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Bob Mann (459 KP) rated Spencer (2021) in Movies
Nov 11, 2021
Diana hits rock bottom… as does the script.
Discordant strings sound as the royal party arrives at Sandringham for Christmas. “Is she here yet” intones the Queen. “No ma’am” her major domo replies. “Then she’s late”. Cut to a soulful choral version of “Perfect Day” as Diana Princess of Wales (née Spencer) arrives via a dramatic aerial shot. Hugs go to her sons William and Harry before she unhappily stalks through the corridors like a hunted animal.
This is the second movie in a row that I’ve intro’d via a positive emotional response to a great trailer. In the last case – for “Last Night in Soho” – the movie more than lived up to my high expectations from the trailer. But here – oh dear! It comes to something where the very best thing about the film is the trailer.
For, unfortunately for me, this came across as pretentious, vaguely insulting and with a dreadful script.
Plot Summary:
It’s Christmas 1991 at the Sandringham estate. Diana (Kristen Stewart) is the black sheep of the royal family, flouting tradition and always late for every formal event. She sees conspiracies at every turn, suspecting the household coordinator Major Gregory (Timothy Spall) of plotting against her. Her only allies that she can talk to are head chef Darren (Sean Harris) and her dresser Maggie (Sally Hawkins).
Mentally unstable, bulimic and self-harming, Diana must survive a tumultuous three days without destroying the Christmas spirit for her two sons and irreparably damaging her relationship with the wider royal family.
Certification:
US: R. UK: 12A.
Talent:
Starring: Kristen Stewart, Timothy Spall, Sally Hawkins, Jack Farthing, Sean Harris.
Directed by: Pablo Larraín.
Written by: Steven Knight.
“Spencer” Review: Positives:
Kristen Stewart does a simply fabulous job of impersonating Diana. She’s clearly studied a lot of video of the lady in getting to mimic the way she looks, walks and dances. Although I didn’t rate the film, the performance is a cut-above.
It’s an ironic touch that in all of her driving scenes, Diana never wears a seat-belt.
Negatives:
Oh man, Steven Knight’s dialogue here I found to be simply atrocious. Head-in-the-hands bad. I decided about half way through this monstrosity that “The Room” had had its day as a cult student classic, and that “Spencer” should take over in that role.
These things evolve organically over time, but I came up with the following basic rules for a student showing:
Every time Kristen Stewart does a ‘simp’ look to camera, down a shot;
When Darren utters the line “What are you going to do with wirecutters?” the audience yells as one “CUT WIRE!” **;
When Diana intones “Beauty is useless. Beauty is clothing”** the audience should strip to their underwear;
Every time a member of the hunt shouts “PULL!” you throw a stuffed pheasant in the air. Otherwise you keep the stuffed pheasant next to you, and engage in studious conversation with it as the film progresses;
Whenever Anne Boleyn appears, shout “OFF WITH HER HEAD”;
When a character says to Diana “I love you. And yes, in that way”**, the audience must shout “Aye aye” and every female audience member needs to passionately kiss another female audience member; and finally…
When Diana says “Leave Me. I want to masturbate”**, the audience throws dildos at the screen.
** I’d really like to pretend that I made these lines up. They might be paraphrased a bit, but honestly, that’s the gist!
Oh yes. It’s a sure-fire student classic of the future. You read it here first folks! I can see the filmmakers lauding me with praise for turning their movie into a post-release sleeper hit. “WHAT A CULT” they shout at me. “WHAT A CULT”!
The rest of the cast do a good enough job with what they have, but have the general vibe of being embarrassed to deliver the dialogue they’ve been given. Sean Harris – a fine actor – inexplicably spouts Shakespeare like Christopher Plummer in “Star Trek VI”! And one can only assume that Timothy Spall was given direction to act as if he had a whole lemon stuck inside his mouth for the whole movie.
I’ve been a fan of Jonny Greenwood’s music in other movies like “Phantom Thread“. I’ve seen Mark Kermode describe this soundtrack as “fantastic”. But, for me, the intrusive atonal strings and laid-back jazz vibe just didn’t work for me at all.
Summary Thoughts on “Spencer”
As you can probably tell, I hated this one. And the illustrious Mrs Movie Man 100% agrees with me in this assessment. The trailer promised a lot, but the movie delivered very little for me. It just all felt to me like an affront to the memory of Diana. Making a highly fictitious “fable based on a real life tragedy” just feels wrong. This seems particularly the case when the Queen, Prince Charles and (particularly) William and Harry are alive to watch it. What must they think if and when they get to view this?
I was a big fan of Larrain’s 2017 biopic on Jackie Kennedy – “Jackie” – which really covered the very similar ground, of a lady in the focus of publicity struggling with mental illness. But at least that had the benefit of historical distance.
I seem to be swimming against the critical tide here, since the movie currently has an IMDB rating of 7.4/10. But frankly, for me, I thought the recent series of “The Crown” did this so much better.
This is the second movie in a row that I’ve intro’d via a positive emotional response to a great trailer. In the last case – for “Last Night in Soho” – the movie more than lived up to my high expectations from the trailer. But here – oh dear! It comes to something where the very best thing about the film is the trailer.
For, unfortunately for me, this came across as pretentious, vaguely insulting and with a dreadful script.
Plot Summary:
It’s Christmas 1991 at the Sandringham estate. Diana (Kristen Stewart) is the black sheep of the royal family, flouting tradition and always late for every formal event. She sees conspiracies at every turn, suspecting the household coordinator Major Gregory (Timothy Spall) of plotting against her. Her only allies that she can talk to are head chef Darren (Sean Harris) and her dresser Maggie (Sally Hawkins).
Mentally unstable, bulimic and self-harming, Diana must survive a tumultuous three days without destroying the Christmas spirit for her two sons and irreparably damaging her relationship with the wider royal family.
Certification:
US: R. UK: 12A.
Talent:
Starring: Kristen Stewart, Timothy Spall, Sally Hawkins, Jack Farthing, Sean Harris.
Directed by: Pablo Larraín.
Written by: Steven Knight.
“Spencer” Review: Positives:
Kristen Stewart does a simply fabulous job of impersonating Diana. She’s clearly studied a lot of video of the lady in getting to mimic the way she looks, walks and dances. Although I didn’t rate the film, the performance is a cut-above.
It’s an ironic touch that in all of her driving scenes, Diana never wears a seat-belt.
Negatives:
Oh man, Steven Knight’s dialogue here I found to be simply atrocious. Head-in-the-hands bad. I decided about half way through this monstrosity that “The Room” had had its day as a cult student classic, and that “Spencer” should take over in that role.
These things evolve organically over time, but I came up with the following basic rules for a student showing:
Every time Kristen Stewart does a ‘simp’ look to camera, down a shot;
When Darren utters the line “What are you going to do with wirecutters?” the audience yells as one “CUT WIRE!” **;
When Diana intones “Beauty is useless. Beauty is clothing”** the audience should strip to their underwear;
Every time a member of the hunt shouts “PULL!” you throw a stuffed pheasant in the air. Otherwise you keep the stuffed pheasant next to you, and engage in studious conversation with it as the film progresses;
Whenever Anne Boleyn appears, shout “OFF WITH HER HEAD”;
When a character says to Diana “I love you. And yes, in that way”**, the audience must shout “Aye aye” and every female audience member needs to passionately kiss another female audience member; and finally…
When Diana says “Leave Me. I want to masturbate”**, the audience throws dildos at the screen.
** I’d really like to pretend that I made these lines up. They might be paraphrased a bit, but honestly, that’s the gist!
Oh yes. It’s a sure-fire student classic of the future. You read it here first folks! I can see the filmmakers lauding me with praise for turning their movie into a post-release sleeper hit. “WHAT A CULT” they shout at me. “WHAT A CULT”!
The rest of the cast do a good enough job with what they have, but have the general vibe of being embarrassed to deliver the dialogue they’ve been given. Sean Harris – a fine actor – inexplicably spouts Shakespeare like Christopher Plummer in “Star Trek VI”! And one can only assume that Timothy Spall was given direction to act as if he had a whole lemon stuck inside his mouth for the whole movie.
I’ve been a fan of Jonny Greenwood’s music in other movies like “Phantom Thread“. I’ve seen Mark Kermode describe this soundtrack as “fantastic”. But, for me, the intrusive atonal strings and laid-back jazz vibe just didn’t work for me at all.
Summary Thoughts on “Spencer”
As you can probably tell, I hated this one. And the illustrious Mrs Movie Man 100% agrees with me in this assessment. The trailer promised a lot, but the movie delivered very little for me. It just all felt to me like an affront to the memory of Diana. Making a highly fictitious “fable based on a real life tragedy” just feels wrong. This seems particularly the case when the Queen, Prince Charles and (particularly) William and Harry are alive to watch it. What must they think if and when they get to view this?
I was a big fan of Larrain’s 2017 biopic on Jackie Kennedy – “Jackie” – which really covered the very similar ground, of a lady in the focus of publicity struggling with mental illness. But at least that had the benefit of historical distance.
I seem to be swimming against the critical tide here, since the movie currently has an IMDB rating of 7.4/10. But frankly, for me, I thought the recent series of “The Crown” did this so much better.
Gareth von Kallenbach (965 KP) rated Fantastic Four (2005) in Movies
Aug 14, 2019
In 1994, a low budget film was created in order to preserve the film rights to one of Marvel Comics popular series The Fantastic 4. Created by comic legend Stan Lee, the comic tells the ongoing tales of four people who were endowed with amazing powers after accidental exposure to an element in space.
The film was never released and has gone on to become a popular bootleg amongst comic fans. The ensuing rights for the film were also sold, and for almost a decade Fox has worked in bringing the comic to the big screen.
After years of languishing, the film finally got on the fast track and under the helm of Director Tim Story and features a dynamic cast headed by some of the biggest emerging superstars in Hollywood.
Ioan Gruffudd stars as Reed Richards, a brilliant yet recently bankrupt scientist who, along with his friend Ben Grimm (Michael Chiklis), is visiting famed scientist Victor Von Doom (Julian Mc Mahon), in an effort to get his latest venture funded.
Reed is convinced that an approaching storm in space is the key to unlocking vast amounts of genetic secrets and that the shielding on Doom’s space station allows for safe study of the very rare phenomenon.
