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Gareth von Kallenbach (980 KP) rated Cloverfield (2008) in Movies
Aug 14, 2019
Shrouded in mystery and riding a wave of fan hype, “Cloverfield” has at last arrived in theaters and delivers the goods. The film is produced by J.J. Abrams who is the mastermind behind “LOST”, “Alias”, “Mission Impossible 3”, and the next “Star Trek Film”. With a pedigree like this, it is clear that Abrams has a clear understanding of what fans want in their action/fantasy and he supplies it in droves.
The film cleverly tells the story through footage from a video camera that has been recovered in what used to be Central Park. The audience informed of this in the opening scenes when a series of coded missives against a Government warning indicates that this footage is now classified.
The footage in the camera is footage of a group of friends preparing a surprise party for their friend Rob (Michael Stahl-David), who is about to go to Japan as part of his new job as a V.P. of his company. The fact that such a young man has raised to such a prestigious position shows that Rob is clearly a motivated young man with a future, and based on the large turnout at his party, a very popular one at that.
Through footage that has been recorded over and pops up occasionally in the film, we learn that Rob and his friend Beth (Odette Yustman) had a recent physical relationship that has caused issues between them due to Rob’s pending departure for Japan. This becomes heated at the party, as amongst the throngs of well wishers, Rob and Beth have a fight that ends with Beth leaving and Rob verbally lashing out at her.
As his brother Jason (Mike Vogel), and best friend Hud (T.J. Miller), try to console Rob, the party is wracked by a sever jolt, that startles everyone in attendance. Thinking it is an earthquake, the guests are informed via television that there has been a platform overturned in the harbor, and before the guests know what hit them, there is an explosion followed by the head of the Statue of Liberty hurling through the streets.
Horrified by the noise and destruction about them, many of the guests as well as the local populace seek to exit the city, and make their way toward bridges out of Manhattan. Things go from bad to worse, and Rob, Hud, Jason, and their friends soon find themselves trapped.
Wracked by guilt over his conversation with Beth, Rob is surprised when she calls him saying that she is injured and trapped, which forces Rob to make a decision, as he and his friends, race back towards the carnage, in an effort to save Beth instead of seeking the safety before them.
Thus the stage is set for one of the more entertaining films of this genre in recent memory. The film moves along briskly, as with a running time of an hour and ten minutes, never becomes dull or overstays its welcome.
The action is intense as Rob and his friends are faced with a world gone mad, as what was once thought to be a terrorist attack goes madly astray when they see a giant creature wrecking havoc on Manhattan despite the best efforts of the military.
The intense action combined with the constant unknown as well as the suspense of the situation helps place the audience into the shoes of the characters, who unlike most genre films, come across as very real characters, despite little attention to their histories. This works very well, as we know what we need to about them as they are clearly close friends who when faced in an amazing situation, support and listen to each other without turning on one another.
Some may question the lack of answers in the film as many of the who, what, when, and why’s of the situation are not clearly explained, but the film works this in, as the audience learns and sees, only what the group of ordinary people see as they flee the streets. Since they are not high ranking military or government types, they are not given the answer, nor do they become fixated on finding them, as they are simply trying to survive.
Since the film is shot from a video camera, there are many scenes that are very herky-jerky, and some people exiting our screener mentioned that they were a bit dizzy from all of the motion. While it was at times difficult, it was also very realistic, and added to the immersion process, as you at times truly felt like you were right at Rob’s side with his friends. I did have to question how the camera, which was on constantly during the ordeal, never lost charge or needed to have the battery replaced, but in fantasy, suspension of belief is often a key criteria to propel the plot.
Much has been speculated as to the creature that is key to the plot of the film as very fan sites have run wild with speculation and claims to have the inside story. While I will not ruin the surprise, I will say that it turns out to be highly effective and engaging, and only adds to the mystery and horror of the situation. Once again, Abrams and company are to be applauded for taking an old formula of a creature on the loose in a large city, and making it fresh and invigorating.
“Cloverfield” is a solid and highly entertaining film, that would stand up with any of the past summer blockbusters and was a very welcome and refreshing way to kick off the 08 movie year, and a nice change from the comedies and dramas that usually dominate theaters this time of year.
The film cleverly tells the story through footage from a video camera that has been recovered in what used to be Central Park. The audience informed of this in the opening scenes when a series of coded missives against a Government warning indicates that this footage is now classified.
The footage in the camera is footage of a group of friends preparing a surprise party for their friend Rob (Michael Stahl-David), who is about to go to Japan as part of his new job as a V.P. of his company. The fact that such a young man has raised to such a prestigious position shows that Rob is clearly a motivated young man with a future, and based on the large turnout at his party, a very popular one at that.
Through footage that has been recorded over and pops up occasionally in the film, we learn that Rob and his friend Beth (Odette Yustman) had a recent physical relationship that has caused issues between them due to Rob’s pending departure for Japan. This becomes heated at the party, as amongst the throngs of well wishers, Rob and Beth have a fight that ends with Beth leaving and Rob verbally lashing out at her.
As his brother Jason (Mike Vogel), and best friend Hud (T.J. Miller), try to console Rob, the party is wracked by a sever jolt, that startles everyone in attendance. Thinking it is an earthquake, the guests are informed via television that there has been a platform overturned in the harbor, and before the guests know what hit them, there is an explosion followed by the head of the Statue of Liberty hurling through the streets.
Horrified by the noise and destruction about them, many of the guests as well as the local populace seek to exit the city, and make their way toward bridges out of Manhattan. Things go from bad to worse, and Rob, Hud, Jason, and their friends soon find themselves trapped.
Wracked by guilt over his conversation with Beth, Rob is surprised when she calls him saying that she is injured and trapped, which forces Rob to make a decision, as he and his friends, race back towards the carnage, in an effort to save Beth instead of seeking the safety before them.
Thus the stage is set for one of the more entertaining films of this genre in recent memory. The film moves along briskly, as with a running time of an hour and ten minutes, never becomes dull or overstays its welcome.
The action is intense as Rob and his friends are faced with a world gone mad, as what was once thought to be a terrorist attack goes madly astray when they see a giant creature wrecking havoc on Manhattan despite the best efforts of the military.
The intense action combined with the constant unknown as well as the suspense of the situation helps place the audience into the shoes of the characters, who unlike most genre films, come across as very real characters, despite little attention to their histories. This works very well, as we know what we need to about them as they are clearly close friends who when faced in an amazing situation, support and listen to each other without turning on one another.
Some may question the lack of answers in the film as many of the who, what, when, and why’s of the situation are not clearly explained, but the film works this in, as the audience learns and sees, only what the group of ordinary people see as they flee the streets. Since they are not high ranking military or government types, they are not given the answer, nor do they become fixated on finding them, as they are simply trying to survive.
Since the film is shot from a video camera, there are many scenes that are very herky-jerky, and some people exiting our screener mentioned that they were a bit dizzy from all of the motion. While it was at times difficult, it was also very realistic, and added to the immersion process, as you at times truly felt like you were right at Rob’s side with his friends. I did have to question how the camera, which was on constantly during the ordeal, never lost charge or needed to have the battery replaced, but in fantasy, suspension of belief is often a key criteria to propel the plot.
Much has been speculated as to the creature that is key to the plot of the film as very fan sites have run wild with speculation and claims to have the inside story. While I will not ruin the surprise, I will say that it turns out to be highly effective and engaging, and only adds to the mystery and horror of the situation. Once again, Abrams and company are to be applauded for taking an old formula of a creature on the loose in a large city, and making it fresh and invigorating.
“Cloverfield” is a solid and highly entertaining film, that would stand up with any of the past summer blockbusters and was a very welcome and refreshing way to kick off the 08 movie year, and a nice change from the comedies and dramas that usually dominate theaters this time of year.
Sass Perilla (36 KP) rated The Master and Margarita in Books
Aug 9, 2019
Worth a read? Yes. Worth a reread? Maybe not.
Contains spoilers, click to show
The Master and Magarita: Mikhail Bulgakov
Firstly, I didn’t intend to write an essay on this novel. However, once started I found I had a lot to say, and the more I thought about the plot and characters, the more ideas and parallels were sparked, so I am hopeful that the verbosity of this review can be forgiven.
At the risk of sounding both ignorant and uncultured, I found this novel (at least at first) bloody hard slog; not least because the Russian characters have three names, plus a nickname, plus a pun on their name (none of which work particularly well in translation and all of which sound rather similar to the English untrained ear). As an example- Ivan Nikolaevich Ponyrev (who seems to be referred to by any and all of these names) is also known as “Homeless” and “the poet” is a key character in the opening section of the novel. To further demonstrate: there are 17 different names that start with A that are used to refer to 15 different characters with Andreyevich used as the middle name of a bereaved uncle, who makes a journey from Kiev after his nephew is beheaded in a freak tram accident- and Andrey the buffet manager at a Moscow theatre. Clear as mud right? And that is before starting on similarly named characters with the initials M, P, L and S! At my last count there were 45 distinct characters, and I am fairly sure there will be some that I have missed. Hence, I did a lot of re-reading to work out exactly who was doing what to whom.
Additionally, I would suggest you need to be wary of the different translations. The distinct changes in meaning are subtle but important. To triangulate I had three versions at my disposal: Hugh Aplin’s translation (available for free on Kindle), the audiobook version translated by Richard Pevear and Larissa Volokhonsky (which I listened to simultaneously when reading the book to come to my own interpretation, and the subtitles for the Russian TV miniseries from 2005 when I gave up trying to work out who was who from name alone!
So those were my “technical” issues (if you like) with engaging with this novel, and this lack of clarity and understanding (and my own lack of contextual knowledge of Stalinist Russia) meant I missed many of the (what I am sure are hysterically funny to those in the know) satirical jokes in the opening section. That said, the random action and quick changes of focus, undercurrent of chaos in Moscow despite entrenched hierarchal structures and clear threat that (any) one could go missing at any time, for an unclear reason gave a clear insight into the mind and fears of a 1930s Russian citizen. No wonder it was available only in censored form for so long.
