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Bad Guy Nonsense
Bad Guy Nonsense
2020 | Abstract Strategy, Card Game
Bad Guys have been running rampant, and your goal is to stop them and garner some recognition for yourself. However, some of your fellow crime-fighters have their eyes on the same prize, so you must be ready to employ whatever means necessary to capture the most Bad Guys! Whether you capture then yourself, or secure the help of Bounty Hunters, Heroes, Bandits, and more, keep an eye on your captures so they aren’t swiped out from right under you by an opponent… but if you’re sneaky enough maybe you could swipe one of theirs to add to your list of accolades.

Disclaimer: We were provided a PnP copy of Bad Guy Nonsense for the purposes of this preview. Please excuse my lack of a color printer, but know that the final artwork and cards ARE eye-catching, colorful, and clear to read. I do not intend to rehash the entire rulebook in this preview, but rather provide an overview of the gameplay. Check out the publisher’s website to download the rulebook for yourself, and keep an eye out for the Kickstarter campaign coming soon! -L


Bad Guy Nonsense is a card game of hand management and a bit of take that in which players are trying to score the most points by capturing Bad Guys. Here’s how it goes: shuffle the deck and deal 6 cards to each player. On your turn, you will perform one of 3 possible actions: Capture Bad Guy, Discard 1 Card, or Play 1 Special Card. To Capture a Bad Guy, use one of the 4 capture combinations and set the Bad Guy with corresponding cards in your play area. If you choose to Discard 1 Card, select a card from your hand to discard and then draw 1 new card from the draw deck. To play a Special Card, play it to the discard pile and perform its corresponding action. Whatever action you choose to perform, you will always draw back up to 6 cards at the end of your turn. Play continues until the draw deck runs out. Players may then place any remaining Bad Guy captures from their hand into their play area if they have any. Everyone counts up their points – positive points for Bad Guy captures, negative points for Bad Guys still in hand, and 1 point per Nonsense card in hand – and the player with the most points is the winner!
The basis and gameplay are pretty simple and straight-forward, and that’s what I love about Bad Guy Nonsense. It is so easy to teach, learn, and play that I can see this game played in so many situations. Whether I want to introduce some newer gamers to the hobby, or I need a fast and fun filler between longer games, or even if I want something to play with younger gamers, this game hits that sweet spot. Even though the gameplay is pretty simple, it still needs a bit of strategy for success. You need to decide which actions to take and when to ensure maximum benefit for yourself. Are you willing to risk discarding a card in hopes for getting a new one that may be more beneficial? Should you try to steal that high-value capture from an opponent? Or do you just try to fly under the radar, silently amassing your points and hoping your opponents don’t take notice? There are lots of options, and that keeps the gameplay refreshing and engaging. And the Special Card abilities add a fun strategic twist to the game too – from stealing opponent’s captures for yourself to searching the Discard deck for the card you want, you are always on your toes when playing this game.


Let’s talk components. Obviously, as I mentioned earlier, I do not have a color printer, so my PnP version leaves much to be desired. However, the final production copies of the game will feature tarot-sized cards that are bright, colorful, and sturdy in hand. I enjoyed this game so much that I will probably back it to get a copy of that higher quality for myself!
All in all, Bad Guy Nonsense is a fun little card game that can be played in many different situations. The gameplay is relatively light, the rules are simple to understand, and the time to play is the perfect length. Rarely do I play just one game of Bad Guy Nonsense, I will play 2 or 3 at least back-to-back! If you’re looking for a fun game that can be played with the entire family, consider backing Bad Guy Nonsense. It has a great balance of strategy and light-hearted fun that will keep you coming back for more.
  
Roar and Write!
Roar and Write!
2020 | Animals
Roll and write games have been surging in popularity recently among many gamers, but Purple Phoenix Games never really got too into them. The game industry has many wonderful entries now, and finding a great one may be somewhat daunting. Are we recommending Roar and Write! from Galactic Raptor Games? Read on (okay you don’t have to read too far, we love it).

