it after having played it several times now. I cannot stress this enough: if you or any of your playmates MAY be offended by the theme, please do not pull this out at game night. It works best with players who can see it and appreciate it for what it is.
Now that the disclaimers are hopefully done, I can explain what this reminds me of, and give you some thoughts. Have you played Munchkin before? You know the part of the game (which we lovingly refer to as “the second half”) where one player is on 9th level attempting to win the game and everyone is ganging up on them to prevent the victory? Hiding Hitler feels a little like that scenario, but throughout the entire game. So many cards can be played on one turn and some cards are played out of turn to increase or decrease the die rolls, and when all players know exactly who has Hitler and they gang up on that player, it’s just Munchkin all over. Now, I feel like here in Hiding Hitler it doesn’t seem to be SO hurtful toward other players as it is in Munchkin, but I get that same vibe. It should be restated that I like Munchkin, so comping this to that game doesn’t necessarily mean it is at all a bad thing. It just gives me that same feeling.
So if you are looking for a possibly quicker and smaller card game to replace your copy of Munchkin, then check out Hiding Hitler. Yes, this is SUPER niche with the gameplay and theme, but with the right crowd I do believe it would be a hit. It has its flaws, but does also offer a rewarding gaming experience that I think about for hours after the game is over. When games can create lasting fond memories of the experience, then it has graduated into a good game. And I think Hiding Hitler is a good game. If you like the sounds of this one, I invite you to consider backing it on Kickstarter when the campaign launches. Find some friends ahead of time that may be into the theme, or can look past it, and prepare them for what is about to come: a game about keeping Hitler safe. Or murdering him. Either way.
Hiding Hitler is a hand management, take that card game for four to six players. In it, players are trying to end the game with either the Hitler card in their hand or the Death token in their possession. The game is played over a series of turns and ends once the final turn has been taken, following the draw of the final card from the draw deck.
DISCLAIMER: We were provided a prototype copy of this game for the purposes of this review. These are preview copy components, and I do not know for sure if the final components will be any different from these shown. Also, it is not my intention to detail every rule in the game, as there are just too many. You are invited to download the rulebook, back the game through the Kickstarter campaign, or through any retailers stocking it after fulfillment. -T
To setup, shuffle the deck of cards and deal six cards to each player. Set the draw deck in the middle of the table, along with the other components. The left of the deck is considered the “Graveyard” and the right side of the deck is the “Action Pile.” Depending on the game mode chosen to play, the Hitler card may be in one of the players’ hands (Blitzkrieg mode – faster because Hitler is already in one player’s hand) or possibly in the draw deck (Strategic mode – slower if Hitler starts in the draw deck). The first player is now able to begin taking their turn and the hunt (or hiding) of Hitler may begin!
On a turn a player may play any amount of Action, Attack, or Instant cards from their hand, resolved one at a time. Action cards are just that: cards that allow for some type of action, be it drawing more cards, or having the entire table draw more cards. Attacks are targeted at a specific player and that player will need to roll the die in order to achieve the Attack card’s victory condition. For example, the Attack card may instruct the attacked to roll higher than value 2 on the die. If they beat that number nothing happens. However, should they roll a 1 (or simply not meet the number on the card) the failing player will need to discard Hitler to the Graveyard if they have it, or discard any other card to the Action Pile. Finally, Instant cards can be played AT ANY TIME, even if not on the player’s turn. These can negate actions or modify die/roll results. Once a player has no more cards to play (or cards they wish to play), the turn ends by drawing one card from the draw deck. It is now the next player’s turn.
Play continues in this fashion of players taking turns playing cards from their hands to attack each other, bolster their hands, and affect each other in various ways until the last card is drawn from the deck. This signifies one final turn for all players. When the final turns are over the winning player is they who either have the Hitler card in hand, or was the last player to send Hitler to the Graveyard, thus collecting the Death token. This winner may now awkwardly congratulate themselves on winning a card game based on eliminating or Hiding Hitler. Yay?
Components. Again, this is a prototype version of the game, so the components may be different as a result of a successful Kickstarter campaign. That said, this game is a bunch of cards, a small die, and a plastic token with Hitler stickers. The cards are all fine, the die is a smaller size than your typical RPG set, and the plastic standee token is fine as well. I do need to address the art style on the cards. It is quite cartoony and really isn’t my style, but for this type of game it works just fine. I am not really excited by it at all, but there is nothing gruesome or triggery in the artwork. FOR ME. I do not speak for everyone though, so if you have issues with it, you are more than entitled to your opinions.