Doom agrees to the venture in exchange for 75% of all revenue generated from the findings and that he gets to assign certain people to the mission. Among them are Sue Storm (Jessica Alba), and her pilot brother Johnny (Chris Evans). The fact that Sue is Reed’s ex is a source of tension within the group, as she is obviously still hurt and bitter over Reed’s inability to look at her and life in ways that are not based upon analytical science.
Despite the issues, the crew arrives at the station and the test is going according to plan. That is until an unexpected situation arises, which causes the team to get caught in the storm with the shields lowered, exposing them all to the storm’s radiation.
Back on earth, the crew awakens to find themselves in quarantine and suffering no ill effects from the accident. The failure of the mission is of great concern for Doom. His investors are using this as a reason to pull their support, which in turn is causing his stock to drop rapidly.
In time, Reed, Sue, Johnny, and Ben start to show amazing abilities resulting from their exposure to the storm. Johnny can become a human fireball, Reed can stretch his body to amazing lengths, Sue can become invisible and project force fields, and Ben has become a living wall of rock, capable of great feats of strength.
Since Ben is no longer able to pass as a human, he feels like a freak and is shunned by his wife, causing him much anger and depression. It is due to this that the team becomes noticed by the media who dub them the Fantastic 4 after watching them in action.
The resulting fame causes the team to withdraw, save for Johnny who basks in the glory and attention heaped upon him. It is against this changing dynamic that the team must find a way to restore themselves to their normal state and to discover what is causing their new found abilities.
The Fantastic 4 are not the only ones who changed. Doom is becoming more and more angry and violent as he blames Reed for the failure of his company. Victor also has the ability to hurl deadly bolts of energy from his body which is quickly becoming metallic.
As fans of the comic know, it will not take long for Doom and the Fantastic 4 to face off, paving the way for a final confrontation. While I went in not expecting much from the film, I must say I was surprised. Yes, the film has a thin plot, and fairly basic characters and action, but it is also above all fun.
The dynamic between the characters is enjoyable, as is the humor which accurately captures the tone and feel of the comic. Some purists will take exception with some of the liberties taken, such as Doom being on the trip to space and other variations on his character which are not part of the original comic.
Alba and Evans tend to come off at times as airheads but they stay true to their characters throughout. Gruffudd plays Reed with modesty and charm that works well in the film and shows that he is a star on the rise. Praise should be heaped upon Chiklis and McMahon who could easily have become lost behind their costumes. Theygive very human and compelling performances. Chiklis captures the duality of Grimm as he battles his despair over his physical appearance with his desire to do what is right. McMahon does riveting work as the man pushed over the edge and becomes fueled by a desire for revenge and power. The fury and evil upon his face and in his walk shows him as a man of menace and danger.
I for one would have liked to have seen a bit more action in the film but as it stands, it is not as bad as some of the trailers hinted that it might be. If you do not mind thin plots and characters, you may be able to sit back and enjoy this film for what it is, a simple summer escape. Here is hoping that we will see the “Fantastic 4” up on the big screen as the next franchise series from Marvel.
The film was never released and has gone on to become a popular bootleg amongst comic fans. The ensuing rights for the film were also sold, and for almost a decade Fox has worked in bringing the comic to the big screen.
After years of languishing, the film finally got on the fast track and under the helm of Director Tim Story and features a dynamic cast headed by some of the biggest emerging superstars in Hollywood.
Ioan Gruffudd stars as Reed Richards, a brilliant yet recently bankrupt scientist who, along with his friend Ben Grimm (Michael Chiklis), is visiting famed scientist Victor Von Doom (Julian Mc Mahon), in an effort to get his latest venture funded.
Reed is convinced that an approaching storm in space is the key to unlocking vast amounts of genetic secrets and that the shielding on Doom’s space station allows for safe study of the very rare phenomenon.
Doom agrees to the venture in exchange for 75% of all revenue generated from the findings and that he gets to assign certain people to the mission. Among them are Sue Storm (Jessica Alba), and her pilot brother Johnny (Chris Evans). The fact that Sue is Reed’s ex is a source of tension within the group, as she is obviously still hurt and bitter over Reed’s inability to look at her and life in ways that are not based upon analytical science.
Despite the issues, the crew arrives at the station and the test is going according to plan. That is until an unexpected situation arises, which causes the team to get caught in the storm with the shields lowered, exposing them all to the storm’s radiation.
Back on earth, the crew awakens to find themselves in quarantine and suffering no ill effects from the accident. The failure of the mission is of great concern for Doom. His investors are using this as a reason to pull their support, which in turn is causing his stock to drop rapidly.
In time, Reed, Sue, Johnny, and Ben start to show amazing abilities resulting from their exposure to the storm. Johnny can become a human fireball, Reed can stretch his body to amazing lengths, Sue can become invisible and project force fields, and Ben has become a living wall of rock, capable of great feats of strength.
Since Ben is no longer able to pass as a human, he feels like a freak and is shunned by his wife, causing him much anger and depression. It is due to this that the team becomes noticed by the media who dub them the Fantastic 4 after watching them in action.
The resulting fame causes the team to withdraw, save for Johnny who basks in the glory and attention heaped upon him. It is against this changing dynamic that the team must find a way to restore themselves to their normal state and to discover what is causing their new found abilities.
The Fantastic 4 are not the only ones who changed. Doom is becoming more and more angry and violent as he blames Reed for the failure of his company. Victor also has the ability to hurl deadly bolts of energy from his body which is quickly becoming metallic.
As fans of the comic know, it will not take long for Doom and the Fantastic 4 to face off, paving the way for a final confrontation. While I went in not expecting much from the film, I must say I was surprised. Yes, the film has a thin plot, and fairly basic characters and action, but it is also above all fun.
The dynamic between the characters is enjoyable, as is the humor which accurately captures the tone and feel of the comic. Some purists will take exception with some of the liberties taken, such as Doom being on the trip to space and other variations on his character which are not part of the original comic.
Alba and Evans tend to come off at times as airheads but they stay true to their characters throughout. Gruffudd plays Reed with modesty and charm that works well in the film and shows that he is a star on the rise. Praise should be heaped upon Chiklis and McMahon who could easily have become lost behind their costumes. Theygive very human and compelling performances. Chiklis captures the duality of Grimm as he battles his despair over his physical appearance with his desire to do what is right. McMahon does riveting work as the man pushed over the edge and becomes fueled by a desire for revenge and power. The fury and evil upon his face and in his walk shows him as a man of menace and danger.
I for one would have liked to have seen a bit more action in the film but as it stands, it is not as bad as some of the trailers hinted that it might be. If you do not mind thin plots and characters, you may be able to sit back and enjoy this film for what it is, a simple summer escape. Here is hoping that we will see the “Fantastic 4” up on the big screen as the next franchise series from Marvel.
Lee (2222 KP) rated Bill & Ted Face the Music (2020) in Movies
Sep 15, 2020
Back in 1991, I thought that Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey was the greatest movie of all time. Sure, Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure was pretty incredible too, but with the addition of Death… Station… evil robot Bill & Ted… it was all just genius as far as I was concerned. My movie watching habits since the nineties have shown me that neither of those films is actually the greatest of all time (well, maybe top 50), but that certainly didn't stop me from getting ridiculously giddy with excitement at the prospect of a third outing. Even more so after successfully introducing my youngest daughter to both movies recently, at which point I also concluded that Excellent Adventure was, in fact, the better of the two!
So, here we are. 29 years on from Bogus Journey, and we find Bill & Ted at a very difficult time in their lives. Dwindling popularity and record sales mean that their destiny of uniting the world with a single song is now becoming increasingly unlikely. A wedding reception where Bill & Ted are unveiling their latest musical creation to a less than lukewarm reception gives us a nice nostalgic chance to see some familiar faces from the previous movies and also brings us quickly up to speed on the lives of our two heroes. Still married to the medieval princesses (Jayma Mays and Erinn Hayes), they now both have grown-up daughters, Thea (Brigette Lundy-Paine) and Billie (Samara Weaving). Both girls are like younger versions of their fathers, making heavy use of the word ‘dude’, and with extensive musical tastes and knowledge. They worship their fathers though and truly believe in their music.
Following the wedding reception, a trip to couples therapy shows us that it's not just their music career that's heading for the rocks. There's even talk of breaking up the band - “We’ve spent our entire lives trying to unite the world. And I’m tired, dude” Ted confesses to Bill. And as their destiny begins to fracture, reality also starts to unravel, with historical figures randomly being sucked from their own time and dumped into another.
Arriving just in the nick of time is a traveller from the future. Kelly (Kristen Schaal) lands in an egg-shaped time machine and whisks the boys into the future where they find that they are now no longer being worshipped in the same way as they were before. They are told in no uncertain terms that they have just 77 minutes to come up with the song they were destined to write, or the past, present and future are all going to collide, resulting in the world collapsing in on itself. Whoah!
Resigning themselves to the fact that if they haven't been able to come up with the song in the last couple of decades, they're unlikely to come up with it in the next 77 minutes, Bill & Ted land on the genius idea that they can simply go to the future and steal the song from their future selves. So, they begin jumping forward to various points in time and meeting up with different versions of themselves. We get overweight rock star Bill & Ted, complete with dodgy British accents, muscular prison inmate Bill & Ted and even OAP nursing home Bill & Ted.
Meanwhile, daughters Thea and Billie come up with a slightly more solid plan of action that involves picking up prominent musicians from history and forming them into the ultimate band, in the hopes that their combined talents will come up with the song that saves the world. It's a race against time as both missions play out simultaneously, taking in a trip to hell, recruiting ex-band member Death (William Sandler) and trying to outwit a robot who's out to kill them. It's basically a greatest hits remix of the first two movies.
It took some time for me to adjust to seeing Keanu Reeves outside of his role as John Wick, clean-shaven and considerably less dangerous. Both he and Alex Winter are obviously much older than when we last saw them as Bill & Ted, but it was surprising just how well they slipped right back into the roles. It honestly felt so good to be back in the company of these guys. The daughters are also a welcome addition, although they feel underused, and being separated from their fathers for much of the movie means that everything feels a lot more chaotic than we’re used to.
Bill & Ted Face the Music rattles along at a fairly brisk pace and the ending felt very rushed and abrupt. Something about the whole thing just doesn’t feel right and I didn’t feel as though we were ever getting very much time to explore or experience a particular scene before we were straight onto the next. It’s funny at times, but with most of it essentially reworking themes and ideas from earlier movies it ends up as the weakest of the trilogy, which is a real shame.
