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American Beauty (1999)
American Beauty (1999)
1999 | Comedy, Drama
Story: American Beauty starts narration from our lead Lester Burnham (Spacey) explaining his life and that he will be dead in a year. Lester lives through the same old routine and is overall tired of his life. Lester is married to Carolyn (Bening) a real estate agent and has a teenage daughter Jane (Birch) who is struggling with the typical teenage problems. Lester is being pressured by his new boss who he thinks has no experience in the field.

Lester & Carolyn decide to take more interest in their daughter’s life which includes going to watch her cheer leading performance where Lester starts getting an instant fascination with fellow cheerleader Angela Hayes (Suvari). The Burnham’s have just got new neighbours in the Fitts, Colonel (Cooper) and his son Ricky (Bentley) who has an obsession with filming his everyday life. What follows is a look into suburban life.

American Beauty manages to balance every character to end up telling a story of everyday life and how it can change because the people closest to you really don’t know what you are up too. We get to look closer are how the perception of a person can hide the reality that is going on in the life and we get to see the different things that could happen. It is hard to really discuss too much about this film because I have looked into the characters closer next and this film is very much character driven which helps the story shine through. (10/10)

 

Actor Review

 

Kevin Spacey: Lester Burnham is an average man who is tired of the same old routine and decides to break out, he gets himself fired, starts taking drugs all while obsessing over his daughters friend. Kevin gives a brilliant performance but as you would expect from him. (10/10)

 lester

Annette Bening: Carolyn Burnham is a real estate agent who puts on a brave face all while struggling with her own problems leading to her having an affair as her relationship with Lester starts to get stretched. Annette shines here with mixed emotions about Lester through the film. (10/10)

caroluyn

Thora Birch: Jane Burnham is the moodiest cheerleader ever who doesn’t seem to get the attention a cheerleader gets from the guys, she is best friends most beautiful girl in school who gets all the attention, but Jane does attract the new neighbour who helps her come out of her shell. Thora gives a great performance showing that she was ready to break through in the role. (9/10)

 jane

Wes Bentley: Ricky Fitts is the new neighbour that could be considered weird because of his obsession with filming everything in life, he also ends up being a drug dealer and the one that Lester uses, all while dealing with an over aggressive father. Wes shows all his talent here but it is a shame this is the highlight of his career to date. (9/10)

 ricky

Mena Suvari: Angela Hayes is the beautiful girl from school that thinks all the guys want her but when Lester takes a shine to her we learn the truth about her nature. Mena comes away from her American Pie role with this much more adult role showing she didn’t need to just be a teen comedy star. (9/10)

 angela

Chris Cooper: Colonel Fitts is the strict father of Ricky who hates everything that is different to his way of thinking, he is a generation behind but he really just wants to protect his son. Chris does a great job as the strict father because we just don’t know what his character will do next. (9/10)

 

Support Cast: American Beauty doesn’t have the biggest supporting cast with most just turning up in the odd scene while we focus on the main cast through the film.

 

Director Review: Sam Mendes – Sam burst onto the scene with this stunning piece of directing that will always be known as a classic. (10/10)

 

Drama: American Beauty shows the lives of these six people and manages to make us care about them all. (10/10)

Romance: American Beauty shows different levels of romance, we get a blossoming starting one, we have a long term one falling apart and we get to see the unavailable ones. (9/10)

Settings: American Beauty gives everything a realistic setting for the story being told through the film. (9/10)

Suggestion: American Beauty is absolute must watch for anyone, it will always go down as a classic in the history of film. (Must Watch)

 

Best Part: Lester getting fired.

Worst Part: While it is a brilliant drama, the casual fans will find this harder to find interesting.

Funniest Scene: Lester reacting to Angela spending the night.

Favourite Quote: Lester ‘Remember those posters that said, “Today is the first day of the rest of your life”? Well, that’s true of every day but one – the day you die.’

 

Believability: I do think this has plenty of realistic ideas of relationships but I do think the end wouldn’t happen. (8/10)

Chances of Tears: No (0/10)

Chances of Sequel: No

Post Credits Scene: No

 

Oscar Chances: Won 5 Oscars including Best Picture, Best Actor, Dest Directing, Best Cinematography and Best Screenplay. It was also nominated for another 3.

Box Office: $356 Million

Budget: $15 Million

Runtime: 2 Hours 2 Minutes

Tagline: … look closer

Trivia: Both Oscar winners Kevin Spacey and Chris Cooper got their film career starts playing New York subway criminals. Spacey played an untitled mugger in Heartburn. Cooper played a pyromaniac in Money Train.

 

Overall: American Beauty is a classic that will always be remembered once you have seen it.

https://moviesreview101.com/2015/08/01/american-beauty-1999/
  
Revolution!
Revolution!
2009 | Bluff, Deduction, Political
My wife is not able to play games with me as much as either of us would like. We have kids, dogs, and other life responsibilities that limit our gaming time together. However, if there ever was a game that she loves to play and absolutely has figured out, it’s Revolution! by Steve Jackson Games (yes, the Munchkin Man). So that’s why I am including her guest score on this review. She seems to like it an awful lot.

Revolution! is an area control bidding game of influencing kingdom inhabitants to jockey for a superior position of power to win the game. The key is influencing the right people at the right time to gain resources, influence in the kingdom, and support (VPs).

DISCLAIMER – We are using the expansion “The Palace” along with our review as it add components to play with up to 6 people, and our game nights tend toward 6 players more than 4. The base game alone plays up to 4 players and uses 4 fewer characters to influence. Should we add in the “Anarchy” expansion we will either add that information here or link to the review from here. -T

To setup, place the main kingdom board on the table that outlines the different districts in which the players will be vying for majority influence. Each player chooses a color and receives all color-matched components: player reference screen, cubes, disc, and one bid board (which are all identical). Each player will also receive one Force token (red fist), Blackmail token (black envelope), and three Gold tokens (gold coins). You are now ready to begin.

