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Charlie Cobra Reviews (1840 KP) rated Resident Alien in TV

Apr 14, 2021 (Updated Apr 14, 2021)  
Resident Alien
Resident Alien
2021 | Comedy, Drama, Sci-Fi
Laugh out loud funny (3 more)
Excellent mix of comedy, drama, and sci-fi
Full of unique and different characters
Decent special effects and CGI
Not for everyone kind of show (2 more)
Sometimes the CGI and effects can be lacking
Some characters can be a little annoying at times
A Comedy That's Out Of This World Funny
https://youtu.be/v9iwDu2OP3E
This show is just great and a real treat. I have to admit that I had no idea what I was in store for watching this show and I think that was half the fun of watching it. This show is part mystery and part CSI but also equal parts comedy and drama. It's full of scenes that are laugh out loud funny and some that are quite drama filled and serious in-tone at times. I really like the way it balances them and how each episode gets us a little bit further into the mystery of who killed the town doctor and if anyone is close to finding out the alien's secret identity or his secret mission. The character of the alien; who takes on the name Harry, after the doctor whose identity he steals, Dr. Harry Vanderspiegle, is a pretty funny character. It really shows in how he is trying his best to navigate through everyday situations with no prior knowledge of how or what it is to be human and really understand the subtle nuances of human nature and interaction while having a superiority complex and believing all humans are barely smarter than lizards in his opinion. He is totally oblivious to many things that are second nature to people like sarcasm and sense of humor. There are actually quite a few likeable characters on the show like Asta Twelvetrees played by Sara Tomko who is arguably the heart of the show, a central and integral character and super relatable. She is an important character to "Harry" learning to be more human. Also there's Sheriff Mike who is played by Corey Reynolds and is full of catch-phrases and just ridiculous things he says that are funny as hell. His completely blunt personality and no non-sense approach to crime leaves him to rub people the wrong way but he never apologies for himself or tries to tip-toe around people either. Then there's D'arcy who's played by Alice Wetterlund who is the town's bar owner and ex-Olympic athlete. She's a pretty cool character and quite different from the others and really kind of compliments the other characters by rounding them out. The whole mix of characters in the show are pretty diverse personality wise and how the show revolves around them and it's just a really funny show that's also full of alien sci-fi things going on at the same time but manages to ring through on an emotional level as "Harry" the alien begins to understand more and more about humans. I'll go over more in the spoiler section but I give this show a 8/10 and you should definitely check it out, especially if you are into sci-fi and looking for something that'll make you laugh at the same time too.
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Spoiler Section Review:

This show is just one of those shows that you don't expect for it to be as good as it is. I was really surprised when I saw the first episode and decided that I had to show my brother the first episode too and we actually got our dad into it too. I really like Alan Tudyk and how he not only plays the alien "Harry" but also the actual Dr. Harry Vanderspeigle in the flashbacks that happen as well. He's pretty talented and extremely funny in playing the alien, especially the parts where he's learning how to walk and talk and watching "Law & Order". So the whole thing with the show is that "Harry" is an alien that has crash-landed on Earth before he could finish his mission and is looking for his ship or parts of it that he needs to recover so he can finish his mission. He wakes up and searches the mountainside where he believes it is and pretty much avoids all human contact. That's when things change and the local authorities seek him out because the person whose identity he has taken is a known doctor and they need him to investigate the death of the town doctor. He now has to not only go into town where there are humans everywhere but also interact with them and hope that no one can tell that he's really an alien in disguise. The storytelling, plot and character development in the show are done in such a great way in how it progresses forward but also shows things that occurred earlier in flashbacks and you get to know or see things that make the characters more 3-dimensional and feel more realistic. Harry is very smart for an alien but has no clue when it comes to a lot of the things we take for granted when it comes to being human, things like sarcasm, humor, and more. So his behavior is off-putting but tolerated and accepted for the most part. He reluctantly takes on the job of the town doctor when asked because he doesn't want for anyone to suspect anything which makes it harder for him especially when he learns the Mayor's son Max can see his true identity, something like only one in a million humans might be able to do. The head nurse Asta Twelvetrees make his job easier by assisting him and they bond rather quickly when he takes her up on the offer to go for a drink after work to the local bar. That's where they meet D'arcy the bartender and owner of the bar who is also Asta's best friend and they have fun drinking and dancing and "Harry" drinks heavily to fit in. There's some pretty funny scenes of the alien dancing too. The next day Asta asks "Harry" to help her get somethings from her abusive ex-boyfriend Jimmy's house and "Harry" saves her from him when begins attacking her. He helps her to leave and she confides in him, that she had a child with Jimmy when she was really young but gave it up for adoption as they were too young to take care of it. Like I said in the non-spoiler section this show has a good mix of mystery, comedy and drama and does it in a really good way. Just as it pulls you in one direction like the drama part about Asta's child then it steers you in a completely different direction like comedy again when you find out at the end of the first episode that "Harry's" first patient is Max, the Mayor's son who can see that he's really an alien. I really enjoyed this show and I'm so glad that they decided to renew it for another season and there will be a season 2 coming soon. I liked it so much that I'm actually thinking about checking out the comic books by Dark Horse comics to see how good they are too. Anyways I give this show a 8/10 and can't wait for it to return.
  
Pirate's Mark
Pirate's Mark
2020 | Card Game, Party Game, Pirates
I simply cannot get enough of pirate games! I know some gamers are tired of pirates and zombies and Mediterranean trading, and I most certainly understand that. However, I’m just a sucker for some themes, and pirates are one. I am also growing to love press-your-luck style games for that giant helping of luck. I mean, how different is it from rolling a die and basing turns on those results? In this case it is flipping over cards instead of flipping the number of cards rolled. Similar, but different. In any case, today I take a look at Pirate’s Mark from first-time designers, artist, and publisher. Let’s see if I have found a treasure or contracted scurvy from the ordeal.

Pirate’s Mark is a bluffing, bidding, press-your-luck card game about finding treasure in the sea and avoiding contracting the Pirate’s Mark: the mark of death. In it players are pirates searching the seas by boasting about how many treasures they expect they will find, flipping over cards, and dealing with any consequences of their pulls. The last pirate to remain unmarked at the end of the game will be the winner and richest of all pirates on the vast seas.

DISCLAIMER: We were provided a copy of this game for the purposes of this review. This is a retail copy of the game, so what you see in these photos is exactly what would be received in your box. I do not intend to cover every single rule included in the rulebook, but will describe the overall game flow and major rule set so that our readers may get a sense of how the game plays. For more in depth rules, you may purchase a copy online or from your FLGS. -T


To setup, include the correct number of cards as described in the rulebook for the number of players. Once the cards are shuffled they will be laid out in a 10 x 15 grid on the table, face-down. The Compass Rose card and die are placed near the card grid and the game is ready to begin!
On a turn a short bidding round commences with players announcing how many cards they believe they can pull from the grid without uncovering a Pirate’s Mark card. This bidding goes around the table with bids increasing with each player until one player calls the bluff and forces the last player to bid to take their turn. That player then pulls a number of cards face-up from the sea and resolves any cards that are immediate, stashes cards that are treasures, and holds cards that contain the phrase, “Play this card,” to be used at a later time.