I’ve got so much love for these characters and movies that I feel bad about being negative in any way. However, I can’t help feeling that Face the Music teeters on the edge of ‘maybe they should have just left alone with the last movie’ a little too often. At the end of the day though, I can't really knock a movie that's essentially all about harmless fun and, more importantly, carries with it a message about uniting the world, being excellent to each other. I think we all could appreciate that philosophy in our lives right now.
So, here we are. 29 years on from Bogus Journey, and we find Bill & Ted at a very difficult time in their lives. Dwindling popularity and record sales mean that their destiny of uniting the world with a single song is now becoming increasingly unlikely. A wedding reception where Bill & Ted are unveiling their latest musical creation to a less than lukewarm reception gives us a nice nostalgic chance to see some familiar faces from the previous movies and also brings us quickly up to speed on the lives of our two heroes. Still married to the medieval princesses (Jayma Mays and Erinn Hayes), they now both have grown-up daughters, Thea (Brigette Lundy-Paine) and Billie (Samara Weaving). Both girls are like younger versions of their fathers, making heavy use of the word ‘dude’, and with extensive musical tastes and knowledge. They worship their fathers though and truly believe in their music.
Following the wedding reception, a trip to couples therapy shows us that it's not just their music career that's heading for the rocks. There's even talk of breaking up the band - “We’ve spent our entire lives trying to unite the world. And I’m tired, dude” Ted confesses to Bill. And as their destiny begins to fracture, reality also starts to unravel, with historical figures randomly being sucked from their own time and dumped into another.
Arriving just in the nick of time is a traveller from the future. Kelly (Kristen Schaal) lands in an egg-shaped time machine and whisks the boys into the future where they find that they are now no longer being worshipped in the same way as they were before. They are told in no uncertain terms that they have just 77 minutes to come up with the song they were destined to write, or the past, present and future are all going to collide, resulting in the world collapsing in on itself. Whoah!
Resigning themselves to the fact that if they haven't been able to come up with the song in the last couple of decades, they're unlikely to come up with it in the next 77 minutes, Bill & Ted land on the genius idea that they can simply go to the future and steal the song from their future selves. So, they begin jumping forward to various points in time and meeting up with different versions of themselves. We get overweight rock star Bill & Ted, complete with dodgy British accents, muscular prison inmate Bill & Ted and even OAP nursing home Bill & Ted.
Meanwhile, daughters Thea and Billie come up with a slightly more solid plan of action that involves picking up prominent musicians from history and forming them into the ultimate band, in the hopes that their combined talents will come up with the song that saves the world. It's a race against time as both missions play out simultaneously, taking in a trip to hell, recruiting ex-band member Death (William Sandler) and trying to outwit a robot who's out to kill them. It's basically a greatest hits remix of the first two movies.
It took some time for me to adjust to seeing Keanu Reeves outside of his role as John Wick, clean-shaven and considerably less dangerous. Both he and Alex Winter are obviously much older than when we last saw them as Bill & Ted, but it was surprising just how well they slipped right back into the roles. It honestly felt so good to be back in the company of these guys. The daughters are also a welcome addition, although they feel underused, and being separated from their fathers for much of the movie means that everything feels a lot more chaotic than we’re used to.
Bill & Ted Face the Music rattles along at a fairly brisk pace and the ending felt very rushed and abrupt. Something about the whole thing just doesn’t feel right and I didn’t feel as though we were ever getting very much time to explore or experience a particular scene before we were straight onto the next. It’s funny at times, but with most of it essentially reworking themes and ideas from earlier movies it ends up as the weakest of the trilogy, which is a real shame.
I’ve got so much love for these characters and movies that I feel bad about being negative in any way. However, I can’t help feeling that Face the Music teeters on the edge of ‘maybe they should have just left alone with the last movie’ a little too often. At the end of the day though, I can't really knock a movie that's essentially all about harmless fun and, more importantly, carries with it a message about uniting the world, being excellent to each other. I think we all could appreciate that philosophy in our lives right now.
Bong Mines Entertainment (15 KP) rated Rather You Than Me by Rick Ross in Music
Jun 7, 2019
Rick Ross is a rapper and CEO of Maybach Music Group. Not too long ago, he released “Rather You Than Me“, a star-studded album filled with expensive thoughts and gun-toting lyrics.
This is Ross’ ninth studio album, and we can agree that his wisdom and wishful thinking are two ingredients which make this project noteworthy.
1) Rick Ross – “Apple of My Eye” (ft. Raphael Saadiq)
Ross, who used to view himself as a fat ugly ni^^a who wouldn’t be anything, now feels out of place in a room full of failures. His lyrical growth is obvious, and Major Nine’s production is reminiscent of ‘90s Funk/R&B. The mood is laid back with choppy drums beating to Beanie Sigel’s “I Feel It in the Air’ vibe.
Ross injects his thoughts about Meek’s & Nicki’s breakup, “I told Meek I wouldn’t trust Nicki, instead of beefing with your dog, you just give him some distance.” But the questionable, “I’m happy Donald Trump became the president because we gotta destroy before we elevate,” had us scratching our heads. Ni^^a what? Anyhow, this is a dope track and we will bump it again.
2) Rick Ross – “Santorini Greece”
Ross realizes that his success doesn’t exempt him from being crucified like Christ or anyone else. But one thing’s for sure, success gave Ross the ability to travel the world, and the bragging rights to say that he put Santorini, Greece on the map.
3) Rick Ross – “Idols Become Rivals” (ft. Chris Rock)
After letting the first two songs marinate, Ross adds a plot to the scene and pens a letter to Birdman, the CEO of Cash Money Records. If Tupac’s “Against All Odds” is the realest sh^t ever written in hip-hop, then this song is not too far behind. Ross airs out the rap mogul’s dirty laundry while taking him to the cleaners at the same time.
Black Metaphor’s track is laid back and Ross’s melodic flow is hypnotic. And Ross reaches Godfather status when he chooses to stick up for DJ Khalid, BG, Lil Wayne, Mannie Fresh, etc.
4) Rick Ross – “Trap Trap Trap” (ft. Young Thug, Wale)
Ross turns up the pulse and takes us on a trap journey with Young Thug and Wale. But unfortunately, Ross talking about trapping isn’t stimulating and doesn’t contribute to the momentum gained by the first three songs. Quite frankly, Ross already established his trapping legacy on his first album.
Now, it just sounds repetitive, causing our emotional attachment to depart temporarily, especially when Wale raps, “I ain’t nothing like them trap guys,” got us questioning the lineup, even though Wale delivers a dope verse. If the first three songs brought us to the third eye or crown chakra, then this song took us down to the solar chakra.
5) Rick Ross – “Dead Presidents” (ft. Future, Jeezy, Yo Gotti)
Ross goes lower to the root chakra and brings in a drug-dealing line up to support his trapping movement. But the drug-dealing references and gun-toting accolades blow a huge black cloud over Rather You Than Me, an optimistic album that Ross created to showcase his happiness of seeing other survivalist enjoying the finer things in life.
So, every time a dark thought or a dire situation is inserted, it defeats Ross’ higher purpose for the album. We would’ve appreciated this song more if it was on another project with a trapping theme.
6) Rick Ross – “She’s on My D*ck” (ft. Gucci Mane)
A dope, hard-knocking track produced by Beat Billionaire, keeps the momentum going horizontally when it should be moving vertically north towards Ross’ original script. This song has a mediocre theme and suffers from lack of creativity in the chorus, but the beat saves the song. [usr 3.0]
7) Rick Ross – “I Think She Like Me” (ft. Ty Dolla $ign)
Ross probably heard us yelling, “Stick to the script” because he restores order over J-Pilot- & C Gutta-produced track.
Ross raps with a Barry White vocal tone, “I once got no allowance, now I got the crown. I said I was The Boss, nobody made a sound. Really had to see them things, this level story telling. Who else could flip a chorus into 40 million?”
Ross wins here, and he wins big. One of the best in the business to talk that talk and Ty Dollar $ign comes through in the clutch.
8) Rick Ross – “Powers That Be” (ft. Nas)
Now in storytelling mode, Ross enlists lyricist Nas to help him usher his concept. The lyrics are on point but the fullness of the song is lackluster. We expected more, but only got a few firecrackers igniting, roman candles busting, minus the major firework show. It felt like an appetizer. You know? If you eat enough, you might be too full to finish your incoming meal.
9) Rick Ross – “Game Ain’t Based on Sympathy”
Ross reminisces about his past over a dope soul-inspired track with a groovy/psychedelic loop that blends in naturally with Ross’s deep monotone.
We can listen to Ross rap for hours, especially if he’s talking about conscious issues.
10) Rick Ross – “Scientology”
As the momentum, gradually rises back to the crown, Ross flows over a dope, wonderland of sounds track produced by Bink! & The Youngstars. Like going up an elevator, Ross took us to a destination that we didn’t know existed.
11) Lamborghini Doors – (ft. Meek Mill, Anthony Hamilton)
If it’s not broke, don’t fix it. Ross’ decision to follow in the same direction as “Scientology” was the right one because Ross’ and Meek Mill’s chemistry is heartfelt. Since the momentum is moving upwards towards the sky, it’s fitting when Meek said, “We coming up like them Lamborghini doors.”
12) Triple Platinum – (ft. Scrilla)
The prayer at the beginning does the album justice; and when Ross said, “Me and HOV back and forth like I’m triple platinum,” we saw how far Ross had come, and how far he still must go.
13) Maybach Music V – (ft. Katt Rockell & Dej Loaf)
Ross and Dej Loaf rap over an airy/dreamy track produced by Beat Butcha & Buda & Grandz. More expensive thoughts and money spending don’t hurt the momentum if the topic is about the finer things in life.
14) Summer Seventeen – (ft. Yo Gotti)
In conclusion, Ross ends the album on a gangster note. And the Beat Billionaire-produced track is hard as steel and bump-worthy. We love the theme, “I want my ni^^as rich by summer seventeen”, a wishful thought like that is what ‘Rather You Than Me’ is all about—everybody eating.
https://www.bongminesentertainment.com/rick-ross-rather-review/
This is Ross’ ninth studio album, and we can agree that his wisdom and wishful thinking are two ingredients which make this project noteworthy.