A new ruler in The Animal Kingdoms is needed and it is up to you to appease the five sitting council members for consideration. By giving them exactly what they want you will be able to improve your standing and possibly rise to the top in this quick-playing dice game.

DISCLAIMER: We were provided a prototype copy of this game for the purposes of this review. These are preview copy components, and the final components will probably be different from these shown. Also, it is not my intention to detail every rule in the game, as there are just too many. You are invited to back the game through the upcoming Kickstarter campaign, order from your FLGS, or purchase through any retailers stocking it after fulfillment. -T


Setup for Roar and Write! is simple. Choose a difficulty level to be played, assign the required council leaders, each with their own requirements to satisfy, deal each player a pencil, scoresheet, and one Personal Agenda card (secret goals to satisfy throughout the game). You are now ready to begin appeasing!
Roar and Write! takes place over five ages (rounds) and each age consists of three dice rolls. Each time the dice are rolled, players may choose which, or all, dice results to be used to influence the council members on their sheet. Any leftover dice results can be used in the Kingdoms area at the top of the sheet – first number is free each roll, but will cost a Council Offering spot for every Kingdom result added thereafter. Example – I use three 4s for Council Offerings, and the remaining results are two 5s and a 1. I want to use the two 5s so I mark both of them up in the Kingdom area and mark one Council Offering box with an X to decrease my ability to fill more spots there. A sacrifice and a gamble. Gotta love it!


Each Council member has unique requirements to satisfy, and players can only concentrate on one Council member per age, and choosing one early in the age to complete has advantages in extra points scored. Players also have their secret Personal Agendas (agendae?) to consider each age as well. Play continues through three rolls in each of the five ages. Once the final roll has been completed and players have done what they can to score as many points as possible, end game scoring happen to determine the winner of the game and the next ruler of the Animal Kingdom!
Components. Again, this is a prototype copy of the game, and certain components will probably be adjusted throughout the course of a successful Kickstarter campaign. That said, what we were shipped is a GORGEOUS game in a Tiny Epic-sized box. The table footprint is excellently small, the artwork is simply stunning, and I truly cannot wait to see what upgrades the KS campaign will bring.

What I love about roll and writes is probably true about most games in the genre: being able to see what is rolled and create my own strategy. Players aren’t rolling to move ahead more spaces than other players. They aren’t attacking each other. They are simply trying to get the best score. To maximize the usage of the resources provided to them. That said, this game has no player interaction whatsoever. I typically frown upon games where it is, “multiplayer solitaire” (thanks Duke Alex). However, Roar and Write is so fast and so engaging, that I really didn’t have time to worry about other players, nor did I really care what they were doing. In the end, it’s all about the points, and that’s what makes this a great game – I can play it with any group size, and I have been pleasantly surprised at how happy I was to play it solo as well.

So, if you are in the market for a roll and write game that is small in size, packs a decent crunchy punch, and has simply amazing art, Roar and Write! should be next on your wish list. Please consider backing it on Kickstarter, which will be launching at the end of June, 2020. I know I’ll be on the prowl to be gifting these little cuties to my friends and family!
  
Sequoia
Sequoia
2020 | Dice Game, Environmental
Sequoias are some of the largest trees on Earth, growing hundreds of feet tall and living for thousands of years. A few summers ago I had the chance to visit northern California, and spent a day hiking in a forest full of redwoods and sequoias. The sheer size of the trees was breathtaking, and that hike remains high on my list of favorite vacation spots ever. So when I saw a small game based on those behemoth trees, I was instantly transported back to NorCal, and knew I had to give this game a shot!

Sequoia is a game of dice rolling and area majority in which players are trying to grow the largest trees across different forests. To setup the game, lay out the 11 forest cards on the table within reach of all players, and randomly assign a 1st and 2nd place token to each card. Each player receives 5 dice and 20 tree tokens in their chosen color. The game is ready to begin!