If the turn is uneventful, by not revealing any Pirate’s Mark cards, then the game continues with bidding and pulling. However, once a pirate reveals a Pirate’s Mark card, they are marked and cannot participate in the bidding any longer (unless they find a way to unmark themselves, which IS possible). Marked players can get back in the game by calling another player’s bluff correctly. There is indeed risk here as a marked player that incorrectly calls a bluff is permanently dead and out of the game.


There are some more rules for the end of the game phase called, “Duel Mode,” but I will let you discover those on your own. Play continues in this fashion until one player is standing and unmarked. This player wins the game and the others need to pack up the 130 cards that were setup. Okay, I added that last part.
Components. This game is a ton of square cards and a fantastic d12 that is only used for the two-player variant. The cards are all glossy, but good quality, and feature photos (akin to screencaps from movies) instead of illustrations. I find the theme to be very present in not only the press-your-luck and bidding/bluffing mechanics, but also in the design of the cards and the photos used. It feels like a piratey game and plays like a piratey game. Like I said, the d12 is fabulous, and I actually happen to own a set of dice that I use for my RPG campaigns… sometimes. All in all the game has some good components and looks great on the table.

So I have some good AND bad news to deliver. First the bad. Some cards that are pulled are way too overpowered. One is called “Blackbeard’s Sword.” It allows the player to “peek under the number of cards left in your bid.” I used this card on a bid of 22 cards and was able to pull all safe cards because this allowed me to see 22 cards and avoid any Pirate’s Marks. Super OP if you ask me. The only other bad I have here is setup. There are 130 cards to be sorted, shuffled, and laid out in a nice-looking grid before the game can be played. For those of us with slight or full-blown OCD that is a nightmare. Luckily, I only stress if the cards are way out of whack instead of just slightly askew.

Now for all the good. I like this game quite a bit. To offset some of the OP of the aforementioned card, the game comes with some pretty great Lucky and Curse cards to be pulled. A couple Lucky cards are, “Drop Anchor,” which ends the player’s turn when revealed, thus negating any Mark pulls, and “Flying Dutchman,” which can be played on a marked player to instantly kill them. Now, I do not condone murder normally, but when playing a pirate game, it is to be expected. The Curses pulled are equally unlucky. “Winds of Fate” allows the person who called the bluff to choose the rest of the cards to be pulled for your turn. OUCH! Especially if they had used “Blackbeard’s Sword” and know where one or more Pirate’s Marks are hidden. Similarly unlucky is “Isla Muerta” which penalizes the player if they have 10 or more treasure cards and pull a Pirate’s Mark – they die instantly from the curse! These are just a few examples of some cards that can be encountered during play, and there are a whole lot more of them included.

I do so enjoy bluffing and luck-based games more and more, and Pirate’s Mark certainly gives it to me on those fronts. Being able to just whisk away 20 or more cards because you happen to have that coveted card you used is devilishly fun. Watching the other players seethe with envy as you pull treasure after treasure and avoid Marks is like winning $20 on a scratch-off. It won’t change your life, but it will give a shot of adrenaline and euphoria for a few minutes. I think Pirate’s Mark fills a void of straight bidding, bluffing, and luck that certainly matches the theme perfectly, and remains a good game as well.

Also, if you happen across one of the expansions, “Parrghty Mode,” it adds another five players to the game and bumps up the count of cards in play from 130 to a whopping 168! This is not for the small of table. I wish there was room inside the base game’s box to fit these extra cards, but alas, there is not.

So if you are like me and enjoy games on the lighter side that perfectly match game to theme, then you have to check out Pirate’s Mark. Purple Phoenix Games gives this one a haunting 8 / 12. I certainly recommend it and will now be finding a place in my main shelf unit for it. Hmm, which game do I make walk the plank…?
  
Neon Knights: 2086
Neon Knights: 2086
2018 | Modern Warfare, Racing, Sports
Some of us actually lived through the 1980s. Just barely, but I certainly remember the neon stylizations, the hair, the tight-rolled pants. It’s not a look I ever hope to reincarnate. However, what if the style of the 1980s reappeared in the future? Like in the 2080s? That would be kind of awesome, actually. Or maybe it would be more bodacious or tubular. In any case, some things never go out of style. Things like attacking your fellow racers as they try to pass on the left with their NOS and dangling repair arms. Just me?

Neon Knights 2086 (here forth known as NK) is a car racing game of customization and street battle. The game essentially takes place over three race weeks (rounds) with each week being divided into a preparation period and then the race day itself. The winner of NK is not necessarily the driver who crosses the finish line more often, but rather the driver who wisely invests in upgrades and tempts Lady Luck to be on their side during crucial dice rolls.

DISCLAIMER: We were provided a copy of this game for the purposes of this review. This is a retail copy of the game, so what you see in these photos is exactly what would be received in your box. I do not intend to cover every single rule included in the rulebook, but will describe the overall game flow and major rule set so that our readers may get a sense of how the game plays. For more in depth rules, you may purchase a copy online or from your FLGS. -T

To setup, separate and shuffle each different-backed deck of cards, set them on the board in their places, and display the number of cards equal to the card spaces on the board. Give each player components in their character color, the matching play mat, and starting car parts to be tucked under their mat. Determine the starting player who will construct the first race course out of the provided map chunks and the game may begin!

Again, I will not be explaining every rule in the game as there are just too many to cover, but the game is played over three weeks. During the preparation days leading up to the race on day 7 (Sunday I guess), players will be taking actions to draft upgrades to their cars, or implants into their driver’s BRAIN, getting themselves sponsored so they can make bank come pay day, and also accepting bets on how each driver can earn a little extra on the side come race day.

Each day leading up to the race will allow players to complete one action, and pay day is on Day 5. This is when players will be paid out by their sponsors thus allowing players more spending power at the various upgrade shops. However, Race Day looms ahead and drivers will be making sure they have the best car they can afford because racing is a matter of life or death.

During a race, players will be choosing their initial speed and traveling the course attempting to finish first to gain points, but also to inflict damage on opposing cars and trying to complete their bets they’ve made. Cars will typically travel the number of spaces that the driver has chosen as the speed for the turn, but along the way the cars will be passing over neon lights in the street that are colored according to the suggested speed to overcome them. Go too fast and players will need to roll damage dice to simulate clipping a curb or smashing into a building corner. Go the correct suggested speed or less and pass over the lights no problem and with no damage dice to roll. Of course, car upgrades can assist with this.