1) Rick Ross – “Apple of My Eye” (ft. Raphael Saadiq)
Ross, who used to view himself as a fat ugly ni^^a who wouldn’t be anything, now feels out of place in a room full of failures. His lyrical growth is obvious, and Major Nine’s production is reminiscent of ‘90s Funk/R&B. The mood is laid back with choppy drums beating to Beanie Sigel’s “I Feel It in the Air’ vibe.
Ross injects his thoughts about Meek’s & Nicki’s breakup, “I told Meek I wouldn’t trust Nicki, instead of beefing with your dog, you just give him some distance.” But the questionable, “I’m happy Donald Trump became the president because we gotta destroy before we elevate,” had us scratching our heads. Ni^^a what? Anyhow, this is a dope track and we will bump it again.
2) Rick Ross – “Santorini Greece”
Ross realizes that his success doesn’t exempt him from being crucified like Christ or anyone else. But one thing’s for sure, success gave Ross the ability to travel the world, and the bragging rights to say that he put Santorini, Greece on the map.
3) Rick Ross – “Idols Become Rivals” (ft. Chris Rock)
After letting the first two songs marinate, Ross adds a plot to the scene and pens a letter to Birdman, the CEO of Cash Money Records. If Tupac’s “Against All Odds” is the realest sh^t ever written in hip-hop, then this song is not too far behind. Ross airs out the rap mogul’s dirty laundry while taking him to the cleaners at the same time.
Black Metaphor’s track is laid back and Ross’s melodic flow is hypnotic. And Ross reaches Godfather status when he chooses to stick up for DJ Khalid, BG, Lil Wayne, Mannie Fresh, etc.
4) Rick Ross – “Trap Trap Trap” (ft. Young Thug, Wale)
Ross turns up the pulse and takes us on a trap journey with Young Thug and Wale. But unfortunately, Ross talking about trapping isn’t stimulating and doesn’t contribute to the momentum gained by the first three songs. Quite frankly, Ross already established his trapping legacy on his first album.
Now, it just sounds repetitive, causing our emotional attachment to depart temporarily, especially when Wale raps, “I ain’t nothing like them trap guys,” got us questioning the lineup, even though Wale delivers a dope verse. If the first three songs brought us to the third eye or crown chakra, then this song took us down to the solar chakra.
5) Rick Ross – “Dead Presidents” (ft. Future, Jeezy, Yo Gotti)
Ross goes lower to the root chakra and brings in a drug-dealing line up to support his trapping movement. But the drug-dealing references and gun-toting accolades blow a huge black cloud over Rather You Than Me, an optimistic album that Ross created to showcase his happiness of seeing other survivalist enjoying the finer things in life.
So, every time a dark thought or a dire situation is inserted, it defeats Ross’ higher purpose for the album. We would’ve appreciated this song more if it was on another project with a trapping theme.
6) Rick Ross – “She’s on My D*ck” (ft. Gucci Mane)
A dope, hard-knocking track produced by Beat Billionaire, keeps the momentum going horizontally when it should be moving vertically north towards Ross’ original script. This song has a mediocre theme and suffers from lack of creativity in the chorus, but the beat saves the song. [usr 3.0]
7) Rick Ross – “I Think She Like Me” (ft. Ty Dolla $ign)
Ross probably heard us yelling, “Stick to the script” because he restores order over J-Pilot- & C Gutta-produced track.
Ross raps with a Barry White vocal tone, “I once got no allowance, now I got the crown. I said I was The Boss, nobody made a sound. Really had to see them things, this level story telling. Who else could flip a chorus into 40 million?”
Ross wins here, and he wins big. One of the best in the business to talk that talk and Ty Dollar $ign comes through in the clutch.
8) Rick Ross – “Powers That Be” (ft. Nas)
Now in storytelling mode, Ross enlists lyricist Nas to help him usher his concept. The lyrics are on point but the fullness of the song is lackluster. We expected more, but only got a few firecrackers igniting, roman candles busting, minus the major firework show. It felt like an appetizer. You know? If you eat enough, you might be too full to finish your incoming meal.
9) Rick Ross – “Game Ain’t Based on Sympathy”
Ross reminisces about his past over a dope soul-inspired track with a groovy/psychedelic loop that blends in naturally with Ross’s deep monotone.
We can listen to Ross rap for hours, especially if he’s talking about conscious issues.
10) Rick Ross – “Scientology”
As the momentum, gradually rises back to the crown, Ross flows over a dope, wonderland of sounds track produced by Bink! & The Youngstars. Like going up an elevator, Ross took us to a destination that we didn’t know existed.
11) Lamborghini Doors – (ft. Meek Mill, Anthony Hamilton)
If it’s not broke, don’t fix it. Ross’ decision to follow in the same direction as “Scientology” was the right one because Ross’ and Meek Mill’s chemistry is heartfelt. Since the momentum is moving upwards towards the sky, it’s fitting when Meek said, “We coming up like them Lamborghini doors.”
12) Triple Platinum – (ft. Scrilla)
The prayer at the beginning does the album justice; and when Ross said, “Me and HOV back and forth like I’m triple platinum,” we saw how far Ross had come, and how far he still must go.
13) Maybach Music V – (ft. Katt Rockell & Dej Loaf)
Ross and Dej Loaf rap over an airy/dreamy track produced by Beat Butcha & Buda & Grandz. More expensive thoughts and money spending don’t hurt the momentum if the topic is about the finer things in life.
14) Summer Seventeen – (ft. Yo Gotti)
In conclusion, Ross ends the album on a gangster note. And the Beat Billionaire-produced track is hard as steel and bump-worthy. We love the theme, “I want my ni^^as rich by summer seventeen”, a wishful thought like that is what ‘Rather You Than Me’ is all about—everybody eating.
https://www.bongminesentertainment.com/rick-ross-rather-review/
Kara Skinner (332 KP) rated The Band 4: The Air We Breathe in Books
Sep 10, 2019
Genre: Contemporary, Inspirational
Page Count: 324 pages (of nauseation)
Average Goodreads Rating: 3/5 stars (why, Goodreads? You’re usually so tough on books)
My Rating: 1.5/ 5 stars
Truthfully, this is actually a great story. Yeah. So great. It’s the perfect backstory for its horror sequel: The Martins Trump Manson on Body Count.
As a romance it fucking sucks.
I don’t even know where to begin. This book is so full of sugary sap that it makes pasta covered in maple and chocolate syrup and marshmallows look appetizing.
original
Still not as sweet as The Air We Breathe
Here’s the thing: I’m not actually a bitter and cynical person. I like sap and fluff. I smile and giggle during romance scenes, I’ve obsessively written cute and romantic fanfiction and my boyfriend and I were arguably the most nauseatingly cute couple to ever walk the halls of John Bapst Memorial High School.
But I gagged reading this book for the amount of love-doveyness.
Marguerite is on holiday in London, recovering from the sudden deaths of her parents which liberated her from 27 years of being suffocated and controlled by them. While there, she has a random chance encounter with Chase Martin, a depressed rock star exhausted from touring with his band. Chase and Marguerite are drawn together by a strange unknown force. They don’t know why they have such a strong connection to each other, but they do know that life without the other would not be living at all.
I actually really liked the beginning and thought that it would shape up to be an interesting and sweet romance. We see them before they meet in the coffee shop, miserable and depressed, and then while sipping her drink and reading her book, Marguerite feels Chase’s anxiety. So she buys him a decaf drink and gives it to him, saying she could feel his anxiety from across the shop. That’s great.
The two of them realize they’re drawn together and can find each other happiness and Marguerite ends up spending the night at Chase’s house just so they can find comfort in having another human being near them. That’s great, too.
The beginning is by far my favorite part because it has promise for a good story and has more vivid scenes than any other part of the book.
But then it moves too quickly from there.
From that moment on, the two of them are so deep in love they make Romeo and Juliet look reserved and cautious. They are constantly “blown away” by each other and moved to tears every minute by each other. They “get a kick out of” every little joke they make to each other, and they start living together immediately after they meet. After a week (that’s right, a flipping week), Chase proposes to her.
And if I had a pin for every time one of those quoted phrases appeared in this novel, I could pulverize a voodoo doll. The repeated phrases and excessive emotion of the characters is definitely the worst part.
I’m still not that aggravated with this book, yet. Yeah, the insta love irks me, but I figure there will be a great plot with lots of trouble between the two of them after they marry. After all, they barely know each other and they need to figure out what this psychic connection means. Maybe they’re the incarnated souls of Hawkgirl and Hawkman and they’re about to get killed by an immortal psychopath (did I mention I’m a huge nerd?).
Nope. The two of them agree on everything, right down to how to decorate the house and the new rule that shoes are off upon entering. And things continue to be hunky dory for practically forever. All of Chase’s friends, and their girlfriends, love Marguerite and nobody questions their whirlwind romance. Yeah, because a severely depressed person getting engaged after a week of dating isn’t a cry for help or anything.
And there is so much to dislike about Chase’s and Marguerite’s decisions. Marguerite is forced to quit her job so she can move to London to be with Chase.
Never mind that she liked her job in Pennsylvania and didn’t express any wish to be a housewife. Never mind that Chase was getting tired of touring and thinking about quitting the band anyway. It’s her life that gets turned upside down.
Also, so much for her newfound freedom following her parents’ deaths! Now she’s shadowed by a bodyguard wherever she goes, needs to sneak into the backs of restaurant when she wants to eat out, and can’t even walk to the store for fear of being accosted by her husbands’ fans.
Yes, Chase’s life gets changed too. He now has a wife that cooks meals for him, cleans for him, furnishes and decorates his house for him, and hands him a cold towel when he walks off stage. He made some real damn sacrifices when he married Marguerite.
bitch_please_by_teslapunk-d32znko
But life goes on. With a lot of summary and over thirty years, it goes on.
Aside from dialogues and scenes peppered here and there, the book is mostly sweet and sappy summary of their lives. Dark things happen now and then but they’re glossed over and smothered in fluff.
If this storyline was done by a competent writer, this actually could have been an entertaining series about the Martin family. There is actually plenty of material between the psychic connection, Marguerite’s tragic background, a miscarriage, a huge celebrity drugging conspiracy, two sets of twins, a near death experience, and a baby on the doorstep.