Despite these hardships, there were some genuinely laugh out loud moments in the first Moscow based part of the novel. The citizens have not lost their individuality, as they scrabble and fight for bank notes in the theatre, which are later revealed to be worthless. Nor have they lost their sense of pride and vanity, which we see in the female theatre goers, so desperate to attain the fashionable French couture (which later literally disappears from their bodies leaving semi-naked citizenesses desperately trying to cover themselves in a scene reminiscent of “Allo Allo” meets “Benny Hill”). When Professor Woland says his show will “expose” what the locals have failed to realise is that it is their (moral) shortcomings that are about to be revealed. The message is clearly, that no government can successfully legislate against human nature.
Oooh- and another fun fact, apparently Woland (later revealed- or perhaps is implied- to be Satan) was the inspiration to the Rolling Stones 1968 hit “Sympathy for the Devil”, well at least that is what my Google-Fu tells me.
Obviously, there were substantial hurdles to leap, however, I found by the second half of the novel, when we finally meet the eponymous characters, I had got in to the swing of things and begun to embrace the farcical surrealism of the novel.
The second “book” marks a change in tone, although it continues to cut away to scenes of Jesus’ sentencing by Pilate and execution (here known in the Aramaic form Yeshua). Ironically it is these scenes that are the most “real” and substantially human, as Pilate’s decision weighs head achingly heavily on him throughout. The Master and Margarita seem to be the only two characters fully invested in the authenticity of literature, and serve as a counterpoint to the heavily censored “monstrous” writing of Ivan and the rest of the writers’ union Massolit, more interested in fine dining and what their positions can do for them then the production of quality writing.
And it is Margarita’s journey of discovery and liberation from the stodgy, miserable societal expectations of that leads her back to her Master. Bulgakov mixes classical myth, Russian folklore and Bible stories to give us an impression of the timelessness of the central romance. As the worlds of communist Moscow and the inner worlds of the Master and Margarita collide, we are informed of the former’s desire to excuse all magic (and mischief) as the product of mass hypnosis, when the latter (and the reader) are fully aware of the spiritual significance and dimension of the events.
Clever, astute and in places laugh out loud funny, this novel none-the-less requires a level of dedication from the non-Russian speaking reader. Worth a read? Yes. Worth a re-read? Maybe not.
Firstly, I didn’t intend to write an essay on this novel. However, once started I found I had a lot to say, and the more I thought about the plot and characters, the more ideas and parallels were sparked, so I am hopeful that the verbosity of this review can be forgiven.
At the risk of sounding both ignorant and uncultured, I found this novel (at least at first) bloody hard slog; not least because the Russian characters have three names, plus a nickname, plus a pun on their name (none of which work particularly well in translation and all of which sound rather similar to the English untrained ear). As an example- Ivan Nikolaevich Ponyrev (who seems to be referred to by any and all of these names) is also known as “Homeless” and “the poet” is a key character in the opening section of the novel. To further demonstrate: there are 17 different names that start with A that are used to refer to 15 different characters with Andreyevich used as the middle name of a bereaved uncle, who makes a journey from Kiev after his nephew is beheaded in a freak tram accident- and Andrey the buffet manager at a Moscow theatre. Clear as mud right? And that is before starting on similarly named characters with the initials M, P, L and S! At my last count there were 45 distinct characters, and I am fairly sure there will be some that I have missed. Hence, I did a lot of re-reading to work out exactly who was doing what to whom.
Additionally, I would suggest you need to be wary of the different translations. The distinct changes in meaning are subtle but important. To triangulate I had three versions at my disposal: Hugh Aplin’s translation (available for free on Kindle), the audiobook version translated by Richard Pevear and Larissa Volokhonsky (which I listened to simultaneously when reading the book to come to my own interpretation, and the subtitles for the Russian TV miniseries from 2005 when I gave up trying to work out who was who from name alone!
So those were my “technical” issues (if you like) with engaging with this novel, and this lack of clarity and understanding (and my own lack of contextual knowledge of Stalinist Russia) meant I missed many of the (what I am sure are hysterically funny to those in the know) satirical jokes in the opening section. That said, the random action and quick changes of focus, undercurrent of chaos in Moscow despite entrenched hierarchal structures and clear threat that (any) one could go missing at any time, for an unclear reason gave a clear insight into the mind and fears of a 1930s Russian citizen. No wonder it was available only in censored form for so long.
Despite these hardships, there were some genuinely laugh out loud moments in the first Moscow based part of the novel. The citizens have not lost their individuality, as they scrabble and fight for bank notes in the theatre, which are later revealed to be worthless. Nor have they lost their sense of pride and vanity, which we see in the female theatre goers, so desperate to attain the fashionable French couture (which later literally disappears from their bodies leaving semi-naked citizenesses desperately trying to cover themselves in a scene reminiscent of “Allo Allo” meets “Benny Hill”). When Professor Woland says his show will “expose” what the locals have failed to realise is that it is their (moral) shortcomings that are about to be revealed. The message is clearly, that no government can successfully legislate against human nature.
Oooh- and another fun fact, apparently Woland (later revealed- or perhaps is implied- to be Satan) was the inspiration to the Rolling Stones 1968 hit “Sympathy for the Devil”, well at least that is what my Google-Fu tells me.
Obviously, there were substantial hurdles to leap, however, I found by the second half of the novel, when we finally meet the eponymous characters, I had got in to the swing of things and begun to embrace the farcical surrealism of the novel.
The second “book” marks a change in tone, although it continues to cut away to scenes of Jesus’ sentencing by Pilate and execution (here known in the Aramaic form Yeshua). Ironically it is these scenes that are the most “real” and substantially human, as Pilate’s decision weighs head achingly heavily on him throughout. The Master and Margarita seem to be the only two characters fully invested in the authenticity of literature, and serve as a counterpoint to the heavily censored “monstrous” writing of Ivan and the rest of the writers’ union Massolit, more interested in fine dining and what their positions can do for them then the production of quality writing.
And it is Margarita’s journey of discovery and liberation from the stodgy, miserable societal expectations of that leads her back to her Master. Bulgakov mixes classical myth, Russian folklore and Bible stories to give us an impression of the timelessness of the central romance. As the worlds of communist Moscow and the inner worlds of the Master and Margarita collide, we are informed of the former’s desire to excuse all magic (and mischief) as the product of mass hypnosis, when the latter (and the reader) are fully aware of the spiritual significance and dimension of the events.
Clever, astute and in places laugh out loud funny, this novel none-the-less requires a level of dedication from the non-Russian speaking reader. Worth a read? Yes. Worth a re-read? Maybe not.
EmersonRose (320 KP) rated The Blood of Olympus (The Heroes of Olympus #5) in Books
Nov 20, 2019
Alert! Before I begin this review, I need to let it be known that in the case of this particular book I may be a little biased, well maybe really biased! This is the tenth book I have read by this author and the last in the second series I have read. It is safe to say I love these books or else I would not have read this many.
Alright, now that that is out of the way, let me begin. This book is called Blood of Olympus, it is the fifth and final book in the Heroes of Olympus series (if you should ever desire to read these book, I would recommend starting with the Percy Jackson, and the Olympians series as this series is a sequel series. The author of this book is a writer by the name of Rick Riordan. This book is a young adult fantasy novel. It is the final chapter of the adventure of a group of seven young adults who happen to be demigods, modern day children of the ancient gods of Greece and Rome. This adventure, like many great adventures, is a race to save the world.
For me, the initial draw of the book was that it is a fantasy novel, which is one of my favorite genres, and its focus is on Greek Mythology, something of an obsession of mine. The mythology in these books may not always satisfy all mythology nerds because they do take liberties in how the myths are presented in order to showcase how they might have changed to fit in the modern day world. The way Riordan chooses to represent mythology is often fairly close to original stories, showing that he spends the time researching the myths, and they are clever, funny, and entertaining.
As I read the books, I found myself drawn to the relationships between the characters, not surprising as characters are a key draw for me in literature. By this point in the series, the relationships became especially interesting because you have known some of the characters for ten books now while others are just in their second or third book appearances. The central characters have grown into a substantial group that each have their own unique backgrounds, personalities, and even mythologies that create intriguing tension and bonds. Their bonds grow stronger as they work through new struggles and adventures with the added drama of them being a group of teenagers, which obviously means that there is a fair bit of romance involved as well.
For me personally to get into a story the most important aspect is to be very invested in61w3pqVMCZL._US230_ the characters. This does not mean I have to like them, but I do need to be completely invested in what happens to them. If the storyteller can do this, then I will most likely binge the entire thing whether book, movie, tv show, comic…. regardless whether or not the story is good or my normal cup of tea. This was definitely an initial draw in me reading this second series because I was already very invested in both Percy and Annabeth’s characters, who are among the main characters in this series and the main characters in the previous series. The majority of the characters in this book did capture my emotional investment, which kept me reading all five books, but there were a few I found lacking. Maybe I am the only one who felt this, but I thought that Riordan didn’t spend enough time on some of the new characters to pull me into their plots. Unfortunately, this is common in stories that feature such a large cast of main characters, had the time on each character been even plot points might not have been as successful and honestly, I might have been annoyed to not spend as much time on my favorites.
I would be lying if I were to say this was my favorite book in this series but I still greatly enjoyed it. Besides my problem with not feeling emotionally invested enough in some of the characters, I really do not have any other complaints about the book. It was successful in finishing this series story arc while having plenty of plot of its own. And it ended wrapping just about everything up so that I was satisfied, but open enough to still want more. If this were a regular series, the leftover cliffhangers would be dreadful! But Riordan writes series that capture over-arching plots but that connect to his other book series in this same world, so an ending like this simply promising more books about these characters in another series.
Overall I liked this book, if young adult fantasy is your genre, then I would definitely suggest looking at these books. They do what I require of my urban fantasy stories, mix magic into our real world enough that a part of me can almost believe it could be possible. Characters, world, and plot flowing together into an engaging story that obviously captured my interest enough to read ten and counting of these novels.