It is difficult to review, or even play for that matter, a game with such an emotionally charged central character. However, this is meant to be a lighthearted card game with a wonky theme. And it most certainly is that. Players are playing as many cards as they dare trying to find out where that Hitler card is residing so they may Attack and send it to the Graveyard. This earns the Death token. But can you hold onto that token until the end of the game? Depending on how far through the deck the game currently is, other players still may have chances to bring the Hitler card back to life. When this happens that Death token is surrendered and available to be earned again. I like that. Now, obviously, the whole zombie thing is weird, but the game is weird in itself, so that fits. Want to throw some achievements into your game? See how many times a player can send Hitler to the Graveyard. You can do that, and it would be a fun way to spice up the game for everyone.
At the end of the day, again, this is a card game with a Hitler theme. In it, Hitler really doesn’t DO anything. He just hangs out in players’ hands, gets sent to the Graveyard, possibly is resurrected, and the cycle continues until the end of the game. The theme may be off-putting for some, but I have no problems with it after having played it several times now. I cannot stress this enough: if you or any of your playmates MAY be offended by the theme, please do not pull this out at game night. It works best with players who can see it and appreciate it for what it is.
Now that the disclaimers are hopefully done, I can explain what this reminds me of, and give you some thoughts. Have you played Munchkin before? You know the part of the game (which we lovingly refer to as “the second half”) where one player is on 9th level attempting to win the game and everyone is ganging up on them to prevent the victory? Hiding Hitler feels a little like that scenario, but throughout the entire game. So many cards can be played on one turn and some cards are played out of turn to increase or decrease the die rolls, and when all players know exactly who has Hitler and they gang up on that player, it’s just Munchkin all over. Now, I feel like here in Hiding Hitler it doesn’t seem to be SO hurtful toward other players as it is in Munchkin, but I get that same vibe. It should be restated that I like Munchkin, so comping this to that game doesn’t necessarily mean it is at all a bad thing. It just gives me that same feeling.
So if you are looking for a possibly quicker and smaller card game to replace your copy of Munchkin, then check out Hiding Hitler. Yes, this is SUPER niche with the gameplay and theme, but with the right crowd I do believe it would be a hit. It has its flaws, but does also offer a rewarding gaming experience that I think about for hours after the game is over. When games can create lasting fond memories of the experience, then it has graduated into a good game. And I think Hiding Hitler is a good game. If you like the sounds of this one, I invite you to consider backing it on Kickstarter when the campaign launches. Find some friends ahead of time that may be into the theme, or can look past it, and prepare them for what is about to come: a game about keeping Hitler safe. Or murdering him. Either way.
Annie Chanse (15 KP) rated Shadows & Dreams in Books
Dec 19, 2017
Review** spoiler alert ** *Warning: contains spoilers, bad words, and quite a long rant*
To be honest, I was very disappointed in this book. It had a great premise, which meant it had the potential to be a really good story, but the writing style of the author just completely ruined this book for me.
The basic idea behind the story is that Kate Kane, a paranormal PI, sets off on a case to find the brother of a woman she slept with once, and during this investigation, she runs into ALL MANNER OF TROUBLE. There are vampires and werewolves and ex-girlfriends around every corner, just lurking and waiting to pounce on Miss Kane. It's a very busy and involved story, and if it had been better written, I would have easily given it four stars at least, but there was just TOO much about this book -- style-wise -- that drove me insane.
For instance:
1. The plot, itself, is actually fairly well thought out and developed and is nowhere NEAR as cheesy as it sounds when you hear, "Vampires fighting werewolves," -- which, let's be honest, these days is so trite and overdone that it is scoffed at on a regular basis. However, there IS a good story in this novel. But the way Hall writes the not-cheesy story is so cheesy that it makes you THINK the story is cheesy. A lot of cheese, huh? A little confusing? Well then, let me give you an example.
Page 7-8: "Truth be told it was a little bit awkward, but my social weirdness threshold has gone way up since my girlfriend tried to murder my ex-girlfriend because her ex-girlfriend tried to murder her."
Okay... a bit ridiculous, especially seven/eight pages in, but I can roll with it. However, at the bottom of page eight:
Kane asks, "Who saw him last?"
Her assistant -- who is actually a statue brought to life and gifted to Kate by a group of rats who are apparently all seeing and all knowing God-types -- says, "I don't know. [...] Probably somebody at the hospital."
Kane asks, "Which one?"
And the assistant replies with this fantastic line: "The Whittington. He broke his leg changing a light bulb. Because he was standing on a swivel chair because he's an idiot."