But somehow it becomes boring and plotless when it’s all crammed into one book that seems to drag on forever. During all of this my main concern, the psychic connection, was never explained. It’s just a gift from God. One that turns their “perfect” (as in creepily well behaved and mature) children into kids from The Shining. Because they also have a psychic connection. They can “feel” each other and their parents. Oh, and talk to their dead sister, apparently, when their dead sister wants to tell them about babies being left on their doorstep.
“This is Baby Sarah,” Matt said.
“Baby Sarah?” Marguerite asked.
(Both sets of twins) said “Yes. We knew she was coming.”
Chase asked, “How did you know?”
“Baby Margaret told us,” Mark said.
Also, when Chase and Marguerite choose Sarah’s full name, all four children, in a different room, wake up from a dead sleep, sit up in unison, and announce that the baby is named.
May I present the newest additions to the Martin family?
If you want to read a rockstar romance, I recommend Love’s Rhythm by Lexxie Couper, which isn’t perfectly crafted, but leagues beyond The Band 4: The Air We Breathe.
Page Count: 324 pages (of nauseation)
Average Goodreads Rating: 3/5 stars (why, Goodreads? You’re usually so tough on books)
My Rating: 1.5/ 5 stars
Truthfully, this is actually a great story. Yeah. So great. It’s the perfect backstory for its horror sequel: The Martins Trump Manson on Body Count.
As a romance it fucking sucks.
I don’t even know where to begin. This book is so full of sugary sap that it makes pasta covered in maple and chocolate syrup and marshmallows look appetizing.
original
Still not as sweet as The Air We Breathe
Here’s the thing: I’m not actually a bitter and cynical person. I like sap and fluff. I smile and giggle during romance scenes, I’ve obsessively written cute and romantic fanfiction and my boyfriend and I were arguably the most nauseatingly cute couple to ever walk the halls of John Bapst Memorial High School.
But I gagged reading this book for the amount of love-doveyness.
Marguerite is on holiday in London, recovering from the sudden deaths of her parents which liberated her from 27 years of being suffocated and controlled by them. While there, she has a random chance encounter with Chase Martin, a depressed rock star exhausted from touring with his band. Chase and Marguerite are drawn together by a strange unknown force. They don’t know why they have such a strong connection to each other, but they do know that life without the other would not be living at all.
I actually really liked the beginning and thought that it would shape up to be an interesting and sweet romance. We see them before they meet in the coffee shop, miserable and depressed, and then while sipping her drink and reading her book, Marguerite feels Chase’s anxiety. So she buys him a decaf drink and gives it to him, saying she could feel his anxiety from across the shop. That’s great.
The two of them realize they’re drawn together and can find each other happiness and Marguerite ends up spending the night at Chase’s house just so they can find comfort in having another human being near them. That’s great, too.
The beginning is by far my favorite part because it has promise for a good story and has more vivid scenes than any other part of the book.
But then it moves too quickly from there.
From that moment on, the two of them are so deep in love they make Romeo and Juliet look reserved and cautious. They are constantly “blown away” by each other and moved to tears every minute by each other. They “get a kick out of” every little joke they make to each other, and they start living together immediately after they meet. After a week (that’s right, a flipping week), Chase proposes to her.
And if I had a pin for every time one of those quoted phrases appeared in this novel, I could pulverize a voodoo doll. The repeated phrases and excessive emotion of the characters is definitely the worst part.
I’m still not that aggravated with this book, yet. Yeah, the insta love irks me, but I figure there will be a great plot with lots of trouble between the two of them after they marry. After all, they barely know each other and they need to figure out what this psychic connection means. Maybe they’re the incarnated souls of Hawkgirl and Hawkman and they’re about to get killed by an immortal psychopath (did I mention I’m a huge nerd?).
Nope. The two of them agree on everything, right down to how to decorate the house and the new rule that shoes are off upon entering. And things continue to be hunky dory for practically forever. All of Chase’s friends, and their girlfriends, love Marguerite and nobody questions their whirlwind romance. Yeah, because a severely depressed person getting engaged after a week of dating isn’t a cry for help or anything.
And there is so much to dislike about Chase’s and Marguerite’s decisions. Marguerite is forced to quit her job so she can move to London to be with Chase.
Never mind that she liked her job in Pennsylvania and didn’t express any wish to be a housewife. Never mind that Chase was getting tired of touring and thinking about quitting the band anyway. It’s her life that gets turned upside down.
Also, so much for her newfound freedom following her parents’ deaths! Now she’s shadowed by a bodyguard wherever she goes, needs to sneak into the backs of restaurant when she wants to eat out, and can’t even walk to the store for fear of being accosted by her husbands’ fans.
Yes, Chase’s life gets changed too. He now has a wife that cooks meals for him, cleans for him, furnishes and decorates his house for him, and hands him a cold towel when he walks off stage. He made some real damn sacrifices when he married Marguerite.
bitch_please_by_teslapunk-d32znko
But life goes on. With a lot of summary and over thirty years, it goes on.
Aside from dialogues and scenes peppered here and there, the book is mostly sweet and sappy summary of their lives. Dark things happen now and then but they’re glossed over and smothered in fluff.
If this storyline was done by a competent writer, this actually could have been an entertaining series about the Martin family. There is actually plenty of material between the psychic connection, Marguerite’s tragic background, a miscarriage, a huge celebrity drugging conspiracy, two sets of twins, a near death experience, and a baby on the doorstep.
But somehow it becomes boring and plotless when it’s all crammed into one book that seems to drag on forever. During all of this my main concern, the psychic connection, was never explained. It’s just a gift from God. One that turns their “perfect” (as in creepily well behaved and mature) children into kids from The Shining. Because they also have a psychic connection. They can “feel” each other and their parents. Oh, and talk to their dead sister, apparently, when their dead sister wants to tell them about babies being left on their doorstep.
“This is Baby Sarah,” Matt said.
“Baby Sarah?” Marguerite asked.
(Both sets of twins) said “Yes. We knew she was coming.”
Chase asked, “How did you know?”
“Baby Margaret told us,” Mark said.
Also, when Chase and Marguerite choose Sarah’s full name, all four children, in a different room, wake up from a dead sleep, sit up in unison, and announce that the baby is named.
May I present the newest additions to the Martin family?
If you want to read a rockstar romance, I recommend Love’s Rhythm by Lexxie Couper, which isn’t perfectly crafted, but leagues beyond The Band 4: The Air We Breathe.
Purple Phoenix Games (2266 KP) rated Tail Story in Tabletop Games
Jul 1, 2020
The saying goes, “If you can dream it, you can achieve it.” I know there were points in my life when I wanted to be a rock star, a zookeeper, or even a professional mascot. But who says that dreams only apply to people? Our beloved pets can dream too! Haven’t you ever seen a sleeping pup, legs twitching from an imaginary chase? Or caught your cat prowling around, as if on a secret mission? What do animals dream about? Well, Tail Story allows you to create dreams and achieve the impossible with your chosen pet!
Disclaimer: We were provided with a preview copy of Tail Story for the purposes of this review. Some of the components pictured are not final, and will be addressed in production. Also, I do not intend to rehash the entire rulebook, but rather provide an overview of the rules and game flow. -L
Tail Story is a competitive card game in which players are racing to become the most memorable pet in history! How? By partaking in various events and gathering a total of 4 Achievements. Here’s how it works. To setup, each player takes a player mat, and randomly draws a Queue Card. Players then get to choose a Character card – a pet from either the Canine, Feline, or Rodent & Friends type. Shuffle the Event cards, deal 15 to each player, everyone draws 5 cards to their hand, and the game is ready to begin! The player who drew Queue Card 1 is the first player, and play continues in numerical order.
Each turn consists of 5 steps: Draw, Play, Bonus, Deck Check, and End of Turn. The first step is always to Draw 1 card from your deck. In the Play Step, you choose one action to perform. Each player has 2 Action Points (AP) per turn, and those are spent here in the Play Step. All Event cards require either 1 or 2 AP to play, and the other standard actions in the Play Step require either 0 or 1 AP to perform (Check out the Reference Cards pictured below to see the possible actions). After performing 1 action, you move to the Bonus Step, where a player may choose to activate a Bonus ability. The Deck Check step is next. All players count how many cards remain in their Draw piles. If all decks still have at least 1 card, you jump back to the Play Step and perform another action. If any deck is out of cards, that player reshuffles their discard pile, and places a card from their hand face-down on their player mat to signify that they have collected an Achievement. Even if another player collects an Achievement on your turn, play then returns to you, and you jump back to the Play Step again. The last step is the End of Turn – a player decides to be done and ends their turn, discarding their hand down to 5 cards. The game ends when a player has collected their 4th Achievement.
Here’s a neat twist though – whenever you play a card, any opponent can choose to play a Stop card to prevent you from performing that action! And then, if you have a Stop card too, you could play it to cancel out their Stop card. This twist adds a strategic and competitive element to the game that elevates it to the next level. There’s a fun little element of role-play too that encourages you to get into your animal character – I’ll leave that for you to discover on your own!
I know that seems like quite a lot, but once you get into the swing of things, Tail Story plays pretty quickly. One thing I particularly like about this game is that it requires a decent amount of strategy. Everyone is racing to get through their Draw decks and collect Achievements, while at the same time hindering the progress of their opponents. Are you willing to risk a valuable Stop card to cancel the action of an opponent and hope that they don’t play a Stop card back to you? Should you play a card that could activate your Bonus ability now or wait for your next action to pull a fast one over on your opponents? Your strategy has to be adjustable on the fly depending on what cards your opponents are playing. There is no single right strategy to win, and the riskiness makes the game more exciting and engaging.
Another thing I really like about Tail Story is that there are really only 4 different Event cards that can be played. Yes, the artwork may vary, but ultimately the actions are the same. They rely on key text and color coding to communicate their uses, and after a few rounds, recognizing those effects is easy. One thing I wish is that the reference cards had these effect explanation instead of only being listed in the rulebook. Just for a quick glance if you need a reminder instead of having to look back in the rules for the full text. The reference cards do have the Turn Steps and possible Actions on them, which are helpful – don’t get me wrong!
I would recommend Tail Story at the higher player counts for maximum enjoyment. With only 2 players, it feels like it drags on a bit because it is only a back-and-forth game. With 3-4 players, you have more opponents with which to interact, and playing cards against others doesn’t feel as targeted and keeps the game play more light-hearted than cut-throat.
Let’s talk about components. As I mentioned earlier, this is only a preview copy of the game, so some elements are still not finalized. The player mats are only paper right now, but I anticipate that they will be sturdier in final production. That being said, the information on the player mats is awesome. They provide enough information to understand where everything goes, while not being so wordy that they are confusing. I am excited to see what kind of color scheme they come up with for the player mats, to match the artwork of the cards. On to the cards – they are amazing. For starters, the cards are nice, sturdy, and thick. Definitely a game that will not easily succumb to bent corners or torn cards. The actual artwork of the cards is perfect. Each card is detailed, colorful, and appropriate for their respective card names. Probably the coolest part of the cards is that they all have a holographic finish on them. This really makes the artwork pop and makes you admire every card instead of just reading the text. That being said, the holographic finish makes the cards stick together a little more – not a huge detriment, but something to be aware of and careful with when drawing or playing cards! The game box is a cute little box with a magnet closure that is perfect for easy transportation.
Overall, I would say that I love Tail Story. It’s fun, fast-paced, strategic, and exciting. Being able to choose from 3 Character types (Canine, Feline, Rodent & Friends) gives you the opportunity to play a different game, with a different strategy, every time. With more plays, the special text of cards is engrained in your head, which means that it can play even faster and with no interruptions to check rules. It’s definitely a memorable game, and one that I can see myself pulling out often on game nights. I am excited to see this campaign launch, and for the sake of all animal dreams out there, you should check it out!
Disclaimer: We were provided with a preview copy of Tail Story for the purposes of this review. Some of the components pictured are not final, and will be addressed in production. Also, I do not intend to rehash the entire rulebook, but rather provide an overview of the rules and game flow. -L
Tail Story is a competitive card game in which players are racing to become the most memorable pet in history! How? By partaking in various events and gathering a total of 4 Achievements. Here’s how it works. To setup, each player takes a player mat, and randomly draws a Queue Card. Players then get to choose a Character card – a pet from either the Canine, Feline, or Rodent & Friends type. Shuffle the Event cards, deal 15 to each player, everyone draws 5 cards to their hand, and the game is ready to begin! The player who drew Queue Card 1 is the first player, and play continues in numerical order.
Each turn consists of 5 steps: Draw, Play, Bonus, Deck Check, and End of Turn. The first step is always to Draw 1 card from your deck. In the Play Step, you choose one action to perform. Each player has 2 Action Points (AP) per turn, and those are spent here in the Play Step. All Event cards require either 1 or 2 AP to play, and the other standard actions in the Play Step require either 0 or 1 AP to perform (Check out the Reference Cards pictured below to see the possible actions). After performing 1 action, you move to the Bonus Step, where a player may choose to activate a Bonus ability. The Deck Check step is next. All players count how many cards remain in their Draw piles. If all decks still have at least 1 card, you jump back to the Play Step and perform another action. If any deck is out of cards, that player reshuffles their discard pile, and places a card from their hand face-down on their player mat to signify that they have collected an Achievement. Even if another player collects an Achievement on your turn, play then returns to you, and you jump back to the Play Step again. The last step is the End of Turn – a player decides to be done and ends their turn, discarding their hand down to 5 cards. The game ends when a player has collected their 4th Achievement.
Here’s a neat twist though – whenever you play a card, any opponent can choose to play a Stop card to prevent you from performing that action! And then, if you have a Stop card too, you could play it to cancel out their Stop card. This twist adds a strategic and competitive element to the game that elevates it to the next level. There’s a fun little element of role-play too that encourages you to get into your animal character – I’ll leave that for you to discover on your own!
I know that seems like quite a lot, but once you get into the swing of things, Tail Story plays pretty quickly. One thing I particularly like about this game is that it requires a decent amount of strategy. Everyone is racing to get through their Draw decks and collect Achievements, while at the same time hindering the progress of their opponents. Are you willing to risk a valuable Stop card to cancel the action of an opponent and hope that they don’t play a Stop card back to you? Should you play a card that could activate your Bonus ability now or wait for your next action to pull a fast one over on your opponents? Your strategy has to be adjustable on the fly depending on what cards your opponents are playing. There is no single right strategy to win, and the riskiness makes the game more exciting and engaging.
Another thing I really like about Tail Story is that there are really only 4 different Event cards that can be played. Yes, the artwork may vary, but ultimately the actions are the same. They rely on key text and color coding to communicate their uses, and after a few rounds, recognizing those effects is easy. One thing I wish is that the reference cards had these effect explanation instead of only being listed in the rulebook. Just for a quick glance if you need a reminder instead of having to look back in the rules for the full text. The reference cards do have the Turn Steps and possible Actions on them, which are helpful – don’t get me wrong!
I would recommend Tail Story at the higher player counts for maximum enjoyment. With only 2 players, it feels like it drags on a bit because it is only a back-and-forth game. With 3-4 players, you have more opponents with which to interact, and playing cards against others doesn’t feel as targeted and keeps the game play more light-hearted than cut-throat.
Let’s talk about components. As I mentioned earlier, this is only a preview copy of the game, so some elements are still not finalized. The player mats are only paper right now, but I anticipate that they will be sturdier in final production. That being said, the information on the player mats is awesome. They provide enough information to understand where everything goes, while not being so wordy that they are confusing. I am excited to see what kind of color scheme they come up with for the player mats, to match the artwork of the cards. On to the cards – they are amazing. For starters, the cards are nice, sturdy, and thick. Definitely a game that will not easily succumb to bent corners or torn cards. The actual artwork of the cards is perfect. Each card is detailed, colorful, and appropriate for their respective card names. Probably the coolest part of the cards is that they all have a holographic finish on them. This really makes the artwork pop and makes you admire every card instead of just reading the text. That being said, the holographic finish makes the cards stick together a little more – not a huge detriment, but something to be aware of and careful with when drawing or playing cards! The game box is a cute little box with a magnet closure that is perfect for easy transportation.
Overall, I would say that I love Tail Story. It’s fun, fast-paced, strategic, and exciting. Being able to choose from 3 Character types (Canine, Feline, Rodent & Friends) gives you the opportunity to play a different game, with a different strategy, every time. With more plays, the special text of cards is engrained in your head, which means that it can play even faster and with no interruptions to check rules. It’s definitely a memorable game, and one that I can see myself pulling out often on game nights. I am excited to see this campaign launch, and for the sake of all animal dreams out there, you should check it out!
Purple Phoenix Games (2266 KP) rated Festival! in Tabletop Games
Nov 24, 2020
Remember music festivals, or concerts of any kind? I most certainly do. I used to perform almost every weekend with my band pre-COVID. Well, I haven’t performed in over eight months as of this writing. I miss it so much. So when I heard that a designer was working on a game about musicians putting on music festivals I just had to check it out.
Festival! is a competitive set collection game for larger groups, three to seven players. It is set in a medieval kingdom and the game lasts for four festivals. During the game players will be collecting sets of cards to be scored immediately and collecting other cards to be scored at the game’s end.
DISCLAIMER: We were provided a prototype copy of this game for the purposes of this review. These are preview copy components, and I do not know for sure if the final components will be any different from these shown. Also, it is not my intention to detail every rule in the game, but give an idea of how the game plays. You are invited to download the rulebook, back the game through the forthcoming Kickstarter campaign, or through any retailers stocking it after fulfillment. -T
To setup, place the board in the middle of the table. Each player chooses a color of pawn to represent them and places one pawn on the 0 space upon the scoring track and the other pawn in the Festival! area upon the board. The game comes with four different types of cards and each type will be shuffled and placed face-down in stacks as in the photo below. Place the festival marker on either the 0 or 4 space (the rules are not clear, but it is to track the number of festivals, so just choose one) and give the first player busteeple to the youngest player. The game may now begin.
Festival! is played over several turns, but the first three turns will see players taking turns to travel to the different areas of the board and collect cards once they arrive. The initial Festival! area is located between the City and Village areas so a player can choose to move their pawn into either of those areas. As is printed on the board areas themselves, when players arrive in the Country they will immediately draw three Ensemble (green) cards to their hand and their turn is over. A trip to the Village affords the player two Ensemble cards to be drawn, while a visit to the City will allow a player to either draw one Ensemble card OR play as many cards from their hand as they choose. Finally, should the player’s wanderlust urge them to the Palace, they may draw a Palace card to be played to their tableau immediately. Movement from one area to the next is always done to the adjacent area. So if in the Village a player may only move to either the Country or the City. If in the Country a player may only move to the Village.
As I mentioned, the first three turns are head start rounds where players are merely collecting cards to amass a hand (of limit 7) of cards that can be played in sets in their personal tableau. These cards are divided into Exotic, Percussion, Melodic, and Choir cards. Players may play as many cards as they like when in the City, but will score bonus set and superset points if they are able to lay down multiple unique cards in each group. For example, a Horn card is worth one VP alone, but with three other unique Melodic cards earns bonus points for the entire set.
After the first three turns have been played, the first player will then flip a Festival card (stacked on the game board) at the beginning of each turn. It is from this stack that the four “Festival!” cards are located, and they are the time trackers for the game. If the result is “Preparation,” the turns continue as normal with no change. However, should the flipped card be a “Festival!” face, then players within range of the Festival Stages may claim a stage and participate in the festival. Participation in the festival simply means that players may play cards as normally played in the City, but then are entitled to one of the drawn Finale cards. These cards are scored at the end of the game and typically award bonus points for various reasons.
Play continues in this fashion of traveling the board areas to collect cards, performing in festivals, and earning the most amount of VP at game end, which is immediately following the fourth festival. The player with the most VP is the winner!
Components. Again, this is a prototype copy of the game, so the components may be different upon completion of a successful Kickstarter campaign. What we were provided, however, is a good-looking, though muted, game board, a ton of cards, and some painted wooden tokens. The tokens are fine, and I am sure will look different once the game is finalized. The cards are good, an interesting dimension, and the art upon them is good and simple. In fact, the cards’ art remind me of several computer icon sets, specifically Shadow or Sardi (though I use Sweet-Rainbow).
But how does it play? Okay, every time I get a new game I always play it solo multi-handed. During this initial play I had several questions for the designer about scenarios and other oddities that were not covered in the rulebook. He graciously, and immediately, answered my questions and the next play through ran quite smoothly. So I am sure the rulebook will be tweaked quite a bit before final production.
Once I was playing the right way the game ran smoothly and quickly. I found myself planning my turn in advance, however your success truly is dependent on the cards you draw. Ensemble cards are just the instruments, voices, and Minstrel (wild) cards, while the Palace cards are the rule-breaking fun cards. They allow increased travel, protection from certain cards in the deck, and other goodies I won’t spoil here. So having a nice collection of Palace cards can alleviate a lot of the random card draw issues that will plague players who refuse to grab the Palace cards. As I played more and more I found that I generally follow one strategy, but have to switch up tactics depending on my card draws. This is good and okay (not “bad”). Going in with a plan of attack is great, and being able to become flexible mid-game is enjoyable.
Overall this one is surprising to me because I was initially frustrated with the vague rulebook, but once I truly knew the real rules and how everything played together I found a real fondness for it. Festival! will probably never make it close to my Top 10 Games of All Time list, but for larger groups who are tiring of the hidden traitor or social deduction games, this one is a breath of fresh air. It can handle up to seven players, and is an easier teach than many other games for mid-to-large groups.
So if you are looking for something different for a weird player count, and you need some more medieval rock star games in your collection please check out Festival!. (Do I need the period there or am I covered with the exclamation point from the title of the game? I was not an English major.) I think you will be pleasantly surprised at how this unassuming set collection game (with aspects of take-that which I did not explore here) will perform. I am looking forward to following the Kickstarter campaign set to launch in Spring 2021, so keep it on your radars, people.
Festival! is a competitive set collection game for larger groups, three to seven players. It is set in a medieval kingdom and the game lasts for four festivals. During the game players will be collecting sets of cards to be scored immediately and collecting other cards to be scored at the game’s end.
DISCLAIMER: We were provided a prototype copy of this game for the purposes of this review. These are preview copy components, and I do not know for sure if the final components will be any different from these shown. Also, it is not my intention to detail every rule in the game, but give an idea of how the game plays. You are invited to download the rulebook, back the game through the forthcoming Kickstarter campaign, or through any retailers stocking it after fulfillment. -T
To setup, place the board in the middle of the table. Each player chooses a color of pawn to represent them and places one pawn on the 0 space upon the scoring track and the other pawn in the Festival! area upon the board. The game comes with four different types of cards and each type will be shuffled and placed face-down in stacks as in the photo below. Place the festival marker on either the 0 or 4 space (the rules are not clear, but it is to track the number of festivals, so just choose one) and give the first player busteeple to the youngest player. The game may now begin.
Festival! is played over several turns, but the first three turns will see players taking turns to travel to the different areas of the board and collect cards once they arrive. The initial Festival! area is located between the City and Village areas so a player can choose to move their pawn into either of those areas. As is printed on the board areas themselves, when players arrive in the Country they will immediately draw three Ensemble (green) cards to their hand and their turn is over. A trip to the Village affords the player two Ensemble cards to be drawn, while a visit to the City will allow a player to either draw one Ensemble card OR play as many cards from their hand as they choose. Finally, should the player’s wanderlust urge them to the Palace, they may draw a Palace card to be played to their tableau immediately. Movement from one area to the next is always done to the adjacent area. So if in the Village a player may only move to either the Country or the City. If in the Country a player may only move to the Village.
As I mentioned, the first three turns are head start rounds where players are merely collecting cards to amass a hand (of limit 7) of cards that can be played in sets in their personal tableau. These cards are divided into Exotic, Percussion, Melodic, and Choir cards. Players may play as many cards as they like when in the City, but will score bonus set and superset points if they are able to lay down multiple unique cards in each group. For example, a Horn card is worth one VP alone, but with three other unique Melodic cards earns bonus points for the entire set.
After the first three turns have been played, the first player will then flip a Festival card (stacked on the game board) at the beginning of each turn. It is from this stack that the four “Festival!” cards are located, and they are the time trackers for the game. If the result is “Preparation,” the turns continue as normal with no change. However, should the flipped card be a “Festival!” face, then players within range of the Festival Stages may claim a stage and participate in the festival. Participation in the festival simply means that players may play cards as normally played in the City, but then are entitled to one of the drawn Finale cards. These cards are scored at the end of the game and typically award bonus points for various reasons.
Play continues in this fashion of traveling the board areas to collect cards, performing in festivals, and earning the most amount of VP at game end, which is immediately following the fourth festival. The player with the most VP is the winner!
Components. Again, this is a prototype copy of the game, so the components may be different upon completion of a successful Kickstarter campaign. What we were provided, however, is a good-looking, though muted, game board, a ton of cards, and some painted wooden tokens. The tokens are fine, and I am sure will look different once the game is finalized. The cards are good, an interesting dimension, and the art upon them is good and simple. In fact, the cards’ art remind me of several computer icon sets, specifically Shadow or Sardi (though I use Sweet-Rainbow).
But how does it play? Okay, every time I get a new game I always play it solo multi-handed. During this initial play I had several questions for the designer about scenarios and other oddities that were not covered in the rulebook. He graciously, and immediately, answered my questions and the next play through ran quite smoothly. So I am sure the rulebook will be tweaked quite a bit before final production.
Once I was playing the right way the game ran smoothly and quickly. I found myself planning my turn in advance, however your success truly is dependent on the cards you draw. Ensemble cards are just the instruments, voices, and Minstrel (wild) cards, while the Palace cards are the rule-breaking fun cards. They allow increased travel, protection from certain cards in the deck, and other goodies I won’t spoil here. So having a nice collection of Palace cards can alleviate a lot of the random card draw issues that will plague players who refuse to grab the Palace cards. As I played more and more I found that I generally follow one strategy, but have to switch up tactics depending on my card draws. This is good and okay (not “bad”). Going in with a plan of attack is great, and being able to become flexible mid-game is enjoyable.
Overall this one is surprising to me because I was initially frustrated with the vague rulebook, but once I truly knew the real rules and how everything played together I found a real fondness for it. Festival! will probably never make it close to my Top 10 Games of All Time list, but for larger groups who are tiring of the hidden traitor or social deduction games, this one is a breath of fresh air. It can handle up to seven players, and is an easier teach than many other games for mid-to-large groups.
So if you are looking for something different for a weird player count, and you need some more medieval rock star games in your collection please check out Festival!. (Do I need the period there or am I covered with the exclamation point from the title of the game? I was not an English major.) I think you will be pleasantly surprised at how this unassuming set collection game (with aspects of take-that which I did not explore here) will perform. I am looking forward to following the Kickstarter campaign set to launch in Spring 2021, so keep it on your radars, people.
5 Minute Movie Guy (379 KP) rated If I Stay (2014) in Movies
Jun 28, 2019
The film's "live or die" premise is dumb, dangerous, and downright offensive. (4 more)
A totally lousy and illogical love story that lacks any heart.
The dialogue is almost as bad as Adam's 8-year-old-grade-level music lyrics.
It's far too frustrating and bland to be emotionally effective. The only pity I felt was for myself for having to sit through it for two hours.
If I Stay is unforgivable and reprehensible garbage. It should be avoided like the plague.
Had I not seen this film with a friend, it would have been the first movie I’ve ever walked out of. I haven’t hated a movie this much all year. If I Stay disappoints and offends on nearly every conceivable level.
Imagine yourself in a situation where your whole life is turned upside-down in an instant, and nothing will ever be the same again. That’s the troubling position young Mia Hall is faced with in If I Stay, after her and her family are involved in a terrible car accident. Mia wakes up from the crash, only to discover that she’s having some sort of transcendental experience, where she sees her own lifeless body being treated by paramedics. In her ghost-like form, no one is able to see or hear her, leaving her helpless as she watches her tragedy unfold. The devastating crash put her into a comatose state, and as she teeters on the verge of life and death, she’s informed by her nurse that whether or not she lives is entirely predicated on her will to survive. Based on the young adult novel by Gayle Forman, If I Stay asks us if life is still worth living even when all hope appears to be lost. Whether it’s really even worth it to endure life’s cruel hardship and heartache, and to muster the courage to face another day.
Well, if you answered that question with a resounding “yes!”, then like me, you’ll probably find this movie to be pretty darn stupid. Actually, regardless of your opinion on the matter, I think it would be hard for anyone to escape the fact that this movie is pretty darn stupid. However, as much as I find the central question of the movie to be absurd and even offensive, it didn’t detract from my interest in seeing the film. So let’s not make the assumption that I disliked this movie from the get-go, because that’s really just not true. Even though I may disagree with it, I can certainly sympathize with the idea of a teenager who is experiencing a life-shattering trauma and is afraid to continue living on afterward. However, I would personally argue that she hasn’t actually experienced any of that at all. She’s living in an extra dimensional safe-zone. Her horror can’t be real unless she makes it real by returning to life to face it. To look at it another way, couldn’t we say that if she chose death instead, that she never would have experienced the tragedy at all since she was stuck in a coma, and that she would be dead without ever knowing the fate of her family? That’s what I think, though I’ll admit it’s rather complicated as it draws upon unanswerable questions. To be frank, it’s a bogus scenario for a bogus movie that isn’t even worthy of that much thought, and clearly wasn’t ever given that much thought.
Before I digress on this topic, I’d like to look into a few of its implications, because I think it’s sending a terrible and dangerous message to its viewers, particularly the teenagers it’s targeted to. Basically, I believe the film is implying that death is a perfectly okay alternative to facing an undesirable change. I find that very idea to be immoral, irresponsible, and horribly atrocious. “Sorry your dad died, Timmy. If you can’t bear to live another day and want to end it all right here, well that’s okay with us. We understand and we won’t judge!” Are you kidding me? What kind of a message are they trying to send here? “Bad day? Just give up! Things are great here in Heaven! Join us today!” Is that really what they’re trying to tell us? How is anyone possibly okay with this? The film is essentially preaching that killing yourself is a perfectly acceptable option when life gets hard, and I have a really big problem with that. Whether we want to think about it or not, suicide is always an option we have in life, but that doesn’t mean that we should encourage it or try to pretend that it’s ever a favorable opportunity. Mia doesn’t even know what life will be like if she wakes up because she hasn’t lived it yet. Her fears are fully based off of negative assumptions. Yeah, maybe things will be really hard if she comes out of her coma. Maybe she’ll wish she was dead. Or maybe she’ll go through some difficult times, but then maybe things will get better and she’ll pick up the pieces and end up living a wonderful and happy life. Had she actually endured this new life and struggled with thoughts about suicide, I think it would have made for a far more compelling narrative, rather than all of this hypothetic nonsense. Either way, good or bad, life goes on. It’s up to us to adapt to it. Where there is hope, there is always possibility. With all that said, I would still contend that If I Stay’s premise is only the tip of the iceberg of its problems. This supposed tear-jerked failed to stir up any sympathy or sadness from me, and there are a few major reasons why.