*This was a review I found while cleaning that I write a few years ago. I have since read two more Riordan novels and counting! I love the way Riordan writes and appreciate how he seems to continually grow as a writer, always tackling new issues and allowing his characters to have growth. Annabeth and Percy especially, they are two of my all-time favorite characters. I highly recommend reading his books!
Alright, now that that is out of the way, let me begin. This book is called Blood of Olympus, it is the fifth and final book in the Heroes of Olympus series (if you should ever desire to read these book, I would recommend starting with the Percy Jackson, and the Olympians series as this series is a sequel series. The author of this book is a writer by the name of Rick Riordan. This book is a young adult fantasy novel. It is the final chapter of the adventure of a group of seven young adults who happen to be demigods, modern day children of the ancient gods of Greece and Rome. This adventure, like many great adventures, is a race to save the world.
For me, the initial draw of the book was that it is a fantasy novel, which is one of my favorite genres, and its focus is on Greek Mythology, something of an obsession of mine. The mythology in these books may not always satisfy all mythology nerds because they do take liberties in how the myths are presented in order to showcase how they might have changed to fit in the modern day world. The way Riordan chooses to represent mythology is often fairly close to original stories, showing that he spends the time researching the myths, and they are clever, funny, and entertaining.
As I read the books, I found myself drawn to the relationships between the characters, not surprising as characters are a key draw for me in literature. By this point in the series, the relationships became especially interesting because you have known some of the characters for ten books now while others are just in their second or third book appearances. The central characters have grown into a substantial group that each have their own unique backgrounds, personalities, and even mythologies that create intriguing tension and bonds. Their bonds grow stronger as they work through new struggles and adventures with the added drama of them being a group of teenagers, which obviously means that there is a fair bit of romance involved as well.
For me personally to get into a story the most important aspect is to be very invested in61w3pqVMCZL._US230_ the characters. This does not mean I have to like them, but I do need to be completely invested in what happens to them. If the storyteller can do this, then I will most likely binge the entire thing whether book, movie, tv show, comic…. regardless whether or not the story is good or my normal cup of tea. This was definitely an initial draw in me reading this second series because I was already very invested in both Percy and Annabeth’s characters, who are among the main characters in this series and the main characters in the previous series. The majority of the characters in this book did capture my emotional investment, which kept me reading all five books, but there were a few I found lacking. Maybe I am the only one who felt this, but I thought that Riordan didn’t spend enough time on some of the new characters to pull me into their plots. Unfortunately, this is common in stories that feature such a large cast of main characters, had the time on each character been even plot points might not have been as successful and honestly, I might have been annoyed to not spend as much time on my favorites.
I would be lying if I were to say this was my favorite book in this series but I still greatly enjoyed it. Besides my problem with not feeling emotionally invested enough in some of the characters, I really do not have any other complaints about the book. It was successful in finishing this series story arc while having plenty of plot of its own. And it ended wrapping just about everything up so that I was satisfied, but open enough to still want more. If this were a regular series, the leftover cliffhangers would be dreadful! But Riordan writes series that capture over-arching plots but that connect to his other book series in this same world, so an ending like this simply promising more books about these characters in another series.
Overall I liked this book, if young adult fantasy is your genre, then I would definitely suggest looking at these books. They do what I require of my urban fantasy stories, mix magic into our real world enough that a part of me can almost believe it could be possible. Characters, world, and plot flowing together into an engaging story that obviously captured my interest enough to read ten and counting of these novels.
*This was a review I found while cleaning that I write a few years ago. I have since read two more Riordan novels and counting! I love the way Riordan writes and appreciate how he seems to continually grow as a writer, always tackling new issues and allowing his characters to have growth. Annabeth and Percy especially, they are two of my all-time favorite characters. I highly recommend reading his books!
Purple Phoenix Games (2266 KP) rated Villagers in Tabletop Games
Jan 16, 2020
The saying is, “It takes a village…” but that village didn’t just magically appear overnight. Creating a prosperous and thriving community takes not only time, but hard work, ingenuity, and a little bit of luck! Villagers is a game that takes you through that process, as you strive to create a village of renown.
Disclaimer: I do not intent to rehash the entire rulebook in this review, but rather provide an overview of the gameplay, and how it differs between multiplayer and solo play. -L
Villagers is a game of card drafting and tableau building in which players are competing to build the most prosperous village in the land. The game is played over a series of rounds, each broken up into the Draft Phase and the Build Phase. During the Draft Phase, players take turns drafting villagers from the available card stacks into their hands. During the Build Phase, players can add villagers from their hand to their tableau. Certain cards can be chained together, and provide more powers and/or end-game points – but they must be added to the village in chain order. At two points throughout the game, the First and Second Market Phases, all players will collect money depending on which cards they have in their villages. The game ends immediately after the Second Market Phase is completed, and the player with the most money is the winner!
As a solo game, Villagers plays very similarly to group play, with only a couple of differences. First, the solo player is battling against The Countess, an AI character, to create the best village. The Countess is incorporated into the game in a unique way. During the Draft Phase, whenever you draft a villager to your hand, you also select an available villager to go straight into the village of the Countess. The Build Phase is carried out as normal. At the end of every round, you blindly draw a face-down card from the Reserve (draw deck), and it automatically goes into the Countess’ village as well. The other twist to a solo game of Villagers is that there are Event cards in play each round. Events are resolved after the Build Phase, before beginning the next round, and are often detrimental to the player – like making you pay extra gold to unlock padlocks, for example. The First and Second Market Phases work the same as they do in a multiplayer game, and the game ends immediately after the Second Market Phase. If you have managed to accrue more money than the Countess, then you have won!
I want to start off by saying that I love Villagers. Card drafting and set collection are my JAM, and this is a game that highlights those really well without making it too complicated. Even when playing solo, those mechanics still feel balanced, and that makes the overall game enjoyable. From my previous Solo Chronicles, I have stated how much I dislike “Beat your own high score” solo modes, so I was extremely happy when I saw that Villagers pitted the solo player against an AI character – the Countess. For the most part, I think that the Countess works really well in this game. When you draft a card, the Countess gets a card as well. But the best part about that is that you get to choose which card goes to the Countess. That means that you are able to keep some semblance of strategy in your game, because you have the power to decide what cards go where, for the most part.
The other neat thing about solo play is the inclusion of Event cards in the game – which are not present in group play. The Events add an extra element that you have to take into account for the given round. Depending on the Event, it could compromise your strategy quite a bit, but that’s what keeps it interesting. You can’t just get into a groove and grind through the rounds, drafting everything you want, when you want. You have to adapt your strategy based upon the Event(s) in play, and the Countess’ village.
The only downside for me is that at the end of every round, the Countess gets the top face-down card from the Reserve, and depending on what card that is, it could throw a wrench into the strategy you’ve been working hard to set up. I guess that mimics a multiplayer game in a sense, though, because you can’t always control what your opponents will do. The biggest downside about solo play for me has nothing to do with actual gameplay, but rather table space. Every card that goes into the Countess’ village is a stand-alone, meaning that they do not chain together like cards in your village will. So depending on how long the game goes, the Countess’ village will get to be pretty large, and hog lots of the table. I think that just means I need a bigger table though…
All that being said – is Villagers a good game for solo play? I would say mostly yes. Strategy is still required for success, but adaptability of that strategy is what keeps the game engaging and entertaining. Nothing can quite replace the multiplayer experience, but playing against the AI character keeps the competitiveness alive in the game. As someone who does a lot of solo playing these days, I am glad that I have added Villagers to my collection. If you haven’t gotten a chance to play Villagers yet, I would highly recommend checking it out. Solo or multiplayer, it’s a great time!
Disclaimer: I do not intent to rehash the entire rulebook in this review, but rather provide an overview of the gameplay, and how it differs between multiplayer and solo play. -L
Villagers is a game of card drafting and tableau building in which players are competing to build the most prosperous village in the land. The game is played over a series of rounds, each broken up into the Draft Phase and the Build Phase. During the Draft Phase, players take turns drafting villagers from the available card stacks into their hands. During the Build Phase, players can add villagers from their hand to their tableau. Certain cards can be chained together, and provide more powers and/or end-game points – but they must be added to the village in chain order. At two points throughout the game, the First and Second Market Phases, all players will collect money depending on which cards they have in their villages. The game ends immediately after the Second Market Phase is completed, and the player with the most money is the winner!
As a solo game, Villagers plays very similarly to group play, with only a couple of differences. First, the solo player is battling against The Countess, an AI character, to create the best village. The Countess is incorporated into the game in a unique way. During the Draft Phase, whenever you draft a villager to your hand, you also select an available villager to go straight into the village of the Countess. The Build Phase is carried out as normal. At the end of every round, you blindly draw a face-down card from the Reserve (draw deck), and it automatically goes into the Countess’ village as well. The other twist to a solo game of Villagers is that there are Event cards in play each round. Events are resolved after the Build Phase, before beginning the next round, and are often detrimental to the player – like making you pay extra gold to unlock padlocks, for example. The First and Second Market Phases work the same as they do in a multiplayer game, and the game ends immediately after the Second Market Phase. If you have managed to accrue more money than the Countess, then you have won!
I want to start off by saying that I love Villagers. Card drafting and set collection are my JAM, and this is a game that highlights those really well without making it too complicated. Even when playing solo, those mechanics still feel balanced, and that makes the overall game enjoyable. From my previous Solo Chronicles, I have stated how much I dislike “Beat your own high score” solo modes, so I was extremely happy when I saw that Villagers pitted the solo player against an AI character – the Countess. For the most part, I think that the Countess works really well in this game. When you draft a card, the Countess gets a card as well. But the best part about that is that you get to choose which card goes to the Countess. That means that you are able to keep some semblance of strategy in your game, because you have the power to decide what cards go where, for the most part.
The other neat thing about solo play is the inclusion of Event cards in the game – which are not present in group play. The Events add an extra element that you have to take into account for the given round. Depending on the Event, it could compromise your strategy quite a bit, but that’s what keeps it interesting. You can’t just get into a groove and grind through the rounds, drafting everything you want, when you want. You have to adapt your strategy based upon the Event(s) in play, and the Countess’ village.