Turns are taken simultaneously. Players will place tokens on their bid boards to denote which type of influence they plan to exert on an inhabitant and how many of each. For instance, you may place all your coins on the General and hope you win. Or maybe you want to place a coin and a blackmail on the Printer. Once all players have placed their influence on their boards, the privacy screens are lifted and each kingdom character is compared individually, one by one. Did your three Coins on the General fly, or did someone add a Blackmail token and prevail? Wait, one Blackmail wins? Yes, in Revolution! the gold Coins are the lowest value influence. So one Blackmail alone is enough to win against ANY NUMBER of Coins. Now, one Blackmail alone is defeated by one Blackmail and one Coin, but simply one Force would beat both of those attempts, as Force is the most powerful token type, but not all inhabitants are affected by Force. Take your General for example. Their color on the bid board is red, meaning that a red token will have no effect here. Once the winners of each kingdom person have been determined, the winners receive the benefits offered by each character. I will not go into detail the benefits each character gives you, but for an example (shown below on the play pic), the General awards the winner with one Support (VP), one Force (fist token), and you may place an influence cube in the Fortress. Before the next turn, each player will check their token collection and anyone who has less than five tokens will receive a number of Coins to bring their collection to five tokens.

As the bidding phase gains you resources for future rounds, or instant Support, etc, the second half of a round is influencing the different districts within the kingdom. You do this placing your won cubes on any space within a specific district to attempt majority control of it. At the end of the game, the players with majority control of each district will receive Support for the districts that correspond with what is printed on the board. These are VERY important as you can amass tons of Support from district majorities. The game continues in this fashion for a number of rounds until all influence spaces on the main kingdom board are full. Players then check for majority in each district and apply Support on the VP track. The player with the most Support at the end of the game is the winner! (It will be Kristin.)

Components. This is a heavy game, not in complexity, but in component weight. The boards are all of great quality, the cardboard tokens are nice, the wooden cubes are typical quality. The art on the game is good, if dated, but good. I have no complaints about the components.

As you can see from our scores at the top, we REALLY like this game. As one of the highest ranking games on BGG from Steve Jackson Games, this one delivers a great time of double thinking, bluffing your neighbors, and certainly rewards players for their great strategy. We used to play this game ALL THE TIME until it became futile playing against my wife. She is that good. At one point I thought I had her strategy figured out, but I have since lost it. However, I am always eager to play this and try again. One of these days I will claim victory. Revolution! could definitely stand an update, or re-theme, or something along with a reprint to bring it into more homes, but I am glad I have a copy (with all the expansions *shoulder brush*) and it will not be leaving my collection any time soon. That’s a mark of a great game, and that’s partly why Purple Phoenix Games gives this one a close-to-a-Golden-Feather-Award-recipient 23 / 24. If you see one in the wild, pick it up!
  
On Fire: a Teen Wolf Novel
On Fire: a Teen Wolf Novel
Nancy Holder | 2012 | Paranormal, Science Fiction/Fantasy
9
9.0 (1 Ratings)
Book Rating
Favorite TV show (1 more)
Great side story
A lot of typos (0 more)
Nancy Holder is known in the literary world for her novel adaptations of TV shows, such as Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Smallville, which has made her the go-to author for popular teen shows. With her ability to mesh together a story with what is going on within the TV show, I'm not surprised that she was picked to adapt MTV's 'Teen Wolf' into a novel. Having only read this book by her, On Fire: a Teen Wolf Novel, is definitely a successful must-read for fans of the show.

Do you need to have watched the show to understand what is going on in the novel? Yes, because the book does backtrack, but unless you've watched at least season one, you will have no idea what is going on. But if you have watched the first season, On Fire will fill in the small gaps that was left out of the TV show's story without losing the characteristics of our favorite cast members.

This is a 'young adult' book, so you can expect the usual tropes like teen drama and romance - - - if you can get past that, the story can be enjoyable. The main characters are different enough to keep interest going, there are werewolves, and some men with guns. But I do have to say that I felt Allison's character was flat and boring in 'On Fire.'

The story gets underway when the main character, Scott, finds out that his girlfriend's best friend's boyfriend, Jackson, has gone missing. Scott and his girlfriend, Allison, decide to go look for him at the last place his phone's GPS blinked at, but Scott is using this just as an excuse to hang out with his girlfriend because Jackson is a sworn enemy of his. As I have said, if you haven't at least watched season one of MTV's Teen Wolf, you'll be pretty lost in the beginning of the story because there are no introductions to these characters, since it seems Holder was writing this specifically for fans of the TV show (I am a huge fan of the series, and highly recommend it to people who love mythical creatures, such as werewolves and banshees).

On the other side of the story, viewers of the show get to see Derek Hale and Kate Argent's backstory, which Derek is a werewolf and Kate is a werewolf hunter, the two had a quick romance, but it turned out to be a lie on Kate's side. This side of the story will make fans of the show happy because the series only gave hints towards the fake romance between the two characters, while Holder shows us exactly what happened. From Derek meeting Kate when he is only 17-years-old, and she older, to her burning the Hale household to the ground with most of Derek's family inside of it--- because she hunts werewolves, of course.

Meanwhile, both Derek and Scott have been having nightmares about an Alpha wolf, that seems to either want both of them dead or to join his pack. Worse of all, Scott and Derek both end up at the forest preserve that the dreams took place in, which both feel another wolf presence while being there. Since they both sense this, they start to wonder if Jackson's disappearance is a trap set by the Alpha.