Okay, I concede that maybe this line is supposed to sound ridiculous and funny, so I can even let that one slide. But then, three pages later, Hall completely turns me off to the book with this:
"Well, fuck. I was about to be hired by a woman I'd very nearly slept with to find her missing brother who was working for the woman who'd left me for a tech startup at the tech startup she left me for."
Wh-wh-what?! Are you kidding me? Could that sentence BE anymore convoluted or that plot-point any more ridiculously stereotypical?
And what is truly awful is that the story itself REALLY WASN'T THAT BAD. I mean, the writing was awful, which, overall, meant that the novel was -- in my opinion, of course -- bad, but the way the story progressed WAS interesting. It was nowhere near as bad as these 'recaps' by the main character make it sound, but the problem is that Hall throws in these inner-monologues for Kane ALL throughout the book, and they are terrible! Which, in turn, decreases the value of the entire story.
Another example falls right on the heels of the page 11 jewel.
Page 14: "I really really hoped this wasn't going to be another zombie plague. There'd been an outbreak when I'd taken Eve up to Lake Windermere for our third anniversary, and we'd spent the whole weekend under siege in the hotel, making molotovs from the minibar and clubbing re-animated tourists to death with souvenir walking sticks."
Really? Zombies now? On top of the vampires, witches, and werewolves? Can we POSSIBLY fit anymore para into this normal?
Enough with that.
Now on to point number 2. The girl on girl sex scenes in this book between sexy, snarky PI and her vampire girlfriend, the Prince (yes, Prince) of Cups, should be hot, right? No. They are forced, fake, and ridiculous. Halfway through the first one, I thought, "Jesus. This isn't lesbian sex. This is lesbian sex if it was written by a man who WISHES he could see some lesbian sex." That was the point at which I decided to look up more info on Alexis Hall, and I found out that he is, in fact, a man, which at least explains the sex scenes.
#3. Speaking of sex scenes, Hall also has this really irritating -- and distracting -- habit of throwing in random, explicitly sexual thoughts at TOTALLY inappropriate times. Right in the middle of the most stressful situations -- being locked up, about to be killed, thrown in prison/on trial -- Kate Kane begins inner-monologuing with herself about how much she'd like to fuck whatever female happens to be standing in front of her. RIDICULOUS! And annoying. Hated it.
4. One of the MOST annoying things about this book, however, was that it was in DESPERATE need of a SERIOUS case of editing. All throughout the book there were glaring errors that any first year college student should have caught while reading. I'm willing to discount SOME of these "errors" as simply being lost in translation, as the book is written with a British tone, and I am very much American. However, SOME of these errors simply CANNOT be due to anything other than careless editing.
For instance, page 113: "It's main distinguishing feature, right, was that was it was blue."
WAS that WAS it WAS blue? What does that even mean? Oh, yes, it means that no one bothered editing this beast before printing.
Page 141: "Piercing the heart will paralyse, but it won't kill, and anything will do, it doesn't have to wood."
Okay, so maybe the "paralyse" is simply British, but surely the "doesn't have to wood" bit needs a "be" in there somewhere, right?
Page 157: "Have we have achieved case closed, Miss Kane?"
Yes, yes have we have.
There are several -- SEVERAL -- more examples of these type errors, but I'm not about to point them all out. If you read the book, I'm sure you'll easily catch them on your own.
5. Another thing that drove me NUTS was the repetition. The awful thing is I'm fairly certain that Hall used these repetitious lines PURPOSELY to create some kind of effect -- humor, maybe? Whatever the desired result, it failed to do anything other than annoy me.
For instance, page 163: "'Hi. So. Look.' I tried to find a way to express the fact I had some good news and some bad news that wasn't I've got some good news and some bad news. 'I've got some good news and some bad news.'"
...blink... ...falls over...
Page 177: "All the more reason to tell them. [...] If they know that we know that she has returned, then they will not be tempted to conspire against us out of the false belief that we do not know. Of course, they may already know, but at present, we have no way to know what they know. If we tell them, we will know what they know, and all we will not know is how long they have known it."
Oh. Jumping. Jesus. On. A. Pogo. Stick. Please tell me you aren't serious.
And there was this one thing that repeated over and over again throughout the book. The first time, it was actually pretty clever. The second time, even, was okay. But by the time I'd read it nine times -- yes, NINE TIMES, no exaggeration whatsoever -- I was ready to never EVER read anything like it ever again.