The only downside for me is that at the end of every round, the Countess gets the top face-down card from the Reserve, and depending on what card that is, it could throw a wrench into the strategy you’ve been working hard to set up. I guess that mimics a multiplayer game in a sense, though, because you can’t always control what your opponents will do. The biggest downside about solo play for me has nothing to do with actual gameplay, but rather table space. Every card that goes into the Countess’ village is a stand-alone, meaning that they do not chain together like cards in your village will. So depending on how long the game goes, the Countess’ village will get to be pretty large, and hog lots of the table. I think that just means I need a bigger table though…
All that being said – is Villagers a good game for solo play? I would say mostly yes. Strategy is still required for success, but adaptability of that strategy is what keeps the game engaging and entertaining. Nothing can quite replace the multiplayer experience, but playing against the AI character keeps the competitiveness alive in the game. As someone who does a lot of solo playing these days, I am glad that I have added Villagers to my collection. If you haven’t gotten a chance to play Villagers yet, I would highly recommend checking it out. Solo or multiplayer, it’s a great time!
Purple Phoenix Games (2266 KP) rated Cybermancy: Virtual Arena in Tabletop Games
Mar 31, 2020 (Updated Mar 31, 2020)
I know there are several games out there that pit literary characters against each other, or figures from actual history. But have you ever wanted to assemble a team with the likes of Joan of Arc, Mulan, Pancho Villa, and Vlad the Impaler vs undead opponents like Sid Viscous, Max Lemmon, DJ Jazzy Deth, and football star Tom Brainy? Well now you can. This is Cybermancy: Virtual Arena.
A game of Cybermancy: Virtual Arena (which I will refer to as simply Cybermancy from here on out) is a player-to-player dueling card game where one Cybermancer is attempting to lower the other Cybermancer’s health points (HP) to zero using summoned creatures from their hand. Will you be able to defeat your opponent before they can setup any defenses or enough firepower to punish your HP? Get out there, Cybermancer!
DISCLAIMER: We were provided a prototype copy of this game for the purposes of this review. These are preview copy components, and I do not know for sure if the final components will be any different from these shown. Also, it is not my intention to detail every rule in the game, as there are just too many. You are invited to download the rulebook, back the game through the Kickstarter campaign beginning April 1, 2020, purchase it from your FLGS, or through any retailers stocking it after fulfillment. -T
There is quite a bit of setup to Cybermancy if you care to assemble your team yourself. The rulebook has a number of starter deck suggestions. Players will need to assemble a team of 30 creatures for their deck. From this, draw seven cards to begin. Each player will need to draw five cards each of CPU and RAM cards – these are the currency of the game and what is needed to summon creatures from hand. Each player will need a health tracker and a CPU/RAM tracker. The game is now setup and ready to play!
Cybermancy is a dueling game played over rounds, and each round will follow the same general structure, but may not exactly mimic each other during play. The phases are: Main, Discard, Draw, Refresh, and Advance Power Marker. Generally, the main action of the game takes place during the aptly-named Main phase. This is where players will spend the CPU/RAM cards they have drawn to summon and attack with their creatures. Not all creatures can be summoned and attack in the same round, and creatures can only be summoned if the player spends enough in cards while also respecting the maximum CPU/RAM limitations set in the CPU/RAM tracker. Example: during the first round, only creatures with a 1 CPU / 1 RAM strength can be summoned from hand because the CPU/RAM tracker begins the game at 1 / 1. The last phase of the round is Advance Power Marker (only one), so this is the way CPU/RAM maximum limits are increased.
After the Main phase, the power cards (CPU/RAM) used, and the destroyed creatures will be discarded. The next phase is Drawing one card from each deck (Creature Draw, CPU, RAM) to be added to the players’ pools. To Refresh during the next phase, all Buffered (kneeling) creatures will be stood up to be used next round. Advance the Power token of your choice and you are ready to play the next round.
Rounds continue in this fashion until one Cybermancer has reduced their opponent’s HP to zero and immediately proclaims victory!
Components. Again, this is a prototype copy of the game, so the components may not be 100% similar to what would be shipped as a result of a successful Kickstarter campaign. That said, the first thing I want to do is shout out to the art in this game. The card art is absolutely stellar and engaging. I find myself paying more attention to the art than I should while playing, and to me, that’s not a bad thing. The cards are good quality, the cardboard chits to track buffs and debuffs are okay, and the card layout is mostly good. I say mostly because as I read the summon costs for the creatures, I read them left to right on the top of the creature card, which is CPU then RAM. However, the CPU/RAM tracking card has RAM on top and CPU on bottom. I am already trying my best to strategize for victory, I wish I didn’t have to think about which power is which on that card. The health tracking cards are good, and similar to what you find in Star/Hero Realms and various others. So components are great, aside from my one qualm.
The game is good. You can strategize all you want, but ultimately your turns are limited by the power costs of the creatures and which creatures you have drawn. At the beginning of the game if you do not like what you have drawn for a starting hand a re-draw is possible for all decks. That ability is one and done though, and sometimes it would be helpful to have a flush of the hand and a redraw, or a way to otherwise rid yourself of cards you cannot use yet or just don’t like.
That said, I like Cybermancy quite a bit. I feel like I am playing a video game when I play this game. The art is amazing, the concept and theme are attractive. Being able to invoke the powers of d’Artagnan to combat zombified Kurt Cobain is just so satisfying. If you enjoy dueling card games, or games where you can employ beings of literary and actual history, then this game is certainly for you. Do check out the Kickstarter campaign that is starting April 1, 2020. I am really looking forward to seeing how far this one goes!
A game of Cybermancy: Virtual Arena (which I will refer to as simply Cybermancy from here on out) is a player-to-player dueling card game where one Cybermancer is attempting to lower the other Cybermancer’s health points (HP) to zero using summoned creatures from their hand. Will you be able to defeat your opponent before they can setup any defenses or enough firepower to punish your HP? Get out there, Cybermancer!
DISCLAIMER: We were provided a prototype copy of this game for the purposes of this review. These are preview copy components, and I do not know for sure if the final components will be any different from these shown. Also, it is not my intention to detail every rule in the game, as there are just too many. You are invited to download the rulebook, back the game through the Kickstarter campaign beginning April 1, 2020, purchase it from your FLGS, or through any retailers stocking it after fulfillment. -T
There is quite a bit of setup to Cybermancy if you care to assemble your team yourself. The rulebook has a number of starter deck suggestions. Players will need to assemble a team of 30 creatures for their deck. From this, draw seven cards to begin. Each player will need to draw five cards each of CPU and RAM cards – these are the currency of the game and what is needed to summon creatures from hand. Each player will need a health tracker and a CPU/RAM tracker. The game is now setup and ready to play!
Cybermancy is a dueling game played over rounds, and each round will follow the same general structure, but may not exactly mimic each other during play. The phases are: Main, Discard, Draw, Refresh, and Advance Power Marker. Generally, the main action of the game takes place during the aptly-named Main phase. This is where players will spend the CPU/RAM cards they have drawn to summon and attack with their creatures. Not all creatures can be summoned and attack in the same round, and creatures can only be summoned if the player spends enough in cards while also respecting the maximum CPU/RAM limitations set in the CPU/RAM tracker. Example: during the first round, only creatures with a 1 CPU / 1 RAM strength can be summoned from hand because the CPU/RAM tracker begins the game at 1 / 1. The last phase of the round is Advance Power Marker (only one), so this is the way CPU/RAM maximum limits are increased.
After the Main phase, the power cards (CPU/RAM) used, and the destroyed creatures will be discarded. The next phase is Drawing one card from each deck (Creature Draw, CPU, RAM) to be added to the players’ pools. To Refresh during the next phase, all Buffered (kneeling) creatures will be stood up to be used next round. Advance the Power token of your choice and you are ready to play the next round.
Rounds continue in this fashion until one Cybermancer has reduced their opponent’s HP to zero and immediately proclaims victory!
Components. Again, this is a prototype copy of the game, so the components may not be 100% similar to what would be shipped as a result of a successful Kickstarter campaign. That said, the first thing I want to do is shout out to the art in this game. The card art is absolutely stellar and engaging. I find myself paying more attention to the art than I should while playing, and to me, that’s not a bad thing. The cards are good quality, the cardboard chits to track buffs and debuffs are okay, and the card layout is mostly good. I say mostly because as I read the summon costs for the creatures, I read them left to right on the top of the creature card, which is CPU then RAM. However, the CPU/RAM tracking card has RAM on top and CPU on bottom. I am already trying my best to strategize for victory, I wish I didn’t have to think about which power is which on that card. The health tracking cards are good, and similar to what you find in Star/Hero Realms and various others. So components are great, aside from my one qualm.
The game is good. You can strategize all you want, but ultimately your turns are limited by the power costs of the creatures and which creatures you have drawn. At the beginning of the game if you do not like what you have drawn for a starting hand a re-draw is possible for all decks. That ability is one and done though, and sometimes it would be helpful to have a flush of the hand and a redraw, or a way to otherwise rid yourself of cards you cannot use yet or just don’t like.
That said, I like Cybermancy quite a bit. I feel like I am playing a video game when I play this game. The art is amazing, the concept and theme are attractive. Being able to invoke the powers of d’Artagnan to combat zombified Kurt Cobain is just so satisfying. If you enjoy dueling card games, or games where you can employ beings of literary and actual history, then this game is certainly for you. Do check out the Kickstarter campaign that is starting April 1, 2020. I am really looking forward to seeing how far this one goes!
Kirk Bage (1775 KP) rated Light of My Life (2019) in Movies
Jan 22, 2021
It is difficult to talk about Casey Affleck in a positive light as a movie-maker without mentioning the heightened media storm that surrounded him in 2017, at the time of #metoo and his own moment of personal glory in winning the Best Actor Oscar for his excellent performance in Manchester By the Sea. The Oscar was deserved, as was the criticism. The latter affecting the sweetness of the former entirely, and perhaps explaining why a recent Academy Award winner would be so quiet for the next 3 years.