When cars end their turn on a space with another car, a battle ensues and damage is calculated. Also, either before or after movement a car can decide to use a weapon on a rival car in range of their weapon to inflict extra damage. After all, a well-damaged car must screech to a halt and possibly use precious resources to repair the damage. Races are flat out bonkers but are the crux of NK. The winner of NK is the player who can amass the most VP at the end of the game and will be able to run a victory lap in the streets.

Components. This game is one of those hefty 12×12 boxes that is packed with goodies. The board is huge. The player components are beautiful and amazing. The player mats are great and laid out really well. The big chunky street map tiles are big and chunky. The colors are perfectly ’80s and perfect for a board game. I have no issues at all with the components. Oh wait, just one little eensy weensy complaint. I wish the font in the rule book was something of the serif variety instead of block all-caps. I felt as if I were being scolded for reading the rules.

All that said, I find Neon Knights 2086 to be a beautiful and relatively quick-playing racing game with the added bonus of car customization akin to that of creating an RPG character (and everyone knows that’s the best part of RPGs). The prep days are super fast to play through because you are basically just taking cards from the offers or drawing cards from the face-down decks to improve your ride, or repairing your car from previous races, and negotiating with sponsors to get those sweet gigs.

The racing, however, is where the game play takes off. It’s here that all the planning and optimizing is put to the test. It’s here where you discover that some of your “upgrades” just ain’t cuttin’ it, and need to be upgraded further. Hopefully a new sweet (and affordable) weapon will come out during the week. Maybe a new sponsor will enter and entice you with tons of money. And then it’s Race Day and you can take your rig out to demolish the competition. Ahh sweet demolition.

This game was a big surprise for me for several reasons. First, I didn’t realize how much I actually enjoyed some of the things from the ’80s. Those colors are just so dang beautiful. That design. So good. But also I just don’t play a lot of car racing games so I was skeptical at first. I’m not a fan of NASCAR so obviously I won’t like any car racing game, right? At least that was my initial thought. Neon Knights 2086 may just have piqued my interest in trying out some other racing titles in the future. For these reasons, Purple Phoenix Games gives this one a bruised 8 / 12. If you are aching for a racing game with battles in the streets and customization in the sheets, check out Neon Knights 2086. I am now a believer, and can’t wait to play this one many more times.
  
Asator
Asator
2021 | Miniatures
Vikings. Raiding and pillaging and dragon riding. That’s about the extent of my knowledge of the ancient(?) civilization that so many people go bonkers romanticizing. Okay, so they didn’t REALLY ride dragons, but How To Train Your Dragon is great and the game I am previewing today also includes dragons, so I’m rolling with it. But how does this Viking game play and compare to its inspirations?

Asator is a head to head (or teams) game of troop maneuvering and attacking using 30 identical miniatures on each side. Each mini acts as a platoon of three different kinds of armies, plus a Chieftan, Master, Wizard, and Dragon that all have different special abilities. The winner of Asator is the player who can eliminate their opponent’s leadership (Chieftan, Master, and Wizard).

DISCLAIMER: We were provided a prototype copy of this game for the purposes of this review. These are preview copy components, and I know that the final components will be slightly different from these shown. Also, it is not my intention to detail every rule in the game, as there are just too many. You are invited to download the rulebook, back the game through the Kickstarter campaign, or through any retailers stocking it after fulfillment. -T


To setup, place the battle mat on the table, and then players will place groups of minis on the field within the closest three rows of hexes in alternating turn fashion. Players will also take the two large Battle Sheets and a dry-erase marker to keep track of every one of their minis’ stats throughout the game. Each player will also choose five of the given 10 Wizard spell cards to use for the game, and each spell may only be used once during the game. Once all army minis are placed, the first player will move up to 20 units on the battlefield and attack opponent armies if possible. The game is now on and decimation is the goal.
Each mini type corresponds to a different group of armies, plus the dragon and three leader pieces. All armies of the same type have the same stats for movement, hit points (HP), armor rating (AR), and attack weapons. Also each mini is labeled on the bottom so keeping track of each unit is made a little easier. Obviously the leader pieces are more powerful and each has a special style of combat. The Master wields an axe and shield (which is broken after one hit) to increase AR and dole out the damage. The Chieftan wields a spear, twin axes, a bow, and a shield. Similar to the Master, the Chieftan’s shield is broken after an attack against him, and his spear is broken after a missed attack. The Wizard is not at all strong in melee, but has powerful spells at his disposal to be used for the disposal of enemy units.

Besides the leadership trio each side also brings a Dragon to the battle. Dragons can move slowly by land, but quite quickly by air. Once in the air he or she may deliver a Fire Blast that causes huge damage, but then the Dragon must ground themselves to regain stamina for flight. In addition, each player will have access to Cavalry, Infantry, and Bowmen, each with their own stat blocks and abilities.

This is all well and good, and is somewhat similar to the strategy one would use in Chess. Combat, however, is much more involved than that of simply moving into an enemy’s space and automatically overtaking it. In Asator combat victory is decided via a VERY pared down version of D&D combat. It uses a simplified d20-based attack versus the enemy Armor Rating (AR). Rolls over the AR of the enemy is a success and damage is dealt. Done. Some attacks require a roll of 2d6 for damage amount, like spells and Dragon attacks. That said, combat is decided using 1d20 and 2d6. That’s it.


The game continues in turns where the first player will move their pieces and attack, and then the next player will do the same until one player has defeated all three enemy leaders and earned the title of Asator – Master of War.
Components. Again, we were provided a prototype copy of the game, but most of the components are what will be received when the game is backed or purchased. That said, the game utilizes a cloth battle mat that folds into the box, four dry-erase Battle Sheets, two dry-erase markers, dice for both players, Wizard spell cards for both players, and 60 miniatures. The battle mat is great fabric quality with minimal art that doesn’t get in the way of play (much appreciated). The dry-erase components are good. The card quality is fine. The dice are black and white dice to correspond with players using the black or white minis, and are of normal quality. The minis are great and I enjoyed playing with them.

Now for the negatives of what is included in the box. First, the art. Now, there is very minimal art used throughout the game. It’s just not a focal point, and it shows in the game’s production. I found the sketch on the cover of the rule book (which is the same as the watermark on the Battle Mat) to be very cool, but the box cover art leaves some to be desired. Similarly, the Wizard spell cards use very generic-looking art icons with text for explanation. I am most certainly being hyper-critical here because flashy art on these components are certainly not needed to play or highly enjoy the game. For my tastes, though, I would like to see more polished art on these pieces as the art is so sparse throughout.

But how does the game feel? It’s truly quite good. I don’t play many wargames or 1v1 skirmish style games, so to present me with something like this and for me to enjoy it as much as I have has to be a sign of something good. Again, I am no strategic war general, but being able to employ different strategies every game is exciting. Testing out the different combinations of Wizard spell cards is fun for a tinkerer. And, of course, playing with a bunch of minis is always good fun.