On each turn, players will simultaneously roll their 5 dice – keeping the results secret from all other players! After rolling, players will create 2 pairs using 4 of their dice (one will be left out). Everyone reveals their pairs at the same time, and will place a tree token on the card that matches each of their dice pairs. For example, my pairs might be a 5 and a 2, and a 6 and a 6, so I would put a tree token on the 7 and 12 forest cards. Play continues in this manner (rolling dice, creating pairs, and placing tree tokens), until players have placed all of their tokens. Once all tokens have been placed, the game moves to the scoring phase. For each forest card, the 1st and 2nd place tokens go to the players who have the most and 2nd most tree tokens on the forest card. Once all cards have been scored, count up final points, and the player with the most points wins!
I have to start off by saying that Sequoia really surprised me. I was expecting a fast, light game, and that’s what I got. But I also got a game with a fun amount of player interaction and strategy that keeps all players engaged. You may not know what forest cards a player will choose each turn, but you can see who has already played tree tokens to each card, which can help drive your strategy. Do you want to directly compete with everyone and really pile on the tokens to win 1st place on a card? Or do you want to spread your tokens around to as many forest cards as possible, and hopefully maximize points that are otherwise being ignored by opponents? Especially since the 1st and 2nd place tokens are randomly assigned and have differing values, you really don’t know which forests will yield the highest points until the end of the game. Sequoia is a Yahtzee-esque game that allows direct player interaction, and that elevates the overall gameplay for me.


Let’s talk about components for a minute. These components are great. The forest cards are a nice thick card stock. The tree tokens and 1st/2nd place tokens are all good chunky bits that will definitely hold up over time. And the dice are nice little d6’s that are easy to read and fun to manipulate. The color matching with the dice and tree tokens is also really nice, and I appreciate that uniformity for each player color. All in all, a high quality production for such a small game.
If you ask me, I think Sequoia is a perfect filler game. It is super fast to teach and play, the setup/cleanup takes literally seconds, and it provides an engaging and fun gameplay. Beyond being a filler game, it is a great small standalone game as well. Want something fast to play while the oven is pre-heating for dinner? Pull out Sequoia! I also love that it is simple enough for younger players to understand – it is a numbers game, but you can also visually see what your opponents are working towards, and that lends itself to a good amount of player interaction. Definitely a game that I can see getting a decent amount of table time in my group! Purple Phoenix Games gives this one a sky-rocketing 8 / 12. Check it out, you might be surprised!
  
Chronicles of Crime
Chronicles of Crime
2018 | Deduction, Entertainment, Murder & Mystery
Find the murderer, the weapon, and the location. That’s Clue/Cluedo right? Yes. Find the priceless artifact that was stolen from the museum while other complications arise is Chronicles of Crime, and specifically the Curse of the Pharaohs case. Do you have what it takes to solve this crime, and more importantly, do you have a cell phone or tablet??


Chronicles of Crime is an app-driven storytelling, deduction, adventure board game that can be played solo or cooperatively. Players will be assuming the mantles of London detectives attempting to solve difficult cases at Scotland Yard. As it is a cooperative game players will win or lose together, but the game itself will be helping players along the way.
To setup, place the Evidence Board on the table and surround it with these components: Location Boards in a stack, but Scotland Yard attached to the bottom of the Evidence Board, Character and Special Items cards in face-down stacks, Evidence Category cards face-up, and the four Forensic Contact cards nearby as well. Open the app, choose the scenario to play, and let the app guide you through the introduction to the game.


As there are no real “turns” Chronicles of Crime allows freedom for players to essentially roam around London’s sectors looking for clues to whatever crime has taken place, interrogating suspects, asking the Forensics Contacts team for support when encountering people or items, and finally attempting the solve the case. I cannot really go into much more detail in word or photo, as I wish to avoid all spoilers, but the app will guide players and assist in gentle nudges along the way. The app will be heavily used as players will need to scan the QR codes on several components in order to interact with them, and scannable components may not always be assigned the same roles in other scenarios. Once players have explored as much as they deem necessary, they may claim the group is ready to connect the dots and win the game. Players win or lose by visiting Scotland Yard to solve the case successfully or otherwise.
Components. All of the physical components included in the box are incredible. The cards feature great artwork, the components are wonderful quality, and everything has unique QR codes to scan in the app. The box insert is cleverly-designed and certainly ready to accept expansion materials. The greatest component, however, is the Chronicles of Crime companion app. This app is simply amazing. It is absolutely necessary for play, but once downloaded it requires no Internet access (unless you decide to download additional materials or scenarios). The app is so well-designed and engaging, and the music is minimal but certainly mood-setting. I can clearly see why using an app is essential here, and allows the team to add more and more content without having to alter the physical components at all. A stroke of genius, in my mind!