The facts are that he settled out of court for two sexual harassment claims, that in interviews later he would admit some guilt and shame towards. He never tried to hide it and seemed genuinely regretful of his part in whatever crimes took place. He never tried to deny it or belittle it or excuse it as something small and insignificant, he owned up and hung his head.
For which I’d be tempted to say, yes, he behaved like an asshole and abused his position, but is worthy of forgiveness, on probation that he learned from the mistake and never remotely did anything like it again. However, the media doesn’t forget, and in a personal and professional way he has been persona non grata ever since.
Like many others in the spotlight before him for nefarious reasons, I believe emphatically in saying it is possible to separate a person from their work. If someone has done something where they need to be in jail, then let the system take care of it, otherwise let them get on with life and continue to work. Affleck is such a talented actor that it is his performances that spring to mind above anything else by far, and that probably won’t change. I’d absolutely hate to think his negative reputation prevented him from doing the best work of his life.
One way to ensure some relative solitude and privacy whilst remaining at work, then, is to write, produce, direct and star in a small personal film about a father and daughter, alone for 90% of the movie, in a post apocalyptic wilderness. Affleck is the nameless “dad” to the pre-teen daughter he dotes on and will do anything to protect, named “Rag”, for reasons that are explained beautifully in the narrative.
Played by promising newcomer Anna Pniowsky, it is a testament to Affleck’s skill and sensitivity as actor and director that Rag always feels as important and centre stage as the “star” of the show. The film begins very unusually with a 7 minute static dialogue between the two, which demonstrates the relationship and energy of the film perfectly, and in such an interesting way. Pniowsky gives as good as she gets in terms of detailed characterisation, and the dynamic between the two is an absolute delight.
Inevitably, this film is always going to be seen as a poor cousin to The Road, starring Viggo Mortensen, from 2009. It is very similar, it can’t be denied. Even the idea of the parent ensuring “the light / fire” is kept alive within the child, considering that the survival of humanity in all senses is paramount, and supercedes the notion of survival at any cost. Dignity, kindness and non-violence must be maintained, or they will be lost. It is a message worth passing on – enough to make Affleck want to fly so close to the themes and tone of a bigger, well liked film. He must certainly have been aware of how similar they are.
It doesn’t always work, and I did find myself wishing for more action, or at least incident, rather than all the static talking scenes. Although they were often beautifully done, there were just one too many of them to keep the film fully engaging. The use of flashback, where we see the past they came from and the absent mother (presumed long dead) played by Elizabeth Moss, who does not get enough screen time to leave a mark, also doesn’t fully ring true.
Where it does work is in the simple beauty of the relationship between father and daughter. Her innocence and growing curiosity about the tainted world she is inheriting, and his single minded insistence on teaching her things his way and keeping her oblivious to the harshness of life for as long as possible. We begin to suspect his methods are not always the best, and that inevitably the time is coming where for good or bad she will have to find her own path without him.
Which leads to a very touching last 20 minutes I can’t possibly explain without leaving spoilers. If it wasn’t two hours but 90 minutes I believe the idea would have had more impact and not outstay its welcome. As it is, it is just a little flabby in the edit to be described as “great”, and might be otherwise described as slightly indulgent and naive, directorially. It is a tough one to pin down, because whilst I don’t think there is much wrong with it, I also don’t think there is enough right to fully recommend it to a wide audience.
I’m putting this one in the box marked “little seen gems”, intersecting with the one marked “near miss with potential”. When in a patient mood, this could be a film you relate to and enjoy. Just don’t go in expecting too much to happen and concentrate on what it means to be a parent in a cruel world. In that sense it has a lot to say and is well worth your time.
The facts are that he settled out of court for two sexual harassment claims, that in interviews later he would admit some guilt and shame towards. He never tried to hide it and seemed genuinely regretful of his part in whatever crimes took place. He never tried to deny it or belittle it or excuse it as something small and insignificant, he owned up and hung his head.
For which I’d be tempted to say, yes, he behaved like an asshole and abused his position, but is worthy of forgiveness, on probation that he learned from the mistake and never remotely did anything like it again. However, the media doesn’t forget, and in a personal and professional way he has been persona non grata ever since.
Like many others in the spotlight before him for nefarious reasons, I believe emphatically in saying it is possible to separate a person from their work. If someone has done something where they need to be in jail, then let the system take care of it, otherwise let them get on with life and continue to work. Affleck is such a talented actor that it is his performances that spring to mind above anything else by far, and that probably won’t change. I’d absolutely hate to think his negative reputation prevented him from doing the best work of his life.
One way to ensure some relative solitude and privacy whilst remaining at work, then, is to write, produce, direct and star in a small personal film about a father and daughter, alone for 90% of the movie, in a post apocalyptic wilderness. Affleck is the nameless “dad” to the pre-teen daughter he dotes on and will do anything to protect, named “Rag”, for reasons that are explained beautifully in the narrative.
Played by promising newcomer Anna Pniowsky, it is a testament to Affleck’s skill and sensitivity as actor and director that Rag always feels as important and centre stage as the “star” of the show. The film begins very unusually with a 7 minute static dialogue between the two, which demonstrates the relationship and energy of the film perfectly, and in such an interesting way. Pniowsky gives as good as she gets in terms of detailed characterisation, and the dynamic between the two is an absolute delight.
Inevitably, this film is always going to be seen as a poor cousin to The Road, starring Viggo Mortensen, from 2009. It is very similar, it can’t be denied. Even the idea of the parent ensuring “the light / fire” is kept alive within the child, considering that the survival of humanity in all senses is paramount, and supercedes the notion of survival at any cost. Dignity, kindness and non-violence must be maintained, or they will be lost. It is a message worth passing on – enough to make Affleck want to fly so close to the themes and tone of a bigger, well liked film. He must certainly have been aware of how similar they are.
It doesn’t always work, and I did find myself wishing for more action, or at least incident, rather than all the static talking scenes. Although they were often beautifully done, there were just one too many of them to keep the film fully engaging. The use of flashback, where we see the past they came from and the absent mother (presumed long dead) played by Elizabeth Moss, who does not get enough screen time to leave a mark, also doesn’t fully ring true.
Where it does work is in the simple beauty of the relationship between father and daughter. Her innocence and growing curiosity about the tainted world she is inheriting, and his single minded insistence on teaching her things his way and keeping her oblivious to the harshness of life for as long as possible. We begin to suspect his methods are not always the best, and that inevitably the time is coming where for good or bad she will have to find her own path without him.
Which leads to a very touching last 20 minutes I can’t possibly explain without leaving spoilers. If it wasn’t two hours but 90 minutes I believe the idea would have had more impact and not outstay its welcome. As it is, it is just a little flabby in the edit to be described as “great”, and might be otherwise described as slightly indulgent and naive, directorially. It is a tough one to pin down, because whilst I don’t think there is much wrong with it, I also don’t think there is enough right to fully recommend it to a wide audience.
I’m putting this one in the box marked “little seen gems”, intersecting with the one marked “near miss with potential”. When in a patient mood, this could be a film you relate to and enjoy. Just don’t go in expecting too much to happen and concentrate on what it means to be a parent in a cruel world. In that sense it has a lot to say and is well worth your time.
Purple Phoenix Games (2266 KP) rated No Such Thing as a Free Sandwich in Tabletop Games
Sep 15, 2021
I will be the first to admit that I am no master chef. When it comes to cooking, the easier the recipe, the more likely I am to make it. That being said, as I grow older in my adult life I have started taking steps to make better (and healthier) meals, but sometimes you just have to make do with what you’ve got. So when AvianRampage Productions reached out about previewing their newest game, No Such Thing as a Free Sandwich, I found it to be hilariously right up my alley. Come check out what kinds of sandwiches you can make when you have to remind yourself that “You’ve got food at home.”
Disclaimer: We were provided with a prototype copy of this game for the purposes of this preview. What you see are not finalized components or artwork, and they will change in final production. -L
No Such Thing as a Free Sandwich is a party game in which players are attempting to make the best (or worst) sandwich according to the parameters set by the current Challenge card in play. To setup for a game, shuffle the Challenge and Ingredient decks separately. Decide which side of the Challenge deck you will use – one side is black, and the reverse is white. Each side provides a different set of Challenges with which to play, and just adds some variability to the gameplay. Deal 3 Ingredient cards to each player, reveal the first Challenge card, and the game is ready to begin!
Once a Challenge card is revealed, players will look at their hand of Ingredients and place their selected Ingredients face-down in their tableau. Each Ingredient card has stats attributed to 5 different Categories: Presentation, Taste, Nutrition, Affordability, and Wow Factor. These stats, including both negative and positive numbers, are what will determine your score for the Challenge. (For example, lowest Nutrition score, greatest sum of all categories, etc.) All players must play at least 1 card each round, but can play all 3 of the cards in their hand if they so choose. Certain Ingredient cards offer special effects when played, and those powers can boost your own score, allow you to draw more Ingredients, or even pawn off an Ingredient to an opponent. Plan wisely and see what your random Ingredients can offer you each Challenge!
When all Ingredients have been selected, players simultaneously reveal their cards and tally up points. The player with the best score (best Sandwich) according to the Challenge is the winner, and takes that Challenge card for themselves. The winning player may choose to take 1 of the Ingredient cards in play into their hand, and all other Ingredient cards (regardless of if they were played or not) are re-shuffled into one deck again. The next Challenge card is revealed, all players are dealt 3 new Ingredient cards, and the next round officially begins. Players will only ever have 3 cards in their hand each round, with the previous round-winner potentially having 4 cards. The game continues in this fashion, revealing a Challenge card, playing/revealing Ingredients, and determining a round winner, until all of the Challenge cards have been played and awarded. Players then count up the Challenge cards they have won over the course of the game, and the player with the most Challenge cards is named the winner!
For being a game with a silly premise, it’s actually more engaging that you might initially think. The inclusion of 5 different categories for Ingredients is what elevates this gameplay from silly humor to actual strategy. I’m not saying this is the heaviest brain burner game you’ll ever play, but for being a light party game, you really have options each round to consider. What is the best combination of your Ingredients to meet the Challenge? Do any of your Ingredients have special effects that could enhance your round? What if you just have a bad hand and none of your Ingredients are optimal for this Challenge? You’ve just got to figure it out!
