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Dirty Dancing  (1987)
Dirty Dancing (1987)
1987 | Drama, Music, Romance
A Movie Packed With Memorable Moments
During a summer vacation in the Catskills, a young woman is introduced to the sensual world of dirty dancing and her life is forever changed. Seriously, I should apply for a job writing loglines.

Acting: 10
No the acting wasn’t the best around, but it gets the job done. Jennifer Grey and Patrick Swayze are electric on screen together. This movie clearly has no shot without their chemistry. I have to give an honorable mention to Jerry Orbach playing the role of Dr. Jake Houseman. He’s an overprotective father that just wants to see his kids have a good time on vacation. He has a couple of pretty heavy scenes that leave an impact on the movie.

Beginning: 10

Characters: 10.

Cinematography/Visuals: 8
So my mom is a single parent which meant I went with her pretty much everywhere, including the movies. I remember her taking me to see this movie. I didn’t understand that first dance when Baby walked into the workers clubhouse, but I knew it was something my young eyes shouldn’t have been looking at. I appreciate the way director Emile Ardolino captures that raw sensuality. I also loved how the disparity between the rich vacationers and the lower class workers was displayed. It sets up the movie well and remains a constant theme throughout.

Conflict: 9

Entertainment Value: 7
Like a Fast and Furious movie, there is something undeniable about Dirty Dancing. You find yourself entranced when you should be saying, “This is extremely corny.” Sure there are some campier moments that are just ripped from a Hallmark movie, but overall the movie has a definite flare that keeps you entertained from beginning to end.

Memorability: 9

Pace: 9

Plot: 9

Resolution: 10

Overall: 89
Back to that dance scene I mentioned earlier. It happens pretty quickly into the movie, about fifteen minutes in. In two minutes that scene accomplishes more for eroticism than the entire Fifty Shades franchise. Just like the movie, it bleeds passion. Dirty Dancing is a testament that you don’t need hundreds of millions of dollars to make a decent film.
  
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Ivana A. | Diary of Difference (1171 KP) Jul 4, 2020

Love this review! Nobody puts Baby in the corner. 🙂

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Phillip McSween (751 KP) Jul 5, 2020

@Ivana A. | Diary of Difference Damn right!

Burlesque (2010)
Burlesque (2010)
2010 | Drama, Musical, Romance
6
6.5 (12 Ratings)
Movie Rating
Could Have Been Better
When Ali (Christina Aguilera) moves to LA to make it big, she decides to settle for working in a burlesque house instead. Oh my God, here we go…

Acting: 7

Beginning: 8

Characters: 10

Cinematography/Visuals: 2
I guess this is as good a place to start as any. While there were some decent shots within the burlesque club itself, the film pretty much centers around this one location so there’s not a whole lot of room for expansion. Your eyes are supposed to be set on stage which would work if this were a play. I also thought they failed in capturing the sensuality of the burlesque genre. It felt extremely flat to say the least and I almost wish they had changed the title of the film to something else more relevant like, I don’t know, Pretty People Lip-Syncing? Huge fail here.

Conflict: 1
Much ado about nothing here as get a feel for exactly where the story is heading the entire time. The obstacles Ali experienced seemed staged, never natural, as if they were putting something in her way for the sake of it continuing the awful story. In the end, the film could never decide on where it wanted to create the conflict. Whether it was the club closing, someone wanting to take over the club, an awkward relationship triangle, or trouble on the big stage, Burlesque was all over the damn place.

Genre: 6

Memorability: 6

Pace: 4

Plot: 6
If I’m being honest, Ali’s drive was the only thing that kept me motivated to watch the movie the rest of the way. Her story is touching and, despite the Hallmark feel of it all, you want her to succeed. Other than that, I really couldn’t make heads or tails of much else. This movie is like a tree with crazy branches sprouting off into a bunch of different directions…but never really going anywhere important.

Resolution: 6

Overall: 56
Burlesque is the first film attacked in a podcast called “How Did This Get Made?”, a show that takes awful movies and rips them apart in deserved fashion. I started the movie thinking to myself, “Well, this isn’t so bad…” which became “Ok, what’s going on here?” which finally became, “Dear God, this needs to end!” Steer clear. You have been warned.
  
Moonfall (2022)
Moonfall (2022)
2022 | Action, Adventure, Fantasy
The late ’90s and early 2000s was filled with epic, over-the-top disaster movies focusing on all methods of world-ending cataclysmic events. Alien invasions as seen in Independence Day, set on destroying all humans and snatching our planet’s remaining resources, global warming resulting in floods and freezing temperatures, even threats of asteroids crashing into the earth. While many of these movies were ridiculous and epic at times, they all focused on a singular threat facing humankind and a group of ordinary (yet somehow extraordinary) people to save the planet and ourselves. Moonfall attempts to take another stab at the formula that made these movies famous (even infamous) resulting in some mixed and head-scratching results.