All in all I was, and still am, blown away by Chronicles of Crime. The marriage of board game and digital app is something I was leery of at first because I much prefer board games, but this simply works. And works quite well. I love being able to travel to a location, check it out, interrogate any persons of interest there, and try to assemble the story in my mind. I want to play all of the scenarios with different groups of people to see if that will change anything, but currently during COVID it’s a no-go.

Chronicles of Crime may never break into my Top 10 Games of All Time, but I will not be moving it out of my collection ever. Well, unless Lucky Duck Games decides to remove the app or something weird like that. I don’t have many board/digital hybrid games in my collection, and if I never add another I will still be happy with this one (ahem, keep your eyes peeled for the Chronicles of Crime: 1400 preview I will be doing soon – or will have done depending on when you read this review). Purple Phoenix Games gives Chronicles of Crime an enthusiastically shifty-eyed 11 / 12. I think you might get bonus VPs at the end of the game for putting on a British accent when you play. I’ll have to scour the rules for that one…
  
Set a Watch
Set a Watch
2019 | Adventure, Card Game, Fantasy
Purple Phoenix Games Solo Chronicles
I love a good fantasy-themed game. We’ve all, at some point in our lives, probably dreamed of being adventurers – traveling across the land, fighting monsters, and saving all of humanity. Sounds like it could maybe be fun to me. So whenever I see a game that emulates that theme, I am drawn to it. Such was definitely the case when I stumbled across Set a Watch as I was perusing Kickstarter one day, and the rest is history.

The kingdom is under attack. Hoards of creatures are amassing at locations around the realm in an attempt to resurrect ancient Unhallowed monsters. Their ultimate goal? To take control of the world. You and your fellow adventurers have been tasked with stopping this uprising. By traveling to these various locations, you will attempt to clear the area of evil-doers and maintain peace in the kingdom. Keep a vigilant watch, and your team will be successful. But if you wane for even a moment, all could be lost.

DISCLAIMER: This review uses the Deluxe version of Set a Watch that we backed on Kickstarter. Some components may differ from components found other versions. -T

Set A Watch is a cooperative game for 1-4 players in which players must secure nine locations around the realm to prevent the release of the deadly Unhallowed monsters. The party always consists of 4 adventurers, regardless of actual player count. In each round, one adventurer will stay back at camp, resting and taking strategic actions, while the other 3 adventurers take watch and fight off the creatures attempting to infiltrate the camp by using special abilities and powers to aid in battle. The game ends in victory if the adventurers have successfully secured all locations. If, at the end of a round, all adventurers on watch are exhausted, the camp is overrun and the game is lost.

So how does solo play differ from multiplayer games? It doesn’t! A solo game of Set A Watch plays identically to a multiplayer game – the solo player just controls all 4 adventurers at once instead of being split up among the players. Obviously, as a solo player, you have to make all of the decisions, which is sometimes nicer than playing with other people. You get to play whatever strategy YOU want to, without having to compromise with other players. On the flip side, that could be treacherous if your strategy is too bold/too meek or if you get in a tight spot and are at a loss for what to do next. Other than the aspect of solo decision-making, the gameplay remains unchanged. One adventurer still rests at camp while the other 3 stand watch and battle monsters.

Typically, I am not a fan of solo games in which you are forced to play multiple characters. That just feels like kind of a cop-out way to say ‘Yeah, we have a solo mode’ when in reality you’re still playing a multiplayer game, just by yourself. That being said, I actually don’t mind this aspect in Set A Watch. Why? Because there really are no ‘turns’ to track. One adventurer stays at camp and acts first, but the other 3 go to battle and act whenever/however they want. There is no real turn order. I make the characters act when and how I want them to, and that really opens the rounds up to a lot of freedom. I don’t have to sacrifice special powers/abilities because it wasn’t that character’s ‘turn’ – I can come up with some sweet combos, utilizing whichever characters I need to, to really do some damage. The lack of turns makes this a truly cooperative game, even when playing solo.

Overall, I love Set A Watch. It was, admittedly, a little intimidating at first, but once I got the hang of it, it plays great! The components are nice and sturdy, the box transforms into the game board, and the artwork is very nicely done. Set A Watch is a game I would definitely play either multiplayer or solo, and not as a last resort. The gameplay is engaging, the strategic options give you a different game every play, and the theme itself is just exciting to me. I am very happy with this Kickstarter purchase, and I look forward to any expansions/reimplementations that could be in the works!
  
Ad Astra (2019)
Ad Astra (2019)
2019 | Adventure, Drama, Mystery
My first experience in IMAX was at the IMAX theater at the Grand Canyon. This was before IMAX theaters could easily be found within easy driving distance in most large cities. The movie, which interestingly still is showing today from those early years took viewers on the magical journey through the Grand Canyon. Throwing in a bit of history, with incredible visages, viewers could experience the canyon without ever hiking within its depths. It may seem odd to compare a big budget title like Ad Astra written and directed by James Gray (The Immigrant / The Lost City of Z) to a short thirty-minute experience film about the Grand Canyon, but both are equally awe inspiring and beautiful if experienced in the same way.

Ad Astra features Brad Pitt as Astronaut Roy McBride, a film that takes place in the not so distant future where the moon has become a commercialized tourist destination. A place where outside the safe tourist zones corporations fight for control of resources, and convoys are regularly ransacked by pirates looking to make a quick buck off the wares they are able to obtain. Mars has become a staging location for deep exploration ships hoping to discover if intelligent life exists outside our solar system.

Strange power surges begin to emanate deep within the galaxy, threatening to destroy everything in their path (Earth not excluded) and the top scientist are brought together to identify the threat and propose a theory to stop it. Roy McBride after suffering a near fatal fall from aboard a space station is brought into a top-secret meeting to discuss these surges. It is in this meeting that Roy is informed that the surges appear to be manifesting near Neptune and even more interestingly they are identified as anti-matter surges that are being generated from a ship that Roy’s father Clifford (Tommy Lee Jones) was in charge of nearly 29 years ago. The mission was a search for extra terrestrial life that Clifford was overseeing and presumed dead after Earth had lost contact with his ship. Roy must put his personal feelings aside regarding his father and must travel to the outer reaches of our solar system to put a stop to the surges, in any way possible.

Ad Astra is an incredible achievement in cinematography. The visions of the moon, mars and the numerous rockets taken to get there are spectacular. Much like the Grand Canyon film I spoke of earlier, in IMAX Ad Astra gives you a front row seat exploring the solar system as we know it. It takes a realistic approach while not bogging the viewers in all the technical details that would be necessary to achieve this flight. You would be doing yourself a disservice to see this film on any but the largest of movie screens. While it might be an acceptable experience in a normal theater, much of the grandiose vistas and beautiful sets would be wasted. This is not a movie to wait for on Netflix if you have any interest in seeing it at all.