During all of this, Jackson's girlfriend, Lydia, and his best friend Danny, are also searching for Jackson or any clue as to why he suddenly disappeared, which this has nothing to do with what actually happens to Jackson in the TV series. I think the best parts of this book are the scenes without Scott and Allison, who spend the majority of the time trying to make-out while doing a half-ass job searching for the lost friend. As I said before, if you can get past the teen romance, the story is actually really good. Especially my favorite character, Stiles, who had the best description in the entire book: "Life in his[Stiles] head was accompanied by the soundtrack of a small, eternal, dull ache, but word was that would go away after a few decades."

If you have watched the show, you'll be glad to know that this book isn't just an adaptation of season two--- this one has a different story in it that wasn't in the show. Without giving too much away, we get a different glimpse of Jackson's personality and problems he has dealt with much of his life. The book isn't a necessary read for fans, but it gives us a little bit more of the Teen Wolf world to read about, such as introductions of new characters (like a high school girl named Cassie), who never made it to the TV series. While reading this book, it can tempt readers to go back or even start watching the MTV series. I warn you, though, once you start watching, you won't be able to stop. Binge fest anyone?

There were a few inconsistencies, and a whole lot of typos--- whoever the editor was, was apparently not paying attention, but the story is good and the characters are unique. I recommend this to people who have watched the series, and to those who love mythical creatures. But I do wholeheartedly recommend you watch season one before attempting to read this novel, otherwise, you will be lost!

For more paranormal and fantasy book reviews, check out my blog at GoreAndTea.com
  
The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (2012)
The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (2012)
2012 | Action, Sci-Fi
8
7.4 (31 Ratings)
Movie Rating
Following the Lord of the Rings Trilogy was going to be no easy feat. The series not only made incredible amounts of cash at the box office worldwide, but also garnered an Academy award for best picture for the final film in the series. In the years since the trilogy, writer-director-producer Peter Jackson has not overwhelmed at the box office. His big-budget remake of “King Kong” performed below expectations and the high-profile collapse of the “Halo” movie to which he was attached, as well as the underwhelming box office of “The Lovely Bones” made many people question if Jackson had peaked and was better suited for the lower budgeted independent films that first gave him his start.

When it was announced that a film version of “The Hobbit” was in the works and that director Guillermo del Toro would direct the film as well as help write the screenplay and that Jackson would produce, the fans’ interest level was definitely piqued. But after a long state of pre-production, del Torro decided not to direct the film as he was unwilling to commit the next six years to living and working in New Zealand. Jackson then took over the film and soon after it was announced that it would be stretched into three movies to form a new trilogy.

For those unfamiliar with the story it was actually the first book written by J.R.R. Tolkien, which sets the stage for what was to follow in the Lord of the Rings even though it was originally conceived as a standalone story. The film opens with an older Bilbo Baggins (Martin Freeman), writing a memoir while preparations for a party are underway. Bilbo discusses how there was one story that he had not disclosed and sets pen to paper in order to chronicle his legendary journey 60 years prior.

Gandolf Wizard (Sir Ian McKellen) visits the younger Bilbo and suggests he go on an adventure. Bilbo immediately declines, as being a Hobbit, he has no desire to leave the creature comforts and serenity of The Shire, much less face the dangers that exist in the world beyond. A group of dwarves arrive’ that evening and despite their gluttonous appetites and loud behavior, Bilbo has a change of heart the following morning and accompanies them on their quest.

The group’s goal is to travel to the dwarves’ kingdom of Erebor to reclaim their stronghold which was lost many years earlier to a vicious Dragon named Smaug. In the decades since, the dwarves existed as people without a home, forced to live as nomads taking work wherever they can find it. Along the way the group deals with all manner of threats and dangers ranging from trolls, goblins, orcs, and other supernatural elements. Of course there were some internal tensions and conflicts within the group as it marched towards a finale that sets the stage for the next film.

The movie has a runtime of nearly 3 hours and there were times that I caught a couple members in press row dozing briefly. While I enjoyed the film more than I did any of the Lord of the Rings movies, it was clearly obvious that things were being stretched out in order to justify a third film in the series. There were countless scenes of the band walking over hills and across the countryside so much so that at times I felt that I was watching the longest commercial for New Zealand tourism ever created. We get it. It’s a long journey. They travel near and far. I got it. I don’t need to see it every 10 minutes.

There were also several scenes that were done almost as if in aside that truthfully did not add much to the story but seem to exist as nothing more than time fillers. In the subsequent films it is learned that characters and scenes that did not appear in the book will be inserted into the film. Once again I have to question this as I do believe they could have easily cut an hour out of this movie and not lose much of the necessary narrative.

There’s been a lot of talk about the higher frame rate 3-D that was used to create the film. There have been claims that it was distracting, jerky, and detracted from the movie. I on the other hand found it absolutely captivating because it did not have that movie look to it, and it felt like I was watching an HD television. Even during the CGI heavy sequences, it did appear as if the performers were literally right there in front of me and I got the impression more of watching a play than of watching a movie.

The visual effects in the film were quite stunning. The live-action and computer-generated elements were absolutely amazing, especially during the latter part of the film when we meet Gollum (Andy Serkis), and during the battle and the goblin stronghold. Although the book is considered a children’s novel, I would really have to think twice about bringing young children to see this film as there is a lot of action and violence in the film as well as potential scares in the form of the monsters that abound.

The film could have definitely used some star power to it. While the cast does a solid job, they are fairly generic and almost interchangeable during certain segments of the film. That being said, the film works because despite its issues, it’s a visually spectacular masterpiece that, if you can endure the long periods of inaction, pays off especially well during the film’s battle sequences.
  
Haven
Haven
2018 | Animals, Card Game, Environmental, Fantasy, Fighting
Have you ever been a spirit of the forest fighting to keep it from falling into the hands of a greedy nearby city? No? What about the greedy nearby city – ever been one of those? No?? Then you are in luck because Haven is all about pitting the inhabitants of the Forest against the expansion of the nearby City in a fight for the rights to the mysterious Forest. Who will champion the battlefield and further their agendas? Read on to find out!