This particular phrase was something Kate Kane internalized or muttered aloud to herself each time she decided to do something stupid OR she felt her life was in danger. The basic format went something like this:
"Here lies Kate Kane, died peacefully in her sleep aged 94. Beloved daughter."
The "Here lies Kate Kane" part remained constant, as did the "Beloved daughter." It was only the middle part that changed, for instance, "Here lies Kate Kate. Should have minded her own business. Beloved daughter." Or perhaps, "Here lies Kate Kane. She made a difference to dozens. Beloved daughter."
This continued NINE TIMES. It is not cute, funny, or clever after about the second time, definitely after the third. BUT NINE TIMES?! Come on!
And finally, my last complaint.
6. Several of the items, scenes, quotes, etc. in this book seemed waaaaaaaaaay too close to things from other books for my taste. Perhaps it is simply a coincidence and the author did not intentionally siphon plot points and details from other authors -- except, of course, when he obviously did in his quotations, such as his use of "Not all those who wander are lost" and "As old as my tongue, a little bit older than my teeth" which are DIRECTLY taken from other books, but I'm hoping those were intentional and not attempted-to-get-away-with-it plagiarism.
But there are several things in this novel that could have been taken from Jim Butcher's "Dresden Files", Lewis' "Narnia" chronicles, and Tolkien's "Lord of the Rings" series. I'm hoping, however, that they weren't, but they were very, very similar.
All in all, I'm disappointed to say that I was not a fan of this book at all, and I will most likely not be reading anymore Kate Kane books.
To be honest, I was very disappointed in this book. It had a great premise, which meant it had the potential to be a really good story, but the writing style of the author just completely ruined this book for me.
The basic idea behind the story is that Kate Kane, a paranormal PI, sets off on a case to find the brother of a woman she slept with once, and during this investigation, she runs into ALL MANNER OF TROUBLE. There are vampires and werewolves and ex-girlfriends around every corner, just lurking and waiting to pounce on Miss Kane. It's a very busy and involved story, and if it had been better written, I would have easily given it four stars at least, but there was just TOO much about this book -- style-wise -- that drove me insane.
For instance:
1. The plot, itself, is actually fairly well thought out and developed and is nowhere NEAR as cheesy as it sounds when you hear, "Vampires fighting werewolves," -- which, let's be honest, these days is so trite and overdone that it is scoffed at on a regular basis. However, there IS a good story in this novel. But the way Hall writes the not-cheesy story is so cheesy that it makes you THINK the story is cheesy. A lot of cheese, huh? A little confusing? Well then, let me give you an example.
Page 7-8: "Truth be told it was a little bit awkward, but my social weirdness threshold has gone way up since my girlfriend tried to murder my ex-girlfriend because her ex-girlfriend tried to murder her."
Okay... a bit ridiculous, especially seven/eight pages in, but I can roll with it. However, at the bottom of page eight:
Kane asks, "Who saw him last?"
Her assistant -- who is actually a statue brought to life and gifted to Kate by a group of rats who are apparently all seeing and all knowing God-types -- says, "I don't know. [...] Probably somebody at the hospital."
Kane asks, "Which one?"
And the assistant replies with this fantastic line: "The Whittington. He broke his leg changing a light bulb. Because he was standing on a swivel chair because he's an idiot."
Okay, I concede that maybe this line is supposed to sound ridiculous and funny, so I can even let that one slide. But then, three pages later, Hall completely turns me off to the book with this:
"Well, fuck. I was about to be hired by a woman I'd very nearly slept with to find her missing brother who was working for the woman who'd left me for a tech startup at the tech startup she left me for."
Wh-wh-what?! Are you kidding me? Could that sentence BE anymore convoluted or that plot-point any more ridiculously stereotypical?
And what is truly awful is that the story itself REALLY WASN'T THAT BAD. I mean, the writing was awful, which, overall, meant that the novel was -- in my opinion, of course -- bad, but the way the story progressed WAS interesting. It was nowhere near as bad as these 'recaps' by the main character make it sound, but the problem is that Hall throws in these inner-monologues for Kane ALL throughout the book, and they are terrible! Which, in turn, decreases the value of the entire story.
Another example falls right on the heels of the page 11 jewel.
Page 14: "I really really hoped this wasn't going to be another zombie plague. There'd been an outbreak when I'd taken Eve up to Lake Windermere for our third anniversary, and we'd spent the whole weekend under siege in the hotel, making molotovs from the minibar and clubbing re-animated tourists to death with souvenir walking sticks."
Really? Zombies now? On top of the vampires, witches, and werewolves? Can we POSSIBLY fit anymore para into this normal?
Enough with that.