There is a good game here, and I absolutely love the combination of Chess maneuverability with the simplified RPG d20 battle system. It works well in a game like this where each piece owns a stat block of which players will need to be mindful. I didn’t quite mention my favorite part of the rules yet either: natural 20 on a combat roll equals insta-death. Yes, even to the Dragon, which happened in my very first game. THAT is a cool rule that tripped up tactics quite often in my plays.

All in all this game is a great example of combining a couple sets of mechanics that wouldn’t be expected and creating a great gaming experience from them. I invite you to back the game on Kickstarter when it goes live if you are looking for that special game that is unlike many others you currently own. If the art were spruced up a bit I would be fawning all over it, but even without impressive art I still find I have the twitch in my brain to play it again and again. I wonder how many natural 20s I can roll in a game. Great, now I want to set it up and see…
  
Tomorrowland (2015)
Tomorrowland (2015)
2015 | Sci-Fi
With Tomorrowland's lifeless fantasy world, bland characters, second-rate special effects, forced dialogue, and uninspired story, your future will undoubtedly be better off if it doesn't involve watching this movie.
Disney’s Tomorrowland implores us to imagine a world without limitation. One where nothing is impossible, and all of our wildest dreams can come true. (Sounds very trademark Disney, doesn’t it?) In the movie, that world exists in the form of a secret utopian society that has been built by only the brightest of minds. It is a place that exists free of politics and corruption, where people can push the boundaries of possibility as far as their imaginations will take them. Tomorrowland is a world meant to inspire, to evoke wonder, and to nurture creativity. It’s a stunning shame then, that all I ever felt while watching the movie was sheer boredom. For all of its endless opportunity, Tomorrowland ends up being almost completely uninteresting. With Tomorrowland‘s lifeless fantasy world, bland characters, second-rate special effects, forced dialogue, and uninspired story, your own future will undoubtedly be better off if it doesn’t involve ever watching this movie.

With the star talent of George Clooney, the directorial skill of Brad Bird, and the film’s promising trailers, I must admit that I was caught off guard by Tomorrowland‘s lackluster execution. The greatest compliment I can give the film is that it’s blandly passable, but in no area is it particularly good, engaging, or thought-provoking. For being a film that is about celebrating creativity, it sure is lacking in that regard. Tomorrowland itself feels like a poorly-realized pipe dream. It’s supposed to be this wonderfully ingenious world of innovation, but nothing about it struck me as notably exciting or exceptional. From the surface, it looks like your typical futuristic metropolis, complete with jetpacks and flying cars. Beyond that, I couldn’t really tell you what makes Tomorrowland so special, and I believe that’s largely because we’re given so little access to it. The movie treats us as outsiders to this place, and we spend the majority of the film tagging alongside the two main characters as they try to get in, but we’re never given any sort of rewarding payoff once we get there. The world of Tomorrowland is practically nothing more than a shallow, fantasy world facade.

The movie starts off with an uncomfortably awkward recruitment video recorded by Tomorrowland’s two main characters, Frank Walker (George Clooney) and Casey Newton (Britt Robertson), in which they argue over how they should tell their story. It’s a poor attempt at humor with banter that feels entirely forced. If anything, this overly long introduction should have served as an early indicator that I was about to embark on a two-hour snooze-fest. From there we transition to each of their character’s respective origin stories, and their separate journeys that led them to Tomorrowland.

Frank’s story takes us to the 1964 World’s Fair at Disneyland where as a young boy he’s trying to enter with his faulty jetpack creation. His invention is rejected, but he still manages to catch the attention of a girl named Athena, who gives him a special pin with the Tomorrowland logo. Young Frank is ordered to secretly follow her in the theme park, leading to the “It’s A Small World” ride, where he’s magically transported to Tomorrowland. Here we’re given our first glimpse of this futuristic world, but the entire sequence isn’t nearly as fun or awe-inspiring as it should be. Frank takes to the skies in his newly-repaired jetpack and yet this significant moment somehow winds up feeling surprisingly empty. The movie fails to capture that youthful element of whimsy and excitement that comes from discovery.

Next we learn the much more recent story of Casey, an enthusiastic high school student with a passion for making the world a better place. She’s the daughter of a struggling inventor who gets herself in trouble with the law after trying to sabotage the government’s planned demolition of a NASA launch pad. Once bailed out of jail, Casey finds a mysterious Tomorrowland token among her belongings, and upon touching it, she is magically transported to a wheat field with the distinguished metropolis of Tomorrowland in the distance. However, when trying to reach this futuristic city, she finds that boundaries in the real world inhibit her in this golden future world, even though she cannot see them while holding the token. It’s a novel idea, and one of the movie’s better moments, but if you’ve seen the film’s trailers then you’ve already seen most of how it plays out.

The trailers also spoiled Tomorrowland‘s best, and arguably only good action sequence, in which androids invade Frank’s house in an attempt to capture Casey, who possesses that coveted Tomorrowland token. It’s a well-crafted and exciting moment that demonstrates Brad Bird’s talent, but it’s also an unfortunately rare instance of entertainment in what is otherwise a dull film. As for the aforementioned androids, they’re unbelievably cheesy and lame. These robot villains are sourced from the pinnacle of technological advancement, and yet they’re remarkably derivative and hokey. The most original thing about them is that they blink their eyelids alternatively. That’s some real cutting edge creativity right there! To top it off, Tomorrowland even throws in an android-to-human love story for good measure, because why not? Robots need love too, you guys!

You know what the most troubling thing about Tomorrowland is for me? The fact that Brad Bird was the very first choice to direct Star Wars: Episode 7 and he turned it down to make this movie instead. That is almost incomprehensible to me. Even more so when you consider that Tomorrowland features a comic book store scene that is literally brimming with Star Wars props. It’s a decision that may come back to haunt him, but given how poor this movie is, I’m now actually thanking my lucky Death Stars that he’s not the one making the upcoming Star Wars: The Force Awakens.

In the end, Tomorrowland is a movie that I don’t feel any connection to. I wasn’t captivated by the characters or the performances (not even George Clooney could save this one). The plot was a total bore. The sci-fi elements missed the mark. The visuals were mostly just decent, and tended to look more fake than impressive. The underlying message of hope was weak, and please, don’t even get me started on that cliché “two wolves” story that was needlessly tacked in. Nothing about the movie ever reminded me of the actual Tomorrowland from Disneyland Park, nor did it share its level of creativity. The longer the movie went on, the more I wanted it to end. I can honestly tell you that I have had more enjoyment standing in line for two hours for a ride in Disneyland’s Tomorrowland than I ever had while watching this movie. If this is how dull our ideal future is going to be, then sign me up for a front row ticket to the apocalypse where the future belongs to the mad!

(This review was originally posted at 5mmg.com on 5.26.15.)
  
The Robber Knight
The Robber Knight
7
7.0 (1 Ratings)
Book Rating
When you are fighting for the freedom of your people, falling in love with your enemy is not a great idea. Or is it? Ayla has to defend her castle and her people all on her own, with nobody to help her but a dark warrior she hates with all her heart.