Haven is a two player area control card game with elements of classic games in an amazingly themed skin. Players will be playing cards jockeying for position to gain Lore from the forest Elementals by winning combats and lore challenges (a la Battle Line and Hanamikoji). These battles are won and forest Elementals influenced to gain control of shrines within the forest. By claiming the majority of shrines in an enclosed area players will be able to place ownership tokens that will assist in scoring at the end of the game. The player with the most points at game’s end will be the winner!

To setup, place the main game board between the players, give each player (Forest and City) their respective components, arrange each player’s starting hand of cards, randomly place forest Elementals per the rule book, and place out Lore Tokens between the players to act as the line. The game may now begin!

On a turn a player will take two actions to begin. These actions are playing a Lore Power card (once only per turn), placing a Seeker, or removing a Seeker from play. In Haven, players are attempting to claim shrines on the board in order to have majority in a region so they may place their tokens within that area. To achieve this, players will be battling for influence chips and Lore Tokens at the same time. Assigning Seekers to the Lore Tokens with more weapon symbols than the opponent will result in won influence chips to be placed on shrines. Owning the team of Seekers that matches or comes closest to the Lore Token’s number threshold will earn that player the Lore Token to be scored at the end of the game. A team of Seekers whose total numbers surpass the threshold on the Lore Token will bust and be disqualified from winning the Lore Token.

After two actions have been completed, players will draw two cards from any of the three decks in front of them. These are Seekers, Offerings, and Lore Power cards. These draws can be of any combination as long as the player is left with at least one Offering card at the end of their turn.

Once the player’s two cards have been drawn and added to their hand, the player will then add an Offering card to one of the Lore Tokens’ battlefield. For once a battlefield has three or more Offerings upon it, the battle for the influence chips and Lore Tokens will commence.

Elementals will be moving throughout the forest once battles are won to be conquered and pressed for precious Lore. Once an Elemental has no more shrines to visit or if one of the stacks of Lore Tokens ever runs out the game ends and points are tallied to determine if the Forest has been protected by the Forest player or if it falls to the City and its champion.

Components. This game is absolutely gorgeous, as most Ryan Laukat illustrated games are. The art style is recognizably Laukat, but the theme is a little darker than some. The board is nice sized to place between two people, and all cardboard bits are great quality. The Elemental standees are just fine (vs having minis), and all the cards are small and entirely functional. The cogeeples and leafeeples (grr) are nice touches and add a pop of color onto the board once placed. I have no issues with the components at all.

It’s obvious from my score above that I absolutely love Haven. From my very first learning game (I usually play each game solo but multi-handed before introducing to other players) I knew this is my type of game. The out-thinking of your opponents, and the playing Seekers to different Lore Tokens to win areas on the board are just wonderful here. Granted, I’ve never played Battle Line, but I have played Hanamikoji tons, and I prefer the way that mechanic is used in Haven. I have played so many area control games, but I like the movement of the Elementals from shrine to shrine as targets for players to claim on the board. I love that both sides are completely balanced and any one game could award victory to either side. Having agency over the draw piles from which you must draw cards is great. I simply love everything about this game.

It was a complete surprise to me that I would end up falling for this game as I initially picked up from my FLGS clearance rack. It also took me a long time to get it to the table, but once I did it was magic for me. If you and I share similarities in the games we enjoy I implore you to assign your Seekers to track down a copy of Haven. It is perfect for couples or just any two people who enjoy great games. Purple Phoenix Games gives Haven a very well-loved GOLDEN FEATHER AWARD! Let’s show this hidden gem the love it deserves!
  
Marriage Story (2019)
Marriage Story (2019)
2019 | Comedy, Drama
One Mann’s Movies Review of “Marriage Story” – a “Kramer vs Kramer lite” in my book, albeit with some great acting performances.
K vs K Lite.
For me, mention the phrase “divorce movie” and there’s only one film that comes to mind – the Oscar-laden classic from 1979 starring an immaculate Dustin Hoffman and Meryl Streep. THAT toy plane; THOSE stiches! (Gulp). This is the yardstick by which I judge such movies… and to be honest, “Marriage Story” didn’t measure up.

The story.
We start the movie seeing the apparently idyllic married life of theatre impresario Charlie (Adam Driver) and his lead actress and muse Nicole (Scarlett Johansson), together bringing up their young child. But spin forwards and the pair are in the middle of an ‘amicable’ separation, with Nicole returning to her home roots in California and Charlie having an expensive commute to and from New York where he’s struggling to premiere his show on Broadway.

But despite an agreement to keep lawyers out of the equation, Nicole is persuaded to lawyer up with Nora Fanshaw (Laura Dern) tightening up the legal screws until Charlie’s life risks being torn apart. It’s time for him to fight back.

Well regarded by the Academy.
As for “Kramer vs Kramer”, this is a movie that has been garlanded with multiple Oscar nominations. Both Driver and Johansson are nominated in the lead acting roles and Laura Dern seems to be favourite for the Best Supporting Actress gong (after winning the Golden Globe and the BAFTA). Three more Oscar nominations come for the score (by Randy Newman); the original screenplay (by director Noah Baumbach); and a Best Film nomination.

Both leads deliver really emotional performances, with Johansson in particular being very believable in the role. But who knew she was so short?! She always strikes me as a statuesque beauty, but she’s only 5′ 3” and it’s particularly noticeable in a scene filmed at Warner Brothers Studios.

It’s also fabulous to see both the great Alan Alda (here showing signs of his Parkinson’s) and Ray Liotta on screen again, as both low-rent and top-dollar lawyers respectively.