Now on to point number 2. The girl on girl sex scenes in this book between sexy, snarky PI and her vampire girlfriend, the Prince (yes, Prince) of Cups, should be hot, right? No. They are forced, fake, and ridiculous. Halfway through the first one, I thought, "Jesus. This isn't lesbian sex. This is lesbian sex if it was written by a man who WISHES he could see some lesbian sex." That was the point at which I decided to look up more info on Alexis Hall, and I found out that he is, in fact, a man, which at least explains the sex scenes.
#3. Speaking of sex scenes, Hall also has this really irritating -- and distracting -- habit of throwing in random, explicitly sexual thoughts at TOTALLY inappropriate times. Right in the middle of the most stressful situations -- being locked up, about to be killed, thrown in prison/on trial -- Kate Kane begins inner-monologuing with herself about how much she'd like to fuck whatever female happens to be standing in front of her. RIDICULOUS! And annoying. Hated it.
4. One of the MOST annoying things about this book, however, was that it was in DESPERATE need of a SERIOUS case of editing. All throughout the book there were glaring errors that any first year college student should have caught while reading. I'm willing to discount SOME of these "errors" as simply being lost in translation, as the book is written with a British tone, and I am very much American. However, SOME of these errors simply CANNOT be due to anything other than careless editing.
For instance, page 113: "It's main distinguishing feature, right, was that was it was blue."
WAS that WAS it WAS blue? What does that even mean? Oh, yes, it means that no one bothered editing this beast before printing.
Page 141: "Piercing the heart will paralyse, but it won't kill, and anything will do, it doesn't have to wood."
Okay, so maybe the "paralyse" is simply British, but surely the "doesn't have to wood" bit needs a "be" in there somewhere, right?
Page 157: "Have we have achieved case closed, Miss Kane?"
Yes, yes have we have.
There are several -- SEVERAL -- more examples of these type errors, but I'm not about to point them all out. If you read the book, I'm sure you'll easily catch them on your own.
5. Another thing that drove me NUTS was the repetition. The awful thing is I'm fairly certain that Hall used these repetitious lines PURPOSELY to create some kind of effect -- humor, maybe? Whatever the desired result, it failed to do anything other than annoy me.
For instance, page 163: "'Hi. So. Look.' I tried to find a way to express the fact I had some good news and some bad news that wasn't I've got some good news and some bad news. 'I've got some good news and some bad news.'"
...blink... ...falls over...
Page 177: "All the more reason to tell them. [...] If they know that we know that she has returned, then they will not be tempted to conspire against us out of the false belief that we do not know. Of course, they may already know, but at present, we have no way to know what they know. If we tell them, we will know what they know, and all we will not know is how long they have known it."
Oh. Jumping. Jesus. On. A. Pogo. Stick. Please tell me you aren't serious.
And there was this one thing that repeated over and over again throughout the book. The first time, it was actually pretty clever. The second time, even, was okay. But by the time I'd read it nine times -- yes, NINE TIMES, no exaggeration whatsoever -- I was ready to never EVER read anything like it ever again.
This particular phrase was something Kate Kane internalized or muttered aloud to herself each time she decided to do something stupid OR she felt her life was in danger. The basic format went something like this:
"Here lies Kate Kane, died peacefully in her sleep aged 94. Beloved daughter."
The "Here lies Kate Kane" part remained constant, as did the "Beloved daughter." It was only the middle part that changed, for instance, "Here lies Kate Kate. Should have minded her own business. Beloved daughter." Or perhaps, "Here lies Kate Kane. She made a difference to dozens. Beloved daughter."
This continued NINE TIMES. It is not cute, funny, or clever after about the second time, definitely after the third. BUT NINE TIMES?! Come on!
And finally, my last complaint.
6. Several of the items, scenes, quotes, etc. in this book seemed waaaaaaaaaay too close to things from other books for my taste. Perhaps it is simply a coincidence and the author did not intentionally siphon plot points and details from other authors -- except, of course, when he obviously did in his quotations, such as his use of "Not all those who wander are lost" and "As old as my tongue, a little bit older than my teeth" which are DIRECTLY taken from other books, but I'm hoping those were intentional and not attempted-to-get-away-with-it plagiarism.
But there are several things in this novel that could have been taken from Jim Butcher's "Dresden Files", Lewis' "Narnia" chronicles, and Tolkien's "Lord of the Rings" series. I'm hoping, however, that they weren't, but they were very, very similar.
All in all, I'm disappointed to say that I was not a fan of this book at all, and I will most likely not be reading anymore Kate Kane books.