From a story perspective, there isn’t a whole lot to tell. Brad Pitt brings his amazing acting abilities to a film that features more inner dialogue to himself, then to others on the screen. It is reminiscent to the original Dune movie from the 80s combined with 2001: A space odyssey. For a movie that literally is about a voyage to deep space, there are some scenes sprinkled throughout that provide some action and even a bit of suspense. Supporting characters such as Tommy Lee Jones and Donald Sutherland provide outstanding performances, even if their screen time is extremely limited. Liv Tyler once again reprises a role similar to the one from Armageddon as the reluctant wife of a man who is tasked with saving the world.
Ad Astra is a cinematic experience, the story alone is passable if not particularly quick moving and at time rarely engaging. However, when you combine this with the technological wizardry used to bring the Solar System to life it makes for an adventure that certainly lives up to the hype and will delight your visual senses. If you’ve ever dreamed of what it would be like to live on the moon or adventure into the stars, then Ad Astra might just be the closest we ever get in our lifetime. It’s beautiful, deadly and overall an achievement to behold, just make sure you see it on the biggest screen you can.
4 out of 5 stars
  
Guns Akimbo (2019)
Guns Akimbo (2019)
2019 | Action, Comedy
When I first heard about Guns Akimbo I was very interested in seeing it, when I next heard about it... well, it wasn't exactly a happy internet moment. Despite the actions of one person though you shouldn't write off something that so many people worked on, that meant I was still keen.

Miles likes to think of himself as a bit of an online warrior, really he's just trolling the trolls... and he's just annoyed the wrong people. Skizm are making a name for themselves in real-life gaming experiences, you can watch online as people battle to the death, and Miles' transgression means he's their next competitor.

The idea isn't a new one, there's Gamer and Nerve (I haven't seen the latter but it was mentioned to me), I personally get a few vibes from The Condemned too, but despite all of that it still feels like it has a fun twist to it.

Miles is a "mild mannered" nerd who gets thrown into the violent world of Skizm, well outside his comfort zone he's now tasked with killing their current champion before she kills him. There's shouldn't really be much of a contest because even with guns surgically attached to his hands he's still only a mild threat to Nix. In the real world an ill-matched pairing probably wouldn't work but with the extra story and some added movie magic in the form of dumb luck for Miles and it means we get an underdog battle that everyone enjoys.

The contest runs rampant through the streets and we mainly follow Miles on his journey with the occasional jump to fill in story. It sticks well to video game imagery and principles, I particularly liked the addition of health/1-up sound effects. Overall the filming of it is well presented and engaging with combat scenes changing pace for dramatic effect and cutting between angles to give you something to react to. There are a lot of Dutch angles used, which makes sense considering how much concussion and drugs are flying around. My only quibble with this would probably be that there seems to be every possible camera technique and angle used in the film, that isn't necessarily a bad thing, but at times it feels a bit much.

Daniel Radcliffe is in the main role of Miles, and this is more of a personal drawback for me because I'm never entirely convinced he can act... but he is very amusing in this. In the beginning his inner nerd is on point when faced with Nix for the first time and the pair have a good, if slightly bizarre, rapport. I can deal with the fact that Miles has a lot of dumb luck, but at one point in the film he suddenly develops skills out of nowhere and that one annoyed me even though it made for a great scene.

As I said, the chemistry between Miles and Nix is very entertaining and Samara Weaving is a solid choice in casting. Nix is the baddie that you can't really hate and with her dark humour and the back story they weave in she's probably my favourite character. There were two things that leapt out at me, the Ready Or Note laugh and the Harley Quinn/Birds Of Prey drug snorting... now, BoP and Guns Akimbo must have been filmed at similar times so I can't see how it could have been copied but there's a moment that makes me instantly think of BoP, and with Weaving always momentarily confusing my brain when I see her it threw me for a loop.

There's a really well chosen group of songs throughout and they fit well with the tone of the film and the levels of energy needed... but as with everything in this review there's a little thing to pick at, and again, it's only tiny but it bugged me. One of the songs is used twice... technically nothing wrong with that, but I noticed it and it mildly annoyed me.


We've got two great leads who work well together and lots of hidden pop culture references that really help the film along. There's potential for the ultra violent moments to become a bit too much but with the effects, humour and editing I think it stops it from becoming anything too graphic. Guns Akimbo was pretty entertaining throughout and it's definitely one I can see myself rewatching.