But WHY exactly are they divorcing?
I found the whole set up of the movie as frustrating. There seemed no clear understanding of why the separation is happening. True there is an affair involved (and Mrs Movie Man and I have always lived our nearly 40 years of marriage with the understanding that a “one strike” rule applies). But notwithstanding that, it seems to be more of a ‘drifting apart’ that’s gone on. I just wanted to give them a good shaking and get them to work it out!

This is all obviously unfair – because (and I also know this from experience) that in many marriages ‘shit happens’: some people do just want to do different things; feel suffocated; etc. And – thinking about it – I’m not sure there was any real reason given for Meryl Streep‘s departure in K vs K: which was part of the reason for Dustin Hoffman‘s character’s frustration.

Who do you sympathise with?
This is a movie where the audience is bound to take a side. But for me, there was only one side to take and that was Charlie’s. The actions of Nicole seem reprehensible and unforgivable, and when there are lines to be crossed she seems to have little hesitation in crossing them.

Many people seem to rave about this movie, but…
…I found the pace to be inconsistent. At one point, the story just stops for a soulful rendition by Charlie of a song in a bar, and I frankly just got bored with it. And while there’s a steady build up of the legal case involved, suddenly we seem to skip to a resolution without any real rationale for it. Or did I fall asleep??

A further irritation for me was Julie Hagerty as Nicole’s mum Sandra. She does the kooky mum turn that she did perfectly well in last year’s funny “Instant Family“, but its a role that really didn’t seem to fit in this movie. There’s an element of slapstick comedy in these scenes that just didn’t suit the general tone of the movie.

Overall, I just don’t share the love for this movie. Given the choice, I’d much rather watch Kramer vs Kramer again.

And what was that punchline?
By the way, Alan Alda is a fantastic comedian, and really knows how to deliver a joke. In this movie he’s regaling Charlie with a long-winded story (on the clock) when Charlie interrupts him. How did it end…. Alda revealed the full joke after a press screening at the New York Film Festival… and it’s a corker!

This woman’s at her hairdresser’s, and she says, “I’m going to Rome on holiday.”
He says, “Oh really, what airline are you taking?”
She says, “Alitalia.”
He says, “Alitalia, are you crazy? That’s terrible, don’t take that.”
He says, “Where are you gonna stay?”
She says, “I’m gonna stay at The Hassler.”
“The Hassler! What, are you kidding? They’re renovating the Hassler. You’ll hear hammering all night long. You won’t sleep! What are you gonna see?”
She says, “I think I’m going to try to go to the Vatican.” “The Vatican? You’ll be standing in line all day long—”
(Charlie interrupts at this point, but the joke goes on)
So she goes to Rome. She comes back, and the hairdresser says, “How was it?”
She says, “It was a great trip, it was wonderful.”
“How was the Vatican?”
“Wonderful! We happened to meet the Pope.”
“You met the Pope?”
“Yeah, and he spoke to me.”
“What did he say to you?”
“He said, ‘Where’d you get that f***ing haircut?’”

LOL!
  
The Great Wall (2016)
The Great Wall (2016)
2016 | Action, Drama, Mystery
5
5.8 (27 Ratings)
Movie Rating
Exercising your Damons.
Millions of people watching the Oscars would have seen Jimmy Kimmel roasting poor Matt Damon as a part of their long running ‘feud’. At one point he points out that Matt gave up the leading role in “Manchester by the Sea” to star in a “Chinese ponytail movie” that “went on to lose $80 million at the box office”. “The Great Wall” is that movie!
So is it really that bad?
Well, it’s no “Manchester by the Sea” for sure. But I don’t think it’s quite the total turkey that critics have been labelling it as either. I went to see it on a Sunday afternoon, and approaching it as a matinee bit of frothy action is a good mental state to be in.

Matt Damon plays the ponytailed-wonder William, a European mercenary travelling in 11th Century China with his colleague Tovar (Pedro Pascal) in an attempt to determine the secrets of black powder – a secret well-guarded by the Chinese. Captured by the ‘New Order’ at the Great Wall and imprisoned there by General Shao (Hanyu Zhang), William earns the respect of Shao and his beautiful warrior second-in-command Lin Mae (Tian Jing) with his bowmanship. This is almost immediately put to use by the arrival (after 60 year’s absence – a funny thing, timing, isn’t it?) of hoards of vicious creatures called Taoties. (I thought they said Tauntauns initially, so was expecting some sort of Chinese/Star Wars crossover! But no.)

Taoties who scale the wall are defeated by William who poleaxes them. (This is an attempt at brilliant humour to anyone who has already seen the film – poleaxe…. get it? POLEaxe. Oh, never mind!) Despite being a mercenary at heart, William is torn between staying and helping Lin Mae fight the beasts and fleeing with Tovar, their new chum Ballard (Willem Dafoe) and their black powder loot. (I’m sure something about Lin Mae’s tight-fitting blue armour was influential in his decision).
This is an historic film in that although in recent years there has been cross-fertilization of Chinese actors into Western films for box-office reasons (for example, in the appalling “Independence Day: Resurgence” and the much better Damon vehicle “The Martian“) this was the first truly co-produced Chinese/Hollywood feature filmed entirely in China. It might also be the last given the film’s $150 million budget and the dismal box-office!
To start with some positives, you can rely on a Chinese-set film (the film location was Qingdao) to allow the use of an army of extras and – although a whole bunch of CGI was also no doubt used – some of the battles scenes are impressive. There is a stirring choral theme by Ramin Djawadi (best known for his TV themes for “Game of Thrones” and the brilliant “Westworld”) played over silk-screen painted end titles that just make for a beautiful combination. And Tian Jing as the heroine Lin Mae is not only stunningly good-looking but also injects some much needed acting talent into the cast, where most of those involved (including Damon himself) look like they would rather be somewhere else.