Sir Reuben, the dreaded robber knight, has long been Ayla’s deadliest enemy. He has prayed on her and her people ever since her father fell ill, and she swore he would hang for his crimes. Now they are both trapped in her castle as the army of a far greater enemy approaches, and they have only one chance: stand together, or fall.

This book wasn’t bad, honestly. I’m a huge fan of historical fiction, and it had been awhile since I’ve read a medieval love story, so that was a nice change of pace.

The author is a historian, so there are a lot of little things in this book that you don’t see in a lot of other historical romance books. For instance,you can’t pull out arrows because there are often barbs attached to cause fatal wounds if pulled out. I did like learning about all of these facts. But sometimes Thier lets the historian in him gets the best of him, but more on that later.

Lady Ayla was a pretty interesting character. Headstrong and wise for her years, she is very noble and progressive. She has all of the makings for a great leader– with the exception of knowledge. I loved how kind and committed she was to her people and I love the fact that she has some spunk. I mean, if I’m getting robbed in the forest by this random stranger, then I hope I would swear him out too (of course, if I could beat him up and get away, then that’s even better, but Ayla doesn’t have much self-defense skills). But there were many times that she was annoying, like her insistence on being near battles, even before she started treating the sick. And how she tried to manage Sir Isenbard during battle. She had called on him for help because he was an experienced knight, and now she was questioning his commands and strategies in the heat of battle!

Mostly, though, I really did like Ayla. She defines the idea of nobility. With war inevitable, she’s willing to ride personally to the edges of her land to warn her subjects and she is always at the outskirts of battle to help care for the wounded. She invites everyone into the castle for their safety and rations herself as well as the others to conserve food. She’s even willing to corrupt herself to save her people.

Reuben is an excellent character as well, although it did take me awhile to like him. In the beginning he fell a little flat. It’s clear that he used to be a knight but something happened and now he robs people for his own greed. A near-death experience and being saved by Lady Ayla reawakens the humanity in him. And apparently also some depth.

In the beginning of the book he spends a lot of his time admiring his loot and laughing about his victims, who thought they had a right to steal from him. But that’s all he does. We have no real insight into his character or backstory until after he’s in Ayla’s care. Only then are there hints of a bad history where he had been arrested many times, been tortured, and had at one point been a member of respectable society. If it weren’t for the fact that I liked Ayla’a character and the plot so far, I probably would have stopped reading.

Thier is a writer who has really good potential in becoming a great romance writer, especially for historical fiction. The plots have some unique twists that are augmented by his knowledge of history and after Reuben’s character shaped up, he was an excellent love interest. But there is one huge problem with this story: the footnotes.

There are so many footnotes throughout most of the book that I feel like I’m reading a history textbook, which is not good when I usually read romance novels to take a break from homework. Not only are they distracting and unnecessary, but they are also rude and condescending. Sure, sometimes they were useful, like in explaining the references to the seven princes of hell. Another one was a pretty funny anecdote about how one of his readers had actually confirmed that lard burns and that burning arrows work because they had actually done it. There is also a lot of wit throughout the footnotes which is pretty amusing. But most of the time, they were annoying.

For instance, Robert Thier thought it was necessary to include a footnote about how witches were considered bad during medieval times. Seriously? Even if someone failed history, we know that witches are not considered fine, upstanding citizens. Or maybe he thinks all of us have been locked in our rooms with no books, internet or television for our entire lives and for the month of October we all miraculously fell into a coma so we couldn’t see the giant blow-up witch in the neighbor’s yard. And then we’d all wake up singing Christmas carols after the month long coma without a care in the world because this happens every year so we don’t know what a witch is. (I’m developing a conspiracy theory about how these strange comas was caused by witchcraft.)


Maybe Thier assumed that instead of us thinking Reuben was scared of witches when he wondered if Ayla was one, we just thought he was commenting on how much Ayla looked like Sandra Bullock.
And one of the footnotes was just plain offensive. Here is the line of text that the footnote is attached to: “Heel! Abominable villain! You dare defy me?” (page 74)

Now, here’s the footnote: “Sorry to disappoint the ladies, but this doesn’t refer to high heels. It is a medieval term for a very nasty person.”

Excuse me? Did you just assume that I thought it meant high heels and that would make me excited? What world do you live in?

Apparently he thinks “the ladies” are so dumb that we are incapable of taking context clues and we immediately think everything relates back to fashion. Maybe I didn’t know it meant “very nasty person”, but it’s pretty clear it’s a swear or insult of sometime, not a freaking Jimmy Choo. Does he just imagine us thinking high heel every time we hear the word?

“She broke his nose with the heel of her hand.” Oh. High heel!

“Heel, fido! I said heel!” Oh. High heel!

“It will take one or two days for your cut to heal.” Oh. High heel! (Because if he thinks we don’t understand the difference between uncomfortable footwear and an insult, then he probably thinks we can’t spell, either).

But hey, at least Robert Thier thinks women can memorize stuff, because the footnote links stop as the vocabulary is repeated instead of new terms being introduced.

Aside from the footnotes, I really do like this book, and I can’t wait to read the second part of it, which I’ll read soon. Thier still has a long way to go, but I think after he has more experience, he’ll write some great books.
  
Evo (second edition)
Evo (second edition)
2011 | Prehistoric, Science Fiction
I always get so excited when I start a review because I want to tell you all about these wonderful experiences we have had with different games. I want to let you in on all of our inside jokes that make their way into our every day language. But, alas, I cannot. At least not yet. But my hope is that I will interest you enough to give our favorite games a shot so that you can have these, or similar, great experiences. And Evo is one of our favorite games.

Evo pits its players against one another in a clash to populate an island too small for everyone to enjoy harmoniously. It’s a… Small (dino) World, if you will. By improving your clan’s dinosaurs, survivability, and vigor you may be able to establish the most prosperous clan. At least until the meteor hits and wipes everyone off the face of the island anyway…

DISCLAIMER: We do not intend to cover every single rule included in the rule book, but will describe the overall game flow and major rule set so that our readers may get a sense of how the game plays. For more in depth rules, you may purchase a copy online or from your FLGS. -T

Evo is played over several phases over several turns. Exactly how many turns is unknown because the end game is denoted by a randomized meteor token. To setup Evo shuffle the meteor token into the bottom few climate rotation tokens and set them as a stack face down. These will be the round trackers and also will dictate how the climate may change from round to round. Set the climate wheel on the starting space and within view of the players. Shuffle the event cards and place them face down near the enhancement bid board. Give each player the mat, dinomeeples (yay I got one that makes sense!), and bidding totem of their chosen color. Lay the correct map for the amount of players on the table and have each player place their dinomeeples on the corresponding starting spaces on the map. Give each player their starting money (in VP chips). Determine the starting initiative order and place the totems on the bid board in that order. Set aside the combat die and you are finally ready to play!