Originally posted on: https://emmaatthemovies.blogspot.com/2020/05/guns-akimbo-movie-review.html
  
Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (2018)
Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (2018)
2018 | Action, Adventure, Sci-Fi
Greedy men + Dinosaurs = Lunch!
I’ve really had a rollercoaster of emotions on this one. As a general fan of dinosaurs running riot, since I saw the brilliant original in 1993, I was pretty disillusioned by the teaser trailer for this one: all over-the-top CGI. But as the lights dimmed and the Universal logo faded to ominous sonar sounds, the hairs stood up again and I thought J.A. Bayona (“A Monster Calls“) *might* deliver something really special here. Ultimately though, I left the theatre disappointed… but only slightly so.

With extreme topicality given what is happening on one of the Hawaiian islands at the moment, Isla Nublar – home to the now derelict Jurassic World theme park – is in serious trouble due to a volcanic eruption. Swayed by chaos theory expert Ian Malcolm (Jeff Goldblum), a US senate committee decides to do…. absolutely nothing, letting the dinosaurs face re-extinction. This is much to the fury of our heroine from the first film, Claire Dearing (Bryce Dallas-Howard), who now runs a “Save the Dinosaurs” group. When all seems lost, help comes from the wallet of philanthropist Benjamin Lockwood (James Cromwell, “Babe”, “LA Confidential”) and his ops manager Eli Mills (Rafe Spall, “The Big Short“) who propose to fund a private rescue mission: a mission that requires the involvement of Velociraptor-wrangler Owen Grady (Chris Pratt, “Guardians of the Galaxy“, “Passengers“). But are their motives truly honourable?

The film has its moments, with some well-executed action scenes, some nice munching of bad people and a few scenes that are truly touching: shots of a brachiosauruses’ last moments is a memorable piece of cinema. But that said, the film is extremely patchy. An exciting (but not particularly logical) pre-title sequence seques into a very wordy and action-free first reel, headed up by Goldblum (always seated: did he have his legs chewed off by a raptor?) droning on (blah blah blah), no doubt for a huge fee but not for much purpose. The early part of the movie is good however at introducing new characters: specifically the geeky Franklin (Justice Smith) and the pre-requisite 2018 ‘Times Up” kick-ass female character Zia ( Daniella Pineda), who is actually very good. As a whole though it’s not terribly engaging, leading to even the reveal of the derelict theme park – which should have been a high point – falling somewhat flat.

The much trailered volcano scenes that follow are impressive but should have been left to impress in the film.

Things ratchet up again though when the action moves to the more confining environment of Lockwood’s estate, bringing in arch-villain Gunnar Eversol played by Toby Jones (“The Snowman“, “Atomic Blonde“), who really should have taken the stairs, and Lockwood’s granddaughter Maisie ( Isabella Sermon) who is excellent as the ‘child in peril’. Some of the character’s actions don’t make a lot of sense (laser-targeting Owen? Why?) but they do generate some memorable scenes, supported by Michael Giacchino’s stirring soundtrack.

So, it pretty much works as an action film, but in terms of character development it doesn’t go anywhere in particular: Claire and Owen come out in about the same condition as they came in. I was expecting something deeper from Bayona (with his “A Monster Calls” being my personal No. 2 film of last year) than just a ‘running and screaming’ film.

It’s also difficult to avoid the fact that after five of these films there’s nothing much new under the Isla Nublar sun. Some of the plot here is a retread of the genetic shenanigans of the last film, mixed with the ‘off-island’ antics of “The Lost World”. And most of the action scenes are just stripped and re-painted from the earlier films. For example, the “about to get eaten but saved by another dinosaur” trope so expertly done by Spielberg in the finale of JP1 is re-hashed not once but THREE times in this movie: leading to more yawning that excitement if I’m honest.

Overall though, it’s an effective summer blockbuster that mostly delivers on the thrills and should be a good crowd-pleaser. By the way, staying through the endless credits is worth it not just for getting the full force of Giacchino and Williams’ majestic themes: there is quite a nice “monkey” at the end, illustrating that gambling might involve more than just money in the future!
  