Moonfall, directed by Roland Emmerich, stars Halle Berry and Patrick Wilson as a pair of NASA astronauts that are attacked by a strange mechanical swarm while performing a routine satellite repair mission from the space shuttle Endeavor in the mid-1990s. The attack resulted in the death of one of the crew members and severely damaged the shuttle. Brian Harper (Wilson) and Jo Fowler (Berry) successfully return the shuttle to earth only to see Harper take the fall for the death of his crewman and the fall guy for a coverup to prevent the citizens of earth from truly understanding what they encountered.

Fast forward to current day and a “crazy” conspiracy theorist K.C Houseman, believing the moon to be a megastructure built by aliens, discovers that the moon’s orbit is rapidly eroding. He attempts to reach out to NASA and after several unsuccessful attempts releases his findings via social media. The top minds at NASA confirm what has been identified and estimate that they have only three weeks to execute a plan to prevent the moon from crashing into the earth destroying everything and everyone. The race for the survival of the planet is quickly on which will focus on not only the NASA “team”, but each of their family members.

Let me get this out of the way first, I personally loved many of Roland Emmerich’s wildly outlandish films. I thought Independence Day was fantastic, and even though many found The Day After Tomorrow a bit to preachy and ridiculous, I still found it entertaining for what it was. So, I was excited going into Moonfall. I was ready for a fun movie that I felt would be a mindless, fun adventure which was something I had really missed in many of the movies that had come out over the past year or two. Unfortunately, my aspirations (and even the low bar I had set my expectations for) would be quickly dashed.

Moonfall is a movie that struggles throughout to find an identity. I found myself instantly comparing several of Emmerich’s films during its roughly two-hour run time. At times its reminiscent of Independence Day, with its alien destruction of earth storyline, and then quickly jumps to a disaster film about the moon crashing into the earth. It’s as though Emmerich took pages of several of his previous films and cobbled them together into some sort of Frankenstein’s monster. There are so many plots and subplots going on that you never truly know what the main threat is. It touches on everything from the birth of humanity to the overly aggressive military, to the dumbing down of NASA all at the same time. With the exception of our heroes (and of course their entire families, because why not), everyone else is just resigned to the fact that nothing can be done. Riots of course breakout, the military is quick to decide to nuke the moon is somehow going to save the planet, and no level of crazy plan is off the table.

I’m happy to forgive an outrageous plot if the actors are able to pull it off with some semblance of believability. I know none of the actions have any real-world chance of success, and I can forgive plot holes for the sake of entertainment. Unfortunately, the acting is where Moonfall really lets the audience down. Each character is portrayed in a completely over-the-top fashion, it reminded me of watching a movie that is intentionally attempting to spoof another movie. The emotions are not believable, and the lines being delivered are literally derived from popular lines of other movies. Bonus points if you can identify which movie they are from as the film progresses. The saddest part is, this movie is trying to take itself seriously, it’s not intentionally being campy, for the sake of being campy. I think the character portrayals could have been forgiven if that was the case, but it’s clearly not. It’s actually a distraction when the story of a film is already struggling to deliver.

The movie effects go from truly spectacular, to overly CGI-infused. Ironically the space shots, which you think would be the hardest to pull off are some of its best, yet the vehicle driving scenes through the snow-covered townscape are some of the worst. It’s almost as though they spent so much of their budget on the space scenes that they had no money for the earth shots, which would be fine if they didn’t literally look so bad. It’s jarring going from one area to another and makes for a very inconsistent experience the entire time.

I believe one of the biggest tragedies of the film however is the absolutely blatant product placement. Yes, I understand that product placement has sadly been a staple in the film industry since the dawn of time. Yes, I understand that when someone is using a MacBook on-screen or riding a Peloton, it’s there for a reason. Moonfall however takes this to a Hallmark movie level. If you watch a Hallmark movie sponsored by Folgers for example, there will be clear shots of the Folgers coffee on the counter, with the cast explaining how much they love Folgers’s coffee, Moonfall utilizes this very trope. Kaspersky Anti-Virus is plastered on everything, even the Space Shuttle is protected with Kaspersky Anti-virus (which some might argue has other implications, but I won’t go there), and while avoiding looters driving through the snow-packed roads, do we really need the character to explain the need for the off-road settings on their Lexus? Talking about it is one thing, but do we really need to see the dial up-close and personal? It quickly takes you from the scene to a Lexus Christmas commercial and back again.