And some of the action scenes are rather fun in a ‘park your brain by the door’ sort of way, including (nonsensically) cute warrior girls high-diving off the wall on bungey ropes to near certain death. While the CGI monsters are of the (yawn) over-the-top LoTR variety, their ability to swarm like locusts at the Queen’s command is also quite entertainingly rendered.
Where the movie balloon comes crashing down to earth in flames though is with the story and the screenplay – all done by three different people each, which is NEVER a good sign.

The story (by Max Brooks (“World War Z”), Edward Zwick and Marshall Herskovitz (both on “The Last Samurai”) is plain nonsensical at times. No spoilers here, but the transition from “wall under siege” to “wall not under siege” gives the word ‘clunky’ a bad name. As another absurdity, the “New Order” seem amazed how William was able to slay one of the creatures (thanks to the poleaxing ‘McGuffin’ previously referenced) but then throughout the rest of the film he slays creatures left right and centre (McGuffin-less) through just the use of a spear or an arrow! Bonkers.
Things get worse when you add words to the actions. The screenplay by Carlo Bernard and Doug Miro (both “Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time”) and Tony Gilroy (Tony Gilroy? Surely not he of all the “Bourne” films and “Rogue One” fame? The very same!) has a reading age of about an 8 year old. It feels like it has been translated into Chinese and then back again to English with Google Translate. “Is that the best you can do?” asks Tovar to William at one point. I was thinking exactly the same thing.
The combination of the cinematography and the special effects have the unfortunate effect of giving the film the veneer of a video game, but this is one where your kid-brother has stolen the controls and refuses to give them back to you.

Having had the great thrill of visiting a section of The Great Wall near Beijing, I can confirm that it is an astonishing engineering masterpiece that has to be seen to be truly believed. It ranks as one of the genuine wonders of the world. The same can not be said of this movie. Early teens might enjoy it as a mindless action flick. But otherwise best avoided until it emerges on a raining Sunday afternoon on the TV.
  
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Chris Sawin (602 KP) rated Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022) in Movies

Feb 19, 2022 (Updated Feb 19, 2022)  
Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022)
Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022)
2022 | Horror
Decent blood and gore. (0 more)
Wasted backstories that go nowhere. (3 more)
Rehashes and recreates the original film while not offering much of its own material.
New characters fall flat.
Feels like a half-cocked attempt at a new "film. "
Tearing the Face Off of a Horror Franchise
Texas Chainsaw Massacre is a direct sequel to the original 1974 film nearly 50 years later. Directed by David Blue Garcia with a screenplay by Chris Thomas Devlin and a story by Fede Alvarez (co-writer and director of the 2013 Evil Dead remake) and Rodo Sayagues (Don’t Breathe 1 & 2), Texas Chainsaw Massacre follows a group of young 20-somethings as they venture from Austin to Harlow, TX; a seven hour drive.

Dante (Jacob Latimore, Detroit) and Melody (Sarah Yarkin, Happy Death Day 2U) are business partners with somewhat of an impressive internet following. Dante is a chef who is looking to expand and Harlow is just the type of remote town to do it in. Melody’s teenage sister Lila (Elsie Fisher, Eighth Grade) and Dante’s fiancé Ruth (Nell Hudson) have tagged along mostly for emotional support.

With bank investors on the way to scout the location, the young foursome discovers a dilapidated orphanage with an old woman (Alice Krige, Gretel & Hansel) still living inside along with the last of what she refers to as, “her boys.” Dante and his friends awaken the mostly dormant monster known as Leatherface. Sally Hardesty (Olwen Fouéré) has been searching for Leatherface since he killed her friends all those years ago and now she can finally have the vengeful closure that she deserves.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre franchise is mostly trash. Leatherface has gotten the manure treatment outside of the original film, the 2003 remake, and maybe the 1986 sequel. The timeline is as messy and inconsistent as Halloween as whatever takes place behind the scenes between sequels, remakes, and reboots all seems to result in lackluster or sometimes atrocious outings for one of the most recognizable horror movie icons.

This new film can’t seem to decide what it wants to be. Sally is brought back for a half-hearted cameo as she does nothing but wear a cowboy hat, stare at a picture, cock a shotgun, and gut a pig. She’s meant to be the connection between this film and the original and it just doesn’t work. Texas Chainsaw Massacre also just seems to lift aspects from the original film as well as other non-genre films without ever offering its audience anything original or actually worthwhile.

The ending is basically lifted directly from the original as is the aspect of a group of young people running into trouble on a road trip far away from home. It’s young, city outsiders versus born-and-bred country veterans. The film also has a weird amount of homage to Terminator 2 (Melody’s leg wound and the shotgun blasts to Leatherface by the water being similar to Sarah Connor’s showdown with the T-1000 near the end of T2). It also feels like it’s trying to capitalize on the success Halloween has had since it follows a similar format (making a direct sequel to the original film decades later).

On the bright side, the kills and the gore are mostly satisfying. The wrist breaking scene followed by being stabbed in the neck with the broken bone is gnarly. There’s a brutal head smashing scene with a hammer and the bus sequence is essentially horror movie fan heaven even if the setup and dialogue in said sequence is awful. The swinging door kill feels like it could have been better than it was since it covers up more than it reveals. You can either leave the brutality to the audience’s imagination or show everything in its nasty and gruesome glory; trying to do both in the same sequence just results in disappointment.

You can make the argument that you watch a film like this for the gore and not the story anyway, but that isn’t the point. When there’s this much of a wait between new entries fans deserve better. The frustrating aspect is that Fede Alvarez and Rodo Sayagues are capable of providing a worthwhile story along with the blood and guts because they gave it to us with Evil Dead. There’s nothing here worth the nine year gap between this and the last Texas Chainsaw film (Texas Chainsaw 3D) or the five year gap between this and Leatherface. When it’s not recycling gags from the original film or borrowing from other franchises, it’s just young people being dumb for the sake of a cheap scare or kill.