The first phase of the game is Climate. (after the first round) A new climate token will be revealed which directs the players to adjust the climate wheel or keep it status quo. The climate wheel determines which spaces on the map will have cold, hot, Death-Valley-type, or safe climates for dinos to live on. This is known information at the beginning of the round so the players can plan out the rest of the round to keep their dinos safe before the culling.

The next phase is bidding on enhancements. Draw from the bag enough tokens for the players to quarrel over and place them randomly on the bid board. In initiative order players will bid on enhancements using their VP chips. When a player is outbid for an item they must place their bid totem on another item. Once all players are winning bids on items they pay the supply for their winnings and add it to their mat in the appropriate slots. These could include items to help a dino survive the cold, increase their attack potential, give their dinos more movement (or walks, as we call them), and other special abilities.

Now that the players are enhanced a bit more, their dinosaurs can move on the map. This may be necessary for some, but not all, depending on how they have enhanced their dino clans. A dino can move as many spaces as feet are shown on the player’s board, or the total movement can be split by multiple dinos. The more feet, the more movement. If, during the movement phase, a dino wishes to enter a space currently inhabited by a rival clan’s dinomeeple a combat will occur. Combat is determined by comparing horns and defenses and the roll of the combat die.

Once movement is over, it’s time for the dinos to get saucy – it’s baby-making time! I mean, it’s reproduction time! That’s not appropriate either. You can create one more dinomeeple to place on the map adjacent to another dino. This is how you may expand your empire of cute dinomeeples.

Once these phases are complete the players will consult the climate wheel to see which of their dinos are safe from elimination. For those dinos that are safe a player will earn 1 VP. Play continues in this fashion until the round that the meteor token is flipped from the stack of climate tokens that typically start a round. As the meteor destroys all dinomeeples on the map players will total their VPs and the winner is the clan leader with the most VP at game’s end.

Components. There are a LOT of components in this box. One of the best components in the game is the well-designed box insert. As you unpack the game you can really just setup right out of the box. The maps, bidding board, and climate wheel are normal-style game boards and of good quality. The cards are OK and get the job done. The die is a painted wooden die and it’s fun to roll. The climate tokens, VPs, and enhancement chips are all thick cardboard. The play mats are a matte cardstock (and that’s fine because it just holds your components). The other components are the cloth bag for enhancement draws and those cutie little dinomeeples! Everything is really well-produced and has held up really well for us. My only minor minor complaint is that I wish the dinomeeples were a different shape per color, but everyone having brontosauri is fine with me too. The art. The art is SPECTACULAR on this one. Seriously really great artwork. The cards, the boards, the playmats, the enhancements. Everything looks just amazing.

I kinda already let you know that I love this game. So I am not going to wax poetic here and go into some long analyses of why I love it. It is a more-involved Small World (I hope you caught that shameless reference in the intro) that uses dinosaurs instead of fantasy race/class combos. You know Evo is great when you can compare it to an already-great game from the same designer. I also think you could play Evo and Small World back-to-back and have an enjoyable experience. They are similar, but offer a different experience FOR SURE. I know this one is tough to find nowadays, but please, if you see it for sale in the wild PICK IT UP. It’s a great game that will offer years and years of play for you and your game group. Purple Phoenix Games gives this one a prehistoric 16+ / 18. I say “plus” because I may change it to a 6 in the future. It’s that good.
  
Funkoverse Strategy Game: Harry Potter 100
Funkoverse Strategy Game: Harry Potter 100
2019 | Fighting, Miniatures
Because I haven’t given my readers enough insight into my nerdiness, here are a few more things I’m into: Harry Potter, the MCU, and Doctor Who. I also have several Funko Pops! characters somewhere here in this house: the Tenth Doctor, the Twelfth Doctor, Captain America, Ms. Marvel, Ant-Man, and Dr. Strange to name a few. So when I heard that a game was coming out where I could possibly use my Funkos for something other than sitting on my armoire, I got excited. Oh, also it’s Harry Potter themed? COUNT ME IN!

Funkoverse Strategy Game: Harry Potter (which I will now refer to as HP Funko) is a tactics-based strategy game where effectively using Action Points is the determining factor in victory. Each player will take charge of a 2- or 3-character team engaged in one of four included scenarios to gain VP (the awesome teal shards). This is done in different fashions, and for this review we used the “Territories” scenario.

DISCLAIMER: The Tenth Doctor and Dr. Strange are not included in the game, I supplied them. In the box are discs to represent a generic Auror (Ten) and Death Eater (Strange). If you choose to use a supplementary Funko Pop! please know that they may be much larger in size and difficult to maneuver on the board. Also, I will not be detailing every rule in the rulebook as there are just too many. For full rules, download the rulebook today or pick up a copy at your FLGS! -T


To setup follow the instructions in the rulebook and the chosen scenario. For Territories, it will look similar to the setup below, but the characters may not be facing a camera, as mine are. Once the players are satisfied with setup, the first player token is flipped coin-toss style to see which team will lead the first round. The game is now underway!
Turns are somewhat simple: each character can do two actions, which include: Move, Challenge, Interact, Assist, Rally, and Use Ability/Items. Movement is two squares, with diagonals allowed, but not through any part of an obstruction. In fact, obstructions and line-of-sight are big parts of the game, as several pages of the rulebook are devoted to them. To Challenge another character is the combat of the game. The attacker will typically throw two dice to initiate an attack and the defender will use as many dice as is printed on their character card. However, this is a Harry Potter game, so Challenges will also allow characters to use magic spells to augment their attacks or inflict other debilitations or statuses on their targets. Simple majority of successful results rolled wins the Challenge. Characters may be knocked down as a result of a Challenge, and if already knocked down and successfully attacked again, may also be knocked out of the game for a certain number of rounds (usually one).

To Interact with a token on the board a character will need to position themselves either directly on the token or one space adjacent. These tokens could be merely points on the board that earn points, as in the current scenario.

If adjacent to a downed ally, a player could use an Assist action to stand up the ally. However, a character may stand themselves up on their turn by using both actions to Rally. This is the character’s entire turn worth of actions, but may be necessary to avoid being knocked out and placed on the Cooldown Track.

Lastly, characters may need to spend actions to use an ability or an item in their possession. Each ability and item will have its own instructions written on their respective cards. These will be instantly recognizable to fans of the HP universe and will use Ability Tokens or require the user to place the Item Card on the Cooldown Track to be used on a future turn.


After alternating characters on each team has exhausted every character, the round ends. Players will refresh their characters and move all tokens or cards down a space on the Cooldown Track. Should end of turn activities score teams VPs, they will claim the shards for their collection. Once the scenario’s objective has been met a player will be crowned victor and forced to cast Riddikulus on their opponent(s).
Components. This game does not ship with a ton of components, but the bits and pieces contained in the box are wonderful. The cardboard map and pieces are nice, the cards are good quality, and all the tokens are great as well. I really enjoy the VP shards and of course the smaller Pops! that are the main characters. They are a bit smaller than all the Pops! I have, but I’m not really a huge Pops! collector, so that may be the norm nowadays. The art throughout is really well-done and evocative of the theme. Overall the components are brilliant.