Sadly, Moonfall is a very disappointing film. If it were released in 1998 maybe it would be a super hit and I’d feel differently about it, but the industry has moved on since then. I had gone in knowing the film wouldn’t be realistic, but I was hoping it would at least be a nice escape from what is going on in the world today. As I have stated before, I’m a huge fan of Emmerich’s films, and while Moonfall may not be his absolute worst, it is one that will quickly be forgotten. I don’t even know if it’s one I’d revisit if it premiered on HBO or Showtime. As excited as I was, I just wouldn’t be able to recommend it.
  
Drive Angry (2011)
Drive Angry (2011)
2011 | Action, Mystery
2
5.6 (7 Ratings)
Movie Rating
What Happens When a Movie Meets Zero Effort
Ok, let’s not waste time with this: Drive Angry is easily one of the worst movies I’ve ever watched in my life. To be more specific, third worst behind the awful 1994 version of Fantastic Four (look that doozy up when you have a chance) and Battlefield Earth where we got to see John Travolta sporting dreads. Yes, folks, Drive Angry is bad in every single way imaginable. It is a movie you will long to forget. As far as the plot is concerned, there is a lot I tried to blot out about this movie but I’m pretty sure it’s about a man who has returned from Hell in a car he stole from the set of Fast and the Furious to prevent the sacrifice of his granddaughter by an evil cult. You say what now?

Acting: 5
I feel like these actors knew after the first week of filming that this was going to be a shit-show so they all mailed it in. Nicholas Cage, star of said shit-show, delivers his lines with the excitement of someone getting a flu shot. I won’t linger on this point, but let’s just say I’ve seen the cast of a Hallmark movie do better than these lame-duck performances.

Beginning: 1
Much like the middle and the end, the beginning is an awful disaster. It sports one of the worst setups I think I have ever seen for a movie. After ten minutes, I knew I was in for a world of pain.

Characters: 2

Cinematography/Visuals: 8
Honestly, the visuals could be a lot worse. There were some decent moments particularly when things slowed down that were bordering on looking pretty cool. While a lot of action sequences were pretty cheesy it was nice to see they at least put in a smidgeon of effort with the special effects.

Conflict: 5

Entertainment Value: 2

Memorability: 0
After the movie was over, I instantly started thinking, “Is there a time machine that I can use to get part of my life back?” There is absolutely no value in this movie, nothing to remember with the exception of the absolutely horrid filmmaking. I am still appalled this project made it through completion.

Pace: 0

Plot: 0
Story? We don’t need no stinking story! Oh, how I would have loved to be a fly on the wall during this pitch meeting. It seriously made my head hurt. They try and give you a story then throw it all out the window with repeated implausible occurrences that beat you into submission.

Resolution: 1

Overall: 24
In light of the Black Mamba Kobe Bryant’s passing, the number 24 should represent greatness. Not with my scoring of Drive Angry. Unless, of course, I’m referring to the greatness of sucking. If that’s the case, then yes, this movie is indeed great. Great and terrible.
  
The Express (2008)
The Express (2008)
2008 | Drama
6
6.0 (1 Ratings)
Movie Rating
I Tried
I was rooting something fierce for The Express. Sure the trailer looked cheesy, but I wanted to give it a chance. And give it a chance I did. I gave it every chance in the book and it got more painful with every second. It follows the true story of Ernie Davis and his journey to make it to the NFL .

Acting: 7
There are some solid performances for the most part but it’s unfortunately sprinkled in with what I call Hallmark Acting. It’s painfully obvious that not everyone is on the same wavelength here. Fortunately, Rob Brown is strong as Ernie Davis which makes things a bit more bearable throughout the movie.

Beginning: 3
Very slow start, mainly because I didn’t really understand what they were trying to establish with the story. Ernie is narrating, but there are a jumble of images to start and you have to make a push to piece things together. It’s also a very cliche start to a story.

Characters: 10
I did really enjoy Ernie’s character which made the movie better for me since he was the focal point. I also really appreciate his grandparents in the story, particularly his grandfather played by Charles S. Dutton. They are full of love as they make a push to steer Ernie in the right direction. Shout out to Dennis Quaid as well playing the role of the gruff coach Ben Schwartzwalder. He had a few scenes that were definitely made brighter because of him.

Cinematography/Visuals: 5

Conflict: 3
Even without knowing the story (as I didn’t) you can kind of guess and see where things are going. I didn’t feel like they did a solid enough job of showing the obstacles Ernie had to overcome. According to this, he was a beast early on and basically never looked back from there. That’s all good and fine but it takes away from the conflict needed to drive the story.

Entertainment Value: 6

Memorability: 5
Out of all the sports movies I’ve watched, this one doesn’t even hold a candle. I get sleepy just thinking about it at times. The story is ultimately memorable, but there are no real moments or scenes that stand out above the rest.

Pace: 6

Plot: 4

Resolution: 8
Given the rest of the movie, the ending actually wasn’t all that bad. Without giving anything away it was quality closure for the story. It made me wonder why they couldn’t pull this off in the rest of the movie.

Overall: 57
The Express was doing ok for a bit and then it just got really weird. There is a scene where Ernie is out on the field and there are these strange heat shimmers. This, like a number of other things, just had no place in the movie. Given a do over of some sort, this wouldn’t be a bad story to see unfold on the screen.
  
The Suicide Squad (2021)
The Suicide Squad (2021)
2021 | Action, Comedy, Crime
More Fun Than I Expected
It is almost an effort in futility to review a movie such as THE SUICIDE SQUAD, for most folks fall into 1 of 2 camps:

1). Are a DC (or Comic Book Movie) Fan, and will go see this no matter what.

2). Are not of fan of the darker DCEU movies (as compared to the MCU films) and might have checked out the first SUICIDE SQUAD, but have no intention to watch this one.

This review is for the folks in the 2nd camp - for THE SUICIDE SQUAD is a fun summer action flick with silliness, action, humor and HEART at it’s core.

Directed by James Gunn (GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY), THE SUICIDE SQUAD starts out like the first SUICIDE SQUAD film (and most of the DCEU films) - dark, gritty and intense - with a new pack of anti-heroes joining in on a fight that absolutely cements this team as THE SUICIDE SQUAD.

After that, the film makes an interesting adjustment, actually giving the audience anti-heroes that you can root for with just enough of a balance between the dark grittiness that one has come to expect from a DCEU film with a bit more humane touch that really is the hallmark of the MCU.

And, under the Direction of James Gunn, this film finds that balance very, very well.

Gunn, of course, knows how to make these films - his balance of action and character moments is accurate, his action sequences are well plotted and choreographed (no need for “shaky cam” to hide the faults) and he populates this Suicide Squad with some memorable characters.

Margot Robbie, of course, is in another stratosphere in her portrayal of Harley Quinn. This is the 3rd film that Robbie stars as Quinn and she has this part down pat. The problem with the other 2 films that she starred in as Quinn (2016’s SUICIDE SQUAD and 2020’s BIRDS OF PREY) is that she was SO GOOD in those films, that everyone else paled in comparison, but in this film, she has some strong actors/characters to play off of, and this benefits the movie.

Starting with Idris Elba as Bloodsport the “Leader” of the Squad (in essence, replacing Will Smith) and this is a smart move for Elba has the commanding presence of a Leader with that sense of foreboding that he might not be such a good guy underneath - a quality that I just didn’t buy from Smith in the first movie.

Joining Elba as characters that were interesting and strong were RatCatcher 1 (Taiki Waititi - in an extended cameo) and RatCatcher 2 (Daniela Melchior), Savant (Michael Rooker), freedom fighter Sol Soria (Sonya Braga), Thinker (Peter Capaldi) and the “Groot” of this piece, King Shark (Sylvester Stallone).

Oh…and special notice needs to be made of the character of Polka Dot Man (David Dastmalchian). Director Gunn has stated he wanted to find the dumbest villain in the DCEU and make him into one of the heroes of this piece. He found him in Polka Dot Man and is played with great pathos by Dastmalchian.

Fairing less well is the great Viola Davis as the hard-nosed Amanda Waller who seems to be still acting in the gritty, dark style of the first SUICIDE SQUAD film, so misses out on some of the fun of this film as well as Joel Kinneman as Colonel Rick Flagg (the military leader of the group). I really wasn’t invested in Flagg (or Kinneman’s portrayal of Flagg) in the first film - and I am not in this one either. He just isn’t at nearly the same level of performance as the others listed above.

Also…a note about John Cena (and his character PeaceMaker). This is the 2nd 2021 Summer Blockbuster Action flick that I have seen Cena in (following his turn in F9) and in both these films I found his performance to be “flat”. It just didn’t fill the screen, nor does he have enough charisma (a la The Rock) to charm his way through. I was bored by him in this film (as well as in F9).

But…this is a James Gunn film - and he doesn’t spend much time with the characters/actors that don’t really work, but rather, spends his camera time on the ones that do - and the over-the-top action sequences (and villain) that are filmed with a slight grin and a wink-in-the-eye.

It’s a much needed shot-in-the-arm for DCEU films, but - I’m afraid - it might be too little too late, as most folks have already tuned out the DCEU for being “too dark”. Which is too bad, for this is the fun summer blockbuster film action and comic book fans have been looking for.

Letter Grade: A-

8 stars (out of 10) and you can take that to the Bank(OfMarquis)