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LoganCrews (2861 KP) rated Parker (2013) in Movies

Jul 4, 2021

Parker (2013)

2013 | Mystery

5.2

(6 Ratings)

Movie Rating

So this is the type of shit we got right before 𝘑𝘰𝘩𝘯 𝘞𝘪𝘤𝘬, huh? Front-to-back wretched, wouldn't even pass as middling DTV fodder these days. Statham is so much better than such chintzy tripe, and I think he knows it judging by this sleepwalk of a performance - which the entire rest of the cast (except for a crackling Micah Hauptman) matches. Society has progressed past the need for more ignominious, generic 90s actioner-with-little-action ripoffs which basically only exist to fill up midday slots on the Starz channel. You'd think this premise would be intrinsically fun - just having Statham (in numerous disguises and funny accents) hunt down and kill the rest of his former team - but I guess it isn't in this piece of shit. It's a shame too, because the characters look good doused in blood and being shot and/or impaled with various items but the already tame R-rating is utterly wasted by overcutting and shaky-camming the flow completely out of the few fights there are. That might have been marginally less of an offense if it wasn't also seriously sexist towards its female characters. Lopez has no reason to trust this guy yet she badly wants to fuck him the second she sees him even after he assaults her, demeans her, and forces her to de-clothe in front of him - which they then try to spin into some gross romantic moment. Less than trash, somehow even worse than 𝘔𝘦𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘪𝘤: 𝘙𝘦𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯.