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Halloween (2007)
Halloween (2007)
2007 | Horror
The original Halloween is such a goddam incredible movie, that anytime the franchise has tried to stray too far from its roots, the wheels just come off. The psychic stuff in Halloween 5 just didn't work. The cult stuff in Halloween 6 just didn't work. The found footage stuff in Resurrection just didn't work. This time around, it's a remake of the original, directed by Rob Zombie. His particular brand of hateful characters and nasty dialogue can be effective in other corners of horror, but when applied to the Halloween template, you guessed it, it just doesn't work.
It has its moments - Malcolm McDowell is great as Dr Loomis, and the towering behemoth of a Michael Myers we get her is genuinely fucking terrifying. There's also a fine selection of genre icons here and there - Dee Wallace, Brad Dourif, Clint Howard, Ken Foree, Sybil Danning, Bill Moseley, Sid Haig, Danny Trejo, Danielle Harris - it's an impressive roster for sure.
All of this isn't enough to lift this remake above all of its problems however.
None of the characters are particularly likable, and it's off pacing make for a bloated experience, an issue that's further exacerbated by the more widely available Directors Cut, which further pans out its runtime with an horrifically unnecessary rape scene.
I can appreciate the decision to explore the origins of Michael, but the end results are very mixed. When the familiar stuff kicks off halfway through, it's actually kind of boring. It manages to ape the original at every turn, whilst simultaneously feeling disrespectful with it's token RZ tropes.

All in all, Halloween is a remake that I wouldn't take issue with, but the decision to put Zombie in the driver's seat results in a movie that doesn't feel like it belongs anywhere. An inferior re-tread in every aspect, that leaves a bitter after taste.
  
Howling II: Your Sister Is a Werewolf (1985)
Howling II: Your Sister Is a Werewolf (1985)
1985 | Horror
5
6.5 (6 Ratings)
Movie Rating
One of my favourite parts is the bit where the creepy dude looks straight into the camera and say "Schnitzeeeel".
Honestly not sure if Howling II: Your Sister is a Werewolf (Stirba, Werewolf Bitch in some corners of the world) is a 5 star film, or a 1 star film.

I always have time for Christopher Lee, and here is no different, and Sybil Danning is a bonafide B-Movie icon, but everyone else is hamming it up to the max (not necessarily in a good way), spouting the terrible screenplay and making silly growling noises constantly.
The werewolf costumes look terrible (a bit of googling told me that the production was sent monkey suits by mistake, and they just had to roll with it) and the movie constantly attempts to force it's theme tune down your throat - I lost count of how many times it plays throughout the runtime, but it starts off well enough, but by the end of the film it's grating as fuck.

It's certainly a far cry from the genuinely good first movie but for all it's faults, I actually really enjoyed it.
The last review I wrote on here was for Species IV, where I commented on how it was so awful, and had no charm to it at all, which was in stark contrast to a lot of bad horror movies, especially a bunch from the 80s. Howling II is one of those movies.
It rarely gets boring, it's has some decent practical gore effects, and the terrible script is often so ludicrous, it ends up being unintentional comedy gold.
Not to mention that it's has the most unnecessarily gratuitous end credits roll I've ever seen - in fact, if you can't be bothered to watch the whole thing, just find the end credits and you'll get the vibe of this whole glorious mess of a film.

So yeah, is it a 1 star movie or 5 star movie? I still don't know but I know I low key love it, so 2 and a half stars with a love heart seems fair. I'd definitely recommend giving it a watch though, just to experience the sheer cheesy absurdity.