And the fact that cards are selected in secret and revealed simultaneously adds another layer as well. You can’t pick which cards to play based on what you saw an opponent play. You really have to go for the win each round since you don’t know what anybody else has in hand. The make-up of the Ingredient deck is mostly unique as well, with only a few duplicates of cards. You never really know what anyone has in hand at any point, so there’s no benefit to play it safe.
To touch on components for a minute – I mentioned that this is a prototype copy of the game, which will most likely be different in final production. That being said, this prototype is pretty good quality already. The tin that houses the game is nice and sturdy, and the cards themselves feel nice in hand and are a good size. The artwork is not yet finalized, but is mostly fine and thematic – just simple pictures of each Ingredient on the card. No real complaints on the quality of this prototype from me.
If you’re looking for a funny and fast party game, definitely consider checking out No Such Thing as a Free Sandwich on Kickstarter. The gameplay is easy and fast to learn and play, and it will keep players engaged and laughing throughout the rounds. Another plus? This game has a tiiiiiiny footprint so you can basically play it anywhere! Throw the tin in your pocket and you’ve got a game for anytime. If you want a game with a silly premise, light strategy, and a bit of math, then this might be the game for you. All in all, fun game and gameplay from AvianRampage Productions, and I look forward to following this campaign!
Disclaimer: We were provided with a prototype copy of this game for the purposes of this preview. What you see are not finalized components or artwork, and they will change in final production. -L
No Such Thing as a Free Sandwich is a party game in which players are attempting to make the best (or worst) sandwich according to the parameters set by the current Challenge card in play. To setup for a game, shuffle the Challenge and Ingredient decks separately. Decide which side of the Challenge deck you will use – one side is black, and the reverse is white. Each side provides a different set of Challenges with which to play, and just adds some variability to the gameplay. Deal 3 Ingredient cards to each player, reveal the first Challenge card, and the game is ready to begin!
Once a Challenge card is revealed, players will look at their hand of Ingredients and place their selected Ingredients face-down in their tableau. Each Ingredient card has stats attributed to 5 different Categories: Presentation, Taste, Nutrition, Affordability, and Wow Factor. These stats, including both negative and positive numbers, are what will determine your score for the Challenge. (For example, lowest Nutrition score, greatest sum of all categories, etc.) All players must play at least 1 card each round, but can play all 3 of the cards in their hand if they so choose. Certain Ingredient cards offer special effects when played, and those powers can boost your own score, allow you to draw more Ingredients, or even pawn off an Ingredient to an opponent. Plan wisely and see what your random Ingredients can offer you each Challenge!
When all Ingredients have been selected, players simultaneously reveal their cards and tally up points. The player with the best score (best Sandwich) according to the Challenge is the winner, and takes that Challenge card for themselves. The winning player may choose to take 1 of the Ingredient cards in play into their hand, and all other Ingredient cards (regardless of if they were played or not) are re-shuffled into one deck again. The next Challenge card is revealed, all players are dealt 3 new Ingredient cards, and the next round officially begins. Players will only ever have 3 cards in their hand each round, with the previous round-winner potentially having 4 cards. The game continues in this fashion, revealing a Challenge card, playing/revealing Ingredients, and determining a round winner, until all of the Challenge cards have been played and awarded. Players then count up the Challenge cards they have won over the course of the game, and the player with the most Challenge cards is named the winner!
For being a game with a silly premise, it’s actually more engaging that you might initially think. The inclusion of 5 different categories for Ingredients is what elevates this gameplay from silly humor to actual strategy. I’m not saying this is the heaviest brain burner game you’ll ever play, but for being a light party game, you really have options each round to consider. What is the best combination of your Ingredients to meet the Challenge? Do any of your Ingredients have special effects that could enhance your round? What if you just have a bad hand and none of your Ingredients are optimal for this Challenge? You’ve just got to figure it out!
And the fact that cards are selected in secret and revealed simultaneously adds another layer as well. You can’t pick which cards to play based on what you saw an opponent play. You really have to go for the win each round since you don’t know what anybody else has in hand. The make-up of the Ingredient deck is mostly unique as well, with only a few duplicates of cards. You never really know what anyone has in hand at any point, so there’s no benefit to play it safe.
To touch on components for a minute – I mentioned that this is a prototype copy of the game, which will most likely be different in final production. That being said, this prototype is pretty good quality already. The tin that houses the game is nice and sturdy, and the cards themselves feel nice in hand and are a good size. The artwork is not yet finalized, but is mostly fine and thematic – just simple pictures of each Ingredient on the card. No real complaints on the quality of this prototype from me.
If you’re looking for a funny and fast party game, definitely consider checking out No Such Thing as a Free Sandwich on Kickstarter. The gameplay is easy and fast to learn and play, and it will keep players engaged and laughing throughout the rounds. Another plus? This game has a tiiiiiiny footprint so you can basically play it anywhere! Throw the tin in your pocket and you’ve got a game for anytime. If you want a game with a silly premise, light strategy, and a bit of math, then this might be the game for you. All in all, fun game and gameplay from AvianRampage Productions, and I look forward to following this campaign!
Purple Phoenix Games (2266 KP) rated Breakdancing Meeples in Tabletop Games
Oct 18, 2021
I think that I’ve mentioned in some of my previous reviews that I rarely buy games without first having played and/or researched them beforehand. Enter Breakdancing Meeples. One fine day, I was perusing the fine stock at my FLGS. While I was wandering and debating whether I should buy Reef or 7 Wonders Duel, my gaze fell upon a small tin with some funny artwork – a game titled Breakdancing Meeples. It was a small and fairly inexpensive game, so I figured, why not? I picked it up (along with 7 Wonders Duel this time) and brought it home to my collection. Was my faith misplaced, or does the game deliver on its first impression of simple fun? Keep reading to find out.
Breakdancing Meeples is a real-time game in which players are trying to amass the most Crowd Appeal (VP) by directing their dance crews to perform the baddest and most impressive dance routines of all time. To setup the game, give each player 6 Meeples, 6 cubes, and their starting Routine cards in their chosen color. Shuffle the remaining Routine cards to form a draw pile, open up the Breakdancing Meeples app (or just get a one-minute timer ready) and the dance battle is set to begin!
Each round is broken into two phases – Dance Off, and Remix. In the Dance Off, players will have one minute to roll their Meeples (yes, you read that correctly – rolling Meeples) to complete as their crew’s Routines as many times as they can to earn Crowd Appeal. When rolling Meeples, there are 4 stances in which the Meeples can land: Feet, Side, Head, or Back. These positions correspond to stances on your Routine cards. If you roll a Meeple in a stance that matches one on your card, you may place that Meeple on that card, moving you closer to completing that Routine. Once all stances have been filled on a Routine, you earn a Crowd Appeal cube, placing it on the leftmost available square at the bottom of that Routine card. You may then pick up all the Meeples from that card, and they are back in play. It is important to note that once a Meeple has been placed on a Routine, it may not be removed until the Routine is finished! If you are unable, or unwilling, to place a Meeple on a Routine card, you may reroll any unused Meeples. Continue rolling and placing your Meeples in this fashion until the one-minute timer runs out. When time has been called, all players will count up their Crowd Appeal – the points listed at the bottom of their Routine cards that are covered by cubes, signifying a successful rep of that Routine. The Dance Off phase is now over.
Now comes the Remix phase. Reveal as many face-up cards from the Draw deck as there are players plus one. Beginning with the player who has the lowest Crowd Appeal, players will take turns selecting a new Routine card to add to their repertoire for the next round. Players may only ever have 3 Routine cards, so in future rounds, players can choose to discard from their play area in favor of a new card. A new round now begins with another Dance Off, and continues as above until the fourth Dance Off has been completed. Players then tally their total Crowd Appeal, and the player with the highest score is the winner! Dare I say, the Dancing Queen? No? Ok…
With a fun theme and simple gameplay, does Breakdancing Meeples hold up? I would have to say yes. First let’s talk about the simplicity of gameplay. All you have to do is roll Meeples and match stances to cards. It may not sound exciting when stated that way, but add in the one-minute timer and suddenly you’ve got a more engaging and action-based game. Throw the Meeples into the mix (literally, in this game) and their disproportionate limbs and unique silhouettes provide an extra challenge in getting them to roll and land exactly as you want them to.
Another neat element of this game is the addition of Rally and Special cards to the Draw deck. Rally cards are purchased (with Crowd Appeal) in the Remix phase, and are then attached to one of your existing Routines. In the next Dance Off, when rolling your Meeples, Rally cards can provide extra Crowd Appeal points once their conditions have been met. These cards may cost some end-game points, but they could earn you much more if the conditions are right. It’s a risk, and adds some suspense to the gameplay. Special cards grant the player a ‘wild’ dancer. If you roll 2 Meeples in the same stance, you may exchange them to a single dancer in your chosen stance. Rally and Special cards can be removed from the game for a more simple gameplay, if playing with younger players for example, but add in an extra twist to the chaos of the real-time limitations.
Is Breakdancing Meeples my favorite game? Nope. But it’s a cute, fun, and fast little game that I can see myself pulling out often as a filler, or even a game to introduce newer gamers to the hobby. It is lighthearted in nature, with a unique theme, and it just is fun to play. I am glad that I bought this game on a whim, and I definitely will be keeping it in my collection. With that said, Purple Phoenix Games gives it a hoppin’ 7 / 12. Check it out, you might be surprised!
Breakdancing Meeples is a real-time game in which players are trying to amass the most Crowd Appeal (VP) by directing their dance crews to perform the baddest and most impressive dance routines of all time. To setup the game, give each player 6 Meeples, 6 cubes, and their starting Routine cards in their chosen color. Shuffle the remaining Routine cards to form a draw pile, open up the Breakdancing Meeples app (or just get a one-minute timer ready) and the dance battle is set to begin!