I am no fan of Mage Wars style games, as I typically find those types of tactical games tiresome. I usually end up just moving around and casting a spell every once in a while, but then it’s just a tedious game of cat and mouse that I just don’t feel like ever playing. However, with the scenarios provided with HP Funko I feel like I have a mission other than knocking out my opponents. Yes, I could still do that during a scenario, but that’s not the main focus. I like that quite a bit. In fact, there are generic tokens in the game that would even allow players to create their own scenarios. I might be interested in creating my own to play with a younger crowd even.

Moving those big heads around is fun and makes me giggle a bit, especially when they knock into each other and fall down because of the elephantitis of the noggin. I also like being able to send in my Tenth Doctor to use his Sonic Screwdriver to take out he-who-must-not-be-named whilst Dr. Strange looks on in amusement. Being able to use your own Pops! is a great twist and I am definitely a fan.

I guess I DO like tactical move-around-the-board-and-do-stuff games after all! I just needed a little direction and a good theme to pull me into the genre. I also have the expandalone for the HP version of this that includes Malfoy and Ron, and can’t wait to add those in as well. And let me tell you how much I need the next expandalone that includes Dumbledore, Hagrid, Snape, and Umbridge. I need, like, I NEED to deal some damage to that pink witch SO MUCH. In any case, Purple Phoenix Games gives this one a patronus-fueled 10 / 12. If you are on the fence about this gimmicky-looking game, then let me help you – get it. Play it a lot and play it with lots of other people (when possible). Extra points to Hufflegriffinsnake if you yell out the spell names a la Harold Potter in the movies.
  
 If Beale Street Could Talk (2018)
If Beale Street Could Talk (2018)
2018 | Crime, Drama, Romance
Love and Rage against the machine.
The baby asked,
‘Is there not one righteous among them?”
― James Baldwin, If Beale Street Could Talk

Beale Street refers to the jumpin’ heart of Memphis where Louis Armstrong was born. As explained in text from Baldwin’s source book (requiring a speed read!) it’s used as a metaphor for the birthplace of every black person in America. (“Every black person in America was born on Beale Street“). But the story is set in Harlem, New York, and with this intellectual stretch, before I even get past the title, I am immediately reaching for the “P-word”, of which more later.

The Plot
Tish (KiKi Layne) is 19 and in love with her lifelong friend ‘Fonny’ (Stephan James). So much in love in fact (and so careless) that Tish is now pregnant with his child. Tish must break this news to both families herself, since Fonny is inside awaiting trial for a vicious rape that he claims he didn’t commit. Tish and their joint families are trying to help, but can Fonny be released in time to see the birth of his child? Or are the institutions so set against him that release is impossible and death row might await?

Interwoven with Love and Anger
At its heart, this film portrays a truly beautiful love story. Tish and Fonny (both adorably played by the young leads) are friends becoming more than friends. We see their emerging love through flashback scenes. Some of these, particularly one on a metro train, are exquisitely done; long gazes into eyes, starting as one thing and ending as another.

In another scene, Fonny takes Tish’s virginity, and it’s done with style, taste and finesse. For younger teens this should be compulsory viewing as an antidote to all the horrible porn they are seeing on the internet: THIS is what sex, based on a foundation of true love, is all about. (The film is UK15 rated for “infrequent very strong language, strong sex” – I actually agree with the rating for the language (and actually I think an act of marital violence should also have also been referenced)…. but not for the sex, which should be 12A).

It’s a love story then? Well, yes, but offset against that, it’s a very angry film, seething with rage about how the police force and the justice system is set ‘against the black man’. Director Barry Jenkins (of – eventual – Oscar winner “Moonlight” fame) has a message to impart and he is intent on imparting it.

A great ensemble performance
The film didn’t get a SAG nomination for the ensemble cast, but it almost feels that they missed out here. As well as the two young leads being spectacular, the whole of the rest of the cast really gel well together, particularly the respective parents: Colman Domingo (“Selma“) as Tish’s father Joseph; Regina King as Tish’s mother Sharon; Michael Beach (“Patriots Day“) as Fonny’s father Frank and Aunjanue Ellis as his bible-bashing mother. A dramatic scene where they all collectively hear the news about the pregnancy is both comical and shocking in equal measure.

Poor sound mixing
If this film gets an Oscar nomination for sound, I’ll frankly be cross! There is significant use of sonorous, bass-heavy music and effects (including a lovely cello theme by Nicholas Britell) – all very effective; there is a lot of earnest and quietly spoken dialogue between the characters – also moody and effective. Unfortunately the two are mixed together in some scenes and frankly I couldn’t make out what was being said. Most frustrating.

In addition, there is voiceover narration from Tish (if you follow my blog regularly you KNOW what I think about that!). Actually, this isn’t as overly intrusive as in films like “The Hate U Give“, but it sounds like it was recorded in a dustbin! It’s a bit like that effect you get with headphones where the plug isn’t quite in the socket, and everything sounds way off and tinny. When combined with Layne’s accent the effect, again, made the dialogue difficult to comprehend.

The c-word and the n-word
There’s a degree of bad language in the film, albeit mild in comparison to “The Favourite“! Tish’s sister (Teyonah Parris) uses the c-word in one very funny dissing of Fonny’s ‘up-themselves’ sisters (Ebony Obsidian and Dominique Thorne). But the n-word is used repeatedly during the film, and that I can never get used to. I ‘get it’ (in the sense that I understand the perception) that this is a word that ‘only black people can use between themselves’. But this just feels elitist and wrong to me. At a time when Viggo Mortensen gets crucified for using it once (while being descriptive and in-context) during a press junket for “Green Book“, I just feel that if a word is taboo it should be taboo, period.

The p-word
My p-word here is “pretentious”. Barry Jenkins clearly feels he has something to prove after the success of “Moonlight“, and there are certainly moments of directorial brilliance in the film. As previously mentioned, the sex scene is one of the best I’ve seen in a long while. Also beautifully done are a birthing scene and two confrontational scenes in Puerto Rico. But there are also moments that seem to be staged, artificial and too ‘arty’ for their own good. Any hidden meaning behind them completely passed me by. (Examples are Sharon’s wig scene and a pan around Fonny’s wood sculpture). It all seems to be “trying too hard”.

Hate for the police is also writ large on the film, with every discriminatory police officer in the whole of the US embodied in the wicked sneering face of the police office Bell (Ed Skrein).

A platform that should be used for more than ranting
This is a film written and directed by an American black man (Jenkins) and largely fully cast with American black people. And I’m a white Englishman commenting on it. I’m clearly unqualified to pass judgement on how black America really feels about things! But comment I will from this fug of ignorance.