First of all, it completely fails as a love story. The film is almost entirely devoid of romance, and has no believable connection between Mia and her boyfriend, Adam. Rather than being a Prince Charming type, Adam’s mostly just a jerk that she shouldn’t be wasting her time with in the first place. Yet the movie tries to make you believe that it’s love, and that this is what all normal relationships are like. It’s a complete crock. Movies like this give girls a false understanding of what love should be, and I find that to be an unforgivable offense. Adam’s the local hot shot rocker who falls for Mia, the talented young cello player who aspires to go to the renowned music school Julliard in New York. Adam manages to win her heart and the two of them start dating. Unfortunately though, their relationship can be pretty unpleasant to watch. Adam’s living the life of a local rock star and is blindly dragging Mia along for the ride, introducing the sweet, young girl to a world of parties, sex, and alcohol. Adam’s utterly oblivious to her disinterest in such a lifestyle and he rarely shows any concern for her feelings anyway. Yet she’s so foolishly committed to him that she follows this path of corruption, all for a guy who only thinks about himself. I thought this was supposed to be a love story, but it’s severely lacking in the love department. Just because Adam occasionally does something nice, we’re supposed to think he’s a good guy and forgive him for the majority of the time when he’s a lousy boyfriend and a loser? Of course, how romantic! Their whole relationship is lifeless and immensely frustrating. If living with him was my alternative to death, believe me, I’d choose death without hesitation.
Had I not seen this film with a friend, it would have been the first movie I’ve ever walked out of. I haven’t hated a movie this much all year. Even with my friend there, I still thought about leaving, then had a good laugh about the film’s title being so perfectly appropriate, as I contemplated to myself whether or not I should go. As much as I wanted to leave, I stuck it out all the way to the end. Then the entire audience ended up laughing at the ending, which goes to show I was far from the only one that thought this movie was a complete joke and waste of time. I had more than a few laughs at the film’s expense, from its dumb and derivative dialogue, to the way Chloe Grace Moretz slightly crosses her eyes whenever she’s upset. While I think I still remained open-minded about the film despite my issues with the story, I really don’t think the film itself was any good, nor does it appear to serve any purpose. Seriously, what’s the point of this movie? To give people hope that you can overcome obstacles in life? To justify suicide? I don’t know. Halfway through the movie, I was so disengaged from it that I was imagining how fun it would be to do cartwheels in the theater. That must be the lesson that I learned from all this. Well, that and to steer clear of crummy musicians, I suppose. While I’ve heard a lot of praise about the film’s soundtrack, I thought Adam’s band was quite horrendous. They do have a moment of redemption when they cover a Smashing Pumpkins song, which may have been the only good moment in this otherwise pitiful movie. I also found the lyrics of that song to be unusually appropriate to my misery when they said, “I’ll rip my eyes out, before I get out.” It’s almost funny that this might have been the only moment of the movie I could actually relate to: the thought of ripping my eyes out before being able to leave.
If I Stay is a movie that disappoints and offends on nearly every conceivable level. The saddest thing about this film is that garbage like this actually exists. Its pro-death agenda is just plain horrible and ill-conceived. It also troubles me greatly to think that teenage girls might watch this film and think that Mia and Adam’s tumultuous relationship is a desirable model of love. Lastly, I’d like to note that the If I Stay novel does have a follow-up book titled Where She Went. Wherever she goes, I sure hope it’s not back to theaters. If I have to sit through another If I Stay movie, I might just give up on life myself.
(This review was originally posted at 5mmg.com on 9.5.14.)
Well, if you answered that question with a resounding “yes!”, then like me, you’ll probably find this movie to be pretty darn stupid. Actually, regardless of your opinion on the matter, I think it would be hard for anyone to escape the fact that this movie is pretty darn stupid. However, as much as I find the central question of the movie to be absurd and even offensive, it didn’t detract from my interest in seeing the film. So let’s not make the assumption that I disliked this movie from the get-go, because that’s really just not true. Even though I may disagree with it, I can certainly sympathize with the idea of a teenager who is experiencing a life-shattering trauma and is afraid to continue living on afterward. However, I would personally argue that she hasn’t actually experienced any of that at all. She’s living in an extra dimensional safe-zone. Her horror can’t be real unless she makes it real by returning to life to face it. To look at it another way, couldn’t we say that if she chose death instead, that she never would have experienced the tragedy at all since she was stuck in a coma, and that she would be dead without ever knowing the fate of her family? That’s what I think, though I’ll admit it’s rather complicated as it draws upon unanswerable questions. To be frank, it’s a bogus scenario for a bogus movie that isn’t even worthy of that much thought, and clearly wasn’t ever given that much thought.
Before I digress on this topic, I’d like to look into a few of its implications, because I think it’s sending a terrible and dangerous message to its viewers, particularly the teenagers it’s targeted to. Basically, I believe the film is implying that death is a perfectly okay alternative to facing an undesirable change. I find that very idea to be immoral, irresponsible, and horribly atrocious. “Sorry your dad died, Timmy. If you can’t bear to live another day and want to end it all right here, well that’s okay with us. We understand and we won’t judge!” Are you kidding me? What kind of a message are they trying to send here? “Bad day? Just give up! Things are great here in Heaven! Join us today!” Is that really what they’re trying to tell us? How is anyone possibly okay with this? The film is essentially preaching that killing yourself is a perfectly acceptable option when life gets hard, and I have a really big problem with that. Whether we want to think about it or not, suicide is always an option we have in life, but that doesn’t mean that we should encourage it or try to pretend that it’s ever a favorable opportunity. Mia doesn’t even know what life will be like if she wakes up because she hasn’t lived it yet. Her fears are fully based off of negative assumptions. Yeah, maybe things will be really hard if she comes out of her coma. Maybe she’ll wish she was dead. Or maybe she’ll go through some difficult times, but then maybe things will get better and she’ll pick up the pieces and end up living a wonderful and happy life. Had she actually endured this new life and struggled with thoughts about suicide, I think it would have made for a far more compelling narrative, rather than all of this hypothetic nonsense. Either way, good or bad, life goes on. It’s up to us to adapt to it. Where there is hope, there is always possibility. With all that said, I would still contend that If I Stay’s premise is only the tip of the iceberg of its problems. This supposed tear-jerked failed to stir up any sympathy or sadness from me, and there are a few major reasons why.
First of all, it completely fails as a love story. The film is almost entirely devoid of romance, and has no believable connection between Mia and her boyfriend, Adam. Rather than being a Prince Charming type, Adam’s mostly just a jerk that she shouldn’t be wasting her time with in the first place. Yet the movie tries to make you believe that it’s love, and that this is what all normal relationships are like. It’s a complete crock. Movies like this give girls a false understanding of what love should be, and I find that to be an unforgivable offense. Adam’s the local hot shot rocker who falls for Mia, the talented young cello player who aspires to go to the renowned music school Julliard in New York. Adam manages to win her heart and the two of them start dating. Unfortunately though, their relationship can be pretty unpleasant to watch. Adam’s living the life of a local rock star and is blindly dragging Mia along for the ride, introducing the sweet, young girl to a world of parties, sex, and alcohol. Adam’s utterly oblivious to her disinterest in such a lifestyle and he rarely shows any concern for her feelings anyway. Yet she’s so foolishly committed to him that she follows this path of corruption, all for a guy who only thinks about himself. I thought this was supposed to be a love story, but it’s severely lacking in the love department. Just because Adam occasionally does something nice, we’re supposed to think he’s a good guy and forgive him for the majority of the time when he’s a lousy boyfriend and a loser? Of course, how romantic! Their whole relationship is lifeless and immensely frustrating. If living with him was my alternative to death, believe me, I’d choose death without hesitation.
Had I not seen this film with a friend, it would have been the first movie I’ve ever walked out of. I haven’t hated a movie this much all year. Even with my friend there, I still thought about leaving, then had a good laugh about the film’s title being so perfectly appropriate, as I contemplated to myself whether or not I should go. As much as I wanted to leave, I stuck it out all the way to the end. Then the entire audience ended up laughing at the ending, which goes to show I was far from the only one that thought this movie was a complete joke and waste of time. I had more than a few laughs at the film’s expense, from its dumb and derivative dialogue, to the way Chloe Grace Moretz slightly crosses her eyes whenever she’s upset. While I think I still remained open-minded about the film despite my issues with the story, I really don’t think the film itself was any good, nor does it appear to serve any purpose. Seriously, what’s the point of this movie? To give people hope that you can overcome obstacles in life? To justify suicide? I don’t know. Halfway through the movie, I was so disengaged from it that I was imagining how fun it would be to do cartwheels in the theater. That must be the lesson that I learned from all this. Well, that and to steer clear of crummy musicians, I suppose. While I’ve heard a lot of praise about the film’s soundtrack, I thought Adam’s band was quite horrendous. They do have a moment of redemption when they cover a Smashing Pumpkins song, which may have been the only good moment in this otherwise pitiful movie. I also found the lyrics of that song to be unusually appropriate to my misery when they said, “I’ll rip my eyes out, before I get out.” It’s almost funny that this might have been the only moment of the movie I could actually relate to: the thought of ripping my eyes out before being able to leave.
If I Stay is a movie that disappoints and offends on nearly every conceivable level. The saddest thing about this film is that garbage like this actually exists. Its pro-death agenda is just plain horrible and ill-conceived. It also troubles me greatly to think that teenage girls might watch this film and think that Mia and Adam’s tumultuous relationship is a desirable model of love. Lastly, I’d like to note that the If I Stay novel does have a follow-up book titled Where She Went. Wherever she goes, I sure hope it’s not back to theaters. If I have to sit through another If I Stay movie, I might just give up on life myself.
(This review was originally posted at 5mmg.com on 9.5.14.)