Each round is broken into two phases – Dance Off, and Remix. In the Dance Off, players will have one minute to roll their Meeples (yes, you read that correctly – rolling Meeples) to complete as their crew’s Routines as many times as they can to earn Crowd Appeal. When rolling Meeples, there are 4 stances in which the Meeples can land: Feet, Side, Head, or Back. These positions correspond to stances on your Routine cards. If you roll a Meeple in a stance that matches one on your card, you may place that Meeple on that card, moving you closer to completing that Routine. Once all stances have been filled on a Routine, you earn a Crowd Appeal cube, placing it on the leftmost available square at the bottom of that Routine card. You may then pick up all the Meeples from that card, and they are back in play. It is important to note that once a Meeple has been placed on a Routine, it may not be removed until the Routine is finished! If you are unable, or unwilling, to place a Meeple on a Routine card, you may reroll any unused Meeples. Continue rolling and placing your Meeples in this fashion until the one-minute timer runs out. When time has been called, all players will count up their Crowd Appeal – the points listed at the bottom of their Routine cards that are covered by cubes, signifying a successful rep of that Routine. The Dance Off phase is now over.
Now comes the Remix phase. Reveal as many face-up cards from the Draw deck as there are players plus one. Beginning with the player who has the lowest Crowd Appeal, players will take turns selecting a new Routine card to add to their repertoire for the next round. Players may only ever have 3 Routine cards, so in future rounds, players can choose to discard from their play area in favor of a new card. A new round now begins with another Dance Off, and continues as above until the fourth Dance Off has been completed. Players then tally their total Crowd Appeal, and the player with the highest score is the winner! Dare I say, the Dancing Queen? No? Ok…
With a fun theme and simple gameplay, does Breakdancing Meeples hold up? I would have to say yes. First let’s talk about the simplicity of gameplay. All you have to do is roll Meeples and match stances to cards. It may not sound exciting when stated that way, but add in the one-minute timer and suddenly you’ve got a more engaging and action-based game. Throw the Meeples into the mix (literally, in this game) and their disproportionate limbs and unique silhouettes provide an extra challenge in getting them to roll and land exactly as you want them to.
Another neat element of this game is the addition of Rally and Special cards to the Draw deck. Rally cards are purchased (with Crowd Appeal) in the Remix phase, and are then attached to one of your existing Routines. In the next Dance Off, when rolling your Meeples, Rally cards can provide extra Crowd Appeal points once their conditions have been met. These cards may cost some end-game points, but they could earn you much more if the conditions are right. It’s a risk, and adds some suspense to the gameplay. Special cards grant the player a ‘wild’ dancer. If you roll 2 Meeples in the same stance, you may exchange them to a single dancer in your chosen stance. Rally and Special cards can be removed from the game for a more simple gameplay, if playing with younger players for example, but add in an extra twist to the chaos of the real-time limitations.
Is Breakdancing Meeples my favorite game? Nope. But it’s a cute, fun, and fast little game that I can see myself pulling out often as a filler, or even a game to introduce newer gamers to the hobby. It is lighthearted in nature, with a unique theme, and it just is fun to play. I am glad that I bought this game on a whim, and I definitely will be keeping it in my collection. With that said, Purple Phoenix Games gives it a hoppin’ 7 / 12. Check it out, you might be surprised!
Gareth von Kallenbach (980 KP) rated the PC version of South Park: The Stick of Truth in Video Games
Jun 19, 2019
Following several delays after the collapse of THQ, Obsidian’s South Park: The Stick of Truth has been released to critical acclaim. Not only is the game the best adaptation of the hit animated series to date for gamers, the one could argue that it is the best videogame based on an animated series to ever be released. This is a pretty bold statement but the game backs it up time and time again with its engaging story, considerable gameplay length, and an abundance of laughs many of which are cringe worthy.
Playing is a new kid in town was tasked by his parents to go out and make friends, you quickly find yourself in the company of Cartman and his cronies who are busy playing a fantasy game involving the legendary Stick of Truth. Despite the fact that the stick is nothing more than a piece of wood, all manner of importance is placed upon it and when a rival faction steals it, it falls to the players to retrieve the stick and save the day.
Players will be accompanied by various characters in the game ranging from Butters to Stan, Kyle, Kenny, Jimmy, and Cartman he to whom have their own special abilities and combat technique. At various points in the game players may have to call upon a player in order to use their unique ability in order to solve one of the game’s many puzzles. The entire map of South Park is highly detailed and loaded with countless references to the show. Players are free to explore the town, interact with various characters, and embark on side quests that have no bearing on the story and are not required to complete the main part of the game.
The key is exploration as obtaining items which can be sold as a vital part of the game as health power ups in the form of snack foods and other supplements are essential to surviving the numerous combat opportunities in the game.
At first it took a little getting used to but being able to equip your characters in costumes and weapons in order to complete the quests and solve various puzzles is an essential part of the game.
While it is basically role-playing game at its heart, The Stick of Truth is essentially like being in a season of the show that happens to have a connected and continuous plot. There are numerous twists and turns and surprises in the game ranging from alien abductions, government conspiracies, venturing to Canada, and so much more.
Combat in the game usually involves two players and players who alternate between powering up attacking defensive abilities, using super moves which players can select and customize, and attacking with your primary or secondary weapons.
The game has a very elaborate social network is various characters who you friend along the way will offer hints and suggestions to you and being able to obtain items to power up your weapons is a hysterical and vital part of the game.
I have put in over 17 hours of gameplay into completing the main story the game and a few of the side quests but I have not completed all of the options that are available in the game. This gives you an idea of the scope of the game and thankfully the designers allow a rapid transit system courtesy of Timmy to help you traverse the map. The abundance of characters both featured in supporting from the series show up the game and there are countless nods to numerous other episodes including the classic Sexual Harassment Panda theme that brought a smile to my face when I heard blaring over the and offices PA system while I was exploring.
There are puzzles to solve the game most of which involve thinking outside the box although some are very straightforward. It is important to remember that when you are dealing with the town of South Park expecting the unexpected is par for the course so any game that would have you battle the Underpants Gnomes in a shrunken state while your parents graphically consummate their marriage above you should give you an idea about humor in the game.
The game is not in any way politically correct, for children, or for those easily offended, but if you’re a fan of the series you know what to expect and the game delivers it in droves. The laughs are numerous and hysterical as abs constantly shocked just how far certain sequences would be taken but delighted nonetheless.
There were a few minor glitches now and then but nothing that severely hampered my gameplay experience other than a few graphical drops and legs now and then on the PC version of the game. For me this was a small price to pay as the PC version is completely uncensored and does not have any of the cards that were required for the console version of the game.
The mouse and keyboard while effective are not the intended control system for the game so I would suggest that players may want to consider using a game pad or at the least, prepare themselves for certain scenes that are going to involve button mashing and other console standards.
The graphics, sound, and music, of the game are on par with the best the show has offered and as I indicated earlier, the storyline is one of the best that has ever been done for South Park episode and is not to be missed.
Not only is the game one of the best surprises of the year but I can honestly say that it is an early contender for some game of the year awards which is surprising as one announced, I think people had interest but yet modest expectations for what the finished product would be like. It is been a long time since I’ve had this many laughs in a movie, television show, or game, as well as this much enjoyment.
South Park: The Stick of Truth is one of the best gaming releases the year and is not to be missed.
http://sknr.net/2014/03/31/south-park-the-stick-of-truth/
Playing is a new kid in town was tasked by his parents to go out and make friends, you quickly find yourself in the company of Cartman and his cronies who are busy playing a fantasy game involving the legendary Stick of Truth. Despite the fact that the stick is nothing more than a piece of wood, all manner of importance is placed upon it and when a rival faction steals it, it falls to the players to retrieve the stick and save the day.
Players will be accompanied by various characters in the game ranging from Butters to Stan, Kyle, Kenny, Jimmy, and Cartman he to whom have their own special abilities and combat technique. At various points in the game players may have to call upon a player in order to use their unique ability in order to solve one of the game’s many puzzles. The entire map of South Park is highly detailed and loaded with countless references to the show. Players are free to explore the town, interact with various characters, and embark on side quests that have no bearing on the story and are not required to complete the main part of the game.
The key is exploration as obtaining items which can be sold as a vital part of the game as health power ups in the form of snack foods and other supplements are essential to surviving the numerous combat opportunities in the game.
At first it took a little getting used to but being able to equip your characters in costumes and weapons in order to complete the quests and solve various puzzles is an essential part of the game.
While it is basically role-playing game at its heart, The Stick of Truth is essentially like being in a season of the show that happens to have a connected and continuous plot. There are numerous twists and turns and surprises in the game ranging from alien abductions, government conspiracies, venturing to Canada, and so much more.
Combat in the game usually involves two players and players who alternate between powering up attacking defensive abilities, using super moves which players can select and customize, and attacking with your primary or secondary weapons.
The game has a very elaborate social network is various characters who you friend along the way will offer hints and suggestions to you and being able to obtain items to power up your weapons is a hysterical and vital part of the game.
I have put in over 17 hours of gameplay into completing the main story the game and a few of the side quests but I have not completed all of the options that are available in the game. This gives you an idea of the scope of the game and thankfully the designers allow a rapid transit system courtesy of Timmy to help you traverse the map. The abundance of characters both featured in supporting from the series show up the game and there are countless nods to numerous other episodes including the classic Sexual Harassment Panda theme that brought a smile to my face when I heard blaring over the and offices PA system while I was exploring.
There are puzzles to solve the game most of which involve thinking outside the box although some are very straightforward. It is important to remember that when you are dealing with the town of South Park expecting the unexpected is par for the course so any game that would have you battle the Underpants Gnomes in a shrunken state while your parents graphically consummate their marriage above you should give you an idea about humor in the game.
The game is not in any way politically correct, for children, or for those easily offended, but if you’re a fan of the series you know what to expect and the game delivers it in droves. The laughs are numerous and hysterical as abs constantly shocked just how far certain sequences would be taken but delighted nonetheless.
There were a few minor glitches now and then but nothing that severely hampered my gameplay experience other than a few graphical drops and legs now and then on the PC version of the game. For me this was a small price to pay as the PC version is completely uncensored and does not have any of the cards that were required for the console version of the game.
The mouse and keyboard while effective are not the intended control system for the game so I would suggest that players may want to consider using a game pad or at the least, prepare themselves for certain scenes that are going to involve button mashing and other console standards.
The graphics, sound, and music, of the game are on par with the best the show has offered and as I indicated earlier, the storyline is one of the best that has ever been done for South Park episode and is not to be missed.
Not only is the game one of the best surprises of the year but I can honestly say that it is an early contender for some game of the year awards which is surprising as one announced, I think people had interest but yet modest expectations for what the finished product would be like. It is been a long time since I’ve had this many laughs in a movie, television show, or game, as well as this much enjoyment.
South Park: The Stick of Truth is one of the best gaming releases the year and is not to be missed.
http://sknr.net/2014/03/31/south-park-the-stick-of-truth/
Neil Goddard (3 KP) rated Hellboy (2019) in Movies
Feb 27, 2020
It all looked soooo promising
Contains spoilers, click to show
Let me say this upfront; David Harbour looks f---ing boss as Hellboy. The makeup is far superior to that of Ron Perlman, not that there was anything wrong with Ron Perlman’s, but with this new incarnation it’s all in the eyes. Deep red, sunken, pained. Sadly, that is all I can say about this movie that is one hundred percent genuinely positive. There are positives however, but they come with a big ‘however’.
I was initially a little concerned that we were getting a re-boot and not a direct sequel to Hellboy II: The Golden Army (2008), especially as it still seemed so recent and was so well made. I know it was over a decade ago but quality is timeless, yeah? Then David Harbour was cast and Neil Marshall announced as director. Great, thought I, an actor I like and a director who’s put out some solid genre material. I saw the first picture of Harbour as Hellboy and I was genuinely excited. I saw the trailer and again, excited. Then I watched the film.
Eurgh, where to start?
Firstly, Ian McShane’s initial voice over is clunky and ill fitting, then they throw in some b@llocks about King Arthur and Excalibur. I had my first wobble here, as some of the effects seemed less than special.
Cue opening titles.
The film starts with a Mexican wrestling match that is purely exposition to let us know Hellboy is a hard drinking and hard fighting anti-hero working for an organisation that deals with the paranormal. The make up for his vampiric opponent is also great (can’t fault the makeup department), but the scene seemed superfluous. We get the nubbin of the story forming now; some horrible witchy wench from way back when was cut into bits and flung around jolly old England to prevent her from spreading a right ‘orrible plague. Turns out a potty-mouthed Liverpudlian pig-monster is collecting said bits in the hope of putting her back together in exchange for his normal appearance. Scouse pig-monster is quite entertaining.
Hellboy goes to England at the request of an upper-class paranormal society to help them kill giants; this goes t1ts up. Again, this seems like unnecessary exposition to introduce Alice, a medium who he rescued as a baby, who now rescues him in a transit van. We also get introduced to M11’s Agent Daimio. There something wrong with him, he keeps injecting himself with a serum to stop something happening. I knew at this point we’d get to see what it was eventually, probably at a juncture where something is needed to rescue someone important. However, at this point I had a feeling it would be bad, I just didn’t know how bad.
There some more fighting, some good effects, some mediocre effects and some terrible effects. There’s some good one-liners, there’s some dull and/or terrible dialogue and then we get the film’s conclusion.
There’s something I’ve been putting off mentioning as I didn’t want the entire review to be about it, and it could have been; the witchy wench at the heart of all this paranormal consternation, Nimue, is played by Milla Jovovich and she is terrible. From when she first opens her mouth to her predictable demise, she is terrible. Terrible. TERRIBLE.
I love some of the Resident Evil films but all she’s required to do is some slow-motion scissor kicks and shoot zombies and zombie-dogs in the face. She is tolerated, rather than enjoyed. Here she is emoting, or at least I think that’s what she was going for, and as a depiction of an evil entity bent of the destruction of all mankind, she is, for want of a better word, cack.
David Harbour and the Hellboy franchise deserve better than this. To be blunt, the franchise has better than this and Mike Mignola should be a bit more f---ing precious with his creation.
Hellboy (2004) was genuinely exciting; it was an origin story that bought that story full circle for its thrilling and apocalyptical conclusion. It has a wonderful nemesis, great support and breath-taking visuals. The re-tread of the origin story in Hellboy (2019) is, again, one more unnecessary diversion from a sketchy plot, which, for all its meagre bones takes a f-ck load of time to tell.
Hellboy II: The Golden Army (2008) was equally impressive. It also introduced a fully formed community of creatures and customs hiding alongside mankind. It did so with nonchalant aplomb. Nothing seemed irrelevant or forced. For two films with almost identical running times, Hellboy (2019) tells less of a story with way more waffle.
So, I did mention there were some positives. David Harbour is great. He’s dour, sarcastic, defiant and funny, he just has no engaging story in which to be all those things. Ian McShane is good as the father figure but he is overshadowed by memories of the late, unbelievably great John Hurt. The story of a witch trying to destroy mankind is solid fantasy movie gold and the unleashing of her plague late in the final act is suitably hellish; bizarre demons emerging from city streets and tearing humans limb from limb, it’s bloody wonderful and wonderfully bloody. They all could have come straight out of a Clive Barker fever dream. However, it’s too little too late, by this point in the story we’ve had too many cutaways, too much shoddy CGI, and Agent Daimio stinking up many a scene with his ‘will he won’t he’ turn into something rubbish… he does.
The worst part of all this is I don’t know if they can come back from this. The film may have sunk the franchise at least for the next few years.
I do however, look forward to a re-boot in a decade or so, if we haven’t all been assimilated by aliens, overrun by AI robots or decimated by a supernatural plague bought on by some witchy wench with an axe to grind.
THREE WORD SUMMATION: Big Red Turd.
I was initially a little concerned that we were getting a re-boot and not a direct sequel to Hellboy II: The Golden Army (2008), especially as it still seemed so recent and was so well made. I know it was over a decade ago but quality is timeless, yeah? Then David Harbour was cast and Neil Marshall announced as director. Great, thought I, an actor I like and a director who’s put out some solid genre material. I saw the first picture of Harbour as Hellboy and I was genuinely excited. I saw the trailer and again, excited. Then I watched the film.
Eurgh, where to start?
Firstly, Ian McShane’s initial voice over is clunky and ill fitting, then they throw in some b@llocks about King Arthur and Excalibur. I had my first wobble here, as some of the effects seemed less than special.
Cue opening titles.
The film starts with a Mexican wrestling match that is purely exposition to let us know Hellboy is a hard drinking and hard fighting anti-hero working for an organisation that deals with the paranormal. The make up for his vampiric opponent is also great (can’t fault the makeup department), but the scene seemed superfluous. We get the nubbin of the story forming now; some horrible witchy wench from way back when was cut into bits and flung around jolly old England to prevent her from spreading a right ‘orrible plague. Turns out a potty-mouthed Liverpudlian pig-monster is collecting said bits in the hope of putting her back together in exchange for his normal appearance. Scouse pig-monster is quite entertaining.
Hellboy goes to England at the request of an upper-class paranormal society to help them kill giants; this goes t1ts up. Again, this seems like unnecessary exposition to introduce Alice, a medium who he rescued as a baby, who now rescues him in a transit van. We also get introduced to M11’s Agent Daimio. There something wrong with him, he keeps injecting himself with a serum to stop something happening. I knew at this point we’d get to see what it was eventually, probably at a juncture where something is needed to rescue someone important. However, at this point I had a feeling it would be bad, I just didn’t know how bad.
There some more fighting, some good effects, some mediocre effects and some terrible effects. There’s some good one-liners, there’s some dull and/or terrible dialogue and then we get the film’s conclusion.
There’s something I’ve been putting off mentioning as I didn’t want the entire review to be about it, and it could have been; the witchy wench at the heart of all this paranormal consternation, Nimue, is played by Milla Jovovich and she is terrible. From when she first opens her mouth to her predictable demise, she is terrible. Terrible. TERRIBLE.
I love some of the Resident Evil films but all she’s required to do is some slow-motion scissor kicks and shoot zombies and zombie-dogs in the face. She is tolerated, rather than enjoyed. Here she is emoting, or at least I think that’s what she was going for, and as a depiction of an evil entity bent of the destruction of all mankind, she is, for want of a better word, cack.
David Harbour and the Hellboy franchise deserve better than this. To be blunt, the franchise has better than this and Mike Mignola should be a bit more f---ing precious with his creation.
Hellboy (2004) was genuinely exciting; it was an origin story that bought that story full circle for its thrilling and apocalyptical conclusion. It has a wonderful nemesis, great support and breath-taking visuals. The re-tread of the origin story in Hellboy (2019) is, again, one more unnecessary diversion from a sketchy plot, which, for all its meagre bones takes a f-ck load of time to tell.
Hellboy II: The Golden Army (2008) was equally impressive. It also introduced a fully formed community of creatures and customs hiding alongside mankind. It did so with nonchalant aplomb. Nothing seemed irrelevant or forced. For two films with almost identical running times, Hellboy (2019) tells less of a story with way more waffle.
So, I did mention there were some positives. David Harbour is great. He’s dour, sarcastic, defiant and funny, he just has no engaging story in which to be all those things. Ian McShane is good as the father figure but he is overshadowed by memories of the late, unbelievably great John Hurt. The story of a witch trying to destroy mankind is solid fantasy movie gold and the unleashing of her plague late in the final act is suitably hellish; bizarre demons emerging from city streets and tearing humans limb from limb, it’s bloody wonderful and wonderfully bloody. They all could have come straight out of a Clive Barker fever dream. However, it’s too little too late, by this point in the story we’ve had too many cutaways, too much shoddy CGI, and Agent Daimio stinking up many a scene with his ‘will he won’t he’ turn into something rubbish… he does.
The worst part of all this is I don’t know if they can come back from this. The film may have sunk the franchise at least for the next few years.
I do however, look forward to a re-boot in a decade or so, if we haven’t all been assimilated by aliens, overrun by AI robots or decimated by a supernatural plague bought on by some witchy wench with an axe to grind.
THREE WORD SUMMATION: Big Red Turd.