Texas Chainsaw Massacre isn’t as unwatchable as some reviews are making it out to be, but it’s not a good film by any stretch of the imagination. It’s barely 80-minutes long, so it has a relatively quick pace and the kills are solid. But the story is seriously lacking as there are elements that literally go nowhere; Lila’s backstory about why she’s so quiet doesn’t add much of anything other than a reason for her to never leave a padded cell when and if a sequel to this is ever made.

The problem now is that the successful film formula revolves around nostalgia, rehashing familiar sequences and storylines, and bringing back survivors for one final confrontation. This has all proven to crush the box office, especially during the pandemic. This results in there being no originality or creativity anymore; it’s just a repetition of what we’ve already seen. Until Leatherface can get a fresh face to wear, the Texas Chainsaw Massacre franchise is doomed to run in circles with a sputtering chainsaw on a mostly deserted road no one wants to travel down.
  
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Emma @ The Movies (1786 KP) rated Aladdin (2019) in Movies

Jun 22, 2019 (Updated Sep 25, 2019)  
Aladdin (2019)
Aladdin (2019)
2019 | Adventure, Family, Fantasy, Musical
Oh. My. This was always going to be a tough one for me, and I've been thinking long and hard about how on earth I was going to review this. I love the original, anyone who even remotely enjoys it would be able to sing you at least one of the songs, and therein lies one of the problems. Would I have had a different opinion about some of the elements had I not seen the original so many times? After a lot of contemplating I think the answer in most cases is no.

Note: I went to see this for a second time so I'm going to edit what I previously wrote up as I go because on second viewing it was better. Once the initial shock and annoyance had passed after seeing it the first time it was much easier to watch for the second time.

Remaking something that's peak Disney has so many issues, recasting roles, changing social views and cultural sensitivities, are probably the biggest ones.

Let's talk about the (blue) elephant in the room... although I guess that phrase isn't really accurate as we all want to talk about it. Oh Genie, my Genie. I don't think anyone would have been able to fill that lamp the way Robin Williams did, he was larger than life and brought such a sense of fun whenever he did roles like this. The man is a comedic legend. Recasting this was always going to be difficult, and honestly, I don't know if there's anyone I would have been happy with taking over the mantle.

When I found out that Will Smith was on board I wasn't completely put off. On paper he's got everything you'd need for this role. He had one of two choices, stick to the original faithfully or take it your own way. I just don't think Smith actually had a choice though, he was going to have to do a reinterpretation of the role, but how could you ever follow Williams?

The thing I'm most surprised about with Genie is just how bad the CGI is. It's not like this is something Disney are unfamiliar with. Why did some of it even need to be CGId? I obviously don't know the ins and outs of these techniques or options, but if people can make Robbie Coltrane look larger than life in Harry Potter without mucking it up then why aren't they smurfing Will Smith up and doing the same?

Casting across the rest of the film wasn't such an epic task, Mena Massoud as Aladdin and Navid Negahban as the Sultan hit exactly the right spot. I had issues with Jafar, that's nothing to do with Marwan Kenzari's acting which was very good, but it was the fact that in my head Jafar should have been older. (Dream casting: Ben Kingsley.) I'm sure I won't be popular saying this but I didn't really like Naomi Scott as Jasmine, I don't think she brought enough sass to the role, I also felt that some of the new inclusions into the film around Jasmine negatively affected my view of her.

By far and away my favourite from the live action cast was Nasim Pedrad as Dalia, Jasmine's lady in waiting. I don't know why they felt the need to bring this character in, but I'm really glad they did. She's funny and a welcome break in some scenes. She completely outshines Jasmine as almost every point in the film... actually, I retract the word "almost". While I might not be happy about part of her character's story (ask me for the spoilers) she was definitely the best added extra in the film.


Our group of sidekicks, Abu, Iago, Rajah and Carpet all come out with varying degrees of success. Abu wasn't entirely lucky with the CGI and didn't get such a fun part as before. Iago was much more bird-like than previously which meant less actual talking so I have to wonder why they hired Alan Tudyk if they weren't going to use him properly. Rajah while less quizzical than in the original was entertaining and luckily wasn't mutilated by the CGI. Carpet though, I loved Carpet. He was super cute and absolutely adorable with Abu.

I'm not going to go over every change they made to the original, but one tweak particularly bugged me. They change the way that Aladdin gets out of the cave of wonders. The verbal trickery that Aladdin uses in the original is gone and they switch it out for a much more deceitful moment. The idea isn't as clever as its predecessor and also means that later in the film when Aladdin tricks Jafar you don't get that same connection, watching Genie working out what was going on was painful viewing.

I can't really put off talking about the songs anymore.

As trailers and sneak peeks appeared online I became increasingly nervous about the songs. Prince Ali seemed to be less upbeat than before, and while the sequence looked like it had potential all of it together didn't feel as vibrant. I appreciate that they tried to keep all those little Genie added extra in but it felt like they went with a "safe" option.

I enjoy Will Smith's singing, but I'm not a fan of it in this. I don't think the change in style is suited to these songs. I've seen people saying about how he's rapping in it... but I wouldn't have identified it as rapping. If anything it felt like they went "you should get some rapping in there, but we're Disney so tone it down... a lot."

We get a new offering on the soundtrack in the shape of Speechless, Jasmine's empowering song. I like the song, it certainly has the Disney vibe, and Scott sings it beautifully... but it didn't give me those goosebumps that I expect from power songs. I probably would have given the song a pass had it not been for the way it was included in the film. The frozen scenes with Jasmine dramatically moving in and out of the cast and set... ugh... that just didn't work for me.

Massoud had originally given me so much hope for the music when I heard One Jump Ahead at the beginning. It was excellent, and throughout the film I loved his singing.