Murder on the Orient Express (2017)
Murder on the Orient Express (2017)
2017 | Drama, Mystery
You’ll never guess who dunnit…
There’s a big problem with Kenneth Branagh’s 2017 filming of the Hercule Poirot-based murder mystery…. and that’s the 1974 Sidney Lumet classic featuring Albert Finney in the starring role. For that film was so memorable – at least, the “who” of the “whodunnit” (no spoilers here) was so memorable – that any remake is likely to be tarnished by that knowledge. If you go into this film blissfully unaware of the plot, you are a lucky man/woman. For this is a classic Agatha Christie yarn.

The irascible, borderline OCD, but undeniably great Belgian detective, Poirot, is dragged around the world by grateful police forces to help solve unsolvable crimes. After solving a case in Jerusalem, Poirot is called back to the UK with his mode of transport being the famous Orient Express. Trapped in the mountains by an avalanche, a murder is committed and with multiple suspects and a plethora of clues it is up to Poirot to solve the case.

Branagh enjoys himself enormously as Poirot, sporting the most distractingly magnificent facial hair since Daniel Day-Lewis in “The Gangs of New York”. The moustache must have had its own trailer and make-up team!

Above all, the film is glorious to look at, featuring a rich and exotic colour palette that is reminiscent of the early colour films of the 40’s. Cinematography was by Haris Zambarloukos (“Mamma Mia” and who also collaborated with Branagh on “Thor) with lots of innovative “ceiling down” shots and artful point-of-view takes that might be annoying to some but which I consider as deserving of Oscar/BAFTA nominations.

The pictures are accompanied by a lush score by Patrick Doyle (who also scored Branagh’s “Thor”). Hats off also to the special effects crew, who made the alpine bridge scenes look decidedly more alpine than where they were actually filmed (on a specially made bridge in the Surrey Hills!).

All these technical elements combine to make the film’s early stages look and feel truly epic.
And the cast… what a cast! Dame Judi Dench (“Victoria and Abdul“); Olivia Coleman (“The Lobster“); Johnny Depp (“Black Mass“); Daisy Ridley (“Star Wars: The Force Awakens“); Penélope Cruz (“Zoolander 2“); Josh Gad (Olaf!); Derek Jacobi (“I, Claudius”); Willem Dafoe (“The Great Wall“) and Michelle Pfeiffer (“mother!“). A real case again of an “oh, it’s you” film again at the cinema – when’s the last time we saw that?

It’s also great to see young Lucy Boynton, so magnificent in last year’s excellent “Sing Street“, getting an A-list role as the twitchy and disturbed countess.

With all these ingredients in the pot, it should be great, right? Unfortunately, in my view, no, not quite. The film’s opening momentum is really not maintained by the screenplay by Michael Green (“Blade Runner 2049“; “Logan“). At heart, it’s a fairly static and “stagey” piece at best, set as it is on the rather claustrophobic train (just three carriages… on the Orient Express… really?). But the tale is made even more static by the train’s derailment in the snow. Branagh and Green try to sex up the action where they can, but there are lengthy passages of fairly repetitive dialogue. One encounter in particular between Branagh and Depp seems to last interminably: you wonder if the problem was that the director wasn’t always looking on to yell “Cut”!

All this leads to the “revelation” of the murderer as being a bit of an anticlimactic “thank heavens for that” rather than the gasping denouement it should have been. (Perhaps this would be different if you didn’t know the twist).
However, these reservations aside, it’s an enjoyable night out at the flicks, although a bit of a disappointment from the level of expectation I had for it. I can’t be too grumpy about it, given it’s a return to good old-fashioned yarn-spinning at the cinema, with great visuals and an epic cast. And that has to be good news.

For sure, Branagh does make for an amusing and engaging Poirot, even if his dialogue did need some ‘tuning in’ to. There was a suggestion at the end of the film that we might be seeing his return in “Death on the Nile” – the most lush and decorous of Peter Ustinov’s outings – which I would certainly welcome. He will have to find another 10 A-list stars though to decorate the boat, which will be a challenge for casting!