It feels to me that the “Black Lives Movement” has given, at long last, black film-makers like Jenkins a platform in cinema to present from. This is a great thing. But I’m sensing that at the moment the tone of the output from that platform (such as this film) seems to me heavily tinged with anger: a scream of frustration about the system and racial injustice over the years. It’s the film-makers right to make films about subjects dear to them. And I’m sure this summer we’ll sadly again see atrocities as previously seen in the likes of Ferguson and Dallas, fuelling the fire of hate. But I would personally really like to see someone like Jenkins use his undoubted talents to make a more uplifting film: a film reflecting the more positive strives that are happening in society, allowing for people of all races and all sexual orientations to make their way in business (not drug-running or crime!) and/or life in general. Those good news stories – the positive side of race relations – are out there and my view is that someone like Barry Jenkins should be telling them.

Final thoughts
I wasn’t as much of a fan of “Moonlight” as the Academy, and this film also left me conflicted. The film is well-made and the cast is very engaging. It also has a love story at its heart that is moody but well-done. Overall though the movie felt over-engineered and a little pretentious, and that knocked it down a few pegs for me.
  
Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain
Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain
Action/Adventure
Gameplay (1 more)
Graphics
Characters (1 more)
Twist ending
A Review By A Disappointed Long Time Fan
Before this game was released, I was certain that it was going to be my Game Of The Year for 2015, and in a lot of ways it is a worthy contender. As an open world stealth game, it is groundbreaking. The gameplay is some of the best I’ve ever seen, the controls feel tight, the underlying systems and features, (such as reflex mode and the buddy system,) are solid and the AI is responsive and fair. This is KojiPro’s first attempt at an open world game, and as far as first attempts go, this is ‘pretty good.’ The world is breathtaking as well, the graphics that the Fox engine can produce are stunning in every way, the world feels alive, with both enemies and wildlife, the textures, the particle systems, the gun models, every visual in this game has been created with an insane amount of attention to detail and all of it really pays off. I experienced little to no glitches while making my way through the single player campaign and the presentation overall is great. Motherbase is also awesome, you genuinely feel as if you are assembling an army and even though the Fulton is daft, it is a nice touch. And the amount of variety this game provides is vast, you can take 4 different buddies with you, each with unique skills, you can infiltrate in the morning or at night, you can choose your guns and customise them to suit, you can also customise your buddy’s gear, your helicopter and to a small extent Motherbase too, although that could have went deeper. Now, if that is all that you are looking for, then seriously, stop reading this review right now and go buy the game, you will love it and there is so much to do, I sank a good 75+ hours into this game and my overall completion rate is still only at 75%. If however, like me, you are looking for something more than just great gameplay, you will be left feeling as empty as I do. Like I keep reiterating, the gameplay is phenomenal, but that’s the problem, I have never played MGS for the gameplay. It wasn’t the gameplay that made me fall in love with the series growing up and if anything you would always suffer through the stiff gameplay in order to experience the deep and complex story and that was okay, because it would always be so worth it. This game throws all of that out of the window.

The way that this game is structured is awful. You play a few main missions in a row, the story is beginning to hook you, but then OCD kicks in and you realise that you have 4 or 5 side missions building up to be completed, so you go and do them, but then you come back to the main story and forget what was going on in the last mission, but who cares when you can Fulton a goat, right?

The writing in this game is possibly the laziest it’s ever been, one example of this is the ‘controversial’ character known as Quiet. This character has been masterly debated over a lot (see what I did there?) and thrown more gasoline on the fire that is the over-sexualisation of women in video games. My stance on it is somewhere in between, the reason for her lack of clothes and speech is silly, however she is running around Afghanistan and Africa, which are very hot countries, so really they could have put her in a bikini top and a pair of cargo pants and I doubt anyone would have batted an eyelid. Now, the Metal Gear series has always been known for its odd Japanese perviness, but when it is a main character that has been sexualised, it’s always been for a justified narrative reason, such as EVA in MGS3 walking about with the front of her jacket unzipped showing off her bikini clad chest, but the whole point of her mission in that game, was to seduce Snake, so it made sense within the context of the story, in this game the reason for Quiet’s over exposure is much lazier and feels tacked on as a cheap excuse.

The worst part about all of this is the fact that, this is it, Kojima’s definite last Metal Gear game, there is no going back to redeem anything, like in MGS2 when everyone hated it, but because 4 solved some of the problems that were created in 2 people are now okay with 2, that can’t happen with this game because Kojima and Konami are no more. Now I could write a whole other paper on Konami vs Kojima and my stance on it but this is the jist, Kojima was spending too much money and taking too much time with this game, Konami demanded he finish it so they can make their money and add their microtransaction’s etc Kojima told them where they can stick it and the partnership was dead. This has had an effect on the game, there is clearly content missing, Konami has confirmed that at least one mission was cut, where Snake would have went to Africa to have another battle with Eli and Sahalanthropus, which is the Metal Gear in this game, which is unacceptable really. Also, I assume there was a lot of other content that was cut that we weren’t told about. Sahalanthropus is another problem I have, how is it that this Metal Gear created in the 80’s is more advanced than REX, which was created in the early 2000’s. Also, when you fight Sahalanthropus, there is no one in the thing, it is an empty robot being controlled by Mantis, who floats beside the giant mech. That is actually a decent metaphor for the lack of villains in this game. Skull Face is hardly in the game and his eventual death, like every other significant event in this game, just kind of happens with no build up and packing little punch. The team of bosses in the original Metal Gear, headed up by Liquid and Ocelot, were probably the best team of villains in any game ever, since then the bosses have gone slowly downhill. The Sons of Big Boss were great, Dead Cell were pretty cool, The Cobras were okay, The Beauty & The Beast Corps were pretty lame and The Skulls in this game are emotionless zombies who don’t even have individual names and Skull Face is such a disappointing antagonist, he is hardly in the main game and then he shows up at the end, gives some silly speech that we have heard before in the trailers and then just dies, no boss fight or anything. Also, no customisable Metal Gear, which I feel like is a huge missed opportunity and no Sims like Motherbase customisation, interior or exterior.

David Hayter was missed in this game, Keifer was fine on the rare occasion he did speak, but the phantom Snake twist was the perfect opportunity to reintroduce Hayter’s voice and they didn’t take it. Also no Campbell or EVA, not even a reference. And it is never explained why the last time we see the real Big Boss, he is rescuing a child and a young girl and the next time we see him he has become modern day Hitler. Ultimately, this game just makes me sad, it is hard not to focus on the fallout from the Konima debacle, P.T/Silent Hills is no more, that promisingly terrifying demo we were teased with will amount to nothing and this game is all we will ever get again in terms of the Metal Gear saga. This is the end of an era, and it’s an end that doesn’t sit perfectly with me.