Here's where my opinion changed a bit after my second visit... the songs weren't all as bad as I'd felt after the first viewing. I still didn't enjoy Genie's offering, but Aladdin and Jasmine both felt like an excellent choice. The main thing that didn't change was the fact that I didn't feel the songs fit well into the scenes. Part of the draw of Disney is the toe-tapping singalong vibe you get from the music, and there was a lack of pizzaz in most of the sequences that left my toes untapped.

I could probably go on for a very long time about this film. (I already have.) Ultimately, I don't think it's an improvement on the original, I don't think these modern rehashes really add a lot when you have to adjust for the modern culture. I'm not saying that you shouldn't take the changing times into consideration, I just think you should do it in a way that doesn't just come across as trying to score points with the audience to prove how "with it" you are. I also don't think that coming up with 30 minutes of extra footage is ever a sensible idea. If that's what you want to do then perhaps you need to really mix things up and come up with a whole new concept for the story.

What you should do

You're either a Disney nut or you're not. Personally, I would recommend staying at home and having a binge of old Disney classics, starting with the one true Genie.

Movie thing you wish you could take home

Could I get Genie powers without the itty-bitty living space?
  
X-Men: Dark Phoenix (2019)
X-Men: Dark Phoenix (2019)
2019 | Action, Adventure, Sci-Fi
Ever since X-men First Class was released, Jean Gray one of the more pivotal characters in the X-Men universe has been surprisingly absent. Often portrayed at not only having psychic abilities that rivals Charles Xavier, but also attracted the admiration of both Cyclops and Wolverine. While she was a staple in the original film and subsequent sequels her first appearance in the newest series did not occur until X-Men Apocalypse. With the release of Dark Phoenix, we had hoped to finally get an opportunity to explore a bit of her background story and her transformation into Dark Phoenix.

Dark Phoenix begins on a small country road where a very young Jean Grey is arguing with her parents over what music to listen to. In traditional parent fashion, her mother reminds her that the driver is the one who chooses the music and when she is old enough to drive she can choose her own music. This small disagreement turns into a deadly confrontation, when the young Jean, unable to control her vast powers causes her mom to fall asleep at the wheel, resulting in a head on collision killing both her parents. The doctors are amazed that this young girl has survived without a single scratch and a young Charles Xavier arrives to take her to a place where she can be safe.

Fast Forward to the year 1992 where the space shuttle Endeavor, on a routine mission, encounters a cosmic entity that cripples it in space. The X-men, who are now looked at as heroes by most of the world are tasked to bring the astronauts safely home, it’s a dangerous mission, but one that Charles feels will further cement the hero status of his team and continue to grow trust between mutants and humans alike. The mission goes surprisingly without incident until Jean and Night Crawler attempt to rescue the final remaining astronaut from the doomed shuttle. Night Crawler quickly teleports the astronaut to safety, but Jean is caught by the full force of the cosmic entity, absorbing it completely and destroying the shuttle. The team scrambles to locate her, and with the help of Night Crawler are once again able to bring her back to the safety of the X-Jet. Relieved that she has somehow miraculously survived the encounter the team is unaware that Jean and themselves will never be the same again.

As we’ve come to expect from the previous X-men movies, a star-studded cast leads the way. Familiar cast members such as Jennifer Lawrence (Raven), Tye Sheridan (Cyclops) and James McAvoy (Charles Xavier) are joined once again by Sophie Turner as the iconic Jean Grey. Sophie does an incredible job at bringing out both the uncertainty in her character and the extreme anger and rage that flows through her. Unfortunately for such a major character the movie only briefly touches the surface of who Jean Grey really is. The movie, even from the start tends to focus on Jean as a dangerous and angry young lady, unable to control her emotions which will ultimately open the doorway to her alter ego Dark Phoenix. The movie unfortunately treats her as a one-off character and skips most of her back story choosing to focus only on her Dark Phoenix personality. This leaves the audience with no understanding of the person she was prior to the transformation, only seeing Jean as an uncontrollable child who has now become an uncontrollable adult with “off the chart” powers. While Charles and other members of the team try to assure those around them (and the audience seated in the theaters) that Jean is a good person, a person worth saving, there is very little in the movie that allows us to sympathize with her plight. It ultimately villainizes her and leaves much of the cast (and the audience) wondering whether destroying her is the right choice for all humankind.

Visually Dark Phoenix is a masterpiece, whether it’s the awe-inspiring deepness of space, or the incredible visual effects as the mutants square off against each other with their powers. Buildings topple, subway cars are pulled from underground and general mayhem takes the stage. This is certainly one of the more action-packed movies in the series and getting the opportunity to watch some of our favorite mutants square off against one another is enough to excite even the ones least interested in the franchise.

Dark Phoenix as one might expect is also one of the darkest of the x-men movies. Unlike its other Marvel film counterparts, there is no levity in the movie at all. There are scenes that are heartwarming, but the movie takes itself very seriously. Even in a similarly dark Marvel movie Endgame there were moments that would make you laugh regardless of how dire the situation was, Dark Phoenix is not like this at all. It carries a weight to it that ensures that not only the people on screen, but those in the audience understand how truly dire the situation is. It detracts a bit from the spirit of the source material it derives from and could potentially alienate its core audience. This is a very adult movie, that deals with some very adult themes and parents might want to think twice before taking their youngest to see this film. With the X-Men franchise finally joining the MCU, it’ll be interesting to see how movies down the road treat these characters.

Dark Phoenix represents the end of an X-Men era that has existed in both its original and First-Class installments for over twenty years. The acquisition of Fox by Disney now brings this venerable franchise to the MCU family along with its cast of seemingly endless characters. While the movie is certainly better than Apocalypse, it can’t quite reach the heights of either First-Class or Days of Futures Past. The Dark Phoenix storyline does a good job staying closer to its comic book roots than its previous outing but rushes the origin and character development of Jean far more than she deserves. It’s a fine ending to the series as a whole but can’t quite deliver in all the ways I hoped it would.